We all want to be liked. However, if you have struggled to be confident and comfortable around other people's presence, you're not alone. Luckily, you can learn some real skills and practice to work towards making yourself the best, most fun, and most confident version of yourself. Learn how to act, look and be the type of person that makes people want to be around you.
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Part 1 of 3: Have Fun
Step 1. Make people relax around you
If you seem nervous, people will be nervous too. If you are relaxed, comfortable with yourself, and open, people will quickly notice and enjoy being around you. One of your main goals should be to make people relax when you are around them.
- Learn how to sit comfortably, breathe normally, and sit still. Don't tap your feet, chew gum nervously, or move restlessly. Just sit quietly.
- Sometimes, practice just sitting down. If you're on the bus, you can play with your phone or listen to headphones, or you can practice just sitting there doing nothing. Practice to appear as if you are relaxed.
Step 2. Be spontaneous
People love to be around people who make life feel like an adventure. If you want to be someone who makes people enjoy being around, someone who makes people want to get their attention, you need to learn how to put a little energy and spontaneity into your life. Accept the change of plans and go with the flow.
- Try to come up with a plan that you will specifically fail. If you come home every day and play video games for an hour, determine that you're going to do something else, but don't decide what else you're going to do until you get out of school. Make sure you have a fun plan in place by the time you get home.
- Make yourself spontaneous right now. Talk to the cute barista at your regular coffee shop, or call an old friend and ask if they'd like to go out to have some fun tonight. There is no other time like this.
Step 3. Be agreeable
In general, people don't want to turn every conversation into an argument. We enjoy the presence of people who are supportive, positive, and make planning easy, not difficult. Make yes your standard answer when friends ask you if you want to go out and make plans. Just do it, and people will see you as a pleasant and supportive presence in their lives.
- Try to distinguish between things that are important to maintain and things that are less important. If all your friends want to go out for tacos tonight, but you just had tacos this afternoon, would that really matter to re-open the debate and strife? Probably not.
- Being agreeable doesn't mean being weak. If you have a valid complaint, or disagree with others about a security issue, people enjoy being around people who speak their mind too. Just make sure you're not arguing just so you have something to say.
Step 4. Be a good listener
We all need a listener sometimes. Practice your listening skills and give your friends your full attention when they are talking. Too often, we just wait our turn to speak and try to think of things to say. Instead, put the turn on your friends' side and let them talk.
- When you listen to someone, ask questions to keep them talking. Look them in the eye, and nod your head to show that you are listening. And really listen to what they have to say, don't just wait your turn to speak.
- A good listening technique is to repeat and summarize what your friend has said. When it's your turn to answer, start with things like, Looks like what you're saying is… or Interesting how you…
- Don't get ahead of the person in the conversation. If your friend is sad and tells you about their current breakup, this is not the time to talk about how your last breakup was much worse. Conversation is not a contest.
Step 5. Be positive
Nobody wants to be around someone who is negative. Try to stay as positive as possible and be a positive influence on your friends, and people will be more likely to want to be around you on a regular basis. If you bring joy, rather than bitterness, people are more likely to include you.
- Try to find pleasure in everything. If you're going out for dinner, and the service is bad, the food isn't great, and the place is full and noisy, instead of nagging, invite everyone to play a game, or try to laugh it all off. Get people to talk about something positive.
- Try not to complain too much. If you feel like talking about something unpleasant, stay away from it and talk about something pleasant.
Step 6. Be active
Given the choice, most people would want to be with someone who wants to do something, not someone who just wants to sit around. Even if you're quiet and aloof, find fun and unique ideas for things to do, and make plans to put those ideas into action, rather than just waiting for something to happen.
- Write down five activities you enjoy in your city and keep the list close at all times. If your friends are hanging out but you're bored, you'll be the one to have a backup plan in case of an emergency.
- Sometimes, just hanging out together quietly is also fun. You don't have to be wild and crazy all the time to make people want to be around you, and introverts are often just as much fun as super-extroverts.
Step 7. Have your own ideas and share them
While it may seem, especially when you're young, that people indulge in the same ideas and actions, in the long run, they want to be around real people. Unique person. People who have their own ideas and don't want to follow the ideas of most people just like that. Don't imitate things you hear from popular parents or kids, just because you want to join them.
- Don't be afraid to be a leader. If you're working on a school project and everyone is hesitating, take control if you know what to do. Don't automatically wait for someone else to take control.
- If you speak confidently, it will make you seem like a mysterious and magnetic person who makes people want to be around you. Practice speaking clearly and loudly when sharing your ideas.
Part 2 of 3: Be Confident
Step 1. Always be on standby
If you are always only half-prepared, confused, and overwhelmed with your responsibilities, people will begin to see you as a burden rather than a pleasant presence. Even something as simple as being ready for class will make you seem more fun than a classmate who never had a pencil, always asked what page it was on, and always asked for help with homework at the last minute.
- Do what is expected of you, and exceed those expectations, if you can. If you do the dishes without being asked, always hang up your towels, and cook meals for everyone, you're much more likely to be asked to be someone's roommate.
- Be as independent as possible. The less you ask for help, the more confident you will become in your own abilities, as well as being able to help people with their problems. You will be useful.
Step 2. Be interested in people
If you show curiosity, friendship, and a valid interest in other people's lives, you will become someone who is fun to approach. People like to be around real people, people who are curious and seem supportive. Be that kind of person.
- Ask lots of questions in conversation to keep people talking and feel relaxed in the conversation. You can keep the conversation flowing easily by asking more questions. Even simple things like, "What's that like?" or "How does it feel?" will keep people talking.
- Often times, people will mistake social awkwardness as egocentric or self-centered. While this is unfortunate, you can do a lot to avoid this misunderstanding by showing an honest and real interest in the other person. Don't just talk about yourself.
- Look people in the eye when you talk to them. Show them physically that you are open and paying attention when they talk.
Step 3. Speak clearly and loudly
It's not only your idea and presence that matters, it's also the way you convey your thoughts. If you have something to say, say it clearly and loudly, like you support it, not like you're embarrassed about what you think. If it's important to say something, say it loud enough to be heard.
Don't make doubtful statements or cancel your ideas. Avoid starting sentences with, "Sorry, but…" or "I don't really know…" or "This is stupid, but…" Don't cancel your idea before you even share it. Just say what you think. Defend yourself
Step 4. Know when to stop talking
The less you talk, the more powerful the things you say. It's not always appropriate to join in on the conversation, and in fact, people usually want to be around someone they can comfortably share a little silence with. You don't always have to talk a lot.
Don't talk just to talk. If you don't have anything you can contribute to a group conversation, or if your opinion is just going to be repetitive, then keep quiet. It's not important to be the center of the conversation
Step 5. Be yourself
People will quickly be able to distinguish imitations and fakes from real people in the world. Don't pretend to be something you're not. If something is popular, it won't necessarily earn you more friends if you pretend to like it. Be yourself and love what you love.
The flip side to this is the idea that you can be whoever you want to be. Just because you've been shy or reserved doesn't mean you'll always be that way. Make changes for the better and improve yourself, if you identify something you need to improve on. What is your ideal version of yourself?
Step 6. Let your actions speak
Some people make the mistake of thinking that they need to build themselves up with strengths and arrogance to get others to like them. While this can be rated as a minor irritation at best, it can also lead people to believe that you're a liar, insecure, and a sucker. Let your actions and success speak, don't build yourself up with pride.
Don't do snobbery-simple, too, especially on social networks. There's nothing that makes people dislike your presence like a bunch of tweets about how exhausted you are from the sheer amount of work you have to do now that you're team captain, or how hot the water is in your hot tub in the summer. Buu-huu
Step 7. Silence your self-criticism
That little voice that tells you that you're not funny enough, or not attractive enough, or not rich enough, or not smart enough to hang out with people? Tell him to shut up and leave. Nothing underestimates your ability to move around the world with such confidence as this annoying little voice. The noise just keeps you from having fun and having the friends you want.
Try a mantra that will keep you positive, even if it feels trite. But let the voice enter your brain and drown out the voices of complaints. Steal self-confidence-boosting phrases and ideas from upbeat songs. Even if it's a pompous rap, start listening to Jay-Z's songs to cheer you up. You get this, whatever it is
Part 3 of 3: Look Good
Step 1. Keep it clean
Your personality is the most important thing to work on if you want people to enjoy being around you, but that doesn't mean that more superficial things should be ignored completely. Especially if you smell. If you want to be a pleasant presence to people, make sure you keep yourself clean so they can stay around you.
- Shower at least 4-5 times a week and change your clothes regularly.
- Change your socks and underwear every day.
- Wash your face, armpits and hair regularly.
- Brush your teeth twice a day.
Step 2. Cut your hair in a style that makes you look good
First impressions are important. If you're 20 but have an 8-year-old haircut, chances are people won't be attracted to you before they even get to know you. Get your hair cut and learn how to style your hair so that it accentuates and frames your face well.
Even if you opt for the rock star's messy hair look, you should still brush it occasionally. No one will want to be with you if you have cobwebs in your hair
Step 3. Wear clothes that make you look good
While you don't have to wear clothes that are popular, expensive, or worn by other people, it's true that you will feel confident and happy if you wear clothes that make you feel confident and happy. That confidence will rub off on others and make you a fun person to hang out with.
- There is no single cool way to dress, and what is cool will depend entirely on who you are, how old you are, and your own sense of dress. You can look cool wearing clothes from a secondhand store or from a mall.
- Choose a style that makes you look good. If you feel better and more confident when you wear a hoodie and skate shoes, go for it. If you feel confident when you wear nice clothes, start wearing nice clothes every day. If you can't live without your Levi's jeans, buy five pairs to match.
Step 4. Live healthy
Develop a healthy interest in making your body fit for you in a shape you can be proud of. If you respect your body, people will see that you are a worthy person to be friends with. Find a physical activity that you enjoy and try to be as fit as possible.
- Not everyone has to play a sports game, or be a rock climber, but try to find a physical activity that you enjoy. Try free running, or skateboarding, or hiking, if you don't like traditional team-based sports.
- While it may seem that bad things like smoking, drugs, or alcohol can help you make friends, they won't help you to maintain friendships long term, especially if you have problems with addiction. You want to be around people who only want what's best for you, not people who want to destroy you. Practice healthy habits.
Step 5. Be comfortable with yourself
No one has a perfect body, or feels comfortable all day every day. But if you want people to enjoy being around you, try to leave feeling self-conscious and inferior about your body and be comfortable with yourself.
Step 6. Know yourself
When you are young, it can be difficult to know who you really are. Are you someone who plays guitar and wears a jeans jacket and never takes it off? Are you someone who wears a polo shirt and hangs out with the football team? Are you someone who plays games? There is not necessarily a single answer to this question, and the more honest you are with yourself about your interests, likes, and dislikes, the more confident you will become and will find it easier to find friends who like you and want to be around you.
