Do you have friends, family members or partners that you find difficult to get along with? Do you feel humiliated or manipulated around him? If the answer is yes, chances are you have toxic people in your life. Toxic people require special handling if you choose to continue dealing with them. There are several ways you can learn to take care of yourself and deal with other people in toxic relationships.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Recognizing Toxic People in Your Life
Step 1. Look for the basic signs of a toxic person
Poison can appear in many different ways. You may have friends who are toxic and don't realize it. Here are some things that signal toxic behavior:
- They create and are surrounded by interpersonal problems.
- They are trying to manipulate and control you.
- They are so spoiled and demand your constant attention.
- They are very judgmental of themselves and others.
- They don't want to seek help or try to change.
Step 2. Beware of people who are constantly angry
A strong form of poison is constant anger. These people get angry easily and can get mad at you over little things. You may feel that you have to continue to be careful that he doesn't get angry with you. Know the characteristics of a grumpy person so you can learn to respond well. Here are some signs of a grumpy person:
- Shout out to others.
- Threatening others.
- Rudely interrogate others.
- Often uses intense and powerful language.
Step 3. Beware of cynics who like to make you feel inferior
Another form of poison is cynicism. Cynics have a negative view of the world. This view affects everything in their lives and they find it difficult to be positive. Being around him was no fun because they constantly had dark clouds over their heads. Cynics can:
- Complaining endlessly about his life.
- Never satisfied with the way you behaved with him.
- Failing to bring positivity into the relationship.
Step 4. Pay attention to how you feel around people
One useful way to tell if another person is toxic is to pay attention to how you feel around them. You can notice several things when you are around other people. Try answering the following questions:
- Am I feeling tired right now? Does it seem like this person sucked my emotions in?
- Am I feeling overly anxious? Am I afraid to say the wrong thing for fear of him responding negatively?
- Am I not paying attention to my heart? Is this person making it hard for me to hear myself and follow my personal values?
Step 5. Get a second opinion
Maybe you're too close to toxic people to know if they are or not. It could be that they are just going through a tough time. Try to ask a different friend or someone with good judgment if he or she thinks this person is toxic or not. This will help you to know if there are toxic people in your life or not.
Your judgments are a great source of information, but sometimes when we get too close in a situation, it's hard for us to have an unbiased opinion
Part 2 of 3: Talking to Toxic People
Step 1. Express yourself effectively
Tensions can occur in friendships and relationships, so it's important that you express your feelings clearly. If you acknowledge and pay attention to your feelings, you too have a chance to deal well with this tension. Also, expressing yourself clearly will open up space for others to express their feelings and deal with these different feelings together.
- Start by listening. Make sure you listen to what the other person has to say before you go against it with your views.
- Use sentences with the word "I". A simple way to be overly confrontational is to share what you're going through instead of pointing out the blame. For example, you could say, "When you were late for our date, I felt like you didn't value my time" instead of "You're always late and that's rude."
Step 2. Tell them how you want to be treated
While it may sound strange, sometimes people don't know what proper behavior looks like. What is appropriate for one person may feel inappropriate for another. To find out what your expectations are, try to be outspoken about them.
- For example, if you really don't like it when someone is late for your coffee meeting, let them know. Maybe he doesn't know how this behavior affects you.
- If this person is truly toxic, this strategy may not work, but it's a great exercise for setting boundaries.
Step 3. Speak firmly and assertively
This is related to assertive arguing, but speaking assertively is something you can do at any time, whether you're debating or not. Being an assertive speaker can improve your communication and relationships.
- Try to see where you can improve yourself. Maybe you're an easy person to intimidate and people tend to bully you, especially if your personality is toxic. Try to identify this problem as a first step.
- Try contemplating tactics for certain situations. Maybe your toxic friends are asking you for money and you're having a hard time turning them down. What can you do in this situation? Can you practice a simple script for you to say the next time they ask for it? For example, you could say "I care about you but I can't give you money."
- Try to train yourself to be able to respond assertively in life. You can use the "broken record" method, where you keep repeating your words as they argue. Try to take things slowly if they find it difficult, such as saying no (at the right time) to non-toxic family or friends.
Step 4. Protect yourself from harm
Be aware of what is happening in your relationship with a toxic person. For example, avoid taking it to heart if you notice their tendency to be harsh and judgmental towards you. Protect yourself in a relationship like this if you decide to move on by being aware of what they are saying to you, how they are treating you, and how it affects how you feel.
For example, if they make claims about you like "you were never there for me," try analyzing those claims. Is it true? Can you think of any examples that prove this is not true? Toxic people often exaggerate and make unreasonable claims. Train yourself to think critically about the things they tell you
Step 5. If you have to, apologize
Just because someone is toxic doesn't mean you're always right and they're always wrong. Admit your mistakes and apologize if you have to. Even if they don't accept your apology or apologize less often, at least you know you're doing your best to be a good friend or partner.
You may even leave a positive impression on him. This is referred to as "modeling" or showing a healthier way of treating others
Part 3 of 3: Treating Toxic People
Step 1. Set boundaries and keep them
In general, boundaries are important, but they are especially important when dealing with toxic people. Toxic people often take advantage of people with poorly defined boundaries or low assertiveness. Here are some steps to help you maintain better boundaries:
- Listen to your feelings and take action based on them. Don't get caught up in the storm of people's toxic emotions. Focus on what you feel and need.
- Give yourself permission to be assertive. Many people feel guilty if they have to set firm boundaries. However, taking care of yourself is also important. Avoid neglecting yourself for others. Learning to say "no" doesn't make you a bad person.
Step 2. Listen to your gut feeling
Toxic people are easy to make excuses. You can tell from the bottom of your heart that this person is bad for you or is taking advantage of you. Avoid the urge to find reasons to respond to these hunches or justify their behavior. Let hunch make the final say because it's likely hunch knows what's going on and what you need more than you realise.
Step 3. Get help
Learn to know where the breaking point is and when you need help. Reach out to friends or family who are close and you trust. If you want to maintain a relationship with a toxic person, make sure you rely on this network of people. Prioritize attention to yourself. Sacrificing yourself is not the best way to help others.
Step 4. Try to be responsible for what you do
Take a close look at the relationships you have and the effect they have on you. Many people who continue to be friends with toxic people have a "love to please people" personality because they want to be liked and want to feel like they're helping others. There's nothing wrong with helping others, but be aware of what's going on so you have a realistic picture of the situation. If this situation hurts, you need to know about it. If this situation allows the other person to hurt you and prevents him from changing, you should know that too. Ask these questions to see if you are being supportive non-discriminatory or not:
- Am I usually the one keeping the communication going?
- Do I often become a "peacekeeper" by clearing up situations that feel tense and awkward?
- Does it sometimes feel like I'm following this person, handling the responsibilities at hand or trying to get behind him to avoid anger or confrontation?
Step 5. Go
In the end, you may have to end the relationship with this person if he or she is toxic. Getting people out of your life can be painful, but in the case of toxic people, the short-term pain is healthier than the long-term pain. Constantly dealing with toxic people can wreak havoc on your self-confidence, your financial situation, your emotional balance, and other relationships. If the danger is too great, it seems it's time for you to decide.
