Holding on to anger and disappointment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to suffer, when in fact, you are poisoning yourself. Even if you think you're in the right and someone else has hurt your feelings, letting go of disappointment is always the best solution. If you're ready to break free from the shackles of disappointment, learn some ways to deal with the emotions you've been suffering from by reading this article.
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Part 1 of 2: Overcoming Inner Suffering
Step 1. Recognize your emotions
Honestly admit the emotions you're feeling because you're having a problem. Ask yourself if this disappointment was triggered by a negative experience in the past and had nothing to do with other people or the current situation. Admit that you are angry or upset, but don't be trapped by the situation.
- At times, anger can seem to overcome feelings of helplessness and make you feel stronger. However, remember that these feelings will disappear. Don't just think about anger, focus on healing the hurt feelings.
- Keep a journal while focusing on how you are feeling. Don't write about anger, but focus on the pain you're going through. Write down everything you feel and whether anything like this has happened before. Maybe you still have old wounds expressed (and getting worse) through current events.
Step 2. Learn to accept unconditionality
Accepting unconditional conditions means allowing things to happen and accepting things that are impossible for you to change. Feeling hurt is not an option, but experiencing pain is a choice. By saying “life is unfair” or “I don't deserve this”, you are denying the reality that is happening and denying the truth that you have to accept.
- Accepting unconditional conditions means changing the habit of refusal into acceptance. Say to yourself: "This is my life right now which I find unpleasant and not good, but this is reality and I can't possibly change things that I can't control."
- Learn to accept unconditionally through small problems so that you are able to accept bigger problems. Start practicing when you're in a traffic jam, waiting in line at a busy supermarket checkout, after spilling coffee on the carpet, or waiting hours at the doctor's office.
Step 3. Meditate
Practicing meditation may be overwhelming, but meditation is a way to build positive emotions, reduce stress, cultivate compassion, and help control emotions. By meditating, you can let go of anger and disappointment and replace it with compassion and empathy. The more often you meditate, the more benefits you will get.
Loving-kindness meditation is a way of cultivating compassion and empathy. Sit comfortably with your eyes closed and say positive words to yourself, such as "I give unconditional love to myself". After that, address the sentence to neutral people (such as the salesperson or the person in line behind you). Next, address the same sentence to the person who has disappointed you. Finally, say this sentence for all beings (“I give unconditional love to all beings.”) Now, observe your feelings. Is there still anger towards the person who hurt you?
Step 4. Provide empathy
You will have a hard time understanding the other person's point of view when you are angry. However, you can work through problems and ease the hurt by sharing empathy. You will avoid feeling disappointed by being more empathetic.
- Remember that you too can make mistakes and still want to be accepted. Everyone wants to be accepted, even if they both face problems.
- Learn to understand the other person's point of view by asking yourself: What is he going through? Is he facing life's difficulties so he gets angry easily? Remember that everyone has problems and can be influential when interacting with other people.
Step 5. Love yourself unconditionally
Know that no one can make you feel loved and accepted all the time, except yourself. Remind yourself that you are worthy of respect and love. Maybe you set high standards for others because you set high standards for yourself. Do you often blame yourself when you do something wrong? Learn to love and respect yourself in all circumstances.
If you're having trouble loving yourself, start practicing positive affirmations, such as "I can truly love and be loved." Say the sentence over and over again to influence the way you see yourself
Part 2 of 2: Eliminating Disappointments
Step 1. Don't take revenge
If you think or start planning to seek revenge, stop immediately. Many people think of revenge as a way to get justice, but if left unchecked, this method only leads to injustice. If you want revenge, acknowledge these feelings as a way of dealing with the loss of trust.
- Don't act impulsively, but wait until you feel calm and able to control your emotions. The desire for revenge will go away on its own if you can change your mindset.
- Pay attention to what you say if you decide you want to talk to the person who disappointed you. Don't say things you'll regret later when things get better or to get revenge. All this is useless.
Step 2. Set realistic expectations for others
Remember that no one person can fulfill all your desires. If you think that all your needs can be met by having a partner or being part of a family, think again. High expectations will lead you to failure.
- Disappointment can arise if expectations are not discussed properly. Expectations and desires that are clearly discussed can solve current problems and prevent problems from arising in the future.
- Set clear expectations with the people you meet in your daily life. Make a deal by setting the standards and expectations you both want in a relationship.
Step 3. Use sentences with the words “I” or “I” during the discussion
Don't be too quick to blame others when you talk about your disappointment with someone. Try to control your feelings and desires. Don't say what his motives were or why he did something because you shouldn't judge other people. Instead, focus on yourself by sharing your sadness and experiences.
Replace the sentence, "You have ruined our relationship and I can't forgive you!" by saying: “I was very hurt by what you said and it is hard to forget it.”
Step 4. Let other people make mistakes
At times, you also find it hard to admit that you yourself have flaws, make mistakes unintentionally, and don't respond in a constructive way. This is a fact of life experienced by everyone. If you want to be forgiven, you must also be able to forgive others. Remember that the person who hurt you also has flaws and it may be because he or she has harmful beliefs or wrong perceptions.
Accepting the fact that everyone can make mistakes doesn't mean you want to accept the faults of others. This means that you are willing to consider the other person's circumstances and what he or she is going through so that you can understand them better
Step 5. Connect with positive thinking people
Get in the habit of interacting with positive people who always support you and let you make your own decisions. They will give you the opportunity to make mistakes and still support you. Find a friend who is honest with you, gives you a new perspective when you're desperate, or says it's true if you're being overly emotional.
Good friends will always accept you as you are, even if you make mistakes. Being a good friend means accepting other people as they are even though they have made mistakes
Step 6. Forgive the other person
Maybe you're disappointed that you've been betrayed and have good reason to feel disappointed that you're having a hard time forgiving people who hurt you. However, forgiving doesn't mean pretending nothing happened or accepting this person's faults. Forgiveness means letting go of the hurt you experienced because of what he did.
- Ask yourself what he's doing or what the problem is that you're feeling so hurt. Have you ever felt neglected, traumatized, or recalled unpleasant memories from past experiences? Has it reopened old wounds that are still entrenched in your heart?
- You can still forgive someone who has separated or is dead because forgiveness doesn't need to be done verbally.
- To make it easier to forgive others, write down the problem that is going on and why you want to forgive and then prepare a small fire to burn this paper.
