As a teenager, there is no one absolute way to be normal. It depends on your interests, likes and dislikes. All teens experience a range of different emotions and experiences, including joining or avoiding groups, feeling isolated – or to the point of – boredom, having fun, physical changes. You may experience a strong desire to belong to a group, to be accepted by your peers, peers, and hobbies. It's normal to feel you're not normal. We all want to get into somewhere, and fitting in doesn't mean you have to be a mindless robot with a push. Be grateful for your quirks and be the true version of yourself. That's normal. See Step 1 for further information.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Be Normal
Step 1. Spend time with people who do the “positive things” you want to do
It's easier to spend time alone. While solitude may be fine, sometimes you have to go out to work, play, or eat. In order to be normal and behave in good manners (not too different), it's important to spend time with other people, socializing and learning from them, so you can interact more directly and easily engage. Just being with a variety of people in a coffee shop, restaurant, or movie theater can help you learn about other people and not feel isolated. This will make you feel good about yourself, become more experienced at opening up and interacting.
- Find a place and go where you can meet like-minded people. Like comics? Stop reading online and head to a local comic shop. Love making art? Go to an art class, craft store or museum. Take a class in one of your interests and chat with others about the same topic or skill. Join a choir or take a music class. Some places of worship have music schools and sports activities.
- Online friends are in a gray area. They feel “real” all this time, but online interactions are a far cry from face-to-face interactions. Try to balance your time between socializing online and face-to-face interactions.
Step 2. Be happier, by not hanging out with people who are negative, overly wild or crazy
They can drag themselves and you into unexpected trouble and misfortune. Avoid being around people who are hateful, problematic, destructive, or overly hot-tempered.
- You can help other people do (make or improve) something you're willing to do, if they want your opinion or help.
- Don't look for trouble; try to avoid it.
Step 3. Pay attention to the other person's body language
When you're with people, pay attention to the clues they give about how to behave for clues about what "normal" means in the situation.
- Imitate other people's behavior, if it makes you comfortable. When you're at the library and everyone seems very serious, calm, and absorbed in their work, this might not be the best time to start acting silly or trying to make a joke. If everyone dances at the school ball, it's normal to dance, but not mandatory. It's normal to feel both.
- If the person at your table at lunch keeps trying to make eye contact and smile at you, this might be a good time to start a conversation, if you're feeling open. Try to be friendly. People who are open to communication often have an open posture – shoulders back, head held high, not too relaxed. Relaxed but not open may mean he is tired, sleepy, angry, shy or cranky. Crossed arms and legs can be a sign he wants to sit alone, not in a friendly mood. Learn to be aware of it and don't act like that in your interactions.
- If people are uncommunicative or closed to you – head down, arms crossed – they may not want to chat. If you press them, you are very likely to make them uncomfortable. Learn to be aware of this and get out of the conversation or interaction. Give them some space.
Step 4. Be a good listener and wait your turn to speak
When you are talking to a person or to a group of people, try to strike a balance between listening and speaking. You don't have to be the most contributing person if you want to be recognized – being an active listener is just as important. Look at the person speaking, nod your head to show that you understand and listen "really" what he is saying.
- Follow the topic. If everyone talks about their weekend, tell me about your weekend, if you have one. It would be strange to cut off a moment where he was excited: “Yesterday a fly went into dad's mouth when he was yawning.” It's not about your weekend. Don't hijack the chat and take it elsewhere, unless it's time to change the subject!
- Listening doesn't mean looking around the room or thinking about what to say when silence sets in and it's time for you to fill in the conversation. However, listening means accepting and actively responding to what the other person is saying, not just thinking about what you're going to say next. Respect what other people have to say – even if you've heard it before. Then without yawning or cutting off, say, "Yeah, that's right - and have you ever done this…."
Step 5. Withdraw your personal boundaries
Teenagers are individuals who want to be seen as mature and experienced more than their friends. Because of this, you are often tempted to do something that you are not really ready to do, or even that you are not really interested in. Smoking, drinking, trying the thrill of asking a girl out, going on a date (if your parents allow it), holding hands, hugging, kissing and deciding your approach to love, expresses your new state of being a teenager. Balance all these things that youth are going through; and although there's not just one way to approach each of the above, except knowing it's your decision – to stick to your values, your beliefs, and accept responsibility for understanding the consequences of having a close relationship. This is your life. Make your choice, for you, to draw your boundaries close to your “heart”.
- The closer you are to setting daily boundaries to the current norm, accepting the “truth” (where you are coming from) – the sooner you will get used to your path. Avoiding other unconventional paths or tedious things versus widening and expanding your near-boundaries. Keeping it simple is easier than getting off the beaten track to a far, strange place out there.
- It's normal to want to conform, and it's true that engaging in harmful behavior may seem like a way to step in and earn the "respect" of others, but are you compromising your personality and beliefs. If you're not being yourself, then it's not you they respect.
- Keep calm: Another good line is confidentiality. It's okay to keep things to yourself. It is very easy to write every event, success, failure, every disappointment, anger, joy on Facebook status updates. Do they really have to be there for all to see?
Step 6. Make your room a great sanctuary
Perhaps there is nothing more important for you to have as a teenager than a space for yourself. Make your room as unique as you are, filling it with posters and toys, recordings or paintings. Fill it with yourself. Paint any color you want and fill it with things you love to see. Think about what makes a room ideal and ask permission to make it happen.
If you don't have your own room, find somewhere where you feel comfortable and can spend some time there. A walk in the park, forest; find some wood to sit/garden on, or find a window table you like in the library, or spend some time in a friend's basement. Try to find somewhere quiet and available for you to find peace
Method 2 of 3: Looks Normal
Step 1. Wear neat clothes that are appropriate for you
There is no normal type of clothing. The modes change all the time and it's hard to keep up. The unchanging normal understanding is that clothes should be clean and fit. Wear whatever is comfortable and affordable for you, but make sure the clothes are as good as possible.
- Skinny jeans and crop tops may be in, but just because they're popular or "normal" doesn't necessarily mean they're right for your body type. Wear clothes that support your posture and are comfortable, not something that makes you insecure or exposed.
- Don't be afraid to create your own style. If you think soccer jerseys and basketball shorts are cool, you're not alone. If you think a rugby shirt and khakis look good, you're safe. As long as your clothes are clean and the right size, you're fine.
Step 2. Learn a little about contemporary fashion
It's a good idea to pay attention to what other children are wearing, not because you have to follow suit and wear the same, but so that you at least have a concept of dressing. Then, if you decide to do something different, at least you'll be aware of what you're doing, and not wear your pants because you think it's normal.
- You don't have to go to an expensive store to dress normally. Outlets in supermarkets such as Carrefour, Lotte Mart, and Hypermart usually sell clothes at affordable prices and the latest models.
- In high school in particular, it seems that all students care about getting the latest trendy “must have” clothes, which are usually expensive and will be forgotten in the next six months.
Step 3. Dress yourself up
If you want to look normal, you don't have to go overboard with your make-up, but it does take a little effort. Keep yourself clean and tidy, and your confidence will be higher knowing that you look your best.
- Brush your teeth. Your smile will be friendly and ready to be photographed with proper dental care. Having healthy teeth can significantly increase your self-confidence.
- Shower every day and after every workout. Wash your hair with shampoo and wash your body with soap.
- Nails are neat and clean. Normal guys and girls also like to color their nails sometimes, this is very appropriate if you want. Try and keep a new nail polish, and remove it once it starts to ramble.
- Discuss with your parents if it's a good time to start wearing makeup, if you prefer. Use a little natural color to highlight your beauty.
Step 4. Style your hair and keep it clean
Your hair is just as important as any other part of your body: it takes effort to keep it healthy and clean. Your hair should be shampooed at least every 2-3 days to keep it strong and shiny. Both boys and girls should comb their hair regularly to keep it from getting messy and keep it healthy.
- If using the product, do not overdo it. A little mousse, gel, or hair spray is fine. You don't want a crisp flat-top like 1996. Choose a natural look that highlights your normal hair.
- Experiment with new hair, try a buzz or grow your hair like a rocker. Color it bright red, if the school allows it. Being a teenager is a time where you can experiment with your personality and identity. It will always grow back.
Step 5. Take care of your body
When you are young, you seem see-through. You can eat like there's no tomorrow, stay up all night and live life like nothing, and recover from injuries super fast. Unfortunately, this period is not forever. It's important to build good habits that will ensure your health through your teenage years.
- Watch what and how much you eat. Most teens have very high metabolisms due to growth spurts, meaning you can eat a lot of high calories without gaining weight, especially if you are physically active and exercise. When that high metabolism ends, or you stop exercising, you may suddenly gain weight. It's important to develop a love of physical activity early on, so you can build good habits that will nourish you in the future.
- You don't have to be a "school athlete" to exercise. If you like basketball but don't want to play on a team, go to the park and throw in the hoop. Who cares if more misses than comes in? If you don't like playing competitive sports, try hiking in the woods and being one with nature, or see if you enjoy rock climbing, or some other solo adventure.
Method 3 of 3: Practice Normal
Step 1. Find a hobby that relaxes you
As a teenager, you need to have hobbies and interests to keep you engaged and engaged. Find and try hobbies outside of school that can be a means to channel your passion and find pleasure. Some types of extracurricular activities can be a great way to meet other kids your age and socialize without having to meet people alone.
- Many teenagers are very serious about sports. Find out what sports teams your school has to offer and consider trying to join. If you don't like the sports on offer, maybe lessons like tennis, golf, or other individual sports are better for you.
- Check out the club at school. Sport is not the only means of socializing at school. Foreign language clubs, chess clubs, art clubs, science clubs and all kinds of organizations are available for students to have fun and learn outside of school hours. If you don't like the clubs at your school, check out after-school programs at the YMCA, or another youth center in your city, or check out youth associations at places of worship.
- Try playing music. Whether in a marching band, concert band, or starting your own band, music can be a great channel for teens. Research shows that teens who study music learn more efficiently and experience a lot of fun and friendship.
Step 2. Expand your view of the world
As you get older, it's important to learn as much as you can about other people and learn to hone your empathy. Small children think only of themselves, and adults can be selfless, but teenagers are in the middle. This can be difficult.
- A student exchange program can be a great and effective experience for many young people. Similarly, getting a part time job and learning to work is an important stage in growing up, you can work part time during school holidays or weekends.
- Read a lot, different topics. Check out novels, travel catalogs, sci-fi, fantasy, anything you love to read. Read some easy stuff. Read every time. Read every thing.
Step 3. Try different ways to express yourself
Being a teenager is a time to experiment, try out new identities until you know which one works best for you. In the same year, you may change your mind between wanting to be a doctor and liking your position on the soccer team to just wanting to write poetry and hang out with painters and paint your nails black. It does not matter! That's normal!
- Try being an art kid. Take a few art classes and learn the basics to see if you enjoy spending your time in the studio, creating unique masterpieces.
- Try the dark gothic world. Many teens mingle in black outfits and a gothic horror vibe. It may seem “weird”, but this is still quite normal.
- Cherish the athlete within you. School athletes don't have to be enemies of high school drama films. Be a well-adjusted athlete who takes sport seriously. Make this your “thing”.
Step 4. Find like-minded people
Find a community of people you like and like you, get to know them well. Hang out at school and outside of school. Support each other and respect each other.
- Prioritize forging a few strong relationships over many meaningless ones. There's no point in having 800 Facebook friends if you can't chat with them in real life.
- Alternatively, it's also a good idea to meet lots of people you don't have much in common with. If you're a dashing athlete, hang out with the art kids once in a while to see what you guys have in common. Make all kinds of friends.
Step 5. Make room in your school and work life
Having fun is important, but taking responsibility seriously is just as important in growing. Set aside enough time in the busy schedule of your youth to do your best at homework. Even if you're already sure what you want to be in life, and the plan doesn't include algebra-trigonometry, do your best. You'll never know how you regret skipping welding class or daydreaming during sewing class.
- Make sure you take good notes. Taking notes encourages you to pay attention, improves your memory and becomes a useful study guide.
- Do your PR. Don't be lazy to do it, because believe it or not, homework helps you learn. Pay attention to class lessons and ask questions to get involved. Respect your teacher and try to do your best.
Step 6. Think a little about the future
Where would you like to be in ten years? Twenty years? What do you want to "do" with your life? Difficult questions for anyone, and uncomfortable questions for most people, especially teenagers. But this is something you will have to strive for. The more you struggle with this, the more prepared you will be for adolescence, and the more normal you will become. Everyone struggles with this before transitioning into adulthood.
- If you want to go to college, start looking for affordable places you might go that are full of people like you, or places that offer the specialization you want to study. Many teens who struggled to make friends or fit in in high school were really productive during college.
- It's also normal and totally okay not to know what you want to do with your life. Don't worry too much about this. That's very normal. When people ask, say you're trying to get past your teenage years.
Tips
- Learn when to stop and say no! For example, say "No" when someone asks you to drink or try a cigarette. Smoking "no" will make you normal or cool; smoking just keeps non-smokers away from you. If you are not yet 18, this is illegal and can lead to cancer. Liquor is illegal for under 21s and a lot of the people at the bar are rough middle aged drunks who will beat you up. Drugs are also illegal, so don't even try.
- Find ways to have fun with your friends. For others this means something else. For skaters, this means doing crazy skateboarding tricks and laughing. Consider horse, motorcycle, and car racing, target competition, paintball, and air-soft guns. For different groups, there are different things to do. Play computer games like the Sims, but don't overdo it. Watch whatever you like and hear the music you think is best.
- Be an individual. Have a personal opinion but don't ignore the opinions of others.
- Don't feel pressured to only fit one style. Wear what you want regardless of peer pressure. Listen to the music you love no matter how the sub-culture dictates what you 'should' listen to. Be yourself!
Warning
- Don't do anything that doesn't feel good to you. If you find yourself being pressured to do something that makes you feel bad in your stomach, avoid it or just run away. Regret is no fun, even for teenagers.
- Don't spend all your free time locking yourself in your room playing video games or social media. Go outside and get some fresh air and exercise. You can get fat like this.
- Normal understanding is relative. You have to be aware of cultural differences.
