Suspecting your partner is having an affair because he or she has started treating you differently, is spending less time with you, seems to be keeping things secret, or is no longer trying to keep the relationship going? If so, make sure you validate the suspicion by assessing his behavior, asking troubling questions, and seeking evidence before making the accusation.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Assessing His Behavior
Step 1. Beware if he looks very protective of his phone
If your partner is cheating on you, chances are that he will do everything he can to keep his phone and computer out of your reach. Has he been angry lately if he caught you touching his phone or laptop? Possibly, the cellphone and/or laptop was used to communicate with other women. That's why he's always trying to keep you away from these things.
- Whenever you ask, "Who's calling or texting?", he'll give you answers like, "Nobody," or "Oh, it doesn't matter."
- Does he always delete text messages or online chats before letting you see what's on his phone?
- Does he always pick up the phone before you have a chance to see the caller's name?
Step 2. Pay attention to her daily routine
If your partner cheats on you, chances are that he will spend more time with his cheating partner and change his routine. Chances are, you already know your partner's daily routine, right? If she admits to traveling more often with her male friends, studying late at night, or working later than usual, it's likely that she's having an affair.
Over time, your partner will begin to prioritize these activities over the two of you together. Be aware that you are no longer his top priority
Step 3. Watch out if your partner looks more mysterious
Does your partner always close the bedroom door when you are nearby? Does he always take calls in another room? If your partner cheats on you, chances are that he will start to distance himself from you.
- Evaluate the things he keeps secret from you. Has he started hanging out with people you don't know?
- If you ask him how he is or his activities that day, does he always give very short answers without further explanation?
Step 4. Be aware that your partner's attention and affection are diminishing
Most likely, the affair will reduce his attention and affection for you. Has your partner recently been increasingly reluctant to hold, hug, kiss, or have sex with you? Is he no longer interested in physical touch in the relationship?
Always remember that changes in your partner's attitude can also be affected by health problems or stress. Also pay attention to other signs before deciding that a change in your partner's attitude is indeed happening because he or she is having an affair
Step 5. Watch out for unusual behavior
Positive or negative changes may occur as a result of your partner feeling guilty for cheating on you. Beware if a partner starts:
- Buying gifts for no reason.
- Go overboard to help and care about you.
- Often invites you to fight.
- Shows drastic mood swings.
- Scented differently (like someone else's perfume smell)
- Caring too much about how he looks (for example, the clothes he wears, his haircut, or his body shape)
- Lying about small and big things.
- Saying things he would normally never say.
- Remember, infidelity is not the only reason behind his change in attitude.
Method 2 of 3: Evaluating Relationships
Step 1. Assess the quantity of togetherness you and your partner
Does your partner always spend their free time with you or does he always seem busy? Do you feel like you are living a separate life with your partner? Do you know what is going on in his life, and vice versa?
- No matter how busy your partner is, he should still find a way to meet you and invite you to communicate.
- Also be aware of changes in the quantity of togetherness you both are. Has a date that used to be four times a week suddenly changed to once a week for no apparent reason? If so, chances are there is something wrong in your relationship.
- Talk to your partner about the changes before accusing him of having an affair.
Step 2. Measure the quality of the interaction between the two of you
In addition to the quantity, the quality of the interaction between the two of you must also be considered! Do the two of you spend more time having fun or fighting? Do you feel close or distant from your partner?
If a once-pleasant relationship is slowly turning into a hell of endless debate, it's likely that your partner is having problems and is taking their frustrations out on you or is having an affair
Step 3. Evaluate your partner's attraction
Be aware that your partner seems less interested in you and your relationship, even if the two of you are spending time together. Does your partner feel less caring? Does your partner seem indifferent to you?
- For example, do you always call or text first?
- Are you always the one to put together and propose dating plans? Is he willing to come up with ideas if asked to think of a date plan?
- Does he seem less capable or caring when the two of you are together?
Step 4. Listen to your instincts
If you notice something is wrong in your relationship with your partner, don't ignore those feelings even if you can't really pinpoint where the fault is!
Often, negative instincts are the first clue you have to find out what's wrong in a relationship
Step 5. Talk to your partner
If you suspect your partner is having an affair, any action can reinforce your suspicions and assumptions without a clear basis. Therefore, try not to jump to conclusions right away. Be careful, false accusations can destroy your relationship! Whenever your suspicions arise, share your assumptions with your partner and listen to their explanations.
- You could say, "Why have you been so angry lately? You don't seem to be here either. Are you all right?"
- You could also say, "It seems like we've been spending less and less together lately. Is everything all right?"
- "Lately it seems our relationship has deteriorated and I want to fix it. What do you think?"
- If you catch your partner's lies, try saying, "Why did you have to lie about _? I feel really sick you know, because of that."
Method 3 of 3: Looking for Evidence
Step 1. Observe the social media
Try browsing your partner's social media pages to see if your partner is communicating with people you don't know. Also pay attention to photos of whom he likes and favorites, and be aware of the couple's social media pages that you have not known existed. Likely, he used it to communicate with other women.
- Also notice that he is spending more time on social media than usual. Indeed, this behavior also has a fairly strong relevance to the possibility of having an affair.
- If you know the password, try going to your partner's social media pages to see who they're messaging with. Remember, doing so is a violation of privacy that has the potential to anger your partner. Therefore, make sure your suspicions are strong and well-founded before doing so.
Step 2. Talk to his friends
If you suspect your partner is lying about their location, try asking friends for this information. However, beware because chances are, they will actually help him lie to you. Therefore, always choose questions that are implicit!
- If your partner admits to traveling with friends on Thursday, try asking the friend in question, “How are you? Did you and _ have fun last Thursday?”
- You can also ask your partner, "Did you and _ have fun last Thursday? What are you doing?"
- If your partner is really cheating on you, chances are that their friends will start to look awkward around you. If they find out what's really going on, it's actually very difficult for them to remain normal in front of you.
Step 3. Catch the lie
For example, ask for the location on a certain day. A few days later, ask the same question again. If your partner is trying to lie to you, chances are the answers won't be consistent. Compare the answers over time to find inconsistent patterns in the stories.
- If your partner looks irritated or defensive when they hear your question, it's possible that he or she is having an affair. After all, if he's being honest, your question shouldn't bother him.
- If your partner is active on social media, try to keep an eye on his activities and posts at times that you find suspicious. Find inconsistent patterns!
Step 4. Browse the contents of the phone
Take your partner's phone while he or she is in the shower or sleeping. Remember, this method will be difficult to do if your partner always carries his cell phone with him wherever he goes. Don't know the password? While both of you are lying in bed, try hugging her from behind while trying to peek at the password she entered into her phone.
- If you want, stand as close to her as possible and try to peek inside her phone while she's using it.
- After successfully accessing the cellphone, immediately open the conversation history and messages. Be on the lookout for numbers he doesn't have in his contact list.
- If your partner doesn't have a single text message saved on their phone, it's likely that they deleted it because they were trying to hide something.
- Searching the contents of a partner's cell phone without their knowledge and permission is a serious violation of privacy. Trust me, your partner can get really mad if they catch you and after that, they'll have a hard time trusting you again. Do this as your last resort!
Tips
- Believe in yourself.
- Keep calm.
- Share your feelings with others. Remember, it's important to express your emotions clearly to help restore your mood.
