Are there friends or close relatives who suddenly seem to "silence" you? If so, take the time to analyze the reasons and the big picture behind the behavior. After that, you can confront the person honestly, openly, and of course, calmly. If the confrontation doesn't go the way it should, work on improving your communication skills, without closing the door on stepping out of the relationship whenever necessary.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Identifying the Cause
Step 1. Consider other things that are happening in his life
It's possible that he's not really trying to silence you. Instead, he acts like that because maybe someone close to him is sick or experiencing personal problems. To find out the real reason, of course you have to ask him directly. However, if you are reluctant to do so, at least try to observe his behavior towards other people. If other people are being "shunned" by him, chances are he's not avoiding you on purpose.
- If his behavior changes not only with you but with other people, try talking to him in person. Chances are, he's in need of help with a problem you're not aware of.
- Always remember that he may not even notice his behavior. In fact, some people can withdraw from others without realizing it.
Step 2. Identify the pattern
If this kind of situation has happened before, try asking yourself a few questions. Had he really behaved like this before? If so, was the behavior a reaction to your words or actions? If so, you are most likely stuck in a manipulative and controlled relationship.
If you find yourself in a manipulative, controlled, or violent relationship, don't hesitate to talk to a therapist about the relationship and your role in it. If you wish, you can also share any concerns you have with relatives or friends who are trusted and able to support you in difficult times
Step 3. Practice your words
So that nothing is missed, don't forget to arrange your words in advance. After all, when a person feels tense or feels the need to be on the defensive, chances are that the message he is trying to convey will not be properly received by the other person. To do so, close your eyes. Then, imagine that you are sitting alone with the person and say aloud what you want to say to him.
Part 2 of 3: Confronting the Person
Step 1. Invite him to chat in a private place
If the two of you are chatting in public, it will be easier for him to change the subject and you are both more susceptible to being interrupted. That's why, you need to invite him to chat in a private place, like on a city park bench or in a quiet corner of a coffee shop. If the two of you live together, try talking to her in a comfortable place, like on the living room couch.
If he refuses to meet or chat with you, it's very likely that his behavior was being done to manipulate you. In such a situation, convey that you understand his reluctance and that you are not leaving the relationship
Step 2. Tell them how much you value the relationship
Do this early on so the other person knows that you're not trying to get him into a fight. Instead, you're showing how much you care about the relationship and how important its behavior is to you.
- For example, you could say, "I really feel comfortable spending time with you," or "Please help me understand what's going on, because I really value our friendship."
- Ask if you have done anything to hurt her, and convey your desire to improve the situation.
Step 3. Express how you feel when you are treated that way
This step is especially important if the two of you are very close. Therefore, do not hesitate to explain how you feel, no matter how sad or hurt you are. However, because silence is often used by people to control those around them, make sure you stay calm and in control when you do it.
For example, you could say, “Sally, I really love you and value our friendship, but honestly I feel hurt when you ignore it for no reason. I hope we can discuss the matter, huh."
Step 4. Pay attention to your tone of voice
In fact, most people who are used to silence others do that to get a reaction. This means that if you sound very sad, hurt, or really hope to improve your relationship with him, he will continue to use the same pattern to control you. That's why, try your best to be calm and controlled when attempting a confrontation.
For example, instead of saying, “I'm so hurt and have trouble sleeping because of this. Anyway, I want to do whatever it takes to improve our friendship,” you could say, “I feel sad and hurt that you don't want to talk to me anymore. If you want to talk now, I'll be happy to respond, really."
Step 5. Listen to the explanation
This step is mandatory to find out the honest reasons behind the behavior, such as to control you. Give him a chance to explain your behavior that offended him, if any. If he looks like he's having a hard time coming up with an answer, he's probably just trying to manipulate you.
- For example, if he says, “A few weeks ago, you said something very hurtful when we were talking about my job. I didn't know what to do after that, that's why I chose to keep you quiet,” meaning there is a concrete problem and you also have a clear reason to apologize.
- If it turns out he said, "I was going to take you out to dinner. Uh, you said you couldn't because you had to go to your aunt's funeral,” he's probably trying to manipulate you to get all your attention and focus.
- If he just ignores you and changes the subject, instead of answering the question, it means he's trying to manipulate you. In that situation, please withdraw from the conversation.
Part 3 of 3: Moving On
Step 1. Improve your communication skills
Good communication skills are effective in preventing the recurrence of this kind of condition, especially if the cause is miscommunication. In particular, there are some simple things you can do to improve your communication skills.
- Stop and listen to the words, instead of trying to get your point across].
- Be honest in conversation. If you don't want to do something, say it, even if something's bothering you.
- Pay attention to what he doesn't say. In fact, a person's honest emotions can be clearly seen from his body language. If he's not making eye contact with you, seems unfocused, or is standing with his arms crossed over his chest, he's most likely upset with you.
Step 2. Try only once
If the silence is a clear indication of his attempts to control or manipulate you, stop trying to mend the relationship! After confronting him, your job is actually done. Now, you just have to wait for the person's good intentions to continue the communication efforts you have started. If he decides not to, don't charge him and get on with your life as normal as possible without him.
Step 3. Be willing to walk away from his life
This quiet behavior actually shows his reluctance to re-engage with you, or even his attempt to control your life. Whatever the situation, keep trying to leave the unhealthy relationship.
If the person is a co-worker at work, chances are you won't be able to avoid them. In such a situation, there is no need to try to avoid it, but engage in the interaction process only when absolutely necessary. In other words, stay calm and professional, but no need to make small talk or have any less important interactions with him
Tips
When expressing your feelings, don't forget to use "I" words, which focus more on how you feel, rather than "you" words, which can trigger defensive reactions from the other person
Warning
- Do not feel guilty. You may try your best to understand the reasons behind his behavior. However, understand that his decision to keep you quiet without clarity is actually unrealistic behavior and indicates the person's poor communication skills.
- If this kind of situation persists, understand that in reality, you are being emotionally abused. In a relationship that is characterized by violence, even if everything you do is “right”, the violence can never really stop.
