There is more than one reason why our perceptions of ourselves may differ from those of others. We may lack self-awareness because forming habits without realizing it is common. We may deceive ourselves to shield ourselves from unwanted thoughts and feelings. Or we just have a bad understanding, because a certain behavior can be the result of various motivations. You can see yourself through other people's eyes; however, this requires courage and the development of insight.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Developing Insights by Reflection
Step 1. Invite a friend to do reflective listening
Reflective listening is a technique that was first developed by Carl Rogers. This technique involves communicating the underlying emotions or intentions of the speaker. The purpose of repeating in one's own words or restarting what the listener thinks is something the speaker is trying to communicate is a step to provide an opportunity for clarification. This clarification is beneficial for both the listener and the speaker. Listening to our messages repeated to us gives us the opportunity to listen to ourselves and determine whether we are satisfied with the messages we share with others.
- The friend doesn't have to be a trained Rogerian therapist; You just have to ask him to rephrase the message in his own words and identify the underlying emotion without judging or giving his own opinion on the subject.
- If the friend doesn't seem to be able to pick up on your emotions, then you need a lot of clarification. Keep talking until you are satisfied that you have helped the friend to understand. You will be surprised at how much better you will understand yourself at the end of the activity.
Step 2. Do systematic meditation to analyze the consequences of your behavior
Recall your behavior in a particular situation, then take notes about the consequences or consequences that arise. Making a list of various behaviors and their consequences will help you manage your thoughts. Are the consequences or consequences that arise favorable? If not, identify any behavior that could produce the desired result.
This step will help you become more self-aware of your behavior patterns and also provide a framework for changing unwanted behaviors
Step 3. Take personality quizzes as a fun way to explore yourself
You can find many quizzes like this on the internet. While rarely valid or reliable, these quizzes can indeed help direct your attention inward. Taking these kinds of quizzes with a friend is a lot of fun and will also give you the opportunity to get input on how other people perceive you.
- Taking these quizzes with a friend allows you to test how well your perception of yourself matches how other people perceive you. Ask your friend to answer the questions according to how he or she sees you while you take the quiz yourself. You can then compare the answers and discuss the dissimilar parts.
- Meditation requires only internal focus or attention, but some may find this difficult. Contemplation in silence alone may increase self-awareness and understanding of other people's perceptions of you. If you're not used to reflecting on your own behavior, you may find the activity unproductive or uncomfortable. Doing structured activities will help you feel more relaxed.
Step 4. Ask for candid feedback and take notes
People often dampen criticism or sweeten their suggestions out of concern for how other people feel, which is why understanding other people's perceptions of you can be difficult. This means that you must allow others to speak the truth without thinking about your feelings. You can try to explain to them that you are self-exploring and want brutal honesty. Tell them that this is part of the process for you to become more self-aware. Recording these entries will allow you to compare answers from different friends over time. This will give you a greater understanding of your behavior and help record your changes.
- If the person you're asking is still undecided, lead him or her to respond. Ask him to name your strengths. Then, ask him to name your weaknesses. You can make this move constructive by asking for ideas on ways to work on your weaknesses.
- This move is best done with someone who knows you well and who you're sure won't use this opportunity to just be mean.
- Be prepared to hear a lot of unpleasant things before you ask. If you become defensive, this step will not help. If you find yourself starting to get defensive, remember that this is an opportunity for self-improvement.
Method 2 of 3: Understanding Body Language Imitation (Mirroring)
Step 1. Appreciate the value of imitating body language
In fact, we are biologically designed to imitate one another. The mimic nerve becomes excited when we relate to other people. Sometimes this results in an imitated physical expression, and allows us to sense the emotional state of the other person internally. Imitation is the biological basis for empathy. We understand the emotions of others by feeling them ourselves. This is what creates the connection we feel when we share personal stories with one another. Empathy helps us to develop compassion and build relationships.
This internal experience of imitation usually occurs automatically and is beyond our conscious control. This means it usually happens whether you want to or not, and can influence your outward behavior, without realizing it
Step 2. Be aware of how imitation affects your behavior
As you become more and more self-aware, you will realize that imitating others will affect your posture, attitude, speech, emotions and even your breathing. While this is usually a good thing, in some cases you may notice that you are adopting negative emotions from other people and your emotional experiences become stronger as the people around you become more and more irritated. If you notice that your thoughts or feelings about a certain person or subject become more negative after interacting with another person, consider whether there has been a noticeable change in the situation or whether you may have been receiving negative feedback from that other person.
Although the inner experience of imitating is often automatic, you have control over the outward expression of imitation. You can choose to respond otherwise to mimic
Step 3. Ask a friend to observe you as you interact with others and note any exaggerated or vague expressions of imitation
These notes will be important to help you and your friend become more aware of the specific behavior you want to change. Then make some kind of signal, such as pulling your earlobe, so your friend can warn you and make you more aware when you're impersonating inappropriately. You can then consciously change the behavior.
- Find out when this imitation can amplify specific responses or shape perceptions. Because imitation is mostly unconscious, variations in the expression of imitation have unnoticed how others feel about us. People who fail to show physical signs of imitation may be viewed as cold and dispassionate, while those who imitate excessively may be viewed as reactive, aggressive, unstable or annoying.
- If you get the impression that you are wrong because of an asymmetrical pattern of copying, you will have to accept other people's characterization of you, or consciously try to change your pattern of copying. You may have to actively seek to increase or decrease imitating others. You can practice increasing or decreasing imitation with close friends.
Step 4. Reduce the pattern of reinforcing responses
Mimicking can become a loop in face-to-face interactions. When one person becomes restless, so does the other. The interaction then becomes more heated, the volume of voice usually increases, the conversation becomes more stressful, the language used becomes more aggressive, and hand gestures and facial expressions become more exaggerated. If you easily get caught up in a culminating interaction like this, you might consider whether the interaction represents how you really feel about the subject. Do other people see you as passionate about the subject, or simply imitating too much. Once you realize that your participation in the interaction no longer represents how you really feel about the subject, you can change the mood of the conversation. The upside of noticing when the mimic reflex can result in a poor representation of your thoughts and feelings is that you can then use the swirling nature of mimicry to change the interaction. It's a way of managing impressions and making sure others see you properly.
- If the discussion has turned more negative than you'd like, you can include a positive expression. Smiling gently every now and then, will trigger similar behavior in response.
- Lower the volume and soften your language gradually to reduce the intensity.
- Laughter will produce an injection of humor from other people to lighten the mood.
Method 3 of 3: Acknowledge Projections
Step 1. Do reflective listening, as a listener, to make sure that your perception of the speaker is correct
Tell the speaker that you want to do some reflective listening to make sure you understand. This step will create many opportunities for you to get an explanation and to prove your perception of the other person.
Your responses to others may be distorted due to bias or personal projections. Sigmund Freud introduced projection as a defense mechanism which was later expanded by Anna Freud. To avoid facing unacceptable or unwelcome thoughts and feelings about ourselves, we relate to others. This then colors our impressions of other people's behavior and shapes the way we respond to them. In return, it also affects how other people perceive you. To ensure that you view others properly and respond appropriately, you should try to find evidence for your perceptions
Step 2. Be honest with yourself
We deceive ourselves to protect our view of ourselves. We all have traits and behaviors that we can't be proud of. Carl Jung called the collection of unwholesome traits and unacceptable thoughts and feelings a shadow. Projecting our image on others frees us from the regret and shame we experience when we admit it. Others will not simply turn a blind eye to these parts of your personality, so denying them will only hinder your ability to see. yourself from the eyes of others. If others have commented on you about jealousy, intolerance or other traits that most people would like to deny, explore the possibility that you do fit in with those criticisms and accept them.
If something about your personality is stressful enough for you to prefer to hide or lie about it, you should try to change it. First you have to acknowledge the trait(s) to change it
Step 3. Ask other people to help you become more self-aware
Just like everything else, projection occurs subconsciously. Once you become aware that you are projecting, ask others to help you become more self-aware by telling you when you are doing it.
In addition to projecting our own thoughts and feelings on others, we sometimes incorporate other people's projections into our perception of ourselves. It could be someone in your life who projects negative feelings and emotions on you, so that you then respond with negative feelings and emotions. The person then uses your response to validate the characterization he or she imagines about you. Ask an outsider to observe your interaction with this person and share their opinion on the dynamic between the two of you
Tips
- Involve trusted friends in this exploration process. They can help identify traits and habits that you may not be aware of.
- Keep a journal to analyze your behavior over time.
- Accept suggestions and criticism without getting defensive.
- Include the help of a professional advisor to optimize these self-exploratory activities.
Warning
- We don't always like what we find when we explore ourselves honestly and objectively. Don't dwell too much on unwanted traits and instead focus on opportunities for self-improvement.
- Traumatic events in the past can make self-exploration difficult or make it painful. A mental health professional can help you cope with the trauma.
