Understanding how to calm a man down can be challenging because usually, the way men express themselves is different from the way women express themselves. Plus, he probably doesn't want you to know that he's upset and doesn't want to ask for help. By following this guide, you may realize that you can, in fact, calm him down by interacting with him and seeing the situation from his point of view.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Understanding When He's Feeling Stressed
Step 1. Recognize how men respond to stress
Often, men respond to stress in a different way than women. Usually, a woman invites her friends to meet and share her problems when she is feeling depressed. On the other hand, a man may isolate himself or distance himself from others when he is feeling stressed. For example, he may be watching television more often or visiting the gym longer than usual. However, regardless of the way he deals with stress, remember that every man is different. There are several ways he might respond to the pressure he is facing, such as:
-
Avoid the situation.
He may start to move away from places or people that trigger stress.
-
Creating problems to cover up stress.
While counterproductive, he may create trouble to avoid the main problem (or, at least, so that he has more “control” over the situation).
-
Shows anger.
Men tend to show anger more easily than other forms of emotion because male anger is more socially acceptable. When he's feeling stressed, a man may find it easier to get annoyed or start cursing/snarling.
-
Blaming others.
Since a man tends to show his stress, he may blame others for his problems to avoid the pressure he feels.
-
Increased physical activity.
When under stress, he may start exercising more, playing sports games or engaging in other physical activities to release tension.
Step 2. Don't take his attitude to heart
If the guy you're in a relationship with suddenly drifts away a bit, it's usually because he has something on his mind (and it has nothing to do with you). Remember not to jump to negative conclusions, such as “He doesn't love me anymore”, “I must have made a mistake”, or, worse, “He must want to break up with me!”. Many men are used to hiding their feelings and not talking about the problems they face. If you overreact to his behavior, he's more likely to distance himself from you even more.
Step 3. Don't over-help her
Of course you want to calm and make your boyfriend feel comfortable, and show that you care about him. However, be careful when you do this. When you try to help by providing solutions or doing something for him, it can make him feel less manly. When you ask, for example, “What is it? Why won't you let me help you? continuously can actually have a negative effect and make him feel annoyed. The perceived better approach is to provide support and understanding, without actually solving the problem.
Part 2 of 3: Showing Concern
Step 1. Give him support
Providing support can be tricky as some men prefer to be supported by company, while others prefer to be left alone. All in all, he wants to know if you're on his side. He also wants to know if he can depend on you as a source of peace. If he wants to talk about his problems, offer to be his listener. If you feel that something is bothering him, raise the topic in a way that doesn't make him feel even more depressed or threatened.
- You might ask, for example, “I noticed you seem a little depressed lately. Did something happen at the office?” Usually, many men are reluctant to talk about their problems openly, but there are some men who will speak up right away when asked.
- If he needs time to be alone, don't take his desires to heart. Once his mind is no longer muddled, he may be more motivated or open to contact you because he knows that you are there to support him.
Step 2. Listen carefully to what he is saying
A man may or may not want to tell what's on his mind. Unfortunately, some men tend to think that talking about their feelings is actually a form of weakness. If he decides to share his problems with you, listen openly without interrupting. Try not to give solutions or suggestions, unless he asks for it. Stay away from comments like “You will get through it”, or “Don't worry about it”. These comments are actually not constructive and will only hurt his feelings because these comments seem to underestimate his feelings.
- If he doesn't want to talk about his problems, just sit with him quietly. You can ask him a simple question or two, but don't push him to talk.
- Don't talk about difficulties or things that make him depressed. If he wants to talk about it, he'll be the one to talk to you about these things himself.
Step 3. Let him express his feelings in his own way
As mentioned earlier, some men respond to stress by feeling the need to be active or to be tough. Those responses are still acceptable as long as he doesn't ignore the real problem. Allow him to respond to the problem with anger, think more cognitively or analytically, or not cry (if he is grieving). Don't try to dampen or defuse his feelings, but show him the reality and give him hope. All these forms of masculine responses can help him deal with his problems. Keep in mind that there is no fixed or precise way to express your feelings.
Don't set a time limit for him to stop feeling how he feels, and don't expect him to express his emotions in certain ways. Let him decide his own way
Step 4. Explain to her that it doesn't matter if she feels bad or sad
Unfortunately, the prevailing conditions in society often lead many men to believe that their sadness or fear is a sign of weakness. Reassure him by re-explaining that these feelings are natural and are a part or phase in human life. Also explain that there are no “good” feelings and “bad” feelings. Remind him that you won't look down on him if he's feeling bad or sad.
Part 3 of 3: Entertaining him
Step 1. Build his ego and show his strength
Show him that you admire him and appreciate all the good things he has. Also show that you still appreciate him, even when he has to go through difficult times. This form of unconditional positive attention can make him believe that he can count on you when he's feeling down or depressed.
Step 2. Serve her favorite food
Make him forget the stress (even for a moment) and let him enjoy his favorite food (eg rendang or spicy fried noodles). Serve foods that contain protein and carbohydrates because these two substances can increase serotonin levels and create a calming effect on the body.
Step 3. Give him a stress-relieving gift basket
You can include, for example, his favorite potato chips, nuts, and crunchy snacks. You can also include chocolate because usually, chocolate can improve a person's mood and make him smile again. As a bonus, include a bottle of massage oil with a “coupon” to get a free massage.
Step 4. Give him a massage
He will be very grateful if you give him a soothing massage to relieve the tension he is feeling. Scientifically, it has been proven that massage can increase blood flow so that the mind becomes calmer. In addition, physical touch that is done also reflects your concern for him, and can help improve his mood.
Step 5. Take her for a walk
Many men prefer to face their problems by staying active. Take him for a walk, play a game, or do other social activities, without making him ignore the problem. If he refuses, try to "force" him gently. By distracting him from the problem a little, you can calm him down more easily.
Step 6. Try to keep in touch with him
If he's going through a critical period and needs some alone time, it's a good idea to stay in touch with him. For example, try calling him once a week. When he knows that you are going to contact him, there is a good chance he will feel calmer and his spirits can be boosted again. Regardless of how often you want to call him, stick to your word and do what you promise.
