Disappointment is an inevitable part of life. Everyone experiences setbacks personally and professionally from time to time. Overcoming disappointment is essential to personal success and happiness. You must develop strategies to deal with the immediate effects of disappointment. Then, try to change your point of view and move on with life.
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Method 1 of 3: Dealing with Disappointment as You Feel It
Step 1. Feel your emotions
In an immediate disappointment, it's very important to feel your emotions. When dealing with any adversity in life, it is very important to know your emotional reactions, even if they are painful or difficult.
- Even when your emotions feel unpleasant from being disappointed, it's very important to allow yourself to feel them. Emotional reactions are important tools for processing and dealing with disappointment. Emotions provide insight into what the event means to you.
- Your emotions may be negative at first. You may feel angry, sad, frustrated, and discouraged. Allow yourself to actually experience these emotions, but remind yourself that they are only temporary. Try not to analyze your thoughts. Just let the emotion show itself and be aware of it silently in your head. It can help to name the thoughts as they arise. For example, think, “Now, I feel angry. Now, I feel scared.”
Step 2. Give yourself time to grieve
It's very unnatural to expect yourself to be happy again after a disappointment. You need time to grieve over something that should have happened in order to process the disappointment.
- It's perfectly normal to feel sorry after experiencing disappointment. There will be an unpleasant gap between your wish and the reality of what is happening. It is very important for you to be aware of this loophole.
- Try writing down your feelings in a journal. Many people who experience setbacks, such as a breakup or loss of a job, recover from negative feelings more quickly when they deal with them face-to-face through writing. Take 5 to 10 minutes to write freely about your feelings.
- Your feelings and thoughts will be irrational when grieving. You might think of something as black and white. Remember that when dealing with your feelings, they are not an objective analysis of the situation you are in. While it's okay to feel how you feel, remind yourself that your emotional response doesn't define you as a person.
Step 3. Be kind to yourself
Many people have a tendency to be hard on themselves when faced with disappointment. It's important to be kind after a rejection. Try to get away from blame and self-loathing.
- For example, if a relationship isn't going well, your first instinct may be to blame yourself. If you don't get a job, you can decide it happened because of your shortcomings. In fact, sometimes two people are just not right for each other. Sometimes, you may not meet the needs of the company even though you are a qualified and talented worker.
- In dealing with the effects of disappointment, it is very important not to engage with self-deprecating thoughts. Try to be nice to yourself. You have to be able to look at a situation objectively and see how you can change and improve yourself. But do so by focusing on compassion, not harsh judgments. Remind yourself that this setback doesn't define you and it's natural for you to make mistakes.
Step 4. Reveal
Burying your emotions deep after experiencing a disappointment is very unhealthy. Find friends or family who love you and share your feelings with them. Choose someone who is a good listener and is not judgmental. Emphasize that you don't need advice, but are just trying to process your feelings.
Method 2 of 3: Reshaping Perspective
Step 1. Disappointment should not be taken to heart
Many people have a natural tendency to see negative events in life as a consequence of lacking self. You feel that your co-workers don't want to hang out with you because you have a bad character. You feel that a publisher is refusing to publish your short story because you are not a good writer. In fact, there are many factors that can affect any situation.
- Most success stems from luck. There's very little you can get out of a situation. Even if you do everything right, things can definitely go wrong. Blaming yourself will limit your point of view. When you think too much about disappointment, remind yourself that you don't know all the factors involved in the situation. In fact, it can be helpful to say or think, “I don't know. I do not know".
- For example, you may be disappointed that your cousin didn't visit at the last minute. Your initial instinct may be to wonder if you did or said something that upset her. But your cousin turns out to be doing two jobs in a town hundreds of kilometers away, having a boyfriend, a social life, and being seen in a community. There are many factors you can't prevent him from visiting. If he doesn't give you a specific reason not to come, you don't know why things didn't go according to your plan. Take a moment to consider all the other factors involved and remind yourself that this disappointment is not personal.
Step 2. Reshape your rules
People often set the rules for themselves. For example, you may have a list of standards that must be met in order for you to feel satisfied, happy, and successful. While it's a good idea to know what you want out of life, sometimes circumstances are biased and beyond your control. When you experience disappointment, reassess the standards you hold to yourself and consider whether they are actually realistic.
- What do you think it takes to be happy? Do you need a job, the perfect social life, and a life partner to be content? In fact, you may not be able to control all of these factors. If you believe that you have to live up to certain standards to be happy, you may react more violently to disappointment.
- People often set standards they cannot master as a measure of happiness and satisfaction. For example, you might think that having a lover is a measure of personal success. However, romance is very difficult to master. You can't force yourself to meet the right person.
- Try to give up some of your standards. Accept that in this life, you will find yourself living under ideal conditions. Try to create a personal standard of happiness from something you can be good at. For example, “I am happy when I try my best”.
Step 3. Check your expectations
Look at your expectations in a situation. You may have set unrealistic goals or standards for yourself or a situation. This can easily lead to disappointment.
- You may limit yourself to very high standards. You may expect to have your dream job at a certain age or have a healthy and active social life soon after moving to a new city. You may also restrain those around you from unreasonable expectations. You may feel that your friends shouldn't be late for a movie even if it's only a few minutes. You may feel like your boyfriend needs to spend the weekend with you, even though he has appointments with friends. Take a break and consider whether or not your expectations for a situation are realistic.
- Adjust expectations to deal with disappointment. For example, you might be disappointed that your friend came 5 minutes late to a movie because of traffic jams. Take a break and look at the situation more objectively. In fact, we cannot control the actions of others. If you want to have an active social life, sometimes people will be late. When you watch the movie again later, try to accept that being late is a risk but it doesn't have to stop you from having fun.
Step 4. Try to stay optimistic
If you are experiencing severe disappointment, being optimistic may seem difficult. However, it is very important to try to be optimistic after experiencing disappointment. This can help you know that setbacks are not the end and you can move on with your life.
- Try to explore the new opportunities that the situation has to offer. You should try to see a situation as a learning experience. What lessons can you learn from this experience? What can you do to be better in the future? Life is a process of growth, change, and adjustment based on your experiences. Disappointment, even if it frustrates you, can help you grow.
- Remember, a bad moment doesn't mean a bad life either. You can increase the chances of convincing yourself that things will get better by learning from the negative. For example, suppose you were rejected for a job because of a certain lack of experience. You can think of it as an opportunity to work on developing your resume. Look for volunteer work, freelance work, and start your own projects, such as developing a blog that fits your line of work. Maybe, in three months, you will be offered a better job with a bigger salary. While failing at your first job may feel disappointing, you won't try to improve yourself if it doesn't show up.
Step 5. Look at the bigger picture
Self-reflection is very important for your mental health. After experiencing the disappointment, look at everything that happened around the incident. How have you developed and changed based on this experience? What have you learned from yourself? Try to see a future that is beyond this moment. See this incident as part of a chain of events that shaped you as an individual.
If you're having trouble seeing the bigger picture of this disappointment, consider talking to a therapist. A trusted therapist can help you manage your emotions and evaluate things in a healthy and productive way
Method 3 of 3: Stepping Forward
Step 1. Try another approach
Disappointment is very important because it can push you towards positive change. If things don't go according to plan, take this disappointment as an opportunity to reassess your approach.
- While a variety of factors can influence success and failure, it's important to know which factors you can control. This way, you can create a new step towards success. If you're not successful in getting sales in the office, maybe you should practice your intrapersonal communication skills. Consider enrolling in an online marketing class. If you're having trouble making friends in a new city, maybe it's time to socialize more. Try to involve yourself in a community. Volunteer for an organization that matters to you.
- Remember to weigh all options. It's important to have enough self-awareness to recognize your strengths in a situation. However, be aware of your situation which is beyond your control. You can try to better prepare for the next interview, but that doesn't mean you'll get the job.
Step 2. Rebuild commitment to your goals
See disappointment as a setback rather than a disaster. Take a few days off to remind yourself of your goals and desires. This can help strengthen commitment and move on from your disappointment.
- What do you want most from your life? Write down your goals and say them out loud to yourself. Remind yourself why this is so important to you. Do they reflect your values and passions?
- Disappointment can be worth it. If you're feeling down, disappointment can serve as a reminder of how important your goals are. If a goal feels unimportant, you won't be disappointed.
Step 3. Develop determination
Determination is as important to success as natural talent or intelligence. Use disappointment as an opportunity to push yourself further. Remind yourself that persistence is very important in achieving success in any field. When feeling down, develop a strategy to try harder to achieve success. Take a few days off to grieve, then promise yourself that you'll start working harder to achieve your goals.
