Have you ever been involved in an argument that could change your reputation among friends or colleagues, and it all depended on your ability to give a quick answer to someone who had insulted or belittled you? Or, in a less critical situation, have you ever wished you could give a scathing answer on the spot? Spicy answers require natural talent, but can be improved with practice and preparation. You'll also need to build on your confidence and discretion if you want to avoid the fine line between a scathing and violent response.
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Method 1 of 3: Building Skills
Step 1. Practice your scathing response skills
Not everyone is used to thinking spontaneously. Therefore, your scathing skills sometimes depend on your ability to remember some standard answers that can be used as a last resort. Don't try to come up with a scathing answer if you don't have the talent for it. You may end up looking stupid or so frustrated with yourself that all your efforts go to waste.
Memorizing and practicing can help you make the most of your abilities, and can help you when you have to deal with debates here and there. Like artists in other fields, mastering how to come up with tricky answers seems to need to be supported by natural talent, plus attitude and preparation
Step 2. Improve your listening skills
There's no magic formula for developing the ability to give scathing answers, but improving your listening skills can go a long way. Pay attention to the person you are talking to, and focus on what he is saying and what it means to him. The scathing answers are spoken in direct response to what he has said, not taken from a collection of scathing answers that are appropriate for the situation at hand.
Practice focusing on what he's saying instead of letting your mind wander wildly while trying to craft a scathing answer. Try to hone your skills with activities like “verbal volleyball”. In this exercise you and your partner take turns making up stories adding one word at a time; he says one word, you listen carefully and think of the next word as quickly as possible, and so on
Step 3. Recall a situation in the past
Choose one of the conversations and write a version that shows you being more pungent in your response. Create a better scripted conversation and use it as a foundation to guide you to come up with scathing answers in the future.
However, remember that the best scathing answers are created on the spot, not simply picked up from similar situations in the past. Use this exercise for inspiration and practice, not as a source for specific answers
Step 4. Quickly fend off insults thrown at you
Thinking about it, you continue to dwell on the insult, which makes you feel hurt. Instead, focus not on the insult, but on how to respond quickly.
- The trick behind the spicy answer is speed. Don't analyze the consequences of what you just said. Instead, think of the debate as a game and the insult is just something that needs to be hit back.
- For example, if someone ends an insult with the words “and you stink too,” don't think about your personal hygiene routine when composing your answer. Stay focused on the words and say something like, "Yeah, but at least my smell will go away after a shower, unlike your rancid personality."
Step 5. Be prepared and willing to criticize what others have to say
Step into the debate and enjoy the spirit of confrontation, don't be afraid or belittle it. See the confrontation as an invitation to play rather than as an excuse to feel insulted. If you can't persuade yourself to look at it that way, it's best to avoid trying to come up with a scathing response, and look for another approach.
- Take the opportunity to point out contradictions the other person makes while trying to show off his intelligence. By doing so, you are reducing the meaning of the insult in the eyes of the person who made it.
- However, don't try to criticize something longer than necessary. If you give a long-winded reply, he may interrupt you with another answer, making what you said irrelevant.
- For example, if he says it's a waste of his precious time insulting you, reply "Well, I'm glad to hear you didn't really try to insult me in the last five minutes."
Step 6. Use sarcasm if you can do it well
Sarcasm can be a weapon in itself if used with ingenuity, and not in excess. If someone tries to insult you with a nonsensical comment, feel free to reply with a sarcastic "Well, there's actually a smart answer." Answering briefly is also useful in this regard. A rambling, sarcastic monologue won't have the same impact.
- Remember, sarcasm requires the right timing and the right tone of voice. Think Severus Snape in the Harry Potter series or Oscar Wilde, both of whom are so good at sarcasm that they can do it briefly and effectively.
- Use sarcasm in a joke, not to strip someone. Consider the person you're talking to and whether he or she is ready to see the sarcasm for what it is and not take it personally.
- For example, “Wow, that last insult is almost understandable. Keep trying."
Step 7. Don't argue over petty things
The most famous scathing comments are usually short and sweet, ending on the spot. In most cases, a scathing answer should be enough to end the problem right away. Continuing the discussion, argumentation, or exchange of opinions is likely to weaken the impact of what you say.
- You're free to change the topic, leave to continue the conversation next time, or pretend he's not there anymore. The key is to be in control before you move on.
- Don't walk away when he's hurling insults, because it shows that you can't take him. However, you can defend yourself if necessary by saying: "I'll be back when your anger subsides so we can hurl insults at each other again." That way, you put the responsibility in your opponent's hands so he can act more appropriately and give you a dignified exit.
Step 8. Most importantly, stay calm
Don't be angry, or even irritated. Remember that your opponent's insults are inappropriate or make you angry. Get rid of personal dislike of the other person and focus on what he or she has to say in a calm and objective manner. Focus on giving scathing answers and maintain your resolve to stay calm.
- Imagine that you step up to the plate to face off against the opposing team's top pitcher. Don't focus on whether he's a jerk or not. Calmly, focus on the ball and hit it through the gaps for a winning shot.
- Practice looking very calm, even amused or confused, in the mirror. Even though the heart is hot, the head must remain cool. Say this to yourself and your mind will respond the same way.
Step 9. Don't try to come up with a scathing answer if you're not ready to do it
While you're learning to hone your ability to give scathing answers, try to be tactful and diplomatic for a while. If in the end you can't come up with a scathing answer, at least people aren't aware of all the effort you put in and just think you're a polite person!
Method 2 of 3: Looking for Inspiration
Step 1. Learn from the experts
Undoubtedly, the scathing answer is an original one, but you can get a lot of ideas by studying history's most famous scathing answer. Take the time to put together an effective collection of smart answers. Eventually, as your skills develop, you'll be able to create scathing "spontaneous" answers.
- Study famous characters with their scathing answers, such as Dorothy Parker, Winston Churchill, Mark Twain, Mae West, George Bernard Shaw, Groucho Marx, Oscar Wilde, Margaret Thatcher, and so on.
- Read about intelligent conversations between the likes of Ernest Hemingway and William Faulkner, or George Bernard Shaw and Winston Churchill. Even the conversation between Han and Leia in Star Wars could.
- Here are some practical examples from one of the best sources, Groucho Marx: “I've had great nights, but this isn't one of them.”
Step 2. Look for examples of scathing answers on the internet
There are plenty of scathing answers available for those who love to surf the internet. In fact, there is a website dedicated to scathing answers, and provides a variety of examples (some can be considered good, some not very good. Make a list of your favorites and study hard. At least this list can help you when the words others didn't work. Here are some of them:
- "Thank you for proving that I'm right."
- “Light travels faster than sound. Maybe that's why you look radiant until you speak up."
- Lean on something, close your eyes and wait a few seconds, then suddenly open your eyes and say “Oh, sorry! Did you just say something important? I must have fallen asleep."
- "You and I sometimes have a lot in common, don't we?" Use these comments to reply to insults about your weight, appearance, intelligence, and so on.
- "What? Sorry I didn't hear it. Can you repeat it?” (Insults are never the same impact after being said twice).
- "Only the same person can recognize each other." This answer may sound “outdated” today, but it can still be used in a pinch when you run out of ideas.
- If someone throws the same insult over and over, use this: “Still struggling with the same idea? Try something more… original.” Then, put on a small smile, and leave.
Step 3. Keep the context in mind as you collect samples of scathing answers
A scathing answer that hits the mark in one situation can go a long way in another. Read and collect scathing answers that are potentially insulting or hurtful, but don't assume that they can be used on everyone in situations that aren't particularly relevant.
- For example: “Next time you want to talk, use human language” may sound harmless in many situations, but it can also be painful for some. The scathing answer should be a bit of a “bite”, but shouldn't leave a lasting mark.
- Or: “I don't want to waste my energy hurting you. I don't even want to waste my energy even if you're really in pain.” This answer might work for people who know you well, but it could also get you into trouble. Even jokes about violence are sometimes taken seriously by many.
Step 4. Let the other party's words and actions reveal their true meaning
Sometimes you don't even have to bother with a scathing answer. If someone insists on saying something silly, insulting, frivolous, or unfounded, let them dominate the conversation and you only need to use dismissive gestures to express disapproval or disapproval. Others may think that people who can't control their anger, are annoying, or are always complaining don't need a harsh answer.
- Practice raising your eyebrows, grinning, rolling your eyes, or other gestures that show you're not impressed.
- Yawn or stare impatiently at the watch.
- Admittedly, this one response was a little childish: repeat exactly what he said, but in a funny voice. In order not to sound like a fussy kindergartner, you may need to practice with a friend.
Method 3 of 3: Using Intelligence Wisely
Step 1. Express your answer in a calm, controlled, and confident manner
While the content of the answer is important, the way you deliver it is also important. Avoid condescending or feeling great in your voice. Also try not to sound offended or insulted, as if your scathing response was simmering in the flames of a fiery rage.
Say spicy answers clearly, quickly, and confidently. Don't forget to put a little smile in your voice and eyes because you'll have to steer the argument to the funnier and wittier side of what's going on in order to be seen as hitting the mark
Step 2. Don't swear (or at least keep it to a minimum)
Swearing is not usually seen as intelligent, just as an expression of deep emotion. You may feel better after swearing because the tension has been released, but mostly it makes you look immature. Also, if you intend to refute their argument or statement, swearing won't do the trick.
However, the swearing of the other person can be used as a target for your intelligence, by making a sharp comment or saying in a bored tone: "Oh, now you're starting to swear? So mature,” then left him
Step 3. Cut down on harsh words
Similar to swearing, using harsh words will only make you look jealous, disoriented, and overly emotional. Using harsh words may seem like a powerful means of channeling anger and frustration, but it actually benefits the other person and doesn't look smart at all.
If you must use harsh words, stay focused on the argument, not the person you're talking to. For example, say, "You have a weird way of looking at this situation" instead of "You idiot." Or try, "Well, I'm pretty sure now of your indifference to this" instead of "You're just incompetent."
Step 4. Avoid being arrogant
A scathing answer meant to emphasize greatness and status superiority will usually backfire because it will change the situation when the other person insists that "you feel too great that I don't deserve to be compared to you", and so on. Once you get involved in this kind of debate, the situation usually becomes more heated and difficult to control.
- Making comments like “Yeah, I had that kind of problem in school… kindergarten I mean” can sound pretentious, but it depends on the context and the way it's delivered.
- It's hard to maintain a fine line between being smart and being pretentious, but the main factor to keep in mind is to maintain a sense of humor and not take the situation seriously.
Step 5. Also think about the people who take things personally
Of course, they shouldn't constantly think of themselves as victims and act as if their world would fall apart if you made fun of them, but you have to understand other people for who they are. In some cases, it feels unfair, unkind, and doesn't show you care if you provoke a weak opponent with a scathing response.
- Maybe you just meant to teach the person a lesson. However, at least consider the consequences that must be faced if you want to destroy the opponent in the debate because there is a possibility that he will sulk, fear, or get angry as a result.
- On the other hand, if he really was a jerk, that might be the lesson he needed, no matter if he had weak defenses.
Step 6. Don't hold grudges
Know that silencing someone verbally means you're not acknowledging their truthfulness. Don't do it too often because shaming someone has an immediate effect and isolates you. Make sure the action is really necessary. Once done, it's irrevocable, and if you want to start a dialogue with someone you've humiliated, be the first to offer reconciliation and explain that you don't hold a grudge.
Say something like “I really liked the way you kicked the ball the other day, but I don't agree with your attitude after the game. I feel I have no choice but to teach you a lesson for your bad attitude. I hope you will forgive me for such outspoken ways."
Step 7. Respect yourself and the other person
Remember the saying that “your mouth is your tiger”, words have the ability to hurt others. So, make sure your words keep the dignity of the other person in mind. On the other hand, don't let his words offend you. If you can't help but feel hurt, that means you have to struggle with hurtful comments.
Don't let his words become more than just words, and go about your day as normal knowing that you have managed to maintain dignity, speak with integrity and intelligence, and respect yourself and the person you are speaking to
Tips
- Don't look like you're trying hard to think of something smart. This will be an advantage for the opponent, especially if he can respond easily.
- If you're hurling insults at someone until they're speechless or it's taking them a long time to think about what to say, pout your lips and say “I thought so” or something like that, and walk away.
- If you are looking for samples of scathing answers on the internet, use keywords like “witty comeback” (spicy answer), “clever retort/reply” (smart comment/response), “witty reply” (spicy reply), “using wit” (using ingenuity), “insult joke”, and so on. Be aware that some sites contain plain and crude answers.
- Pretending to be withdrawn and disinterested is the key to the success of many smart answers. Show that you're not offended by smiling, using dismissive gestures, maintaining a calm tone of voice, while constantly thinking of ways to dodge rather than involve yourself. It might help if you instruct yourself: “Show bored and cool at the same time!”
- If someone says "shut up!" or “don't bother me”, it means you win. All you have to do is grin and say something like "I knew sooner or later you would give up" or "You can't take it anymore, can you? Fine, I won't bother you anymore."
- If the other person is dragged into an argument, remind the other person that it has nothing to do with the other person.
- Don't repeat your scathing answer. Use the best answer once, then look for a new answer.
- You can also use a scathing answer to dismiss the argument completely. Apply the same principles as described above and quell the debate before it even gets a chance to start.
- If all else doesn't work, laugh. Showing that you're not offended will counter the insult and emphasize your witty comment.
- For those who can't come up with caustic answers naturally, learn how to put a smile on your face and pretend that you don't care about what has just been said. It's a way of evading and making you instantly feel better.
Warning
- Don't, under no circumstances, use childish insults like "I know who you are, what am I?" or “At least I have a life”. All this shows that you're out of your mind and trying to find good (and unsuccessful) comments. The latter insult also leads to the assumption that you're great, breaking the rules for not actively trying to convey that understanding to your opponent.
- Don't subject Matilda's mother, father, brother/sister or grandmother to insults, unless you face the same insult or you don't mind other family members being insulted as well.
- “Don't bother me” is a plea to … not to be disturbed. That's not a scathing answer. By saying that, you open the door for more verbal bullying to come. It would be better if you remained silent than uttering such sad and desperate statements.
- Throwing in too many scathing answers will make you look silly and like a parrot. Remember to make smart responses that are short, to the point, and don't get too involved.
- Remember that insulting someone in an instant can turn into a libel if you're not careful. It's a good idea to be extra careful if you want to speak your tongue in an environment that will record your words, such as IRC, blog comments, and email.
