Emotions are beneficial, but uncontrollable negative emotions are one of the triggers for stress. This article explains how to control and overcome negative emotions, for example by applying several methods to maintain mental health and change lifestyles.
Step
Method 1 of 6: Controlling the Mind and Relaxing the Body
Step 1. Try to be aware of each time your emotions are controlling you
The first step to controlling your emotions is to admit that you can't control your emotions. Ask yourself how you feel physically and mentally when your emotions are out of control and then try to identify those sensations. You will regain your composure and be able to focus on what is going on simply by realizing that you are being overwhelmed by emotions when they start to trigger. In order to do this, make sure you are able to think rationally in a calm and focused manner.
- When emotions are out of control, you will experience physical reactions, such as a faster heart rate, muscle tension, shortness of breath, or shortness of breath.
- Mentally, uncontrollable emotions make it difficult for you to concentrate, feel anxious, panicked, depressed, or unable to control your thoughts.
- Control your thoughts and then observe the physical reactions that arise one after another. For example, if you suddenly feel anxious, observe physical sensations, such as: "My heart is beating really fast. My palms are sweating." Realize and accept the condition as it is without judging.
Step 2. Breathe deeply to calm yourself down
When emotions are out of control, breathing becomes irregular, causing stress and anxiety to escalate. Stop the negative effects once you realize that your emotions are out of control by taking a few deep breaths to calm your mind and relax your body. To be more useful, use the correct breathing technique according to the following instructions.
- Place one palm on your chest and the other on your stomach just below your ribs. Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of 4 while feeling your lungs and stomach expand with air.
- Hold your breath for 1-2 seconds then exhale slowly through your mouth. Do 6-10 deep breaths per minute.
- If 4 counts is difficult, start with 2 counts and work your way up as you practice. Make sure you keep breathing calmly and regularly.
Step 3. Focus on physical sensations to calm the mind
Uncontrolled emotions are usually followed by an inability to control oneself and a loss of orientation. Right now, you are so overwhelmed with emotions that you don't realize what's going on. To work around this, remind yourself to quickly shift your attention to focus on the things you're seeing or the physical sensations you're experiencing.
- Shifting your attention to physical sensations and focusing your mind on the current situation will help you regain your composure and control the heightened emotions.
- For example, if you're having trouble controlling your emotions at work, distract yourself by looking at the walls of your office or looking out the window at the view. Think consciously about what you see, for example, "I see a white bird in the branches of a tree and a cloud in the sky."
- Imagine what you feel when you sit back on a park bench while enjoying a cup of coffee. Observe the sensation in the skin in contact with clothing, whether the muscles are sore or tense. To distract yourself, you can simply focus your mind on your palms resting on your lap.
Step 4. Relax the muscles to relieve physical and mental tension
Scan your body to determine which muscles are tense and then relax. Grasp your palms tightly and then release them while relaxing your shoulders and legs to release tension. Turn your head and wiggle your fingers. Releasing physical tension is beneficial for calming the mind.
One of the effective ways to relax the body is the progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) method or gradual muscle relaxation which is done by contracting and relaxing certain muscle groups starting from the toes to the head. Lying on your back while relaxing in this way is very useful if you can't pinpoint which part of your body is experiencing tension
Step 5. Imagine you are in a safe and quiet place
Choose a place (imaginary or real) that provides peace and comfort. Close your eyes and imagine the atmosphere there in as much detail as possible while breathing calmly and regularly. Relax your body and let the serenity in that place calm your mind and emotions.
- You are free to choose a safe and relaxing place, such as the beach, spa, place of worship, or bedroom. Imagine that you are there observing the sounds you hear, the things you see, the smells you smell, and the textures of things you touch.
- If you can't close your eyes or imagine a completely safe place, visualize quickly. Create a sense of calm and focus while you're there, taking a few deep, slow breaths.
- If negative emotions arise when visualizing, imagine those emotions as tangible objects that can be removed from the place. For example, imagine the tension as a pebble that can be thrown all the way and then imagine the tension emanating from your body as you throw the pebble as far as you can.
Method 2 of 6: Confronting Your Emotions
Step 1. Determine the emotions you are feeling
In order to be able to control emotions when they peak, identify and label the emotions that arise. Take a few deep breaths and then determine how you feel even if it hurts. Then, ask yourself what triggers that emotion and if you want to cover up something scary.
- For example, honestly answer whether you feel very pressured because you are facing a final exam that will determine your future or because of the demands to give your parents the best. The real cause may be fear because parental love is determined by your success.
- Remember that emotions are not a bad thing. Forbidding yourself to feel emotions makes you suffer even more. Instead, observe the emotions that arise without judging. Accept the fact that emotions are natural and give yourself a chance to feel them.
- Identifying and labeling the emotions that arise allows you to control them. Once you've identified an emotion for what it is, you know that it's just a feeling and doesn't need to control you.
Step 2. Think about what you can do to solve the problem
Sometimes, the inability to control your emotions occurs because you don't know how to control yourself. This can lead to moodiness, which is a mental dialogue that repeats itself over and over again because you're always thinking negative thoughts or feeling sorry for yourself for no apparent reason. Stop this cycle by trying to find a solution.
- Instead of just feeling sorry for yourself when you face difficulties at work by thinking, "Why is my work performance so bad?", write down things you can do, such as having a discussion with your boss about how to increase productivity at work, asking someone with more experience for help, or apply various ways of dealing with stress.
- Accept things you can't handle on your own. Forget the idea that you have to "fix" or "control" all aspects of your life to be free of stress and emotional baggage.
Step 3. Determine the best way to achieve what you want
When you're ready to act, make sure you're making decisions consciously, not as a reaction to another emotion that overwhelms you. Think about how to solve the problem and why you made that decision. Decide which value you want to represent in this way. Is your decision rational?
- Determine the moral principles you hold dear. What results do you expect by addressing the problem? Is the decision taken to be proud of? Then, ask yourself what action gave the desired result.
- For example, if you are insulted, you may be silent, angry, or strictly forbid. Determine what needs to be done to solve this problem and how to achieve it without abandoning the principles of life that you believe in.
Method 3 of 6: Responding to Emotions Healthily
Step 1. Don't respond if someone upsets you
If you know that someone is irritating you for wanting to compete, take a deep breath and calm yourself down. Speak calmly and don't let him upset you. If you stay calm, he will get annoyed and stop acting.
- When you're ready to take action, express how you feel, for example, "I'm upset that you're so hard to work with."
- Explain the problem and ask him to give his opinion then listen and respond to what he has to say. For example, you might say, "We need to discuss how to get our work done so we can finish it on time. What do you think?"
Step 2. Relax if you start to get angry or upset
Angry people will usually clench their jaws and look tense. Taking deep breaths and relaxing your muscles is an easy and effective way to defuse your mounting negative emotions so you don't do something you regret.
Step 3. Do the opposite of what you normally do
If you react to negative emotions in the way you normally would, don't continue. Think about what would happen if you did the opposite. Are the results different? If the result is positive or productive, apply the new way and leave the old way.
- For example, you are upset because your partner often forgets to wash the dishes. Instead of fighting, do it yourself and then politely ask if he wants to help.
- If it feels difficult, make changes starting from small things. Instead of yelling at your partner, explain your feelings in a calm voice. If you still can't, stay away to rest for 5 minutes. In the end, you can change the way you react forever.
Step 4. Avoid situations that trigger negative feelings
Sometimes, the best reaction is to distance yourself and avoid the cause. If the problem can be solved easily without hurting the other person's feelings, try to stay away from the problem situation and negative feelings.
For example, if you're on a work committee where the members aren't focused, you might get annoyed at the meeting. One way to deal with annoyance is to ask your boss to put you on another work committee
Method 4 of 6: Communicating Assertively and Confidently
Step 1. Express your feelings clearly and confidently
Being assertive helps you express and control your emotions while changing unwanted circumstances. You can give your opinion or reject things that you don't like or don't have time to do, as long as it's conveyed clearly and tactically.
For example, say to a friend who invited you to a party, "Thanks for your invitation! I don't feel comfortable around people. So I can't come. How about I ask you for coffee?" This way, you can express your feelings, instead of holding onto the emotions that ultimately control you
Step 2. Use the words "I" or "I" to express your opinion so that the other person doesn't feel blamed
This will help you express your emotions without blaming or belittling the other person. Before saying a sentence that is blaming or judging, think about what you want to say and then formulate it in the form of a question or opinion.
For example, instead of saying, "You don't care about me," you might say, "I'm disappointed that you didn't call me as promised. What's the matter?"
Step 3. Ask the other person to explain their perspective
Every situation has two sides. Give the other person a chance to share their thoughts so you can understand their perspective and have a two-way dialogue. Active listening is also beneficial for calming emotions so that they can be controlled and forming a positive mental state so that you are able to accept other people's opinions.
For example, after expressing your opinion, continue by asking, "What do you think about this?"
Step 4. Don't use judgmental words, such as "should" or "should."
The statement has a blaming tone so that the interlocutor feels annoyed and angry because the situation feels unpleasant. If you frequently use the words "should," "should," or similar phrases, remember that everyone isn't perfect. Challenge yourself to be able to accept something that is not perfect and accept the situation or other people as they are.
- For example, instead of thinking, "My boyfriend shouldn't hurt my feelings," remember that he didn't mean to and you can both make mistakes.
- If you blame yourself, be nice and show compassion to yourself. For example, instead of thinking, "I should have studied harder before taking the exam. I don't think I passed," change it to, "I studied hard and prepared as best I could. Whatever the result, I'll be fine."
Method 5 of 6: Doing Relaxing Physical Activities
Step 1. Exercise regularly to relax and calm your mind
Exercising, especially those whose movements are calm and repetitive, such as swimming, walking, or running is beneficial for calming the mind and feelings. Start practicing yoga or pilates to calm your mind by doing stretches and various breathing techniques that provide a sense of comfort.
Step 2. Use your senses in new ways to relax your body
Form the habit of taking care of yourself by appreciating the beauty and serenity of the things around you as you go about your daily routine. Activities that focus on gratitude and observing physical sensations make you feel calm when you are stressed or unable to control your emotions. For that, do the following ways:
- Listen to music that makes you feel comfortable.
- Hug pets. In addition to focusing on physical sensations, studies show that regular interactions with pets can reduce depression.
- Take a leisurely walk in the park while enjoying the beauty of nature.
- Soak in warm water or take a warm bath under the shower. Many people feel relaxed and comfortable after feeling physically warm.
- Eat your favorite food while enjoying the taste.
Step 3. Gently touch the body
Humans need physical affection through touch to stay alive. A comfortable touch causes the body to release oxytocin, a hormone that can improve mood, relieve stress, and make you feel connected to others. When faced with situations that trigger emotions, the following touch techniques can provide a sense of relaxation.
- Place your palms in the middle of your chest. Feel your heartbeat, your chest moving up and down, and the warmth of your skin. Repeat positive sentences, for example, "I am worthy of love" or "I am kind."
- Hug yourself. Cross your arms over your chest. Hold your upper arm and squeeze it slowly while repeating the positive words, "I love myself."
- Place your palms on your cheeks as if you were playing with a small child or loved one. Gently tap your face with your fingertips while repeating positive sentences, "I'm beautiful. I'm kind."
Step 4. Do meditation regularly
Meditation is very useful in reducing anxiety and depression while increasing your ability to deal with stress. Practicing mindfulness meditation regularly helps you control your emotions. Start practicing by joining a class, using an internet meditation guide, or practicing on your own.
- Sit up straight in a quiet and comfortable place. Breathe deeply while focusing on each aspect of your breathing, such as the sound of your breath or your lungs expanding as they fill with air.
- Extend the focus to the rest of the body. Be aware of what each sense is experiencing. Don't judge or focus too much on certain sensations.
- Accept every thought and sensation that comes up and realize what you're feeling without judgment by saying to yourself, "I'm thinking my nose is itching." If you're daydreaming, turn your attention back to the breath.
Step 5. Say a mantra to yourself as a positive affirmation
The basic principle of mindfulness meditation is to experience the present without rejecting or judging. Although difficult, the brain will form new habits if you practice regularly. When you're having a hard time, say the following phrases over and over to strengthen yourself.
- "I won't feel like this forever and this feeling will go away on its own."
- "My thoughts and feelings are not facts".
- "I don't have to act on emotions".
- "I'm fine even though I feel uncomfortable".
- "Emotions come and go. I've been through this and I can handle it."
Method 6 of 6: Living a Quiet and Peaceful Life
Step 1. Find out the cause of the emotional turmoil you are experiencing so that you can overcome it
If you've always had trouble controlling your emotions, take a look at your life history as a child to find out what triggered it. Knowing the cause of your emotional turmoil helps you accept the situation and heal.
- Remember how to deal with conflict in your family when you were a child. Are parents used to hiding or showing emotions? Are certain emotions difficult to control? Have you ever experienced very painful emotions? How did your family cope?
- Think about whether you have experienced a turning point, such as a divorce, someone's death, or a major change due to moving house or being laid off. How did you feel when you experienced the incident and what was your reaction?
Step 2. Challenge beliefs and thought patterns created by fear or irrationality
You are able to confront and overcome the beliefs that trigger emotional turmoil when you know the triggers. Free yourself from negative situations and objectively identify negative beliefs that trigger emotions, such as fear or low self-esteem. What causes these negative feelings to arise? What can you do to confront and overcome it?
- For example, low self-esteem will appear in the form of the habit of "rejecting something good". For example, if someone compliments you, this compliment means nothing to you, but if someone criticizes you, this criticism means a lot to you. Challenge these negative thinking patterns by remembering all the good things you've done.
- Emotional turmoil triggered by fear manifests in a tendency to draw conclusions without careful thought so that you make negative judgments even though there are no supporting facts. Challenge this mindset by thinking carefully before concluding and drawing conclusions based on facts.
- Whatever negative emotions are exposed, you can challenge them by asking yourself what assumptions you used to draw conclusions and still love yourself.
Step 3. Write a journal for self-reflection
You can identify what you're feeling by noting your emotions. In addition, find out what events trigger certain emotions and determine what are helpful and non-beneficial ways to deal with them.
- Use a journal to keep track of the emotions you feel, share things you don't like, love yourself, determine the cause of certain emotional responses, be responsible for each emotion that arises, and control your feelings.
- Answer the following questions in a journal: how do I feel right now? Was the response I gave caused by something happening? what do i want when i feel like this? have i ever experienced this?
Step 4. Turn negative thoughts into positive thoughts
You need a lot of practice to become a positive thinker. However, this method makes you more resilient when faced with the unexpected or experienced disappointment. Each night, write down 1-2 positive things that you experience, such as hearing a favorite song on the radio or hearing a humorous story.
- Practice replacing the sentences you've been using with flexible sentences. For example, if you are feeling stressed about taking an exam, you may assume that you don't need to study because you will fail.
- Instead of assuming that you can't get better grades, turn negative thoughts into, "I'm going to make more note cards and join study groups. Maybe I didn't pass the exam, but I did my best." You are more likely to succeed if you believe that experiences can change if you put in the effort.
Step 5. Seek professional help
Maybe you're trying to control your emotions, but you're still having problems. Consult with a licensed mental health professional so you can identify unhelpful emotional responses and learn new, useful ways to accept how you feel.
