Following the steps of a guide not to give in to social pressures may sound a bit ironic, but this is not the same as giving in to social pressure itself. Use the suggestions and strategies suggested below to form your own understanding of not yielding to outside influences, as well as to build your own perspective, behavior and style.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Understanding Social Influence
Step 1. Don't just rebel
Maybe you really don't like conditions that pressure you to give in to the whims of your social environment. But don't use this as an excuse to rebel "just because you want to rebel." Not easily succumbing to outside influences means finding the things that are right for you personally, not just choosing things that are more difficult at random.
Step 2. Let other people destroy their own lives
Stereotypes and judgmental judgments are the other side of social pressure. Don't build judgments about someone based solely on their subculture, whether it's religion, hobbies, or educational background.
Step 3. Pay attention to the groups you belong to
Keep in mind that even subcultures that are uncommon or less well known to the public have their own code of ethics. Pay attention to these pressures, and also pay attention to general social pressures. A group of like-minded people can make you feel comfortable and welcome, but it won't necessarily help teach you to find your own path.
Step 4. Reduce the use of social media
If you use social media, try to limit it to a maximum of a few minutes per day. Constantly inquiring about other people's behavior and/or sharing what you do can make it difficult for you to develop a true personal opinion.
Step 5. Respond critically to information from the mass media
Television shows, magazines, music, video games, and other popular media are the main forces that shape people's expectations and create pressure for everyone to follow them. Consume information from the mass media in small doses, if indeed you can't avoid it altogether, and use a critical attitude to observe it. Ask yourself the following questions, then find the answers yourself:
- If you experienced a strong emotional reaction to a character shown on television, do you think the creator of the show meant that to the audience? Why do they choose to present the character as a bad person, as a hero, or as a great companion?
- How do advertisements and song lyrics describe good times, good people, romance or sexual relations? Is there a better alternative or another option that should come up more?
Step 6. Re-examine your behavior
After each social interaction, or after planning it, re-examine your behavior and decisions. If your behavior or decisions are made to please others, or to avoid ridicule, recognize that these are reactions to social pressure. Similarly, if you avoid “being popular” or expressing negative opinions just because other people like a certain thing, the social pressures in that particular behavior or thing are still determining your behavior patterns. Be sure to keep these things in mind, so you can think about your preferences the next time a similar situation arises.
Part 2 of 3: Finding Your Perspective
Step 1. Allow yourself to be in touch with different points of view
The more you understand and experience different perspectives, the more you will be less likely to overlook popular opinions. Chat with community members you don't normally interact with, who come from different religious, ethnic, gender and age groups. If possible, visit new places and take time to get to know the locals.
Step 2. Make a list of your priorities
Sit down and think about what makes you the happiest, if there is no social pressure at all. Decide whether you want to dress comfortably or stylishly, and which types of clothing you think fit this description. List activities you enjoy, or would like to try.
Step 3. Pay attention to your sources of inspiration
Imitating someone is the opposite of not succumbing to social influence, but it's perfectly acceptable to have a particular person or movement as a source of inspiration for your own ideas and behavior. Ideally, take a critical look at any influences that have helped create direction for your style, political opinion, or behavior. This influence can be a specific person, such as Nikola Tesla or Mahatma Gandhi, or a group, such as a certain political movement, or a band, or a sports team.
Step 4. Experiment
Try different behaviors and styles. Learn who you are, what your personality is like, and what you like or don't like. Many people will sacrifice their standards, opinions and ideals. Think for yourself and make the choices that seem right to you.
Step 5. Read a variety of books
Read books by authors from different countries and eras, especially those written in their original language. Look for writers who broke the social conventions and writing norms of their time, to gain perspective on breaking out of common patterns. Here are some examples:
- US writers who are well-known as public culture breakers, such as Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg, William S. Burroughs, Kurt Vonnegut, and Judge Bey.
- Novelists who experimented with writing style and form include James Joyce, Flann O'Brien, Andrei Bely, Milorad Pavić, and Gabriel García Márquez.
Step 6. Read books that deal directly with breaking down social influence
If you want to better understand social influence and how not to give up, there are plenty of books out there. Books of this kind usually highlight two main categories:
- Many youth-adult novels cover this topic, including the high school novel “Stargirl” by Jerry Spinelli, and the science fiction series “Uglies” by Scott Westerfield.
- Educators who have written specifically against social influence include Ralph Waldo Emerson, Freidrich Nietzsche, Henry David Thoreau, and Jean-Paul Sartre.
Part 3 of 3: It's Not Easy to Give Up in Daily Life
Step 1. Persevere, whatever the reaction you receive
Don't mind negative reactions, and don't look for positive ones. Remind yourself of this whenever you feel nervous or pressured by social circles.
Even if you don't go along with social influences, you're not immune to them. Try to minimize the time you spend with friends or family members, which might discourage you or give you an unpleasant reaction
Step 2. Talk about your perspective
If someone wants to discuss your different attitudes and behaviors, be open to talking about your perspective honestly. You have your own reasons for your decisions, and talking about them will make you more confident, and maybe even encourage others to think about themselves too.
Step 3. Get rid of any drama
Don't overreact or use harsh words. This will only anger those around you. You may be acting differently from everyone else, but don't attack their own behavior unless it actually poses real danger. The main principle is, don't try to convince others to follow your different behavior and don't follow social influences. Be a role model, not a coercion.
Step 4. Understand the consequences
Being comfortable with your behavior does not mean you are free from its consequences. Make sure that you are prepared for negative reactions or social punishment for your behavior, and continue that behavior only if self-expression and resistance to established social influences outweigh the risks.
Step 5. Wear clothes you like
When shopping, ignore everything you've heard about dress codes: modern style, nerdy style, and everything else. If you find a shirt you like, understand why you like it. Is it because you really like it, or because you've seen it in a certain magazine? Decide if you can be comfortable with your answer. If so, just buy the dress. If not, don't buy it. Not succumbing to social influence doesn't mean wearing controversial clothes, but wearing clothes you like.
Tips
- You may find a group or location where the pressure of social influence isn't too strong, so you can be yourself without worrying about being harassed. Anarchist writer Hakim Bey calls such social environments “Temporary Autonomous Zones” (TAZ).
- Change can be something positive. Creating a set of rules for yourself and sticking to them for life is not the goal of resisting this social influence.
