Are you used to expressing anger by shouting? If so, chances are that you actually realize that these habits will only further damage the quality of your relationships with other people. Even doing so won't make you feel better or help you get what you want. Therefore, from now on, learn to change your communication patterns and emotional expression when you are angry. Also train yourself to express your point calmly and rationally. After successfully managing your anger in that time, try to find ways to deal with your anger better in the future.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Taking Pauses in Conversation
Step 1. Stop communicating whenever you feel like screaming, or have already started
Just when the volume of your voice starts to increase, stop doing anything. You don't even have to finish the sentence that's being said! Try to think, “What is it that I really want to say? I guess, what's the best way to convey it, huh?
Train yourself to pause right before, or when you start, shouting, so you don't end up saying things that hurt the other person or ruin the relationship
Step 2. Take deep breaths to relieve the anger that arises
Deep breathing techniques can produce a relaxed body response. As a result, the body will feel more calm and in control after doing it for a few times. To apply the deep breathing technique, you just need to inhale through your nose for a few counts, hold it for a few counts, then exhale through your mouth for a few counts. Repeat the activity until the tension in the body subsides.
Step 3. Count to 10 to calm down
Counting can take your mind off the things that trigger anger, and allow your mind to focus on other things. So whenever you lose control of yourself, try counting from 1 to 10, or even 100, to work around it.
Count silently or out loud, whatever feels more comfortable to you
Step 4. Get some fresh air
Leave the communication situation for a few minutes, and take that break to take a leisurely walk around the compound. Basically, being at one with nature is a powerful way to calm yourself and clear your mind. As a result, any anger that arises can be addressed and expressed in a more civilized way afterwards.
Cooling Down Outdoors:
Tell the other person that you need to leave the room for a few minutes.
For example, you might say, “I feel like I need to calm down, but I can't here. I'm going for a walk, okay? Even if it seems sudden, at least you need to distance yourself from the situation before saying a sentence that you will later regret. After all, you can always apologize afterwards, right?
Take a walk.
If possible, walk at a fast pace to burn off the hot steam inside your body. In particular, focus on moving your legs and increasing your heart rate while continuing to take deep breaths. Movement can actually calm your body and, sooner or later, your mind.
Force yourself to be aware of 3 things that are around you.
Who wants to do this when they're angry? Even if you are lazy to do it, keep trying because in truth, forcing yourself to look up at the sky, leaves on trees, or passing cars can distract you and distract your anger.
Step 5. Stretch to relieve tension
Take advantage of these breaks to relax every muscle group in your body while taking deep breaths. Like to practice yoga? Please do some asanas to relieve the tension that builds up in your body and mind.
Doing Stretches to Relax Your Body:
Rotate the upper body to the left and right. Lift your hands up while bending your knees, then turn your upper body (starting at the hips) to the right while resting on your feet. After that, slowly turn your upper body to the left while moving the support to the left leg. Do this movement to relax all the muscles of your body.
Bend your upper body and touch the tips of your toes with your fingers.
Bend over from the hips, keeping your spine straight as you do this, then touch the tips of your toes with your fingers. Hold this position and allow your head and neck to fall in a relaxed manner. Can't reach your toes? No problem, just push your body to bend as far as possible. In fact, this “surrender without a fight” pose is effective in helping you to release the anger that has accumulated.
Open your hips.
Spread your legs wider than your shoulders, then bend your knees. Then, place your hands on your knees. While straightening your right arm, tilt your body to the left and feel the stretch in the hip and groin area. Hold this position for 10 seconds, then straighten your left arm and tilt your body to the right. In fact, many people accumulate tension in their hips, so stretching the hip muscles can help them release anxiety.
Method 2 of 3: Making Your Point
Step 1. Think before you speak
If you have a tendency to yell when you're angry, you're most likely an "emotional communicator." This means that you have a tendency to speak or act based on emotions and instincts, rather than rational understanding. Trust me, taking the time to think about what to say will help you evaluate appropriate reactions and communicate your intentions in a more controlled manner.
Step 2. Apologize after yelling
Improve the communication situation by apologizing. Explain that you are not supposed to shout and want to continue discussing the topic at hand in a more civilized manner.
Apologize:
Take a deep breath.
Admit it, controlling anger and saying sorry when you are angry is not easy. Therefore, take the time to close your eyes, take deep breaths, and control your emotions.
Start with a calming sentence.
Begin your apology by saying, “Okay,” or “Okay.” These words are a signal to the other person that you are trying to change the tone of your voice. As a result, he will feel calmer afterwards.
Speak as honestly and sincerely as possible.
Express your apologies for yelling at the other person, and explain that you have trouble controlling your anger. After that, ask permission to continue the discussion and promise to express yourself better.
Step 3. Speak in a whisper
To keep yourself from yelling again, use a very soft “indoor” volume and tone or speak in a whisper as if you were in the library. If you're talking to your children, for example, try to get into the habit of whispering or using a low tone of voice instead of shouting.
Whispering actually has a double benefit, namely to keep the volume under control, and to make sure the other person is really listening to your words
Step 4. Avoid words that are absolute
Some words that are commonly used in the process of communicating can actually increase your anger even more. Therefore, never use absolute words such as “always,” “never,” or “should.”
These words can trigger conflict because they sound judgmental, accusatory, and don't leave room for the other person to defend themselves
Step 5. Use “I” speech
Get your point across more effectively using statements that focus on how you feel, rather than aiming to attack the other person. For example, you could say, "I feel less important if you come late."
- Saying "I" will help you focus more on your personal feelings, instead of blaming the other person for the situation.
- Avoid saying "you" which, on the other hand, aims to blame the other person, such as "You don't care about me, do you? How come you're late, anyway!"
Method 3 of 3: Managing Anger Better
Step 1. Promise yourself not to scream anymore
Remember, yelling is a completely counterproductive reaction in a conflict or argument, especially since your yelling can trigger the other person's stress button and cause them to activate the "fight or flight response," the body's physiological reaction to an attack or threat it perceives as dangerous. As a result, they will be angry and unable to digest your words properly. In particular, young children are the most susceptible to this response. Therefore, commit to stop screaming, no matter the circumstances.
Although the process is not instant, don't give up! Whenever you feel like screaming or have already done so, always remind yourself of the commitment and take some time to cool off
Step 2. Learn to recognize angry signals
Recognize the sensations that arise in your body when you are about to get angry. This will help you to become aware of your emotions in the future so you can take adaptive steps to deal with them.
Recognizing Anger:
Recognize the physical symptoms that accompany your anger.
Monitor your behavior for one week and write down the various emotions that arise before the anger strikes. For example, your heart will beat very fast, your body will start to sweat, or your face will feel red.
Evaluate your emotions throughout the day.
Check your condition regularly to identify the feelings and body reactions that arise at these times. If you want, you can even use the help of an app, such as iCounselor: Anger, or measure your anger scale through various programs available on the internet.
Be aware of anger and react to it immediately.
When you notice that anger is starting to emerge, do your best to confront and calm your feelings before they get out of control.
Step 3. Solve the problem right away instead of letting it pile up in your mind
If you're the type of person who prefers to pile up problems and wait for them to explode, change that tactic right away! Set a certain time window to discuss the problem with the people closest to you, and do this method regularly and continuously.
For example, instead of nagging your partner who has neglected his homework three times in a week, immediately submit your complaint after realizing the negligence of your partner, such as when you check the condition of the house at night
Step 4. Apply relaxation techniques
Make relaxation a part of your daily routine! At these times, take the time to check your breathing rhythm, do self-awareness meditation, or apply progressive muscle relaxation techniques. These strategies can help keep your body and mind away from unnecessary stress and anger. As a result, the desire to shout at the people around you will not appear.
Do at least one relaxation exercise for 5-10 minutes every day
Step 5. Take good care of yourself to lower your stress levels
Most likely, the habit of getting angry and yelling is rooted in too high a stress level in you. Therefore, take your anger as a signal that things need to change in your life. In particular, take time each day to do things that benefit your physical and emotional health, such as:
- Eat 3 times a day with a healthy and nutritious menu.
- Get enough sleep, at least for 7-9 hours every night.
- Always make time, however short it may be, to do activities you enjoy.
Step 6. Talk to people you can trust
More than likely, a partner, relative, or friend who is willing to listen is the "medicine" you need to relieve tension and/or discuss more positive ways to express anger or resolve issues. So don't hesitate to reach out to your support system instead of building up your anger and waiting for it to explode. If you don't have someone you can trust, there's nothing wrong with sharing things that upset you with an expert counselor.
Open up
Sit in a quiet and safe place.
Ask a close friend or relative to accompany you in a calm and controlled emotional situation. Make sure you choose a quiet location with minimal distractions, such as in a room or in a quiet corner of a garden.
Speak as honestly as possible.
State the things that upset you and how you felt when you screamed. Also discuss the various problems and difficulties you are experiencing with him. Trust me, they can give you advice, if needed, or just be a good listener to you.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Communicating feelings is not the same as asking for advice. In other words, you may just need to be heard, not counseled. However, if you feel you need advice from that person, don't hesitate to ask for it. Trust me, they will appreciate your willingness to ask for help and can provide appropriate advice, if needed.
Step 7. Evaluate whether or not you need to take a communication training or anger management class
If you've been having a really hard time resisting the urge to scream and/or similar aggressive behavior when you're angry, try taking a class or training that teaches positive methods for managing anger. Beforehand, try to evaluate your behavior when you are angry and how people react to it. If you feel you need specific training in your anger management skills, try asking your therapist or doctor for recommendations on an appropriate program. In particular, you may need such training if:
- You feel angry too often.
- Other people always complain about your attitude which is considered to be shouting too much.
- You feel like other people can't get what you're trying to convey unless you shout.
