Separation and divorce are not easy, and leaving your wife after you decide your relationship is over can be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. This process is never beautiful, but if you protect yourself and keep your cool, you can get through it just fine.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Make a Decision
Step 1. Find out if the problem you are facing is big or small
A "big" problem is one that persists and causes irreparable damage, and if you're facing a major problem, you need to get out of the relationship as soon as possible. "Minor" problems aren't that serious and there may be solutions for them, so you should take the time to thoroughly evaluate your marriage before ending it just because of a minor issue.
- Big problems involve these things: abuse, addiction, and adultery.
- Minor issues include things like you feel like your relationship has fallen apart or you no longer feel the "in love" sensation. Problems like this usually arise from other issues you're not aware of, such as feeling isolated, ignored, or criticized. You have to find these pent-up issues and address them before you can decide if leaving your wife is the best solution.
Step 2. Be honest and realistic
Leaving your wife is a brutal process, even if you manage to separate on good terms. If you find yourself dreaming of an idealistic future and want to leave your wife behind to pursue that dream, stop dreaming and reconsider your intentions.
For example, if you're thinking about leaving your wife because of a high school sweetheart or a new, hotter lover, there's a good chance that you're treating your new relationship with too much idealism and either don't realize the benefits your current marriage brings or you don't think about it. the consequences of leaving your wife because of these considerations
Step 3. Seek help, if there is an option for that
If the problem you are having is a minor one, try to work it out with your wife. Find a marriage counselor and see if you can do anything to make your marriage go back to normal before actually ending it.
Step 4. Get out of your marriage
When you are absolutely sure that leaving your wife is the best thing, start doing it and don't look back. One of the most important things you need is reassurance, so if you are sure about your decision, keep that certainty and try not to doubt yourself in the future.
Part 2 of 4: Plan Ahead
Step 1. Tell someone
As you begin this process, find someone you can trust and talk to throughout the process. This person should be "not" your wife or someone on your side. Find a reliable friend or relative, or you can see a professional therapist.
- This confidant can provide emotional support throughout the process and guide you objectively as your emotions cloud your perspective.
- Talking to someone can also add a sense of security during the process.
Step 2. Decide where you are going
You will need a place to stay once you leave the house. If you can't make long-term plans, at least find out where you can live temporarily after the breakup. The place you choose should be available to you for at least a few months.
- If you plan to stay at a friend's or relative's house, find out in advance how long you can stay there.
- If you're planning to find a place on your own, start looking for an apartment or house before you tell your wife your intentions. If possible, sign your new lease agreement before officially leaving your wife.
Step 3. Clarify your expectations
In most situations, "leaving" eventually leads to "divorce." Ask yourself if this is what you hope and want, or if a legal breakup is a better option for a while.
Step 4. List the assets you have in common
Make a list of everything you share with your wife-money, valuables, property, and so on. Make a plan for how these assets will be divided between you and your wife after you leave her.
- If your financial assets are kept in one place, you have legal rights to half of them.
- Valuables owned by you and your partner should be divided equally. Items that are specifically yours, including family inheritance, may count as yours. Divide the belongings into two categories: one category contains items you don't mind giving away, and one category contains items you will fight for.
- You should also find out what services are in the common name and what services are under each other's names. Services include telephone and Internet. Services you no longer need, such as the Internet in your home, will be his responsibility. Telephone services on behalf of the joint must be separated when the divorce or separation process begins.
Step 5. Search your entire document
This includes marriage certificates and others. Make a copy of this entire document. It's a good idea to store all of this coffee in a safe place outside your home, especially if you suspect that problems may arise during the separation process.
Look for vital documents, military records relating to money, bank statements, insurance policies, social security reports (if you are in the United States), information relating to retirement accounts, car ownership, mortgage bills, documents for loans, children's report cards and contact lists, credit card bills, checkbooks and stock certificates
Step 6. Open your own bank account
If you only have a joint account or if your wife has access to a private account, open a personal account yourself without her knowledge. Transfer the salary so that it is transferred to this new account.
- Also keep an eye on your joint account. If your wife is manipulative or emotionally abusive, she may start withdrawing money from those accounts so you don't leave her.
- You can usually withdraw up to half of the balance from your joint account but this could make your wife suspect something is wrong.
Step 7. Move valuables to a safe place
If you trust your wife enough, you may not need to move your personal belongings and inheritance anywhere. If you suspect trouble is coming, it's best to quietly remove anything your wife could damage or use against you.
Make sure that the things you move out of the house are legally yours, not your wife and you. Usually these objects are gifts or inheritances that are obtained individually, rather than as a married couple
Step 8. Hide weapons or objects that have the potential to become weapons
If you think the breakup is going well, maybe you shouldn't worry about guns in the house. If you have reason to be concerned about your wife's physical safety or safety, you should remove any weapons that are in the house and put them in a safe place without your wife knowing.
You may not worry that your wife will point your gun at you, but it's worth keeping in mind what she can do after you're gone. If there's a chance that your wife might hurt herself, it's a good idea to remove all weapons from the house
Step 9. Create a backup key
It's best to do this no matter whether your wife is irritable or calm. Create spare keys for your car, house and any other important keys. Give this spare key to a trusted friend or relative.
Step 10. Determine whether you should alert the authorities or not
Usually this isn't necessary, but if your wife has ever threatened to falsely file a domestic violence lawsuit, she's likely to do the same when she finds out you intend to leave her. Notify local authorities of any threats your wife has made in the past.
- Tell them about your wife's threats to the police and your intention to convey your wishes to her and ask them how you can protect yourself from a false lawsuit.
- The police may have to investigate when a domestic violence lawsuit is filed, but if you've warned them beforehand, they may be able to take your warning into account before deciding what action to take.
Part 3 of 4: Tell Wife (and Kids)
Step 1. Create a script
Plan everything you want to tell your wife before doing it. Write a script and memorize it as best you can. You don't have to memorize word for word, but just the gist.
- Focus on the reasons why you left and your experiences. Avoid blaming your wife, even if you feel like most of the blame lies with her.
- Outline your expectations (separation, divorce), and make sure that when you leave the room, your wife can answer your expectations with her own mind.
- Check the script well. Ask yourself if anything you wrote was based on anger or a desire to hurt your wife. If there is, delete and revise the section.
Step 2. Tell your confidant to get ready
Chances are you'll need support after discussing everything with your wife. Let your confidant know when you plan to share this wish with your wife and ask her to take the time to talk to you afterwards.
Step 3. Make a definite plan
Do not convey your wishes to your wife randomly. You must plan the day, time and location with certainty. Set a time so that the wife is not busy on the planned day and time, but don't let her know before the appointed time.
- Don't surprise your wife by telling her before she leaves for work or when you're at a party or restaurant. Take time where you can both talk indefinitely or have to speak at a certain volume.
- If you are concerned about physical safety, choose a public place where you can maintain your privacy, such as a park.
- Stick to your plan and resist the temptation to get ahead of your schedule just because you're angry or hurt.
Step 4. Keep calm and follow your script
Sit alone with your wife and quietly follow the script you have created. He may be emotional, but try to avoid yelling at the two of you when you're discussing it. Try your best to be calm, unemotional and objective.
- Keep in mind that you should talk to your wife, not her. Try to pause between your scripts to see if your wife understands what you are saying or not.
- Be focused and consistent. Remember that your "speech" has a purpose. Don't say or do anything that could cloud this goal when you tell your wife. Maybe you want to make your wife feel better or you're distracted by good memories of the two of you and this will slow things down and make the process take longer for both of you.
- Avoid arguments about the meaning of words and make things as simple and sweet as possible so you can be understood better.
- Try to understand if your wife is surprised or hurt by what you have to say, but don't back down or feel compelled to justify your decision.
Step 5. Tell your children (if any)
If you and your wife have children, find a way to tell them. Ideally, you and your wife should tell the kids together. If you suspect your wife will try to manipulate them, you should talk to your children one-on-one.
- Script for your children the same way you would script for your wife. Try to be honest and make sure they don't feel guilty about the breakup.
- Even if the kids are adults, you have to wait until you leave before telling them.
Part 4 of 4: Go
Step 1. Split right away
After telling your wife that you're leaving her, you really have to go. Pack your things and leave the house on the same day if possible.
Living in the same place with the wife is the same as looking for trouble. Things will get tense and it's likely that you'll both get mad at each other or do something you'll regret later
Step 2. Hire a lawyer and start the process
Don't procrastinate. It may be tempting that you can procrastinate legally when you're physically separated from your wife, but the longer you procrastinate, the harder it will be to make the next step.
- Many jurisdictions issue injunctions that protect your assets during divorce proceedings, but these court orders are only enforced when you have filed a lawsuit.
- It's possible that your wife doesn't take you seriously until she actually holds the lawsuit.
Step 3. Disconnect all ties
While many people are able to reconnect with their ex-partners, for now, you should cut off all ties that have nothing to do with the divorce or separation process.
You'll need to keep in touch with each other to sort out the details of the breakup, and if you have kids, you'll need to deal with each other more often. You should cut off social contact, especially when you're lonely at night and want intimacy
Step 4. Be tough
This process is difficult, but you can get through it. Seek emotional support from loved ones and therapists and consult a lawyer or legal expert for legal support.
