Okay, maybe the right term isn't "everyone hates you", but "you have a hard time fitting in at school". Maybe someone spreads negative rumors about you and as a result, all your friends stay away from you. There are many reasons behind the emergence of negative rumors: maybe you're not as rich as the other students, maybe your race is different from the majority of the students at your school, maybe you have a physical disability, maybe your sexual orientation is considered abnormal, or maybe you just feel different from your classmates. Whatever the reason, you will definitely feel lonely, as if no one can understand you. Don't worry, you will definitely get through it! Don't let the situation ruin your sanity and prevent you from enjoying life.
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Method 1 of 4: Adding Experience
Step 1. Treat everyone well
Even if they treat you inappropriately, there's no point in repaying them with the same vile treatment. Don't gossip or create counter rumors that could hurt others. Keep your interactions friendly and polite. If you are able to do this, other people will automatically run out of materials to criticize you.
Smile at the people you meet and don't avoid eye contact with them
Step 2. Try writing a diary
Let out all the painful emotions you feel there: all the things you want to scream out loud but you're too scared or embarrassed to do. Write down what happened and how you feel about it.
- If necessary, burn the paper containing your emotions in a safe place afterwards.
- Keeping a diary can help a person express his feelings, especially if the person has a introverted and shy personality.
Step 3. Boost your confidence
Exercising is a powerful way to relieve stress and improve your mood. You're not used to going to the gym? Don't worry, there are plenty of fun activities that can get you moving and sweaty like playing on the trampoline, walking the dog, or cycling around the complex.
- You can also dance to your favorite song or go ice skating; most importantly, do the things you really love!
- Learn new skills. Learning something new can increase your confidence; especially since you're able to see the progress you've managed to make over time.
Step 4. Join a sports club or other extracurricular group
When you feel like everyone hates you, try hanging out with people who share your interests. You can also join similar groups outside of school, you know! Inside the school, you can join a drama club, poetry writing club, music club, sports club, or join the yearbook committee. Meanwhile, outside of school you can join a dance group, martial arts, or spiritual organization.
- Think of an activity you enjoy, then try registering yourself. At first, you may feel awkward or uncomfortable. Don't give up right away; think about the positive impact on you in the future.
- Sometimes, the hardest part is when you have to attend a group meeting for the first time. You are bound to feel very anxious or constantly force negative beliefs into your mind: your club mates are bound to hate and ignore you. Don't listen to that negative bullshit! Try to come once, and see what happens.
- Remember, all club members have similar preferences. Get to know them more closely by asking, “When did you study photography?”, “How long have you studied karate?”, or “Who is your favorite poet?”.
Step 5. Focus on positive experiences
Instead of drowning yourself in negative thoughts, try changing your perspective. There's no point in constantly replaying negative situations in your mind. By focusing your mind on the past, you are actually contributing strength to those who hurt you. Change your negative perspective; donate that power to yourself!
- Someone who experiences rejection from their social environment will often be trapped in an endless cycle of thinking (“What have I done? What can I change? Why are they so mean?”). Get yourself out of the circle as fast as you can! Their actions don't define who you really are; After all, opinions are just opinions, not facts.
- Think about the positive qualities (kind, caring for others, and not being stingy) and unique skills (good at dancing or being able to care for others) that you have.
Method 2 of 4: Improving Social Skills
Step 1. Observe people who are good at interacting with their social environment
People who are shy, anxious, or have difficulty communicating tend to focus solely on their “personal performance” in front of other people. Try observing your friend who is quite popular at school. What makes it so popular? Observe the way he stands, body language, facial expressions, and the way he interacts verbally and nonverbally with other people.
- Observe the positive things that the person brings when interacting, then try to apply them to your interaction process.
- If you are too busy focusing on yourself, you are more likely to miss the signals that other people give you in the interaction process. Try to be aware of the signals people are throwing out when interacting, and see if you can pick up on similar signals in the process of your interaction.
Step 2. Communicate with your body language
If you like to cross your arms and legs and look down, chances are you won't be viewed as warm and friendly. Make sure you communicate openly by: leaning toward the other person, smiling, nodding your head occasionally, and maintaining eye contact. Get in the habit of not slouching or crossing your arms and legs; Open your shoulders as wide as possible (but still naturally) and straighten your body.
When making eye contact, you can also lock your gaze in the area around the eyes (not necessarily on the eyeball) such as the forehead, nose, mouth, or the empty space between the eyes. This can be difficult if you're used to avoiding eye contact with other people. But don't give up, keep trying
Step 3. Be a good listener
Don't feel 100% responsible for starting the conversation. If you're too busy thinking about what to say, chances are you'll miss the other person's words. Listen to the other person and ask questions based on what they are saying. For example, if the other person says, “I like gardening,” try asking, “What kind of flowers or plants do you usually grow?” or “Why do you like gardening?”.
Being an active listener shows that you are interested in what they have to say (as well as in their own personal way). Don't be afraid to nod your head and respond back like "Oh yeah?" or “Wow, cool!” to show that you listen to them
Step 4. Practice your social skills
Knowing alone is not enough if it is not followed by practice. Hone your social skills with people you are comfortable with. Once successful, expand your skills by applying them to other friends at school. Remember, the more you practice, the more natural your socializing will become.
Even if you feel uncomfortable, keep practicing! Over time, you will get used to it
Method 3 of 4: Dealing with Cruel People
Step 1. Leave him
Leaving the bully shows that he or she is unable to control your actions or emotions. There's no point wasting time and energy responding to his words or actions that hurt you.
Remember, you choose your response. Is that person worth responding to? If not, leave him and ignore him
Step 2. Pull yourself out of the conversation
If someone annoys or ridicules you, calmly convey that you're not interested in getting involved with them. Remember, the person can only bully you if you give them a chance to control your emotions. If you look like you don't care, sooner or later he'll get bored and lose interest in you.
- If he persists in bothering you, ignore the person.
- Tell him, "I don't want to talk to you" or "I'm not interested in talking about it." Remember, you have complete control over your reactions. If his words or actions don't deserve a response, ignore them.
Step 3. Expand your perspective
Ask yourself, “Will I remember this situation for another year? How about another five years? Will this situation still affect me at that time?” If not, allocate your energy and time to more important things.
Also ask, "Will these people continue to color your life in the following years?". If soon you graduate and part with them, don't worry too much about it. After all, soon they will disappear from your life
Step 4. Respond with humor
If someone is being mean to you, counter their words or actions with humor. Humor will really weaken the person who hurt you. In addition, they will also be surprised by the response you give. Fighting with humor shows that the person has no control over you.
- If someone is trying to hurt you and you respond with a joke, they will likely lose interest in bothering you.
- If someone makes fun of your shoe size, for example, tell them “You're probably right. This is why I got rejected when I auditioned for Lord of the Rings! It looks like my legs are less hairy.”
Method 4 of 4: Seeking Support
Step 1. Tell your parents about your problem
They will definitely want to help and support you, no matter what. If you're having trouble dealing with your problems on your own, consider asking your parents for help and guidance. They may tell you that their school years were also difficult; after that, they will share tips that you can try to get through these difficult times.
Step 2. Connect with your friends
Chances are some of your friends are in a similar situation. If you know of other students who are going through the same thing, approach them. Maybe they are victims of bullying, victims of negative rumors, or simply having trouble adjusting. Whatever their problem, offer them your friendship; Show that you can understand them and will always be there to support them.
If your friends are being bullied by the same person, get them to fight that person together. Remember, large numbers will make you stronger; besides that, uniting to fight the same "enemy" also shows that you are a strong and courageous person
Step 3. Consult with your teacher or school counselor
This is especially necessary if the person bullying you is your schoolmate. You can just tell stories or ask for solutions and firm action from the school. Sometimes just telling a story can't fix the situation, but at least it can improve your feelings.
You can also consult with the person in charge of the club, a friend of your parents, or your religious leader. Make sure you talk to a trusted adult
Step 4. Try seeing a psychologist or counselor
If the condition worsens and you feel cornered, ask your parents if you can join the therapy process. A psychologist or expert counselor can help you identify your emotions, find ways to combat negative feelings, and increase self-awareness.
Following the therapy process does not necessarily make you "crazy" or lose to your problems. Remember, you do it because you need help from experts who are trained and able to help you grow in a better direction
Step 5. Treat yourself well
Even if the situation seems overwhelming, remind yourself that you deserve to be treated well by others, and most importantly, by yourself. You are valuable and valuable, no matter how bad other people treat you. Remember, your identity is not determined by their perception, but by your life choices. Whenever negative thoughts pop up (like "I'm so stupid" or "No one likes me"), transform yourself into a friend figure.
