The only thing that feels worse than an argument with a guy is dealing with him being mad at you afterward. Whatever you do, it's going to be hard knowing that a guy is mad at you, even if you're to blame. But this kind of situation need not last long; In order for the guy to stop being mad at you, you just have to be honest and open with him and choose the right time to talk to him.
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Part 1 of 3: Reconciling with Lover After Quarrel
Step 1. Give him space and time
If you've just had a fight with your boyfriend, chances are you really feel like fixing the problem as soon as possible. But if he seems really angry, you should withdraw for a while. While you don't have to wait forever for your boyfriend to love you again, you should at least give him a few days before he seems to have softened up a bit and is willing to talk. Even if you want to hurry, rushing to talk will only lead to more fights or more misunderstandings.
- If he completely ignores you and acts cold when you approach him, then he's not ready. Do not force it.
- Once he's opened up, at least if he makes eye contact and talks, maybe he's ready to have a serious talk.
Step 2. Find an appropriate time and place to talk when he's ready
After you've given yourself enough time, and when your boyfriend seems to have softened and is willing to talk, you should find a quiet place for serious conversation. Make sure you pick a time when he's not stressed about something else and when he seems willing to talk. The right timing can help smooth things out.
- Tell him that you want to talk, not by suddenly talking to him when he's not ready. Even if he didn't want to, it was better if he knew beforehand than surprised.
- Whatever place you choose, make sure there will be no distractions from your friends.
Step 3. Apologize sincerely
If you think you've made a mistake, you should open up. Don't just say, "I'm sorry you're mad because of me…" and blame him for overreacting. Instead, look your lover in the eye, speak quietly, keep away all distractions and say, "I'm really sorry for what I did." You can convey exactly how you feel and why you're so upset, and how painful it is for you to know that you've hurt him. It depends on how you feel and what you want to feel.
Of course if he's the one who did wrong, you don't need to apologize just to sort things out, instead you should really think about whether you really want him in your life
Step 4. Listen to him if he wants to talk
If you've said what you want to say and he's willing to listen, you should also listen carefully to him when he says how he feels. You can look into his eyes, stop fidgeting, and really hear what he has to say. You may be surprised to hear how he really feels. Don't interrupt into an argument while he's talking, or act like you don't agree with what he's saying. Let him know that you care enough to listen to him.
- Even if you think he's misunderstood what's going on, it's still a good idea to listen to what he's feeling. After he says what he needs to say, you can both talk about everything that happened and try to come to an agreement and make up.
- If you really listen, you'll be able to see that your boyfriend has a lot more to say than you might think. In fact, you may even realize that you hurt her without meaning to.
Step 5. Express affection
If you and your lover have made up, congratulations! Now you can move on with life-as long as you don't repeat the mistake. Hug or kiss him, you can physically close as a sign that you have made up. Make sure that he has completely forgotten about the fight and that you're not doing anything to make him uncomfortable. It goes without saying that you shouldn't use physical affection-a kiss or so-to try to seduce him when he's angry, because that wouldn't be good for a long-term solution.
Showing physical affection when you're about to make up is important to continuing the bond between the two of you. Even small phrases, such as a pat on the hand, a squeeze on the shoulder, or a kiss on the cheek can go a long way in helping you reconnect with your loved one
Step 6. Tell him how much you love him
After you and your lover return to love and care for each other, you can both love each other again. Don't be afraid to let him know that he means a lot to you, that you mess up when he's angry, and that you're happy that he's back in your life. Be honest about how much he means to you, you might even consider showing that you really like his sense of humor, intelligence, or other aspects of his personality.
- Don't be sweet or say you're crazy about him if you really aren't. Be honest about whatever you really feel
- Tell him how sad your life is after the fight, and how difficult it is for you to go about your daily activities without him.
Step 7. Show a romantic attitude
Don't think romance is just for boys! Girls can be just as romantic as boys, and you can look for a romantic attitude that can lull your lover into a slumber. Make him a CD of mixed songs, get him tickets to his favorite band, write him a letter expressing his meaning in your life, or ask him out for a surprise date. All of these can let your boyfriend see that you hate fighting and that he means a lot to you.
The most important thing about being romantic is not how much money you spend, and money will never fix love problems, but thought and effort
Step 8. Do something he's been wanting to do for a long time
Another way you can try to make up with your boyfriend is to do something new and interesting that he's been wanting to do for a long time. Maybe he wants to try rock climbing; check into the gym and see if the activity seems to you to enjoy. Maybe he wants to watch a football game with you; go with him and don't complain if you don't really like sports. Maybe there's a new restaurant he's been talking about; surprise him by booking a table at the restaurant.
- The most important thing about this plan is that you come up with the idea yourself. This shows that you pay attention to what he likes.
- Again, make sure that he's fully prepared to make up before you plan a big surprise activity, or your plans will fail miserably.
Step 9. Relax for some time
After you make up with your lover, you have to be a bit more careful. Try not to discuss sensitive topics, especially those that started the previous fight, and try to create a peaceful, lighthearted, and pleasant atmosphere. This doesn't mean you have to act like a different person who just wants to make her happy, but you should be careful when you speak and try to avoid arguments as best you can.
If you really want to take your relationship a step further, it's a good idea to give yourself a little time before being the first to say "I love you," suggesting living together, taking a vacation together, or doing anything else that's a further phase
Step 10. Don't try too hard
Making up with your lover is important, but the effort you need to make to make up with someone has its limits. If you keep trying to talk to him over and over again, showering him with love letters, or calling him every now and then to ask how he's doing or ask if he loves you, the result will be insecurity in the relationship, and it will be harder for both of you to recover after the argument. Instead, take it easy and trust that your relationship will only get stronger over time.
If he's forgiven you but still needs some space to himself, give him some time and he'll come to you when he's ready
Part 2 of 3: Reconciling with Male Friends After Quarrels
Step 1. Don't gossip about him to your other friends
When one of your male friends is angry, you may be tempted to tell the other friends about it. But you should avoid this, unless you really want to seek advice on how to improve the situation. If you say bad things or say negative things about him when he's not around, he's likely to find out and become even more angry with you.
In fact, it's a lot better if you say nice things "behind his back," so he's more likely to forgive you if he somehow hears what you're saying
Step 2. Be honest about what happened
Guys have a hard time being honest with each other sometimes, but if you want to improve your friendship, you have to be honest. Tell them what caused the fight and that you hope to change what you've been doing. Being honest and open at this point will make him appreciate you even more and he's more likely to trust you and want to be friends with you again.
Express how you really feel and what you want out of the conversation. Don't pretend you don't care for fear of showing your true feelings
Step 3. Apologize and make up when you are both ready
Tell him that you regret the fight, that you hate conflict with him, and that you value the friendship very much and can't imagine what life would be like without him. If you did make a mistake, it's time to admit it and say what you did and share how you feel, so you can both forget about the fight.
Just say it. Say, “I'm sorry for hurting your feelings. I'm really sorry." Don't apologize half-heartedly just so you and the other person can forget about the problem; show that you are really serious
Step 4. Hug him
If you and your guy friend are really close, there's nothing wrong with giving him a hug. When the two of you have completely made up and want to be friends again, give him a hug to show that he means a lot to you. Guys don't usually express their appreciation for friendship verbally, so if you're shy about talking about this, you should say how you feel and then give him a reassuring hug.
If you've never hugged her before, you might feel nervous, but it's no big deal if you act normal as usual
Step 5. Do extra favors for her after that
Once you've made up, you can be a little nicer to your guy friend, but not in a way that clearly shows that you're trying to win over him to improve your impression on him. Provide small favors, such as bringing him coffee if he needs it, or helping him study for an exam or prepare for a job interview. Or you can try to treat him with more care and respect, and don't offend him or make insensitive comments.
If you can think of something he's been wanting to do for a long time, like going to a certain concert or movie, ask him to come with you
Step 6. Don't let the same thing happen again
If you really want to prove that you've learned from your mistakes, you have to tread carefully. Avoid arguments, and more importantly, avoid anything you did yesterday that caused you and him to fight. Pay attention to how you act and learn to read his body language and facial expressions to see when he's upset or uncomfortable, and try to avoid these situations.
If you keep doing the same thing and fighting again, you'll never have a pleasant friendship. If you really care about this guy friend of yours, you have to be willing to change your ways
Part 3 of 3: Knowing What to Do in Both Situations
Step 1. Don't apologize via text message or over the internet
One thing you should avoid is apologizing to a guy via text message, Facebook, email, or any other way that doesn't require you to deal with him. Making the effort to meet him will show that you really care and that you're not a coward. In special situations like hundreds of miles apart, of course a phone call is the best bet, but you have to stay strong and apologize in person to show that he's really worth the effort.
- If you apologize via text message or over the internet, he'll think you don't really care until you don't take the time and make an effort.
- If you don't apologize in person, there's a good chance he won't respond.
Step 2. Don't often ask if he's still mad at you
This is not a good tactic at all. Granted, chances are you're dying to find out if he's mad at you or not, but asking that question over and over is guaranteed to make things worse. While you might think that asking frequent questions will make him forget the fight more quickly, it actually takes him longer to get reminded of the fight.
In fact, when he has completely stopped being angry, you will instinctively find out for yourself. Asking a million times won't change anything
Step 3. Don't pretend to be sorry
If you really want him to stop being angry, don't make a weak apology that shows that you're only apologizing to get him to stop being mad at you. Don't say, "I think I should apologize" or say "sorry" in a passive aggressive way. Instead, show that your feelings and regrets are genuine. If you apologize but it's obvious you don't mean it, nothing will come of it.
- Make eye contact, turn your body towards him, and let him see your sadness when you apologize.
- Don't make excuses for your attitude. Admit whatever happened.
Step 4. Don't pick the wrong time to talk to him
Another thing you should avoid is trying to address the issue at the wrong time. Don't try to talk to him before he's done something important, like playing a ball game, attending a job interview, or taking an exam. Make sure you talk to her when she's stress-free and approachable. You shouldn't even ask if he's angry in front of other people; not trying to talk one-on-one just shows your lack of seriousness.
If you talk to him at the wrong time, he'll be upset that you didn't really think about the right time to talk, so you'll just start off on the wrong foot
Step 5. Don't try to fix the problem too soon
Indeed we all hate the fact that someone is mad at us. This means that if he's really angry, you shouldn't try to make up on the same day. Give him a few days, or even a few weeks, to calm down before you feel like you can talk and be friends again. If you try to talk to him at the same time, he won't be ready to listen and will only get more annoyed-and angry.
