After a breakup, maybe you still miss your ex and are tempted to contact him, or maybe you hate him so much and feel the urge to vent his frustrations. Whatever the motivation that prompted you to call your ex, contact in the forgetting stage is not a good idea. By giving him space and time as well as yourself, you can assess whether it's possible to make friends in the future. Meanwhile, the best course of action in the recovery process is to cut off all contact and avoid each other.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Avoiding Contact with Your Ex
Step 1. Remove ex's phone number from contact list
There are people who contact their ex when they feel weak, while there are also those who hope to revive the love in their hearts. However, all attempts to contact your ex will only inflame pain on both sides, and delay the inevitable. Remember that relationships end for a reason: one or both parties are unhappy, and that's not going to change.
- If your ex's phone number is saved on your phone, delete their contact information as well as any chats and text messages or phone calls.
- Delete, cross out, or discard all physical copies of your ex's phone number (such as from an address book).
- Consider blocking your ex from contacting you on your phone. You just need to go to the settings menu, click on privacy, and block the ex's number although the exact method varies depending on the type of phone you have.
- Turn off the phone whenever you plan to drink alcohol (if it's not against the rules) so you don't call your ex when you feel weak.
Step 2. Unfriend or stop following your ex on social media
Some people can stay friends with their ex. However, if you feel you can't make friends without love, it's best to break all ties. Even if you delete the number, you can still send private messages or leave comments on photos and status updates.
- Unfriending or unfollowing your ex on social media will eliminate the temptation to contact them again. You will also get space and privacy in the process of recovering from a breakup.
- Keep in mind that if you stay friends on social media, you'll eventually see him making new connections. You will also remember the times with him, which may cause you to miss him.
- Remember that you can always send a friend request or follow it up again at a later date, once the heartbreak phase is over. However, if you feel you can't afford it and might try to contact him again, erase all traces of him from your life.
Step 3. Take a break from mutual friends for a while
You may not need to do this, but some people feel that being away from a mutual friend helps when the heartbreak is still intense. If you feel tempted to ask your friend to "report" how your ex is doing, or if you can't seem to separate the emotional association between your ex and your friend, it might be a good idea to create some space until you recover and get over it.
- Tell me what you want and why. If there's no communication, they may worry that you've decided not to be friends with them as an individual anymore.
- If they talk about your ex around you, ask them to stop, at least until you recover.
- Avoid social situations or events that your ex might attend. For example, if one of your friends is throwing a party or inviting you to an event, ask if your ex will come too.
Step 4. Try to find the “end”
The best way to recover emotionally is to accept that the relationship is over. It can be difficult, especially if you're the one left behind, but it's important that you know that relationships aren't going well. If you haven't accepted the fact that the relationship is over, you may still feel the temptation to call or text, and that will only prolong the pain and emotional vulnerability you now feel.
- You can feel hurt and sad, that's normal. However, lamenting or reassuring yourself that you have lost your “true love” will only delay recovery.
- Realize that being alone is not a problem. You can find interesting ways to pass the time, and after that, you'll be ready to start better relationships with new people.
- If you still love your ex or hope to be in a relationship of any kind, then you haven't found the end yet. It is important that you do not contact, see, or even accidentally run into him during this time.
Part 2 of 3: Forgetting a Breakup
Step 1. Spend as much time as possible with friends and family
If you've just gotten out of a long-term relationship, especially if you've been living with him for a long time, living alone can be daunting. The best way to get over your ex (and take your mind off the urge to call) is to spend as much time with the other person as possible.
- Call friends and family, even if you haven't seen or heard from them in a long time. You can make plans in advance, the important thing is not alone.
- Try a new hobby or sign up for a course, and invite friends to join. This is a distraction and can bring you and your friends closer together.
Step 2. Get rid of the mementos
After a long-term relationship ends, you may have a lot of stuff that reminds you of your ex. There may be small gifts and shared items, and when you see them every day, you always think of the relationship that ended. Getting rid of (or at least hiding) keepsakes can help reduce the urge to contact your ex after a breakup.
- Take the box and keep all those reminder items. Photos, gifts, or items he left behind should be kept out of sight.
- If you can't keep those things at home without thinking about him or feeling compelled to call him, throw them away. But before throwing it all away, arrange for one of your friends to return anything your ex might still want.
Step 3. Change your life so you don't think about your ex
A failed relationship is sometimes hard to forget. Even if the keepsake is removed, you might still think about him, and that prompts you to pick up the phone. If you find it difficult to move on with your life, make some changes to your routine or your life in general.
- If you live with him, move out and find a new place in another neighborhood.
- If you work with him or are used to working with him, consider finding a new job.
- If you don't want to leave work, but still work with them and share space, ask your boss if you can move your desk.
- Look for other ways to change your routine and physical environment. Do whatever you can to make changes and remove all reminders about your ex.
Step 4. Forgive yourself for your contribution to the cause of the breakup
It doesn't matter whether you are the one who broke the relationship or your actions/attitudes caused him to leave, there may be a heavy burden of guilt. It's important for you to accept the past and move on in order to recover. Remember that no matter how much guilt you feel, he has a part to play, too, and that's okay. Moving on in life means learning to love and forgive yourself. Once you forgive yourself, you can forgive him too.
Part 3 of 3: Assessing Whether You Can Be Friends with Your Ex
Step 1. Consider whether he has hurt you
All relationships have ups and downs. Couples often fight, and sometimes there are words that shouldn't be said. However, if during a relationship he hurts you (physically or emotionally), cheats on you, or ignores your feelings, he's probably not a very good friend.
People who have hurt you and may continue to do so should be avoided. The best course of action is to forget about him or her for your own good and for your mental health
Step 2. Ask yourself if you can be friends without wanting a relationship
There are some people who never stop liking a certain person. The attraction may be physical or emotional, but anything can make friendships very difficult. If you feel like you can't chat with him or are in the same room without wanting him anymore, accept the fact that you can't be friends with him.
- If you find it difficult to move on, break all ties.
- Whenever you think about him, do something fun and distracting. Go out with friends, watch TV, or find another way to stop thinking about him.
Step 3. Assess how much time has elapsed
Making friends after a breakup almost always takes time and distance. You can't make the transition from romance to friendship without time to process and sort things out (if you can make friends). If you think you can get over the relationship and be friends with your ex, you should evaluate your feelings and consider how much time has passed since the breakup.
- Some people feel sad, lonely, or hurt/betrayed after a breakup. That's normal, and those feelings will pass with time.
- There is no standard waiting period to forget the relationship. Some people need a week or two, while others take months.
- If you still feel homesick or resentful, it means that not enough time has passed.
- Once you can think about him without feeling homesick or angry, you may be ready to make the transition to being friends. However, if not, you need to avoid the risk and move on with life without him.
Tips
- If you happen to (or accidentally) memorize your ex's number, put the phone away.
- The more you talk to him, the harder it will be for you to forget him. It's best not to talk at all until you've recovered and can enjoy life on your own.
