Thanatophobia, or the fear of death, affects millions of people around the world. For some, this fear can trigger anxiety and/or obsessive thoughts. Although thanatophobia is related to the fear of death, either the death itself or others, the fear associated with people dying or dying is known as necrophobia and this concept is different from the concept of thanatophobia. However, both are related to the fear of the unknown aspects associated with death, and this fear is known as xenophobia. This term can also refer to the possibility of a person encountering something that is beyond his knowledge or expectation. Fears like this can arise, especially in people who feel that their life will soon be over because uncertainty about what will lead to death can increase as the person approaches death. Therefore, in order to feel more calm when dealing with things related to death, you need to understand your fears and work on overcoming those fears.
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Part 1 of 5: Understanding Feelings of Fear
Step 1. Write down the moments that made you think about death
The first thing you need to determine when dealing with your fear of death is how and how much it affects your life. Often we are not immediately aware of the things around us that cause or encourage the fear or anxiety we feel. Therefore, writing down certain situations that trigger these fears can be useful in solving this problem.
- Start by asking yourself, “What happens around me when I start to feel afraid or anxious about the situation?” This can be a difficult question to answer at first for one reason or another. Try to go back a few days and write down as many details as you can remember about situations or moments that made you think about death. Also, clearly state what you were doing when the thought or fear occurred.
- Fear of death is very common. Throughout human history, death and death are matters that have been of concern and occupy the minds of many people. The emergence of thoughts about death or death is caused by several things, including age, religion, level of anxiety, experiences related to one's death, and others. For example, during certain transitional phases in life, you are more likely to have a fear of death. Generally, these fears appear to be greater in people aged 4-6, 10-12, 17-24, and 35-55 years old. Some scholars have made a philosophy about the possibility of death. According to existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, death can be a source of fear for a person, more precisely, because death is something that "comes to man from the 'outside world' and turns him into a part of that external world." Therefore, the process of death represents the most alien dimension imaginable by humans. As Sartre said, death has the potential to bring the human body back to the realm of the spirit, the realm of origin before the spirit unites with the body.
Step 2. Write down any times you feel anxious or afraid
After that, write down (as much as you can remember) times when you thought about not doing something because of that anxiety or fear. Just write them down, even if you're not really sure whether the emotions you're feeling are actually related to death or death.
Step 3. Compare your anxiety with feelings or thoughts about death
After you've prepared a list of thoughts or feelings about death and a list of times you've felt anxious, look for similarities between the two lists. For example, you may notice that every time you see a certain brand of candy, you feel anxious, even if you don't know why. After that, you realize that you are thinking about death in that same situation. You may also remember that this brand of candy is candy that was served at your grandparent's funeral, and that's what makes you fear death.
These relationships (between objects, feelings, and situations) can be very subtle, or sometimes more complex than the scenario examples presented earlier. Nonetheless, list writing can be a good way to recognize and understand these relationships. In this way, you can have a clearer picture of how to maintain and regulate your emotions at these moments of fear
Step 4. Recognize the relationship between anxiety and anticipation
Fear is a powerful drive that has the potential to affect your life. If you can see the fear from a broader perspective, the events that scared you may not be as bad as you think. Anxiety usually comes with anticipation about what will or won't happen, and it's a feeling related to what will happen. Remember that the fear of death is sometimes worse than death itself. Who knows your death is not as bad as you imagine.
Step 5. Be honest with yourself
Make sure you are completely honest with yourself and confidently face the fact that you too will die. The fear will lessen until you finally die. Life will be more valuable when you realize and appreciate the time you have. You know one day you will die, but you don't have to live in fear. If you are honest with yourself and have the courage to face those fears, you can overcome those fears.
Part 2 of 5: Leaving What's Out of Control
Step 1. Focus on what you can control
Death can be a scary thing to think about (especially) because it shows the limits of human life and the things that humans can imagine. Therefore, learn to focus on what you can control while still accepting things that may be out of your control.
For example, you may fear dying of a heart attack. There are certain factors related to heart disease that are beyond your control, such as family medical history, ethnicity or race, and age. The more you think about these things, the more anxious you will become. Instead of thinking about these things, it's better to focus on the things you can control, such as following a healthy lifestyle by not smoking, exercising regularly, and eating a healthy diet. In fact, the higher risk of heart attack is due to an unhealthy lifestyle rather than just the factors previously mentioned
Step 2. Guide your life
When we want to set the direction of life, we often experience disappointment, annoyance and anxiety about things that are not according to our wishes. Learn not to push your desires too much. You can of course still make plans in life. Guide and regulate the course of your life, but still prepare yourself for the unexpected.
The right analogy for this is water flowing in a river. Sometimes the shape of the riverbank changes, the river will bend, and the water will flow slower or faster. Let the river flow in that direction because, after all, the water in the river will still flow
Step 3. Eliminate unproductive mindsets
When you try to guess or imagine the future, you may ask yourself, “What if this happened?” The question describes an unproductive mindset, and this mindset actually makes people imagine future disasters. This mindset makes you think about things in a certain way which, in turn, creates negative feelings in you. The way we interpret an event results in the birth of feelings about the event. For example, if you're feeling anxious about being late for work, you might think "If I'm late, I'll be reprimanded by my boss and lose my job." If you really want things in your life to be exactly the way you want them to be, this mindset can cause you difficulties and stress.
Replace unproductive thinking patterns with positive ones. Think back and change that mindset. For example, you might say to yourself, “My boss will be mad if I show up late. However, I can explain that today the traffic was heavier than usual. I will also offer to take overtime work in exchange for my tardiness.”
Step 4. Take a special time to worry about something
Every day, spend about 5 minutes worrying about something. Do this every day at the same time. However, try not to do it at night before you go to bed so you don't feel restless when you try to sleep. If there's something you're worried about, save that worry for thought at that particular time.
Step 5. Fight back the thoughts that make you anxious
Step 6. Think about how other people affect you
When other people feel anxious and the anxiety begins to overwhelm you, you will begin to feel the same. Say there is a friend who thinks negatively about illness. Because of his negative thoughts, he can make you feel anxious and afraid if you ever get sick. Therefore, it's a good idea to limit the interaction or time you spend with the person so that their negative thoughts don't bother you often.
Step 7. Try doing something you've never done before
Often we avoid new things or situations out of fear of what we don't know or understand. In training yourself to let things happen that are out of your control, choose activities you didn't want to do in the past and try to focus on those activities. Start by finding out about these activities on the internet. After that, you can talk to people who have done or participated in the activity. As you begin to feel comfortable, find out if you don't want to do it again (either one or two more times) before really focusing or engaging in the activity for the long term.
- Trying to do new activities in life can be a good way to focus on creating happiness in life, rather than having to constantly worry about death or death lurking.
- As you participate in the new activities you participate in, you can learn more about yourself, especially about what you can and cannot control.
Step 8. Make a death preparation plan with your family and friends
When it comes to death, you will likely realize that most of the processes involved (eg funerals) will be out of your control. We cannot know for sure when or where we will die. However, there are steps that can be taken as part of planning.
- For example, if you are in a coma, think about how long you want to stay alive with the help of medical devices. Also think about whether you want to die at home or stay in the hospital as long as possible.
- The first time you talk about this with your loved one, you're bound to feel uncomfortable. However, conversations like these can really help you and your loved ones if something goes wrong and you can't express your wishes at that time. Discussions like this have the potential to help reduce your anxiety about death.
Part 3 of 5: Reflecting on Life
Step 1. Think that life and death are part of the same process or cycle
You need to realize that your life and death, including the lives of other people or beings, are part of the same circle or process of life. Although the two are different, life and death always occur simultaneously. For example, our body cells continuously die and regenerate in different ways throughout life. This cell death and regeneration helps our bodies grow and adapt to the environment around us.
Step 2. Recognize that your body is part of a complex ecosystem
Our bodies will serve as a good ecosystem for various other life, especially after we die. While still alive, our digestive tract system is home to millions of microorganisms that help maintain a healthy body so that it can support proper immune function and, even, complex cognitive processes.
Step 3. Recognize your body's role in the larger scheme of life
On a larger macro level, our lives come together to form local communities and communities. The running of this organization or community will depend on the energy of the body and the actions we take through the body.
Your life is formed by the same mechanisms and materials as the lives of other people. Understanding this can help you feel comfortable with an image of your surroundings when you are gone
Step 4. Take your time enjoying the outdoors
Try taking a walk in nature while meditating. Alternatively, you can also spend time outdoors, among many other living things (eg trees, lake biota, etc.). Such activities can help you feel calmer when you realize that you are a part of life or a big world.
Step 5. Think about your life in the afterlife
Try to think that after you die, you will go somewhere that makes you feel happy. Many religions teach this. If you embrace a certain religion, what your religion teaches about the afterlife may be able to give you peace of mind.
Part 4 of 5: Living Life
Step 1. Live and enjoy your life to the fullest
The best thing you should ultimately do is not worry too much about death. Instead, fill as many of your days as possible with happiness. Don't let trivial things make you sad. Go out, play with your friends, or take up a new sport. Just do whatever distracts you from negative thoughts about death. Focus on living life.
Many people who have a fear of death will think about their fear every day. This means, there are many things you want to do in life. Allow the fear to exist and ask yourself, “What is the biggest thing that will happen today?” Know that today you are still given a chance to live. Therefore, live your life
Step 2. Spend time with people you care about
Make sure you are surrounded by people who can bring you happiness, and vice versa. When you can share with others, the time you spend will be meaningful and memorable.
For example, memories of you will live on if you can make your grandchildren have good memories with you
Step 3. Keep a thank you journal
A thank you journal can be a way to write down and remember the things you are grateful for. Journaling can help you focus on the good things in life. Think about the good things in your life and be grateful.
Every few days, take time to write down a moment or thing that you are grateful for. Write deeply while enjoying the moment and appreciating the happiness it brings
Step 4. Take good care of yourself
As much as possible prevent yourself from getting involved in bad situations or doing things that can harm yourself. Avoid unhealthy activities such as smoking, consuming illegal drugs and alcohol, and using cell phones while driving. By having a healthy lifestyle, the risk factors that lead to death will be reduced.
Part 5 of 5: Seeking Support
Step 1. Find out if you need help from a mental health therapist
If your fear is so intense that it interferes with your daily activities and keeps you from enjoying life, you need to get help from a licensed therapist. For example, if you can't or stay away from certain activities because of a fear of death, it's time to get help from someone else. Some other signs that indicate that you need the help of a therapist are:
- the emergence of helplessness, panic, or depression caused by fear
- the emergence of a feeling or thought that the fear that is felt is unnatural
- You have faced this fear for more than 6 months
Step 2. Identify or know what you can expect from the therapist who is helping you
A therapist can help you better understand your fears and find ways to reduce them and, even, overcome them. Keep in mind that overcoming deep-seated fears takes a great deal of time and effort. The process takes quite a while until you finally get your fear under control. However, some people show dramatic improvement after only 8 to 10 sessions of therapy. There are several strategies your therapist may use:
- Cognitive behavioral therapy: If you are afraid of death or death, there may be a thought process that reinforces that fear. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a method used by therapists to encourage you to challenge or fight back against these thoughts and identify the feelings associated with those thoughts. For example, you may have thought, "I can't get on an airplane because I'm afraid the plane I'm on will crash and I'll die." Your therapist will challenge you to prove that these thoughts are unrealistic by explaining that, in fact, traveling by plane is safer than driving. After that, you will be challenged to change your mind so that it becomes more realistic, such as, “People travel by plane every day and they are fine. In that case, I'm sure I'll be fine too.”
- Exposure therapy: When you have a fear of death, you tend to avoid situations, activities, and places that reinforce that fear. This therapy will encourage you to face the fear head-on. In this therapy, the therapist will ask you to imagine a situation that you have been avoiding or ask you to actually enter or be involved in the situation. For example, if you avoid traveling by plane for fear of a plane crash that could cost you your life, the therapist will ask you to imagine that you are on an airplane and then ask you to describe how you feel. After that, he may challenge you to actually get on the plane.
- Drugs: If the fear is so deep that it causes you to experience severe anxiety, your therapist can write a referral letter for a psychiatrist who can prescribe certain medications for you. However, keep in mind that taking medication to treat fear-related anxiety can only temporarily reduce anxiety. The drugs cannot stop the main problem that causes the fear to arise.
Step 3. Share your thoughts or feelings about death or dying with others
It's a good idea to talk to someone about your fears or anxieties. Your interlocutor may be able to share the same problem or thing. In addition, he can also provide suggestions regarding ways that can be used to overcome the stresses associated with the fear that is felt.
Find someone you really trust and explain to him or her your thoughts or feelings about death, and how long you've been feeling that fear or anxiety
Step 4. Visit the death café
Death café is not yet present in Indonesia, but if you live in the United States or England, you can visit this cafe. Matters related to death or death are generally difficult to talk about. Therefore, it is important for you to find the right group as a forum to share your thoughts on these issues. As a place where you can share your problems with death and dying, there are 'death cafes' (known as death cafes) that you can visit. This cafe is frequented by people who especially want to talk about issues related to death. Basically, these people (including cafe managers) are support groups that help people who are experiencing emotional turmoil caused by death. These groups together determine the best way to live before facing death.
If there isn't a 'death' cafe in your area or town yet, try setting up one yourself. It is possible that there are many people in your area or city with death-related problems who, so far, have not had the opportunity to share their concerns
Tips
- Fear of death sometimes causes depression and anxiety, a mental condition that requires immediate professional help.
- Don't hesitate to call or see more than one counselor. You should find a counselor who, in your opinion, can be supportive of your problem and able to help you resolve it.
- Develop a firm thought or belief that you can overcome the fear.
