Pleasing everyone is an impossibility. If the person you don't really know and care about, the situation won't really bother you that much. But what if the hater is actually someone you want to get to know better, like your co-worker, boss, or best friend? Changing people's perceptions of you is difficult, but not impossible. Want to know how? Read on for this article!
Step
Method 1 of 2: Recognizing the Root of Hatred
Step 1. Find out if he really hates you
Hate is a very strong emotion and it is not common to feel for no apparent reason. Does he really hate you? Or are you too sensitive? Here are signs that someone really hates you.
- Complicate your life on purpose.
- Ignoring your words.
- Talking bad things behind your back.
- Criticize you and use harsh words whenever the opportunity arises.
Step 2. Dive into the reasons for his hatred
No need to mince words and just ask him! Remember, the negative 90% of people won't be able to give a comprehensive reason, especially since he's basically a hateful person. If confronted, he will sound unsure or stutter because he doesn't have a good reason to hate you. But if it turns out that he gave specific reasons, do your best to remedy the situation:
- If he seems uncomfortable, smile and say, "Don't worry, we can still work on this friendship, really."
- If he gives a specific reason, say, “Thanks for the explanation, okay? I'm also trying to be a better person, really. Hopefully in the future I will no longer do _.”. If you can provide a specific change plan (for example, you promise to tidy up your cooking utensils after using them), share the plan with him.
- If the reasons sound silly or nonsensical, simply admit that “no one is perfect” and move on with your life. Don't waste your energy on unworthy people.
Step 3. Recall your last few interactions
Did you upset him? Did you accidentally tell a joke that hurt her? You may unconsciously be bragging in front of him (for example, complaining about the incompetent maid when she can't even afford a broom). To find out what went wrong, try to dive back into the interactions between the two of you. If you've found what's wrong, try to fix it!
Step 4. Solve the problem as soon as possible
After knowing the root of the problem, immediately try to solve it. Don't attack him by saying, "I've never hurt you, you're just being too sensitive!". Instead, smile, apologize if needed, and try to be a better person in the future. Explain that you want to clear up any misunderstandings between you and improve your relationship with him; most people would appreciate that kind of attitude. If it turns out that he still gives a negative response, at least you have tried to deal with the situation maturely.
- Be straightforward without appearing demanding. For example, if a coworker hates you because you grazed his car last week, try saying, “I'm really sorry for grazing your car. I should have been more careful. What can I do to atone for my mistake?”
- If you still don't get to the root of the problem, try asking, “You've been looking annoyed with me lately. Why is it?".
Step 5. Accept the fact that not everyone likes you
Who said this fact harms you? If you always try to be yourself, there will always be people who hate you, right? If you've been trying desperately to change someone's hatred but to no avail, it's a sign that he or she isn't meant to fill your life. There's no need to try to change his attitude and opinion because you're bound to fail. At least you'll feel relieved that you've tried to change his mindset; the situation requires you to be more mature and be a better person, right?
Hate is a very strong and extreme emotion. If there is someone who really hates you, chances are that their anger and hatred are rooted in the problems that are going on in their life
Step 6. Avoid the person to avoid his hatred
You may not always be able to do it; but at the very least, try your best to stay away from him and from the trouble he brings. There's no point in dealing with negative people. If possible, block his cell phone number, ignore him when you meet, and wipe his existence out of your brain. The less you interact with him, the more limited his hate material will be. Don't give blood to a thirsty vampire!
Step 7. Get on with your life
Remember, there will always be people who hate and like you. If you can focus on making friends with positive people, why bother with negative people? Move on with your life and try to make connections with new people who can have a positive impact on your life. Don't drown yourself in sadness or guilt; believe me, that's what people who hate you want. You've made every effort to repair the relationship with him. If he's not willing to do the same, maybe you really need to move on without him.
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Haters will continue to hate.
There is no need to doubt the truth of the sentence.
Method 2 of 2: Killing Hate with Kindness
Step 1. Help your "enemy
" Even if you don't want to, you need to. Find ways to provide him with the support and assistance he needs to the best of your ability; just do simple things without trying to win his attention. Remember, you're not trying to "win her over." You're just trying to be a better, friendly person. Once you've done that, don't be selfish or demand a thank you from him!
- If he doesn't have lunch with him, try offering him some of your lunch.
- If he makes a joke that he thinks (and his friends think) is funny, laugh it off.
- If he responds to your kindness with hatred or anger, smile and walk away from him. Believe me, his hatred is not pure and is actually a self-protection mechanism against the pain and loneliness he feels.
Step 2. Get him to help you
Research shows that this method is actually more effective than the method in the previous point. Besides, who wants to refuse free help? Just make simple and uncomplicated requests. If you really trust him, show your appreciation by getting him to work together on an important task. He will feel more positive about helping you; and as a result, he will also develop more positive feelings towards you. This kind of reverse psychology method will produce a phenomenon called "cognitive dissonance".
There's no point in hurting yourself just to win her heart. Trust me, you can make much better friends than him
Step 3. Try to build a simple conversation with him
Take the initiative to improve the relationship between the two of you by asking him for coffee, watching a movie, or just chatting at the office. Generally, hatred arises from a lack of understanding. Some of the initial conversations might end up being negative (especially because he hates you); but always remember that no matter how hard the rock will gradually erode. Be patient.
- "How are you?" is an example of the simplest but very effective question to show you care for him. After all, you can ask that question anytime and anywhere, right?
- Instead of busy talking about yourself, try asking questions about his daily life. Remember, he hates you; So what's the point of feeding him more about you? Humans tend to prefer to talk about themselves. But in order to improve the relationship, be willing to listen and understand it better.
- Find common interests. If you really want to be friends with him, it's not enough to just get rid of his hatred. Try to find a hobby or interest in common to enrich your topic with it. Do you both like the same sport? Or do you both enjoy collecting cookie tins?
Step 4. Have him meet at a different location
If the two of you always see each other at work, try taking her out to lunch or going to the movies with other friends. Chances are, he won't accept the invitation because he doesn't want to travel with you. However, because you are taking him on a group trip, the situation will make it easier for you to interact with him.
Step 5. Make friends with his friends
Once his friends realize that you're not Lucifer's incarnation, they'll likely have a hard time hating you. Don't worry, you didn't steal his friends anyway; You're just trying to show a friendly side that they may not have seen. Without you knowing it, they may even be helping to dispel the person's hatred for you!
Tips
- Don't try too hard to impress him. Be yourself and be as natural as possible. If you're really desperate because of his attitude, it may be a sign that you need to find someone more reliable. Consider this: even if you're friends with someone who hates you, you likely won't be able to fully trust them. Trust me, a good friend should be able to accept you for who you are.
- Get to know the person more deeply. If necessary, look for similarities between you and proceed from there.
- Be polite. If you have guests at your house, ask basic questions like, "What do you want to drink?", "Already hungry?", or "You're cold, aren't you?".
- Don't tell negative personal things just to look "natural" in front of others; believe me, this action will actually make other people underestimate you. Be positive and always show good qualities to encourage others to spend more time with you.
- Don't completely change yourself. Of course you have to change bad habits and negative self-character, but never change your basic personality just to be accepted by society. Develop your qualities without being too flashy.
- There's no need to try too hard to impress others; be careful, you will look like you're showing off. Be as reasonable as possible.
- Make sure you are always nice and friendly. Don't constantly look at other people with unfriendly eyes or ignore their existence. Doing so will only make them lazy to connect with you! If this situation is already happening at school, try to focus more on learning and making friends with new people and your teachers. Avoid rude people who make you uncomfortable, and always be yourself. There's no need to be friends with people who don't like you for who you are.
- If the person can't shake off their hatred for you, make sure you stay friendly and welcoming to them but don't waste your energy! Remember, you are doing your best to improve yourself. If he doesn't want to do his part, it means he doesn't deserve to be in a relationship with you.
- If someone hates you, that doesn't mean you have to change your personality for them! Just change your behavior and mindset to be more positive, especially in dealing with the problem.
