Have you ever had that nagging feeling that just won't leave your mind, constantly telling you that you're not being honest with yourself? Maybe you're deceiving yourself into believing that your relationship is happy, when it's not. Or maybe you're punishing yourself for financial matters, when you're actually doing everything well. Either way, being honest with yourself is a great opportunity to develop your life skills, conquer challenges, gain self-acceptance, and increase your authenticity.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Prepare to Assess Yourself
Step 1. Have the right mindset
Be open to self-assessment, which can be a useful problem-solving tool. You have to do it without shame or blame. You don't have to do it brutally. Instead, be gentle and kind to yourself but still be honest.
Think of yourself as a friend giving advice to yourself. This is to help you avoid treating yourself harshly
Step 2. Identify areas of self-evaluation
You don't have to evaluate every aspect of your life to start being true to yourself. Think about things that make you restless and can be changed. Your focus options include goals, career, money, family, spirituality, and love.
- You can also judge how you pass the time. For example, who do you spend time with? What kind of quality time do you spend with other people?
- You can see the choices you make for yourself. For example, what are your goals, exercise habits, eating, drinking, or work?
- You can also see how you fulfill the roles you fill, such as an employee, parent, child, spouse, and so on. Evaluate your goals and your progress towards achieving them.
Step 3. Be brave
A good start is with a problem you are comfortable with, then work your way up to a problem that makes you uncomfortable. Once you've gained confidence in your ability to be honest with yourself, continue challenging yourself by touching on topics you don't feel very comfortable with.
Be careful not to pick and choose what to judge based solely on how comfortable you feel on the topic. If you avoid the things that make you uncomfortable, chances are you will avoid the most important problem of all
Step 4. Set aside some time for yourself
Get up earlier or later than your family, or find a quiet place where you can sit and think. Some people think better while doing simple chores (such as washing) or while taking a walk. Find what works for you.
Part 2 of 3: Doing a Self-Assessment
Step 1. Write everything down
Putting things into words will make you specific. You can write them down any way you like, whether it's in the form of lists, notes, pictures, or maps. If you're not the writing type, consider talking to a voice recorder or recording your thoughts in some other way.
Step 2. Write down specifically and completely
Rather than vague assessments, broad assessments yield specific strengths and areas for improvement. This will help you when it comes time to take action. Don't just focus on areas of improvement, but also focus on strengths and skills.
For example, instead of noting that you're "too shy," you could say "I want to be more assertive when making my point at a meeting at work when I'm feeling really sure about something."
Step 3. Start with your strengths
What are you good at doing? What do you do with passion? What makes other people compliment you or say that you are smart? Once noted down, think about how to make it better or use it for your own good.
Take 10 minutes and complete the following sentences in as many different ways as you can: One of my strengths is…
Step 4. Note what areas could be improved
What do you not like? What didn't quite work for you? Focusing on areas of improvement can put things in perspective. After writing all that down, you can choose whether to try to fix the area or just let it go.
Take another 10 minutes and complete the following sentence in as many different ways as possible: Things don't work out when…
Step 5. Write down the opportunities you have
This could be based on how you use your strengths or improve yourself. On a personal level, an opportunity doesn't just mean the potential to make money. On the other hand, an opportunity may mean satisfying a need or helping you improve.
For example, learning to play an instrument may not give you a financial opportunity, but the satisfaction of learning to play music is enough to become an opportunity
Step 6. Write down the factors that undermined your success
What could ruin the opportunity, thwart hope, or warp your success? Identifying all of these factors will make you more alert so that it no longer feels so threatening.
Some risks are beyond our control, but many can be mitigated or anticipated
Step 7. Perform a verbal self-assessment
Place an empty chair across from you and imagine yourself sitting in it. Say out loud all the things you hide from yourself. This can be a positive thing about yourself.
If you feel more comfortable talking to another person, you can imagine that person sitting in that empty chair. You may even need to call the person and actually convey what you just said
Part 3 of 3: Reviewing and Following Up on Self-Assessment
Step 1. Review your list of strengths, opportunities, and areas of improvement
Cross out things that on second thought don't seem right or don't make sense. Replace with things that turned out to be missed. Also, put an asterisk next to things that are very true or evoke your reaction.
Step 2. Don't give up
Fight feelings of hopelessness and discouragement when you identify these areas of self-improvement. One way is to give yourself a small reward for identifying areas of self-improvement and taking action. Also, when feelings of hopelessness and discouragement arise, focus on the easiest thing and evaluate something that is relatively painless and easy to fix.
Remember, you're not measuring your worth as a human being, you're just trying to identify the difference between your real and ideal self
Step 3. Ask trusted friends how they perceive you
Looking at yourself objectively is not always easy, and an honest judgment from an outsider can help you determine whether your personal judgment is correct.
Keep things in perspective. You haven't won the Nobel Peace yet. Most of us do too. You are only human, and no one, including yourself, expects perfection from you
Step 4. Create a plan for action
Determine which areas need improvement and set goals to achieve them. For goals that seem too big, consider breaking them down into smaller goals. Make sure you define success in a way that you can identify when it has worked and is likely to succeed.
For example, if you think you have a weight problem, set a goal like “Lose 45 kg” and break it down into small steps that will get you there. Think of as many small changes as you can that will all fulfill your big goal. For example, the first week of stopping drinking soda and sugary drinks. The second week, leave the cakes that are sold in packages, such as pastries and donuts, and replace them with healthier versions. Keep rearranging your diet until you are almost always eating a healthy diet
Step 5. Create a chart depicting your progress
Keep the list to remember what your strengths and goals are. When you successfully complete an action and reach a goal, cross the item and add a new goal to the list. If there is no progress, find out the obstacles that are holding you back and focus on how to overcome them.
For example, if you can't get rid of your gambling addiction, think about how you started the quitting process and when it didn't work. You may find that you return to gambling on the weekends when there is nothing else to do, and you can start planning more activities to pass the time on the weekends
Step 6. Don't be too hard on yourself and keep perspective
While going through all of this remember to separate your behavior from who you are as a person. You are not your actions and your actions do not determine your worth. When you focus on an area of self-improvement, it seems like all you're going to do is “improve” yourself. So make sure you focus on the areas that don't need improvement.
For example, if you're focused on exercising more often, and you've met all of your exercise goals over the past month, you could take a day off and go to the movies instead of running. You just have to be careful not to fall back into old habits and waste all the effort you've put in
Tips
- Remember, it never hurts to write something down. You can choose not to share it, destroy it, edit it, or just keep it a secret.
- If you don't know where to start, try taking a personality test (see external link). The test alone can't dig up who you are, but it can provide insight into your nature to help you get started.
- You can always seek professional help regardless of the progress you have made. Being true to yourself doesn't mean you have to do it yourself.
