It is difficult for transgender people or people with gender uncertainty to deal with feelings of dysphoria. Some of them may begin to make the transition (either socially or medically), while others may not have access to the process. There is no easy way; however, one thing is always true, never do something out of despair or think that there is a powerful solution that can make all your problems disappear instantly. Stay calm and relaxed. You need a lot of strength to deal with awkward feelings about your body, voice, even your own clothes and hairstyles. Here are some ways to reduce the gender dysphoria you feel.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Coping With Emotions
Step 1. Keep hope
Believe in yourself. You may feel that life is becoming less and less meaningful, but remember that you are living in an age where it is possible for you to get help. You have the opportunity to be yourself. Remember, there are many people who experience the same thing. You are not alone and you are not a freak. There are many other transgender people out there who are living healthy and happy lives.
- When you're having a hard time, try to remind yourself that this problem won't last forever. Survive as much as you can. Over time, things will get better so that your efforts are not in vain. Don't forget to take care of yourself. If you feel you need outside help to deal with your emotions, whether social or medical, seek help immediately.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help. There are many people in the world who are supportive and caring. Talk to a trusted adult or counselor about your dysphoric feelings. Talking to someone will help you deal with your emotions; remember, the emotions you feel are valid.
- Find inspiration by reading stories of people who have survived difficult situations in life, whether from illness, injury, war, poverty, violence, criminal background, drug addiction, or natural disasters. There are many people who have lost everything and become refugees, or have lost their homes due to floods or fires; in survivors of prison confinement, torture, and terrible conditions; and survivors who were born in poverty, but are able to rise up to improve their situation. There are also people whose lives have been changed due to illness or serious injury, but are still able to get up and be successful. Many successful people say that you need to taste the bitterness of failure or experience extreme difficulties in life before changing your life for the better. You don't have to compare your suffering with the suffering of others; but you can find inspiration by seeing how a person is able to cope with life's difficulties. Seeing the success of others can give you hope to survive the problems you are currently facing.
Step 2. Express your feelings
Expressing your feelings the way you want can help you deal with difficult situations. You can draw, write, paint, or even run. You can also cry, scream, or do strenuous exercise, and clean the house. Find the best way to deal with your dysphoria. It is very important to let your feelings “out” so that the negative emotions in your heart can be overcome.
- Channel your negative energy for more productive things. Just grab a pen and paper and start drawing whatever comes to your mind (even if it's dark). This method can divert stress. For some people, seeking creative activities is the best option, such as drawing, painting, or writing. For example, you could write down all the aggressive things that come to mind. Let your mind wander until you feel better.
- For some, a physical approach is the best option. Doing physical activities, such as vigorous exercise, running as fast as possible, lifting weights, or pursuing a hobby such as swimming, horse riding, or playing on a trampoline, can clear your mind. Channeling your anger into physical activity will make you feel better. You may need to feel tired and drained of energy in order to feel calmer.
- These negative emotions can hurt you both mentally and physically. Some people who try to suppress their emotions tend to turn passive-aggressive or feel very unhappy. You may feel like you are “broken” or feel that something is wrong inside of you. These negative emotions can hurt you physically, and trigger stress-related illnesses or depression.
- You can also talk to yourself (literally). This method doesn't drive you crazy. There are many people who talk to themselves because this method can release pent-up emotions. Some people think talking to themselves is like crying. This is a powerful method for releasing sadness or stress. However, don't do it in public!
Step 3. Take a deep breath
relax. Take a deep breath and exhale if you feel anxiety starting to cloud your mind. Balancing your body can help you deal with your emotions. Meditation and yoga are some of the ways to develop the ability to relax.
- Taking deep breaths can relieve stress and reduce anxiety instantly because it stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms the body and slows the heart rate so you feel more relaxed. Breathe slowly through your stomach for a while.
- Practice calming your mind by observing your surroundings, paying attention to your feelings and thoughts without judgment, and sharpening your senses. What are you feeling, seeing, smelling and hearing right now? How do you feel right now? Where in your body do you feel it? Do you feel tight in your chest and neck? Or is your stomach feeling bad? Be aware of your current emotions. This can control uncontrolled emotions so that you feel calm and can control yourself.
Step 4. Understand how you feel
Look for information about transgender people and gender dysphoria. There are many videos on Youtube regarding gender dysphoria. It is very common for transgender people to experience dysphoria. Just because you're a man who feels more comfortable wearing women's clothes doesn't mean you're transgender. You may be a non-binary, whereas gender identity is not associated with any gender binary so you have dysphoria. This remains difficult because society often does not welcome people who appear “different”. Understand that what you are feeling is normal and that you are human, no matter what.
- Dysphoria is not something a person feels before transitioning. You can still feel it after changing your gender and even having sex reassignment surgery. Things like talking about your past, swimming, or going to the gym can trigger it. Your height and bone structure will not change, which can trigger these feelings. Understand that the feeling of dysphoria may not go away even after you have had hormone injections or genital surgery. You may be uncomfortable with your voice or hand size etc throughout your life. However, you can train yourself to deal with it all.
- Listen to yourself. Don't listen to other people trying to convince you that your gender dysphoria equates to Body Dysmorphic Disorder or is "not something serious." The dysphoria is the part of you that makes you feel uncomfortable about your own gender. Feeling good about yourself and feeling happy is everyone's need.
Step 5. Talk to a good friend
Having someone you can trust to listen to your story and understand how you are feeling can be very helpful. It's a relief to be able to express yourself and talk to others freely. Feeling that you are heard and understood is very important.
- You can search for transgender-only forums and connect with them online. You can use any video link, email or social media to talk to people who are going through the same thing. There are many people who are going through the same thing as you right now. You might be surprised to find that so many people are looking for friends to talk to about their dysphoria and experiences. You may feel lonely, but there are many transgender people who feel the same way!
- Visit the nearest LGBT community. There are many transgender or LGBT groups that form gatherings in several places. Joining a group will make you feel familiar to see other people feel the same way. You can also make new friends this way – friends who can respect your identity and understand your situation.
- You can chat with family members or good friends. Connecting with a non-trans person can give you support from a different side because they are also dealing with the same problems and know how you really feel. Cisgender people can be good advocates for you.
- Consider talking to a counselor or contacting a religious group for support, such as a pastor, but only if you feel safe. Talking to a professional can give you a new perspective and allow you to talk about any issue without worrying about the other person's feelings.
Step 6. Learn how to fight attacks of extreme dysphoria by getting used to it
When you have chaotic thoughts and extreme emotions, or high-level anxiety attacks accompanied by feelings of emptiness and depression, these techniques can help calm you down and dampen your mood.
- Stimulate the senses in your body! Smell something (perfume, flowers, deodorant), taste something (strong flavored food or your favorite food), listen to something (nature sounds or music). Touch something (cloth, teddy bear), stimulate your eyesight (by looking at a beautiful photo, a picture that makes you happy, or a picture of a baby animal). Hold onto something all the time! Use your five senses to reduce anxiety instantly. Keep doing it until you are calmed down.
- Schedule time to worry. Take about 5-10 minutes each day to deal with your anxieties and worries. During this time, you should only focus on the things that make you anxious, nothing else, until the time is up. For the rest of the day you shouldn't be anxious – whenever you start to worry about something or have negative thoughts, you should say to yourself “I didn't have time to think about that at the time”. You can write down the things that bother you during “worry time.” This exercise can save you a lot of mental energy that you would normally spend on feeling anxious, as well as help control your thoughts and anxiety. You can do a fun activity before or after “worry time.” In this way, you will feel better.
- Try meditation or breathing exercises.
- Look for something that makes you feel good immediately (like seeing friends, listening to music, dancing, playing outside, playing with pets, reading a book, watching comedy, exercising, etc.). Prepare a list so that when anxiety starts to kick in you can read and practice its contents. You can quickly forget the anxiety you feel.
- You can control your thoughts and feelings as long as you practice often! Learning how to deal with extreme dysphoria and anxiety can prevent you from hurting yourself and others, or doing something you'll regret later on.
Step 7. Put some distance between the situation and the reaction
You can't control what's going on around you and you'll sometimes find yourself in situations that trigger gender dysphoria or anxiety. What you can control is your reaction to the situation. Your feelings are always valid, but it's up to you to decide whether they mess up your day or not.
- You can't control other people's words or thoughts, but you can control your own responses. You don't have to get angry or let them ruin your day. Don't use up your mental strength to deal with other people. You have complete control over yourself, your emotions, reactions, and happiness. You will feel happier if you can control yourself after dealing with the situation.
- If necessary, channel your negative energy into physical activity or alone until you feel calm. Look for a heartfelt outlet for your emotions.
- Take several deep breaths and if you can close your eyes before responding or letting feelings take over. Try to observe the situation more objectively. Are you sure the person meant that? Are you overreacting? When you feel uncomfortable with your own body, you tend to overreact a little. Sometimes your anxiety can overwhelm you so you expect other people to find out what's hidden and feel like they're looking at you in an uncomfortable way. In fact, they are not aware of this and treat your gender appropriately.
Step 8. Avoid the trigger
You have the right to avoid situations or people that make you feel uncomfortable or insecure. You don't have to face it. You can control how you react, but you don't have to force yourself to accept behavior that makes you uncomfortable.
- You may need to cut back on time with family who don't respect your identity, even if it's difficult. Your own mental health should be a priority.
- You also have the right to stay at home if you don't want to socialize today. Learn how to differentiate between feelings of extreme anxiety and dysphoria about something. Don't let your social anxiety be an excuse to avoid friends or come to a support group. However, if you know that swimming with classmates or exercising with other people can worsen your emotional state and mental health, stay away from these activities.
- You may need to contain the emotions of mispronouncing your name, mispronouncing your gender, or feeling dysphoric in certain situations in order to be able to do things like everyone else. However, you have the right to avoid the situation. Mispronouncing names at the bank is certainly different from the attitude of your mother who continues to call by the wrong name even though you have explained it.
- Give others a chance. Many people don't understand how gender dysphoria can affect your life. It's a good idea to explain how you feel about things. For example, you might say, “Susan's call made me very depressed and the idea that I was a girl made me not want to go to social gatherings anymore. However, calling me by the name Jake makes me feel excited and comfortable around other people. So I hope you can call me Jake after this and don't mispronounce my gender again.” If after that people still ignore your request, you should reduce your interaction with them to a level that makes you comfortable and happy.
- If your friends and family are generally unsupportive, instead of isolating yourself, try making new friends and going to support groups so you can find new friends. You may have an unsupportive family, but there are plenty of other people willing to support you! This is especially important if you don't have the support and empathy of those closest to you. At worst, this situation could hinder your progress towards the transition and the future. Find people who support your aspirations and are happy to hear that your life is getting better. Yes, such people exist!
Method 2 of 2: Changing Your Appearance
Step 1. Look for objects that help transgender appearances
There are chest splints, packers, and STP (stand-to-pee devices), as well as special prosthetics for male sex. Women can also wear artificial breasts, panty girdles, foamed underwear and tucking their penis.
- Even if you can't be worn 24/7, they can help you deal with dysphoria in public or other short-term situations.
- These items are usually expensive, but they can be a good investment because they can significantly change your appearance (thus affecting your self-confidence). You can also buy used products. Some people even donate things they no longer need for free.
Step 2. Pay attention to your style
Learn how to dress appropriately for your body type. Long shirts can hide your hips, while short shirts can accentuate them. You can find a variety of tips online. Remember that clothes in stores are made for cisgender bodies. The waist, hips and length can be a problem, as can the chest and shoulders. Genetically, the bodies of men and women have different proportions. So, you may need to choose a larger size so that the hips of the men's pants can fit while the legs are too long.
- Consider making the shirt at a tailor. The dress is made according to your body size so it's sure to look great! If you don't have enough budget, make adjustments yourself, or enlist the help of family or friends who are skilled at using a sewing machine.
- There are a few tricks you can use, such as using shoe pads for men or fake breasts and foamy underwear for women.
- Think about what parts of your body you want to highlight and hide. Different materials, (such as men's t-shirts and shirts), different shirt patterns, and different cuts or shapes can make a big difference. Clothing such as jackets that accentuate the shoulder area can make the area appear wider – adjust as needed.
- You don't need to change your style of dress, just pay attention to the size and cut of the clothes so that there is a big difference in your appearance. Look for clothes that you like and are comfortable to wear, but that also fit your body and can accentuate your best shape.
- As a transgender, the tips for choosing ordinary clothes may not be suitable. You may need to buy clothes that look ugly to cisgender people, but look good when you wear them!
Step 3. Practice your voice to sound more masculine or feminine
Often times, a transgender person's comfort can be disrupted by his or her own voice. Practicing your voice isn't easy, but it can be done through practice, even without the help of hormone injections! There are a variety of videos online that can help you solve this problem, as well as apps for measuring voice pitch. The pitch of the sound is not the most important thing. The way you speak also affects the change in your voice in a positive way. Changing the way you speak may sound difficult, but once mastered, it can have a huge impact on your self-confidence – and your demeanor.
- You can practice yourself at home. Reading aloud and singing can help you. Use a more masculine or feminine voice when reading, then demonstrate the contents of the reading.
- Use a voice pitch analyzer app to check your voice and speaking style.
- It may take you some time to master this skill. Testosterone can naturally make your voice deep like a man's. Unfortunately, estrogen for trans women does not have a similar effect. So, this exercise is very useful even if you have not received hormone therapy!
Step 4. Ask for input from others
Take lots of selfies to track your progress and changes after hormone therapy. Share the photo with others and play with gender changer app. Remember, you are usually your own worst critic. You may see flaws in your body or face more 'obviously' than other people. You can ask for honest input from family and friends on your appearance, appearance, and clothing choices.
- Ask for input from people who are honest with you, but don't make you feel pressured.
- If you get a compliment, enjoy it! Enjoy the feeling that other people can see you for who you are. Don't be too hard on yourself.
- Taking selfies that make you look more masculine or feminine can boost your self-confidence! Ignore the photos you don't like and keep the ones that look awesome. Take a look at these photos when you're feeling down so you can be happy again.
Step 5. Realistically acknowledge what you can and cannot change
Hormone therapy can have a significant effect on your face and body. Hormones also have different effects on each person; some experience dramatic changes in an instant and some experience changes over a long period of time. Everyone is different, but change is bound to happen, including yourself. Just be patient. Puberty can last up to 5 years.
- Your height, bone size, hand and foot size, and some facial bone structure (especially if you're on hormone therapy after your first biological puberty) are some of the things you can't control. FFS (facial feminization surgery) may be performed; but other than that, you can only surrender and accept your body as it is. There's no need to spend mental energy lamenting something you can't change. It's best to just ignore it as much as possible and focus on what can be changed.
- There are very tall cisgender women and short cisgender men; there were broad-bodied women and small-boned men. Don't worry too much about appearing 'normal'. Remind yourself that you can be tall or short, even if you were born cisgender. Body shape is something that no one can control, whether transgender or cisgender.
- One way of looking at this: being transgender is no worse than any other medical condition. A person can lose a leg in an accident or be born without the limb. Almost everyone has a medical disorder at some point in their life, whether it's big or small. Being transgender can affect all aspects of life, but it's not the end of the world. In the end, there is a way to deal with it. Even if you can't change your gender, you still have the right to live as you are, just like anyone else.
- Everyone has a different shape and size. Everyone has their own way of expressing themselves (from the way they walk, dress, talk, etc.). Accept your uniqueness. Don't let other people define you because only you have the right to do it.
Expert Advice
Consider all of the following if you are struggling with gender dysphoria
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Talk to an expert.
If you're having trouble dealing with gender dysphoria, the best way to deal with it is to seek help from a transgender specialist. If you can't find it, ask the nearest transgender community for help or look it up online. Learning about other people's experiences can make you feel less alone.
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Look for the cause of your gender dysphoria.
For example, you may feel uncomfortable with the shape of your chest or voice and need to take steps to change that.
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Love yourself as you are.
Regardless of what society thinks, your body is yours, and it doesn't have a specific gender. In the end, you can look at your own body and associate it with anything, regardless of the social or medical pressure you're feeling.
Tips
- Crying is mandatory. There's no crying because letting out emotions is so important. It's not healthy to contain all the emotions that are in your heart.
- Our emotions are like the weather. No one is "100%" happy or calm. There are times when we feel sad, disappointed, even angry. However, remember that feelings of disappointment will not last forever. Sadness or disappointment can come on suddenly and you can't stop it. However, look at this like the rain that will eventually stop, and then the sun will come and shine again.
- If you want, find a breast brace, strap, packer, or other object that can relieve your appearance dysphoria. Sometimes, the little things can have a bigger impact on your life than you think. In addition, almost everyone has breasts (including men!).
- If you can't make big changes, try small things, like painting your nails with transparent polish or applying lip balm. Hooded jackets and flannel shirts are also great for hiding your curves so you feel better.
