Negative events in the past can make the present life feel very difficult to live. Memories of unpleasant things can make it difficult for a person to sleep or live a daily life. There are times when you have to let go of what has happened in the past. If not, it means you are letting your past determine your future. In addition, you will always carry past experiences in the way you think, speak and view your life. Living life this way is like walking a rope with an invisible end. Let go of all the negative habits that have made you feel trapped in unfulfilled dreams and unfulfilled promises. Follow these steps with an open mind so that you can accept the past as a part of you and achieve everything you dream of.
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Part 1 of 3: Accepting Present Reality as a Result of Past Experiences
Step 1. Acknowledge past difficulties
Unresolved past experiences can sometimes have lasting psychological and physiological consequences. Therefore, try to accept the fact that your past influences your current outlook or habits.
- The first important step is to stop pretending that you are not affected by past events. You can't get over the past until you can accept it. If an incident reminds you of a traumatic event or that triggers a strong emotional reaction, try to calmly acknowledge that this situation is evidence of an influence from the past on your present life. Give yourself a chance to feel again what you have felt in the past. The following steps in this article will describe specific ways to resolve this situation.
- For example, if you are in a social situation and something happened that aroused your emotions about the past, don't try to fight it. It's best if you say goodbye and leave the group for a while. Take this opportunity to reflect on the past and see how it affected you before getting back together.
- The impact of past trauma can be very large if you do not have strong support from social networks.
- The trauma caused by past experiences can be so strong that it affects those you love. Unresolved past experiences can be a barrier when you want to build deeper relationships with the people you love. Past experiences also make you always busy thinking about dreams that have not come true. And in the end, this experience will affect your current outlook and habits that make it difficult for you to face obstacles in living your daily life.
Step 2. Know how trauma affects the brain
Traumatic or very intense experiences can affect the neurochemistry in our bodies. In fact, often, it also has an impact on the structure of our brain.
- If you feel like you need to be able to "work out" a problem, remember that the real world is much more complicated. Traumatic events can completely change how the brain works and sometimes the recovery process can take a long time. Try to stay relaxed and have a lot of patience.
- Based on scientific research on nerves, it is proven that the brain has a certain ability called “plasticity”. Our brains have a genetic ability that can be manipulated and expressed in unpredictable ways after experiencing a very influential event. In other words, your brain can change because of your genes and experiences.
- The physiological and psychological consequences of past experiences may be quite difficult to overcome and accept in your life. But one thing you need to know, your body and brain are constantly shaping up based on new experiences. Your brain and body have changed and will continue to change. You can make these changes in a positive way.
Step 3. Accept that you can no longer change what happened other than change the way you see it
You can't go back in time, but you can change the way you see and deal with the consequences from this moment on. Otherwise, your hurting self will continue to carry this emotional pain into new experiences and relationships.
- Any effort you make should be aimed at allowing you to accept the past and forgive those who have wronged you. Allow yourself to feel any emotions that arise from the past, then forget them!
- The next time you feel angry or sad because you are reminiscing about past experiences, realize that these negative emotions will only hurt yourself in the end. No anger big enough could undo what had already happened. Acknowledge your feelings and then find compassion in your heart to forgive those who have hurt you. Find the strength within yourself to let go of all that has happened.
- This recovery process takes time and will vary from person to person. The next steps in this article will explain how to go through the process.
- Living in the past can cause problems without you realizing it.
Step 4. Try meditating or practicing yoga
There are some activities called unification physical exercises (body, mind, and spirit) so you can come to terms with the past. Meditation and yoga, for example, can help you develop coping techniques or deal with problems on your own. This activity will also increase sensitivity in recognizing how your emotions affect certain parts of your body.
- Yoga practice should be done with the guidance of a professional instructor. If you've never done yoga, try searching the internet for information or find a yoga studio with low-cost or free beginner classes. Many places to practice yoga with affordable offers and choose the one that best suits your abilities.
- Meditation is an exercise that you can do yourself at home. Find a quiet place and then sit cross-legged and place the backs of your hands in your lap. Close your eyes and take a deep breath slowly. Focus your attention on the breath and don't think about anything else. You can buy CDs or download songs or MP3 music as a yoga practice guide so you can focus more.
- This exercise will be a psychological moment that you can use to identify certain emotions associated with past experiences. With this exercise, you can identify and change the influence of emotions that have shaped your behavior and thought processes over time.
Step 5. Keep a diary
Write down events that you experience in your daily life or in the past so you can identify emotions that are difficult to deal with.
- In the evening, write down everything that happened to you during the day. There's no need to tell your experiences in narrative form and don't think hard. Calm your mind first and then write down what you feel. This method will make you feel comfortable while writing this diary.
- This activity will feel easier if you are used to doing it. For now, you can write about past experiences that you can remember as you write.
- Focus on your thoughts and feelings by expressing yourself in writing, no need to make up a pretty story.
- By writing down a past event that caused you to feel disappointed, you will be able to accept it and make this incident less painful in your daily life. Expressive writing can be both mentally and physically beneficial. In addition to restoring emotions, this method can also restore disturbed sleep patterns.
- The emotional recovery process takes time and introspection, but it pays off very well if you let the process run its course.
Step 6. Make time to meet other people
Unresolved past experiences sometimes make a person not easy to believe in people who are not yet known. This can hinder the establishment of a good relationship. However, having strong social support can be very helpful in recovering from the effects of a past traumatic experience.
- Try to make yourself feel supported by hanging out with other people, don't be afraid. Start with an easy way, for example, invite people you just know to drink coffee together.
- Volunteering can also make you feel comfortable interacting with other people. In this way, you will also be more comfortable accepting the hurt feelings of seeing other people going through the same thing.
Step 7. Seek help from a professional
If you feel very overwhelmed or completely helpless, try asking someone who is professional in this area for help. If the steps above don't reduce or improve your condition, talk to a counselor or therapist about your problem.
- Sometimes past experiences can be so draining that it is necessary to seek help from someone who has already helped others with the same problem. This is what counselors and therapists are for.
- If you don't know where to find a counselor or therapist, try asking your GP for a referral.
- Your insurance policy may provide coverage if you need outpatient therapy for mental problems. Check your policy in detail about this.
Part 2 of 3: Forming New Habits
Step 1. Evaluate your social circle
It's best not to be friends with people who keep you focused on the past. The social environment of our lives is a very important aspect in shaping who we are. In addition, the social environment can also influence the way we accept unresolved past experiences.
- Take time to think (or keep a diary) about the people you meet frequently and how they affect how you feel. If there are people who make you uncomfortable or form negative habits, don't see them that often.
- For example, people who always make you sad might not want to see you again. Friends who make it difficult for you to do what you have to do in order to accept unpleasant past experiences can also create problems. Try making new friends or at least looking for new sights.
- It's not always easy, but it can be very helpful in getting out of your comfort zone and becoming a growing person.
- Find a new hobby with new acquaintances. When you're ready, leave your comfort zone by joining a sports team or taking an art course. A new direction in your life-which may have seemed utterly impossible-will gradually emerge by itself.
Step 2. Be grateful for friends who want to support you
There's no need to upset yourself by thinking about people who don't respect and don't value you. Instead, focus on the people who are always there for you and let them know that you appreciate their help.
- Freeing yourself from negativity is not easy, but the friends who always support you are people who deserve your attention.
- Make sure you stay close to your best friends at times like this. You will stay strong if you have a supportive community around you. In addition, you will also feel more confident and more prepared to deal with past experiences or unpleasant emotions without feeling alone.
- If you feel distracted, try hanging out with people who can help you get back on track.
- If you feel like you have a tendency to get back into bad habits or start to get discouraged, call a friend you trust, have a cup of coffee together or stop by your house. Having friends will make you feel supported and stronger through tough times.
Step 3. Try systematic desensitization
Systematic desensitization is a relaxation technique used to make a person feel comfortable by bringing him or her into a stressful situation. This relaxation technique is intended so that over time, you will feel more comfortable experiencing this situation from yourself.
- You can use this method to re-create a sense of comfort if you are in a situation that causes anxiety.
- Start by learning basic relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises or meditation. After that, look for situations that remind you of the incident that made you feel uncomfortable. Use the relaxation techniques you've learned to calm yourself down.
- Start with a brief stressful situation. You should do this technique according to your ability and don't push yourself too much. In the end, you should be able to deal with situations that have been stressing you out comfortably.
- For example, imagine that you are attacked and seriously injured by a stray dog. Maybe after experiencing this incident, you will always run away if you see a dog. To overcome this, you can visit a friend who has a dog, but first make sure your friend's dog is not a fierce dog. Use relaxation techniques before and during your visit to your friend's house, but don't make the first visit too long. After that, you can visit more often and for longer. At first, this technique may seem difficult, but by spending time with a dog who isn't fierce, you'll be able to get over what you're going through when you're attacked.
Step 4. Face your fears and change your habits
Sometimes we form self-defeating habits when it comes to confronting and overcoming unresolved experiences. This way will make us unable to take advantage of the consequences of past experiences when making decisions for our lives at this time. One aspect of taking advantage of the consequences of this experience is to break the habit so that you are able to deal with your feelings.
- Let's use the example of fear of dogs again. If you are attacked by a dog, you may develop the habit of crossing the street when you see someone walking the dog. You may do this without thinking. For a moment, this method can reduce your anxiety. But in the future, this method will prevent you from overcoming your fears. If there is no other way, this will be an unpleasant thing to go on. If this is the case, you must break this habit. There's no need to look for a dog, but try not to cross the road again if you see a dog. Once you're comfortable, try asking if you can walk the dog. With time, you will forget the traumatic event.
- Systematic desensitization can change unproductive habits.
- Sometimes we don't realize that unresolved experiences have changed us. Our efforts to avoid these experiences are increasingly forming into our daily habits. One way you can become more aware of changes in behavior is to ask someone you trust if they notice anything unusual in the way you act. Other people are usually easier to pick up on things that we ourselves are not aware of.
- For example, after breaking up with your boyfriend, try asking your best friend: "Was there anything unusual about my behavior after I broke up with my boyfriend?"
Step 5. Make a list to track your behavior
Try making a list of all the things you've always avoided because you're afraid or don't want to feel uncomfortable. You don't need to find out why you were afraid at that moment. Writing down how you feel about a past experience can sometimes reveal how you feel on its own.
- Use this method if you don't have any good friends to ask about your behavior.
- Once your ideas start flowing, try to think of new ways to deal with this situation in the future.
- For example, imagine you wrote that you were unsure whether to go out with your friends. Try inviting them to your home to make the situation easier for you to control. Maybe you invite your closest friends first, and after a few visits, ask them to invite people you don't really know.
- Don't rush and don't be afraid to ask for help from people you trust. Gradual progress will give you the opportunity to experience the negative consequences of past experiences that you have not been able to resolve.
- Habits that are not useful will disappear if you are willing to push yourself a little to experience the things that have been making you feel uncomfortable. After that you can form new habits that are more useful in your daily life.
Part 3 of 3: Living the Bad Times
Step 1. Get rid of things that make you uncomfortable
For the time being, keep in the box things that can remind you of unresolved past experiences. Prepare a large box and include anything that brings back memories of a failed relationship in the past or a job that left you disappointed. Anything that reminds you of an unpleasant experience you should put in a box.
After some time, decide whether this box should be discarded or kept. In addition, you may conclude that the objects in this box can no longer affect you
Step 2. Write down how you feel or say it out loud
Writing down words and names associated with unresolved emotions or experiences will make them more tangible. This method can help you control your feelings.
- For example, you can write a letter to someone (people) who have hurt your feelings or had an unpleasant experience with you. Getting involved with someone (people) you've been through in the past can be very helpful, even if you can't have a direct conversation with them (them).
- You can write or say poetry or prose. Use whatever can help you release your pent-up feelings so you can let go of the past. It doesn't matter how terrible the words are, just get them out.
Step 3. Make wise decisions
As you go through the recovery process, be aware of triggers that could return you to past habits. For example, maybe you want to get back in touch with the person who hurt you. Sometimes just by watching a movie, you can reminisce on an unresolved past experience.
- The next time you encounter a situation like this, use the techniques described above. Work hard so that you don't have to react to your habit and challenge yourself to be able to respond in a different way.
- It also means not rushing into a decision that you will regret later. For example, think carefully before breaking ties with someone in your family or sending angry texts. Think carefully before deciding to stop doing what you have been doing for a long time, for example wanting to stop working. Some of these decisions will probably be choices that you live after you think carefully. This exercise will strengthen you to make decisions that bring peace and enlightenment.
- It's a good idea to consult with a therapist or mental health counselor who can give you advice on dealing with experiences that trigger negative feelings.
- In difficult times, remember that you really care about tomorrow. Your goal is to build a responsible, wise, and beautiful future that is free from the control of past habits.
Step 4. Do it slowly but surely
Don't expect change to happen in an instant. You can only get the best results if you give yourself the opportunity to experience the effects of the past in your life.
Everyone will recover at different times. If you start thinking: "I have to get through this right now," try replacing it with thinking: "I'm making progress and will keep trying."
Tips
- The sense of loss usually won't last forever. A lot of fun-which you haven't had time to experience as a child-that you can still feel as an adult. Start collecting comic books, dolls, or whatever else you really want at the time. You can still develop yourself by taking advantage of your child-like curiosity that still exists today, even if your childhood didn't turn out the way you wanted it to.
- Believe in yourself. Never listen to words that make you feel uncomfortable and don't need to take them personally.
- Try to always think positively and focus on the progress you've made, instead of dwelling on past setbacks.
Warning
- Don't use the past as an excuse not to improve your present condition. If things are still not going your way, do something instead of just dwelling on the bad past and imagining how good your life should be. Your habit of comparing your current situation to the past will only hinder your progress. As humans, we have the innovative, creative and adaptive abilities to choose a better way of living.
- An unhappy childhood is not unique. You will lose yourself if you continue to use your childhood as an excuse not to improve your life. This habit will only make you less able to accept the consequences of unresolved experiences. Accepting what happened in an unhappy childhood is not a matter of being right or good, but giving yourself a chance to recover. It's a good idea to follow therapy, if necessary. Don't let negative past experiences destroy your chances of creating a happy life. If you choose this method, the demons who have destroyed your life in the past will win and continue to rule your life today.
