No one wants to be a loser. Fortunately, with a little time and energy, no one has to be a loser! Whoever you are, changing your life is as easy as deciding that you will draw the line and make a change right now. Don't let people tell you you're a loser – instead, ignore their pettiness and try to be the happiest and best person you can be. See Step 1 below to get started!
Step
Method 1 of 3: Taking Control of Your Life
Step 1. Respect yourself
If there's only one thing you can do to improve yourself, this is it. When people truly value and respect themselves, it becomes apparent to everyone around them. These people may not be all excited and cheerful, but they all exude such a sense of respect and confidence that it's obvious that they don't consider themselves losers. Start by thinking good, valuable things about yourself – what you're good at, how you enjoy yourself, and so on. Knowing that you have your own unique strengths and talents makes it much easier to love yourself and harder to notice people who might want to bring you down.
If you're feeling down and it's hard to find value in yourself, try the following exercise. Take a piece of paper and draw a vertical line in the middle. At the top on one side, write "pros", and at the top of the other side, write "cons". Start by writing the positive and negative attributes in the appropriate fields. For every "con" you write, try writing down two "pros." When you've filled in the "pro" fields, stop and review what you've written. Your positive qualities should be able to minimize the negative
Step 2. Devote time to your hobbies and interests
People who spend time doing what they love find it easier to love themselves. The fun and satisfaction you get from indulging in hobbies and interests is great for building self-confidence and increasing awareness of self-worth. If you haven't already, try spending a little time each day or week doing something positive and fun that you love. If you can do hobbies with other people, even better – friends can raise the level of entertainment of your hobby from "fun" to "let's do it again as soon as we can".
- This is especially true if your work or school situation is not ideal. It can be hard to find a new job you love or find a new group of friends at school, but it's not hard, for example, to spend time practicing the piano every night if you like music.
- Try to do skill-based activities that you can improve over time. While watching television and playing video games are fun, they usually don't offer serious self-improvement potential.
Step 3. Continue to be physically active
Believe it or not, the way you treat your body can have a real effect on how you perceive yourself emotionally. Exercise has been shown to release chemicals called endorphins in the brain that can help you feel positive and optimistic. Frequently devoting time and energy to fitness can help you feel more relaxed, confident, and energetic. In addition, exercise is also known to help cure depression. All of these qualities make exercise a great option for people looking to improve their overall mood.
To be clear, you don't have to have the body of a professional athlete to be happy. Although everyone's fitness needs are different, the American Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends that adults should get approximately 1.25 - 2.5 hours of cardio exercise per week (depending on intensity level) in addition to strength training on two or more days each week. week
Step 4. Work hard at work or school
It's easiest to feel good about yourself when you're successful at a personal or professional goal. Unless you're one of the lucky few who can afford to live a free and luxurious life, chances are you have some professional duties – for most people, this means work or school. Do your best when you complete those responsibilities. Not only can this help you gain a better self-image, but it can also lead to promotions, good grades, and so on, which in turn will increase your self-esteem. You don't have to kill yourself in an attempt to feel contentment (for example, don't miss the birth of your first child to force a few hours at your desk), but you do have to have the habit of working hard and doing your best at whatever you do.
- If you've just lost your job, don't be shy – instead, make an earnest effort to find another, better job. Don't forget there's an old saying: "Looking for a job is a job."
- Watch out for people who encourage you to skip work or school for temporary pleasure. While entertaining activities are always a good idea, someone who constantly ignores their responsibility for cheap thrills is the very definition of a loser.
Step 5. Be a responsible social being
Humans are social creatures – we are meant to spend time with each other. In fact, social withdrawal is generally seen as one of the common signs of depression. If you've been feeling down or depressed lately, seeing a friend or family member you haven't seen in a while is a good way to get rid of negative thoughts. Spending an afternoon having fun with the people closest to you can redirect your outlook on life.
While spending time hanging out with friends is almost always a good idea, try not to think exclusively of negative emotions and thoughts when you're with them. A good friend would love to talk to you about a serious problem you have, but getting into the habit of "spilling out" emotional problems on your friends can be overwhelming for them. Instead, try talking to a family member, a trusted role model, such as a teacher, boss, or religious leader who knows you, or a professional counselor
Step 6. Plan your future
People who have long-term responsibility plans find it easier to enjoy themselves in the short term because they don't have to worry so much about tomorrow's problems. If you're working, don't put off saving for retirement – you'll never regret starting saving at an early age, even if you can only save a little at first (for more information, see How to Save). If you're still in school, spend a little time thinking about your plans for further education or work. Ask yourself, "Will I continue on to the next level of education after graduation, or start looking for a job?"
When you know the answers to these two questions, start looking for a job or school you like. It's never too early to start planning for the future. Plus, you can always change your plans if you start to feel a difference
Step 7. Surround yourself with good people
The people we associate with can shape us. They can change our priorities, introduce us to people and things we would not otherwise encounter, and generally make our lives richer. However, when we spend a lot of time hanging out with people who are aimless, have no hobbies, and have negative attitudes about life, it's easy to get a distorted view of what's important. If you have any suspicions that you're spending private time, don't be afraid to limit the amount of time you spend with these people until your life is in order. You may find that once you've worked things out with yourself, you suddenly lose interest in spending time with them. If you're not sure, look for these negative attitudes in the people you spend time with:
- Negative self-image (e.g. comments like, "Why can't I do anything right?")
- Negative views of you (e.g. comments like, "Uh, you again.")
- Lack of hobbies or personal interests
- Hobbies and interests relate only to drug use, "lazy" activities, etc.
- Sedentary lifestyle (e.g. a lot of time spent on the couch, watching television, etc.)
- Lack of personal direction or purpose
Step 8. Don't listen to the haters
Life is too short to worry about what petty people think of you. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself with what they say, you don't have to accept it. Instead, let them know what effect their comments have on how you feel. Say something as simple as, "Shut up. Stop being a jerk!" usually enough to let people know that you don't like their negative attitude. If they don't change, don't hang out with them anymore! You shouldn't feel obligated to spend time with people you hate (outside of necessary functions, of course, such as weddings, birthday parties, etc.).
While you don't want to pay too much attention to other people's negative comments, you don't need to ignore other people's suggestions entirely. If someone you know and respect raises their concerns about you, listen. It may not make sense, but it can be enlightening – the only way to find out is to listen
Method 2 of 3: Conquering Social Events
Step 1. Believe in your abilities
The biggest thing people who see themselves as losers can do to improve their social situation is to gain self-confidence. When you believe that social events aren't scary and that you have what it takes to talk to people you don't know, doing so will become a lot easier. There are tons of guides on the internet that can give you a variety of pointers for boosting your self-confidence (including the wikiHow How to Be Confident. Below are some general tips you'll find:
- Spend a few minutes imagining yourself having fun at an upcoming social event. Imagine what you said and what you did, then use this as a guide.
- Think of social failure as an example from which you can learn from.
- Listen to upbeat or upbeat music to "pump yourself up" before going to a social event.
- Don't allow yourself to think about what could go wrong. Jump right into the social event that worries you!
- Ask yourself, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" In most social events, the answer is, "Not much."
Step 2. Positive
If you can rely on yourself instead of others for your happiness, you won't have to worry about scary times at the social events you attend. Try to think positively when you are going to a social event that you dread. Don't think about what might not go well – instead, think about what might go well! Think about the people you can meet, the good impression you can make, and the fun you can have. In general, unless you're unlucky, reality will be closer to this possibility than worrying about self-shaming and dissatisfaction.
Step 3. Ask other people about themselves
When you can't think of anything at a social event, it's almost never wrong to ask the other person about themselves. This shows that you are interested in what they have to say and keeps the conversation active and interesting. As you listen to them, you can give short responses like, "Oh?", "Uh-huh," "Yes?", etc. to show that you are listening without interrupting.
While it may be tempting to get into personal details, try to limit your questions to small talk until you're familiar with someone. For example, if you've just met a stranger at a party, you might ask questions similar to, "Where are you from?", "What did you learn?", and, "Did you see the movie that just came out?" Try to avoid questions like, "How much do you earn, before taxes?", "Do you have a good relationship with your mother?", and, "Do you usually kiss strangers at parties?"
Step 4. Be open about what you like and don't like
When you're at a social event, you shouldn't feel like you have to lie about yourself in an attempt to "fit in." As long as you're polite and friendly, you don't have to agree with everything other people say. Having the confidence to politely disagree with someone shows that you value them enough to be honest with them. On the other hand, constantly agreeing with someone can make them think you're trying to curry favor.
In fact, polite disagreements and debates can make for interesting and soulful conversations. Just make sure you follow the conversation with a light heart. Don't lower yourself by throwing insults and punches to prove your point. Remember, if you can't prove you're right by pure logic, you probably aren't
Step 5. Don't over-share
If you really enjoy talking to someone, it may be tempting to bring up a serious topic to hear what they think about you. On some level, you need to resist this urge until you really get to know the person. Discussing a very serious or emotional topic with someone you don't know well can kill the momentum of the conversation, make the interaction awkward or lead to a sudden and forced subject change. Below are some of the subjects you should avoid when talking to a stranger or an acquaintance, not a close friend:
- The emotional problems you have
- Relationship difficulties
- Recent personal loss
- Horrible subjects (death, genocide, etc.)
- Subjects that are too vulgar (dirty jokes, etc.)
Step 6. Remember that you are talking to a human
If you're worried about the social interactions you'll have, remember this, no matter how intimidating it may be, the person you should be talking to is a human, just like you! That person has hopes, dreams, fears, flaws, and anything in between, so don't fall into the trap of thinking they're perfect. This is especially important when it comes to your conversational skills – he may or may not be a very conversationalist, so if the conversation gets awkward, you don't have to blame yourself.
Remember, no matter how calm and controlled a person may seem when you talk to him, at the end of the day, he still has to put his pants on one leg first. If someone seems intimidating to you, it can be helpful to think of that person in a less serious context (e.g. them in underwear, buying socks, watching television with a bowl of chips on their stomach, etc.)
Step 7. Relax
In a stressful social event, this can be the toughest, but it's the smartest choice you can make. Relaxation will make almost everything about interacting with other people easier – you'll have a better sense of humor, topics will come naturally, it's less intimidating to approach other people, and more. If you have a personal technique or habit that you use to relax, doing it before a stressful social event can be very helpful.
- Everyone is different, but some general techniques can help most people relax. For example, many people find that a few minutes of meditation can make it easier for them to relax. For others, exercise or listening to relaxing music may be the key.
- For more information, see How to Relax.
Method 3 of 3: Starting a Love Life
Step 1. Search for a partner actively
No one has ever found a partner by sitting quietly in their room all day. To find a romantic partner, you have to explore the world around you, which means going out and doing things where you might meet people you don't know. You don't have to do this alone – if you can convince your friends to go out together, you'll have someone to talk to even if you don't meet new people.
- There are literally countless things you can do to meet new people. Some are obvious (like going to bars, social clubs, parties, and so on), while others aren't. For example, hosting a book club or rock climbing event and inviting your friends to invite their friends can be a great way to meet new people. Be creative! Anything you do that involves other people can be a way to meet someone.
- It won't be enough to say – the only way to meet new people is to go out and do things where you are likely to interact with other people. If you're not lucky enough to meet someone in the usual places and situations, try new places and activities until you actually come face-to-face with new people.
Step 2. Approach others without hesitation
When it comes to getting a date, being spontaneous and assertive is usually a huge force. Almost everyone is nervous about the prospect of talking to someone they like. However, one of the keys to dating success is to act quickly and decisively. If you feel attracted to someone in the same room, approach them and start talking right away! This shows a high level of self-confidence which, for many people, is very attractive
Don't wait and waste time worrying about how to approach perfection. You may not always be successful by approaching without a doubt, but you will be more successful than the other way around. Plus, even in cases where things don't go your way, you'll meet more people this way
Step 3. Frankly say that you want to see each other again
If you've just met someone and feel the first throb of attraction, don't let that person slip away! Instead, let him know that you want to see him again in the near future. In 99.9% of cases, the worst case scenario is that you will get a "no thanks" answer. However, if you never ask, there's a 100% chance you'll regret it!
At this point, you don't have to offer an invitation to meet in a romantic context. Simply say something like, "Hey, you have to come when we're playing bowling." is a low-pressure way to extend bids meet again. If he is interested, he will usually do one of two things: accept, or refuse but give reasons and say that he would love to see each other again at a different time
Step 4. Don't be desperate after being rejected
It's a big deal – nothing can turn off the romantic spark like sticking out, too soon. Never be the one who can't take "no" for an answer. If someone doesn't want to talk to or see you, that's okay – they are human beings with free will, just like you. Just change the subject or just casually walk away! Don't try to win someone's affection after you've been rejected. It never works and is usually embarrassing for both parties.
To avoid the ruin of being rejected, try to avoid getting yourself emotionally involved with people you haven't gotten too close to. This way, if you get a "no" answer, it's no big deal. You have another choice
Step 5. Look the way you want to be seen
Don't obsess over looks before going somewhere where you might meet people. While you should pay attention to the basics of personal hygiene, and grooming, in casual social situations the rest is usually up to you. Try to dress in a way that you think looks good and makes you feel good. If you think the person you see in the mirror looks neat, beautiful, and/or charming, it will be easier for you to approach romantic opportunities with the confidence needed to succeed.
The big exception here is for formal and semiformal events. Certain places and events (such as weddings, fine restaurants, etc.) require certain formalities of dress. In this situation, appearing casually dressed can indicate a lack of respect, so if you're not sure, contact a staff member of the place you're visiting to see if there's a dress code
Step 6. Be sincere
Most people know very well when they are being lied to. Therefore, you should never try to "fake" the interactions you have with the person you are romantically attracted to. Honesty is always the best bet. Don't be the kind of person to overwhelm someone with false, flowery compliments or display a cocky and arrogant persona when you're trying to pursue romantic opportunities. Eventually, you'll have to let your guard down around this person, so it's best to be yourself from the start to make sure they don't suddenly become aware of your true personality.
Above all, approaching someone romantically without honesty is also very disrespectful. Ask yourself, "Would I be flattered or humiliated if someone lied just to get close to me?"
Step 7. Make plans for a date
If you hang out with someone a lot to the point where you start to feel a strong attraction, you may want to ask this person on a date without waiting too long, or you risk sending the message that you're not interested. There's no need to be flashy when asking someone out. However, you need to have a plan in mind. This method shows several things: that you've thought through the decision well, that you're confident, and that you have good ideas about how to have fun. Asking someone out with no specific activity to do can be a bit awkward – avoid this by planning ahead. Below are some ideas for a great first date:
- Hiking in scenic locations (or try geocaching)
- Creating art projects together (e.g. painting, pottery, etc.)
- Picking fruit in the wild or in the garden.
- Go to the beach
- Play competitive sports (if you like risk, try something like paintball)
- Don't go to the movies (this is a great activity, but for a first date, you'll want to do something where you can talk to her). Instead, try watching it in the open without leaving the car or at home.
Tips
Read this wikiHow article for expert tips on how to get better at the things you want to do
Warning
- Don't be the stupid sheep that follows the crowd. Be who you are and the person you want to be. That means not listening to mainstream music just to be part of the crowd..
- Don't be discouraged: you can improve yourself with effort.
