Emotional dependence and love often feel the same. In fact, it's natural to feel emotionally attached to the people you care about, but if you feel like you can't be happy without a certain partner, family member, or friend, you may already be experiencing emotional dependence. This condition can be difficult for you and the relationship you are in, but there are a number of ways you can follow to regain emotional independence.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Ending the Dependency Pattern
Step 1. Recognize your fears
Often times, feelings of excessive need or dependence stem from fear. Think about how you would feel if the person you were expecting left. Ask yourself specifically what scares you from such a scenario.
For example, if you feel emotionally dependent on your date, you may be afraid of being unloved
Step 2. Take some time alone
Find a time that allows you to be undisturbed, and sit quietly alone. Pay attention to the direction of your thoughts and the impulses you feel. You may become aware of a thought pattern or habit that you weren't aware of before.
Don't be distracted by checking your phone or tidying your room while trying this exercise. Put all your attention on introspection, even if you feel uncomfortable or uncomfortable
Step 3. Strengthen your identity
Think about who you really are when you're not trying to please everyone. Get to know your core values, what you want to achieve, and your idiosyncrasies. Try to establish yourself as a person who doesn't rely on external validation.
If you don't have a strong self-identity, get out of your comfort zone and explore new things on your own. Look for activities, individuals/groups, and ideas that align with your preferences
Step 4. Stop trying to control other people
When you depend too much on other people, you will eventually try to control them (or feel disappointed that you can't manage others). Accept the fact that other people have a right to their own thoughts, feelings, and choices, and realize that these things don't always concern you. Direct your energy into controlling your own choices and thoughts.
For example, if you feel jealous when a friend wants to spend time with someone else, don't make him feel guilty. Take a deep breath, remember that everyone deserves to have lots of friends, and think about what you can do with your free time
Step 5. Get help ending dependency patterns
If you feel trapped in a circle of emotional dependence and can't get out of it on your own, don't hesitate to seek help. Talk to a trusted friend or relative, or seek help from a counselor or therapist.
Method 2 of 3: Being Emotionally Healthy
Step 1. Take responsibility for your own emotions
Accept the fact that dealing with your own feelings is your job, and not someone else's. Also, realize that even if you feel very strong emotions, they don't necessarily describe who you are or control what you do.
- For example, you can't expect the other person to stop what he or she is doing every time you're in a bad mood or you're having a bad day. Instead, find healthy ways to deal with negative feelings, without requiring others to "fix" or brighten your mood.
- If you can, give yourself time to calm down and stabilize your emotions before calling a friend.
Step 2. Train yourself to meet your own needs
When you feel down, find healthy ways to calm yourself down. Try saying encouraging words to yourself, going for a walk, or writing a journal entry.
- Be careful not to replace one form of dependency with another. For example, if you often feel anxious, it's a good idea not to drink alcohol to calm yourself down.
- If you are using alcohol or drugs as an escape for emotional reasons, seek help from your doctor or mental health specialist immediately.
Step 3. Build self-esteem
When you feel proud and confident, you are less likely to rely on others for attention or acceptance. Think about the things you like about yourself and remind yourself of them often. Increase self-esteem by challenging yourself to try new things and find ways to help others.
Self-talk is a big component of your self-esteem. Instead of criticizing yourself, talk to yourself warmly and with encouragement. You could say, for example, “I can do that. I can. I will determine my own destiny. Whatever happens, I will do my best."
Step 4. Accept other people's limitations
Look for the positive in everyone and hold on to reasonable expectations or expectations. Don't get angry if someone lets you down sometimes. Remind yourself that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses.
For example, no one is perfect. If your friend forgets an appointment or a plan with you, don't rush into it, especially if this is the first time she's forgotten it. If you immediately misbehave, you will expect everyone to be perfect, while you can still make mistakes yourself
Method 3 of 3: Living Safely
Step 1. Know what you want
Ask yourself about the life you want, and make a plan to make that life a reality. Prioritize personal goals and values, instead of trying to satisfy or please others.
- Don't equate self-satisfaction with the amount of attention you get from the person you hang out with. Think about what makes you happy, even when that person isn't in your life.
- Create and pursue your own goals, instead of trying to live up to the expectations of others.
Step 2. Take control of your own schedule
Plan a schedule based on your needs and wants. Set aside time for self-care and activities you enjoy (eg visiting friends or watching a movie at the cinema). Don't let other people's plans rule or control your life.
For example, if your partner comes home to his family, don't be sad or whine about feeling lonely. Find fun or productive things to do in your spare time
Step 3. Expand your social circle
Avoid being overly dependent on someone by spending time with different people. Keep in touch with family and make plans to see your friends regularly. If your social circle is small, you may meet new people at work, class, or social clubs.
Step 4. Give something to someone else
When you help someone, you will feel more reliable, and not dependent on someone. Call family members or friends when they need additional support, and look for opportunities to volunteer in your city/area.
Help others with sincere or sincere intentions. If you're expecting something, you're still in a dependency mindset
Step 5. Focus on your own goals
If you feel too fixated on other people, step back and focus on your own goals or ideals. You can do simple tasks like getting your homework done (e.g. painting a room), or taking steps toward a bigger goal (e.g. going back to school).
Step 6. Build interdependencies
Like addiction, emotional isolation is not healthy. As you break away from old habits, make an effort to spend time with people who are emotionally healthy. Build relationships based on mutual respect, honesty, and empathy, and not need.
- For example, try brainstorming to find a solution to a personal problem before you ask someone else for advice. This way, you can learn to solve problems while taking into account the practical advice that others have.
- If you are really feeling helpless and struggling, ask a therapist for help.
