Extroversion is an act, condition, or habit that is mostly concerned with obtaining external gratification. In other words, extroverts value the attention of others. If you want to gain more respect from the world around you, you can do so without changing who you are.
Part 1 of 3: Have a Mindset
Step 1. Extroversion Value
Concentrating on the great qualities that extroverts have is important: they are generally easy to make friends with, comfortable in front of and with people, and can get the party going. While it's true that both extroverts and introverts have their drawbacks (some extroverts can talk and talk and talk nonstop, an inappropriate form of attitude), try to focus on the positives.
- It's easy to look at extroverts in a negative light - people think they speak before they think and worry too much about superficial things. This is not true! Extroverts are just as intuitive and thoughtful as introverts. If you want to be an extrovert, you have to associate it with positive characteristics - and they really have a lot!
- The definition of an extrovert is someone who gains energy when they are around people. Just that. They are also capable of deep thinking and are good listeners. They generally have good social skills (… generally) and can be aggressive at times.
Step 2. Imagine yourself as a true extrovert
It's true: some extroverts are exposed as fake and fake. Think of a car salesman – this is the kind of extrovert you don't want. And you don't have to be like that. You can be any kind of extrovert you want. Some extroverts are even shy!
What are the qualities of an ideal extrovert in your opinion? Maybe they feel comfortable in a group, maybe they talk more, maybe they get the party started. Either way, this is something you can achieve. It's a simple habit. Think of a few things and write them down. "Becoming more extroverted" is a difficult goal to achieve; "talk more" is something that can be done
Step 3. Know that this is a spectrum
Warning: research says most of us are ambiverts, a character somewhere between extroverts and introverts. This is your standard bell curve. Some people are on one end (introverts), some people are on the opposite end (extroverts), but most of us are in the middle area.
Even if you're mostly an introvert, you have at least some of the characteristics of an extrovert. Even Jung (a famous psychologist) said that no one is just one or the other - if they were, they would be madmen in a mental hospital. All you have to do is draw out your extroverted tendencies. They are hiding somewhere
Step 4. Realize that you may feel better
While there is debate that these studies are somewhat biased, some studies have shown that when introverts act more extroverted, they are happier. Experts aren't super sure why, but the idea behind it is that in general, you receive a more positive response. Positive reinforcement from others can be very, very powerful.
It seems true that introverts underestimate what they will enjoy. Even for some extroverts, there's a party they're afraid to go to and then what happens? They ended up really enjoying it. Whether it's because they prided themselves on getting out of the way, they experienced something new, or Muhammad licked a chocolate fountain, we are not good predictors of what we will enjoy
Step 5. Realize that this may be very difficult
As long as the brain is made of plastic, well, you can't teach a dog to be a ferret. If you're really, really, really introverted, being an extrovert is going to take a lot of energy. No matter what, even some extroverts find too much social stimulation exhausting at one point. This can be an obstacle that can take years to overcome.
If you border on agoraphobic, don't force anything. Instead, consider this: Western culture values extroversion very much - the East doesn't. Is it possible that the desire to be an extrovert is not an innate desire but one that you were taught to do? Consider accepting your introversion - introverts are just as important to society as extroverts are
Part 2 of 3: Get to Work
Step 1. Observing
Changing your personality is hard work. But the brain is plastic and it can be done. Start by observing the extroverts around you. Notice how there are different types and how they thrive under different conditions. Some may be at the top of their game in small groups while others are at the top of their game in large crowds. Some might even get stuck in certain situations!
Take some time to jot down what you think makes them an extrovert. Remember this: extroverts can be shy too. Just because someone is shy doesn't mean they don't get energy from other people. Do you want to be more confident? Easy to make friends? What other traits besides extroversion do these people display that you would like to emulate?
Step 2. Act
This is a nice way of saying "pretend." But you don't pretend - you just act. Now that you've spent a little time observing other extroverts, emulate them. When you are in social situations, wear your extroverted hat. Robert de Niro, Barbara Walters, David Letterman - they are all introverts. They got up there and did it. And then they returned home.
Step 3. Start small
Start small, be it a task or time. Take 15 minutes of your day to be an extrovert. Do something small that makes you a little uncomfortable. Go knock on your neighbor's door and introduce yourself. After the first one, the second one will seem a lot easier. The third one becomes very easy.
When you feel comfortable being an extrovert in those few moments, make it bigger. Next week, spend an hour going around everyone in your building. When you are at the bus stop, ask the person standing next to you for the clock and then follow up with some other comments about the situation. Make the cashier at the grocery store smile. Little things will add up
Step 4. Be around people
The fact of the matter is that you can't be an extrovert on your own. So be in the crowd! Whether it's joining the circle around the water cooler or accepting Julie's baby shower invitation, come on! You will never grow and get better if you don't.
Generally people stop asking you to come for activities and activities together if you keep showing up with excuses not to go. Do yourself a favor and accept people's invitations. The more you are around these people, the more comfortable you will be with them and the more comfortable you will be with being an extrovert
Step 5. Find your value
Some of us define ourselves as Weird or Fool. We think of extroverts as socialites who won't have time for boring people like us. Not true! Not true at all. Just because you're introverted doesn't mean you don't have social skills or values. There is always a role to fill in each group.
Let's take the most extreme example: you sit at home every day of the week in front of your computer playing video games and eating Kraft mac n' cheese. Are you still smart? Yes. Do you still have the skills? Yes. Does a guy with a business idea who can talk to other people need someone else to format his website? Yes. What abilities can you provide?
Step 6. Walk on the wild side
Extroverts tend to be a little more impulsive than introverts. To imitate these extroverted impulses (until they come naturally), think and act spontaneously. If you walk by the river, jump (if you can swim). Started singing in the middle of the supermarket. Anything you think is a little crazy should be rethought.
Part 3 of 3: Connecting with Others
Step 1. Find the right group
Sometimes the problem isn't us – it's the people around us. In the best way, of course. Part of the problem could be that you don't fit in with the people around you. Maybe an older age group (or younger) a different demographic, etc, would be a better fit for you. These people can bring out the side of you that is more talkative and, frankly, more personable. Think about it.
Test this theory by joining a club. Whatever it is as long as it's a small class where you can get to know a group of like-minded people who can demonstrate that not everyone will silence you - only certain people. Some people hold us back and others don't - find the one who pulls you out
Step 2. Play to your advantage
Maybe you are a good listener but don't talk much. Maybe you read a lot instead of partying. Short news! Your introverted strengths can become extroverted strengths. The next time an acquaintance makes it clear they're having a bad day, go up to them and ask what happened. Your listening skills will take over. Start a conversation about the book you're reading - if you don't know, even extroverts read!
Chances are if you're really closed off, you're looking in the mirror a lot, getting inside your head, observing and seeing things. If this is the case, you're set: You have an attention to detail that is difficult to cultivate organically. Take advantage of this. Notice something small and comment. People might be taken aback for a split second before a smile erupts on their faces because someone has finally realized something about them. Everyone likes this feeling
Step 3. Speak
Once you're in a social situation (which is really still half the battle), start talking. Anything Anything. You obviously have an opinion! And if you're not comfortable expressing how you feel, ask questions. Everyone likes it when someone seems to be interested in them. Asking questions is the easy way out.
If this is a problem, start talking when you are alone. Start talking more around your family and best friends. Sometimes it's hard to get used to our own voice. Practice doesn't make it perfect, but it will become a habit. The more you get used to talking a lot, the better off you will be in all situations
Step 4. Be assertive
The next step after speaking is to assert yourself. When there is an opportunity to give an opinion, take it. Unless you're advocating mass genocide or saying that amorphous purple blobs are tailing you on Tuesday, you probably won't provoke chaos or resistance. In a certain scheme of things, is saying the movie you want to see that important? No. How about what do you think about your boss' presentation? No. Just say it.
Let someone else set the mood if you want. One of the best things people do is complain and they get really great at this when they're in groups. Look for moments when you and some friends/acquaintances talk about unimportant things and share your thoughts. If other people don't like it, that's okay. The conversation will continue
Step 5. Interrupt
Introverts are often guilty of being too kind. Extroverts will take over the conversation with their horns and hold on to it. Be like that! You don't have to wait for the opening - because it probably won't come. It's not a rude thing if it happens at the right time. Extroverts do it all the time.
The only problem is knowing when to do it. If you think about it, you might be able to identify an acceptable opportunity. The middle of a story about your disgusting best friend is not the best place to be. The center of the soapbox is about veganism, maybe. If it's an active conversation or debate, do so. If the person is pouring out their feelings or getting discouraged, wait your turn
Step 6. Draw attention
The little things are done - it's time to go out with the big gun: drawing attention to yourself. This may or may not involve being loud. More often than not, however, it involves provocation of action. Start the game. Talk about doing something Friday night activity. Gather people.
Get people together to do something. Bring up a topic that everyone can talk about. Start throwing popcorn under the table. Hiding awkwardly behind a small pole. Send funny videos to all your friends. Get people to do certain things and talk
Step 7. Make people laugh
While not all extroverts are comedians and not all comedians are extroverts, if you want to be noticed socially, a good way is to make your group laugh. The attention grabbing step is a good place to start, but you can go much further. Even if it's self-defeating!
Even something as simple as making funny noises or moving in slow motion can make people laugh. If being unique is doable, it will succeed. People will be entertained and hopefully they will feel at home. When they join you, the chances of being social will skyrocket
Step 8. Keep the party going
True, true extroverts can take advantage of the awkward silence and liven it up, even if it means talking about their cat. If you're in a group of people and your thumbs start to go round and round, start talking. See how many marshmallows you can balance on your forehead. Have someone do "truth or dare." Turn on the Macarena and start dancing.