Most of the time, the internet is a great resource for learning, sharing and connecting with people around the world. But new opportunities also mean new opportunities to experience rejection, humiliation and a lot of unwanted contact with people whose existence is difficult for us to limit. Some aspects of dealing with pain from cyberspace are different from dealing with similar problems in the real world--and others are the same. Here are some ways to deal with the pain of being cut off from your circle of friends (familiarly called unfriend), humiliation on social media and bullying via the internet (commonly known as cyberbullying).
Step
Method 1 of 3: Dealing with Rejection from Dating Sites and Disconnection
Step 1. Acknowledge your feelings
Just because the rejection happened online doesn't mean you won't continue to feel intense sadness about being dumped, abandoned, or ostracized. Being ostracized is inherently painful--our basic need to belong and be recognized is not being met.
- Knowing the feelings surrounding the rejection will allow you to start letting go of the person slowly, creating the distance needed to heal. The point here is to just allow yourself to feel a little of this pain--what it feels like to be rejected for you--so you can know when you've forgotten the incident.
- Feeling your feelings will also help you find new love again. The next time you show interest in someone's profile and start dating, you won't harbor any resentment or loss from your previous downfall.
Step 2. Step back from the situation
Staying away from the incident can help you see what happened much more clearly. Take time to assess your own behavior that may have led to rejection or termination of the friendship. Staying active online will keep you hurt and not leave enough distance to see if some of your online habits are annoying to others, such as making rude comments or posting excessively.
- For example, some people are very nice when met in person; they smile, flirt, and make eye contact. However, the same person may not know how to communicate well in writing, and end up appearing cold and unfriendly. Time to assess your personality online can reveal habits and features of your behavior that you may not be aware of.
- Try not to visit the site or even stop using the internet for a week to give yourself space to accept and reflect on the problem. Especially if the relationship is really internet only, give yourself some time before starting a new relationship on the same dating site.
Step 3. Think about the exclusion from another point of view
The best fact about online friends and lovers is that there are so many of them that you don't have to stick to one person or one site. Take advantage of the fact that if someone unfriends, dumps or ignores you online, there are plenty of 'other fish in the ocean'. You may even be able to accept the fact that there is a discrepancy between you and that person that you eventually realize.
Consider, but don't dwell on other people's qualities that you find unattractive in order to move forward and forget about the past. This way you won't feel tempted to pursue the person or interrogate them about the rejection, and you can forget about it and move forward with ease
Step 4. Avoid the urge to take the matter seriously
When others reject us, it's not because there's anything we could or should do better about ourselves. Often it's because the person's reaction contradicts something we've already done and feels threatening to them.
For example, let's say you've been rejected on an online dating site. Since most people are clueless about their own relationship patterns, they may subconsciously seek out people who can fit those patterns. In most cases, the problem is with the fit rather than the past burden you carry into all situations
Step 5. Seek support from friends and family
If the source of your pain is online, a great way to distance yourself from it is to shift the focus of your social life. Try to do most of your dating or socializing face-to-face while you're trying to get over the rejection online. This way, you'll know that the people you talk to online are just one of many sources of closeness and connection in life.
If possible, reduce the time you spend online. If you fill your time with experiences and go outside instead, you'll be less likely to reflect on the situation. This step is the same as taking a vacation when facing painful problems that attack feelings and thoughts
Method 2 of 3: Dealing with Humiliation on Social Media
Step 1. Take some time to consider your next steps
Make sure that you don't make a public response to the insult unless you've taken a little time to cool off. Take a deep breath. Since we can't use tone of voice and gestures to make our point, it's best to think carefully about how you put your words together before responding.
Step 2. Gather all the facts
Assess the severity of the insult, who attacked you, and the context of the insult so you can respond to (or ignore) the insult to save your reputation and honor as best you can. Consider the following information:
- Is this person behaving in a certain way that is meant to intimidate you?
- Will this insult affect other people in your network--does it raise a real issue at hand?
- Is this person someone you already know you can't meet in person?
- How do you feel about continuing to be part of the site or community?
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Have you received overly rude and vengeful slurs in response to your activities on the site?
Also consider your own role: Have you ever taken part in an emerging conflict with this person, intentionally or unintentionally?
Step 3. Decide to respond to or ignore the insult
Sometimes simply ignoring an insult is the best way to respond. This is usually what happens when the insult is very trivial and clearly a misunderstanding. A response is only appropriate when it is important to control the damage done to your image, and not simply to attempt to strike back defensively. Keep in mind that responding can provoke the attacker even more, and a series of conflicts may be more damaging to your online image than the initial insult.
- For example, if the insult is a response to your critical opinion about drilling for oil in the Arctic and the message is "****** you, you *******" you should ignore it.
- If you do respond, keep it brief. Combating attention-seeking insults with calm and considerate answers will seem as if you have the care to consider what has been said and the generosity to see how trivial the insults are. You might try something like, "I'm disappointed that my attempts to raise the bar on social issues haven't worked."
- After giving a brief public response, you can choose to continue the conversation between you and the attacker. You could start by saying "I can't take it seriously when I'm verbally abused in front of my friends. Why don't we find another private way to communicate?" Then you can continue the conversation from there, depending on whether you intend to return to the content of the insult or not.
Step 4. Report violations and harassment
There are always options available on Facebook and other popular social media sites to block abusive users and remove or privatize content you don't want the public to see. Twitter also provides a form that you can use to report abusers on the site and provide information about their behavior.
Step 5. Choose web affiliates wisely
Know that there are things you can do to protect yourself from future humiliation. People are more likely to use insults and hurtful language when other people in the place do too. Therefore, if you know of a community or thread with a lot of profanity, avoid joining it.
One good way to deal with this problem is to try not to get too attached to any online site. Forums, blogs, and websites tend to be excellent meeting places, but the humiliation that occurs there can be even more intense if you feel that you are committed to a site that turns threatening. Being involved in various online communities, will make you less attached to a particular community and more able to find new sites to follow freely
Method 3 of 3: Dealing with Bullies in Cyberspace (Cyber bully)
Step 1. Assess the attacker
Are you unsure whether your experience was severe enough to be considered cyberbullying? If you are being hurt by someone who constantly attacks you, calls your friends to talk about you or writes bad things about you on web pages or social media sites, you may be a victim of cyberbullying.
- A clear case of cyberbullying will receive five or more messages per day from the same user that may include profanity or ridicule based on your race or gender.
- The bully may be someone you know firsthand. In this case, the annoyance can take the form of insults about your appearance, social standing, family or status.
Step 2. Understand your feelings
The effects of feeling intimidated, humiliated, or harassed online can be as shocking and unsettling as having your home burgled, robbed, or constantly threatened. Just because the person isn't in front of you and hasn't done any physical harm doesn't mean your suffering isn't real. Recognizing the emotional component of cyber bullying will help you to report and seek help even more.
Cyber bullies tend to be less emotionally stable and more aggressive than their non-bullying peers. Most online bullies don't even realize they have an impact on the lives of their victims. If you're tempted to take the bullying seriously, remember that bullying is their maladaptive way of begging for attention and power. This is a good reason not to take the disorder seriously
Step 3. Ignore the bully
Choosing to ignore a bully is tough, but it's an effective strategy, just like walking away from the bully if you meet him in person. When you receive a rude or unpleasant message, try to distract yourself from what is going on by doing something that doesn't involve your phone or computer.
- Remember that there is no shame in not responding to those bullies--you no have to acknowledge them or try to defend yourself. Responding to them may make you feel strong and confident at the time, but it can also provoke the bully to continue with his treatment--more violent this time.
- The most efficient way to ignore the bully is to block the user through the website. You can do this on most social media sites.
Step 4. Report bullies who have done this repeatedly
In various online communities, these perpetrators are often blocked by more vigilant forum administrators or observers. However, if you encounter these bullies or become a victim of them directly, report so that it can help you and other users. Administrators may not be able to intervene if they don't know about the problem at hand.
- If the bullying goes beyond a specific website (eg you were contacted by email), take the case to the authorities. Notify the internet service provider or ISP (Internet Service Provider) of the online bully, as they will be able to block the user's access.
- If the problem mainly occurs in chat rooms, tell whoever runs the server. All instant messaging services have a nuisance policy that has information on what to do if there is a problem between you and another user.
- If you receive a threat, call the police. Make sure you document as many contacts of the bully as possible to use as evidence.
Step 5. Learn your legal rights
Cyberbullying usually refers to the use of electronic communications to annoy and threaten school-age youth. Most countries in the United States have enacted laws to deal with this problem. This list shows the laws of every state in the United States regarding cyberbullying. Cyberstalking and cyberharassment, referring to incidents between adults, are also prohibited in many states. For Indonesia, you can refer to the Electronic Information and Transactions Law Number 11 of 2008. It is important to know how the laws in your country allow you to position yourself as a victim of cyber bullying.
- In the United States reporting incidents of cyberbullying is recommended whether or not your state has incorporated electronic communications into its laws governing stalking and harassment.
- In the United States, although cyberbullying is often perpetrated by someone the victim knows firsthand, the laws are different if the person lives in a state other than the victim's. Because cybercrimes raise difficult questions of jurisdiction, resolution is often tailored on a case-by-case basis.
- Whether or not you can sue a cyberbully for defamation also varies because determining what constitutes defamation is not always easy. This website can help you determine whether a lawsuit can be brought in your case (if you are litigating in the United States).
Step 6. Take a break from cyberspace
Spending time distracting yourself through real-world events and activities can provide some much-needed solace from the problem. Increasing face-to-face social support has been shown to be much more supportive of cyberbullying victims from depressive symptoms than "retaliation" methods of dealing with bullies.
To help you gain a new perspective, try not to dwell on hurtful messages or posts. Delete or remove the messages immediately so that you are not tempted to view them. If the messages are a genuine threat, remember not to delete them, as they can be used as evidence in your case against the bully
Step 7. Consider therapy
Cyberbullying usually involves humiliation, slander, and the violation of personal boundaries. For these reasons, undergoing counseling can be an excellent way to deal with the emotional pain and anxiety caused by the disorder in the long term. Seeing a therapist is an opportunity to learn the cognitive and behavioral techniques that get to the root of the damage caused by bullying.
