Narcissists have a tendency to control others using manipulation, threats, praise, and other means. If you experience this, you may object to his treatment and want to change his behavior. Instead of expecting the other person to change because this isn't easy, learn how to interact with a narcissistic person, such as setting clear boundaries so they understand that you don't want to be treated lightly and respond wisely to their behavior to prevent conflict. Ask others for help and support if you have trouble interacting with narcissists.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Applying Clear Boundaries
Step 1. Determine what you can and cannot accept
Take note of his behavior and words that annoy you and things that need to be changed, such as what he says, his requests, or his attitude towards you in day-to-day interactions. A person is said to be arbitrarily if he performs the following actions.
- Insulting you
- Threatening you
- Scolding or berating you
- Blaming you for the problems he's having
- Harassing or harassing you
- Forcing you to fulfill his wish
- Lying to you then denying it
Step 2. Clearly and politely explain the boundaries you want to enforce
Make your request clear so that he clearly understands what you want, but when dealing with a narcissist, it's best not to ask him.
- For example, say to him, "I enjoyed talking to you, but I'd better leave if you make fun of me again" or "I'm glad you called, but I'll hang up if you're still angry." Make sure you speak calmly and in a friendly manner.
- Don't be angry because of what he said and did. Avoid saying words that hurt your feelings as this will make them even more angry. For example, don't respond by saying, "You're really talking too much! I'm too lazy to talk to you!" or "If you continue to be angry, I'll hang up!"
Step 3. Provide consequences if he violates the boundaries
After you explain the boundaries and the consequences if they are violated, pay attention to the reactions. Do what you tell him to do if he crosses the line.
- For example, you may say that you will leave him if he continues to tease you. If he's still teasing you, get up and walk away.
- Another example, you've warned that you will hang up if he continues to be angry. Hang up the phone if his anger doesn't subside.
Tip: make sure you immediately enforce the consequences you have told him. Don't hesitate, warn, or relent if he apologizes or compliments you.
Step 4. Be prepared for changes when interacting as you impose boundaries
Once you define boundaries and apply them consistently, his attitude may change or he may appear evasive. This is because he is aware of the change so he can no longer expect you to fulfill his desires. This is a good sign even though it may feel difficult at first.
- For example, after you tell him what he said was hurtful, he may rarely talk to you, or even ignore you.
- Even if things are different when interacting, don't assume that their behavior or nature has changed.
Step 5. Reflect and evaluate if you give in
If you don't apply a constraint or leave a loophole for him to ignore it, find out why and determine how to apply the constraint consistently.
- For example, you may have said that you would leave if he taunted or threatened you, but you didn't leave the room. Find out the cause. Are you giving in? Did he do or say something that kept you from leaving the room? Will you be able to deal with his treatment and impose limits if the same thing happens again?
- Remember that setting boundaries is an ongoing thing as long as the two of you are in a relationship. Make sure you apply the restrictions persistently and consistently when interacting with them.
Method 2 of 3: Responding to Her Treatment
Step 1. Don't support his "success" upset you by being calm
Narcissists often make comments that make others angry without feeling guilty. Respond calmly. If you're starting to get irritated, take a break and then take a few deep breaths or leave the room for a leisurely stroll before interacting with him again.
You can stay away from him if he behaves badly with you. Leave immediately if he criticizes, blames, insults, threatens you or does things that make you angry
Step 2. Be a good listener and listen to what he has to say
Narcissists often talk a lot because they like to seek attention and want to be the center of attention. Be ready to be a listener when he talks and respond to let him know that you are listening to his story, for example by:
- Smile and nod while making eye contact.
- Say "yes", "wow", or "hmm" to keep him talking.
- Ask questions, for example, "You said you had a problem. What did that mean?"
Step 3. Distract him by discussing a topic he enjoys
Narcissists like to talk about themselves and share what they know. If he starts to get angry, distract him by asking him something he likes. This is especially helpful if he starts to get annoyed or talk rudely with you.
For example, if he knows a lot about autos, ask questions about cars. If he says he understands financial management, ask for advice on how to invest
Tip: before asking a question, wait until he calms down again. If he's nagging or acting cold, wait 20 minutes and then ask questions to distract him.
Step 4. Show empathy for what he is going through to make him feel good
Although narcissists tend to be incapable of empathy, they will regain their composure if you show empathy to them when they start to get angry. Show concern and empathy for what he or she is feeling or experiencing, for example by saying:
- "It must be really annoying, yes, stuck in traffic for hours".
- "Looks like you're still angry. What's wrong?"
Step 5. Don't support his desire to brag
One of the characteristics of a narcissist is feeling superior to others. Therefore, he will approach people who make him feel great. However, this can make the problem worse. Don't let him get what he wants to praise or brag about. Ignore him or change the topic of conversation.
- For example, if he continues to pride himself on being a great salesperson, say to him, "Oh yeah? By the way, what are your plans this weekend?"
- You can give him genuine compliments if he deserves it, but don't keep praising him so he doesn't get any more arrogant.
Step 6. Use the word "I/I" to convey wishes without blaming others
If the two of you are fighting, he will feel attacked if you criticize him so much. However, you don't have to just give up. If you want to point out his faults, use personal, subjective phrases so he doesn't feel attacked.
- Using the word "I/I" keeps him from being defensive, aggressive, and rude because narcissists often overestimate these behaviors. Avoid this by using the word "I/I" in discussions with him as a way of self-respect.
- For example, instead of saying, "You're really mean and rude," you could say, "I'm sad to be treated like this."
Step 7. Find out the truth of what he said because narcissists like to lie
If something makes their self-image look bad, narcissists don't hesitate to lie to prevent it. So, you may not necessarily get accurate information from it. If you doubt what he said, prove it. Don't just believe what he says.
For example, if he shares his experiences at work that made him feel like a hero, ask his co-workers for information about this
Method 3 of 3: Seeking Help and Support
Step 1. Share your experience with friends and family members for support
Dealing with narcissists every day can be exhausting and hurtful. If the two of you are friends, don't interact with them as often. However, it's hard to escape if you both live in the same house or work as co-workers. Share your experience with someone you can trust and ask for support.
For example, you might say, "I'm overwhelmed with Jon. Jon seems to be narcissistic. Can I call if I want to vent?"
Step 2. Join a supportive group or online forum so you can discuss with others
Look for a support group if you don't have a friend or family member to support you or you want to discuss your experience with a group of people. In addition to finding support groups in nearby locations, join online forums via websites.
Look for support groups through mental health websites or join online forums, such as Reddit
Step 3. Find a professional therapist to release feelings of burden
You'll feel more relaxed when you go about your daily life if you can vent your feelings and share your problems with dealing with narcissists. The therapist can explain how to communicate with a narcissist and how to respond to upsetting words or actions.
You can find a therapist by asking your doctor for a referral, asking a friend or family member, and using the internet
Step 4. Contact Halo Kemkes if you experience violence
If you have been verbally, emotionally, or physically abused, reach out to people who can help you. If you are in danger, for example because he is threatening or physically abusing you, call the police immediately.
Types and methods of committing acts of violence consist of:
Physical abuse: hitting, locking, clawing, biting, pushing, or throwing things at you.
Verbal or emotional abuse: yells at or yells at you, insults you, blames you for bad behavior, prevents you from seeing friends/family members, and tells you to do something.
Sexual violence: Touching your body or having sex with you forcibly (raping), refusing to use a condom, and engaging in violent sexual activity.
