Nobody likes lies. But, sadly, being dishonest with others and with ourselves is sometimes easier to do than to tell the truth. However, lying is still not the best way. Learning to be honest and eliminating the urge to tell lies can help clear your conscience and nurture relationships with others. Making a slight shift in your perspective and turning yourself toward the truth can help you eliminate the urge to tell lies and make you more interested in telling the truth. See step 1 for more information.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Be honest with others
Step 1. Find out why you are lying and to whom you are lying
We've all lied, to many different people, to ourselves, and for different reasons. But suddenly making a systematic plan to be more honest is hard to do, unless you try to find out why we lie and to whom we lie, for our own good.
- “Lying to make ourselves look better” might be categorized as an exaggeration, a story that is untrue and hard to believe, that we tell others, and ourselves, to cover up our shortcomings. When you are dissatisfied about something, it is easier to cover it up with a lie than to tell the truth.
- “We lie to friends who we think are better than us,” because we want to be respected, just as we respect them. Unfortunately, lying will actually make us more disrespectful in the end. Give them more time to empathize and understand you more deeply.
- “Lying to avoid embarrassment” can be categorized as lying to cover up bad behavior, transgressions, or other things that we are not proud of. If your mother finds a pack of cigarettes in your jacket, you may lie and say that it belongs to your friend, to avoid punishment.
- “We lie to figures in authority” to avoid shame and punishment, including ourselves. When we have done something that made us feel guilty, we may lie to cover up the guilt, avoid punishment, and then return to bad behavior that forces us to lie again. This is the cycle of a lie.
Step 2. Anticipate behavior that will make you feel guilty
To break the chain of lying and shame, it is important to learn to anticipate things that can make you feel guilty in the future, and learn to avoid these behaviors. When you lie, you cover up an unpleasant truth, which is easier for a lie to tell. You can also get into the habit of telling the truth, or abandoning bad behavior that embarrass you.
If you smoke, you don't need to lie if everyone knows about it. Admit it. If you haven't acknowledged the behavior, it's probably best to avoid it. It would be embarrassing for your wife to find out you had an inappropriate relationship with your co-worker, but you don't have to lie if you don't
Step 3. Stop comparing yourself to others
Sometimes we lie to make ourselves look bigger and better than we really are. Because we are constantly competing and comparing ourselves to others, any flaws are indeed the easiest to cover with quick and creative lies. If you stop competing with others and give yourself the grades you deserve, you won't feel the need to lie to improve yourself. You've been great!
- Forget what you think the other person wants to hear. Let other people question, and assume that they can't play you, or have been manipulated. Speak to your heart and tell the truth, no matter if you look bad or not. People will sincerely appreciate you, even if the truth is unpleasant.
- Let your honesty impress others, not your exaggeration. A lot of dishonesty arises from trying to impress your friends by telling made-up stories that reveal that you are more than your friends. If you don't understand the topic of traveling in Europe, listen quietly and wait for the topic to change, don't lie by saying you are studying in Majorca.
Step 4. Accept the consequences and decide to deal with them
Sometimes, it's better to admit to lies, deception, and other embarrassing behaviors you've done, than to continue your lies getting more complicated. Right living can be very liberating and healthy for your life. Even if later there will be consequences from the recognition you give, but it will be a consequence that you honestly deserve.
Step 5. Do things that make you proud
You don't have to lie if you feel good about yourself! Fill yourself with paying attention, understanding people who appreciate you for who you are. Do things that give you pleasure and make you proud of yourself.
Getting drunk every night may make you feel better for a few hours, and give you pleasure, but you'll feel ashamed and guilty when you can't do your homework the next day. Take care of yourself, both mentally and physically. Don't do things that will embarrass yourself
Step 6. Avoid situations where you will be required to lie to others
Be careful when someone tells something that you believe you should tell someone else (for example, in relation to a crime, a lie, or an act that harms another person). Listening to such information will put you in a difficult position, especially when the truth is finally revealed and proven to people you have known all along.
If someone starts a conversation with the phrase “Don't say so-and-so-about this, okay?” be prepared to offer your refusal: “If that's something I want to know about their whereabouts, then please don't tell me. I don't want to be responsible for other people's secrets but myself."
Step 7. Distinguish between “should know” and “want to say”
Sometimes, we feel very anxious to be heard by others. Talking about an unpleasant roommate, confronting your partner, or arguing with a teacher can all seem like moments that require full honesty to pull the plug out of us, but pulling that plug can be a quick way to cloud a relationship. and said something unintentional. To avoid overly venting, try and figure out the difference between something you have to say because the person really needs to hear it, and something you want to say to make yourself feel better.
- “Someone should know” if they are missing something that will cause harm to their physical or emotional health, or if they are doing something that has the same impact on others. Your roommate may need to know that his habit of drinking to excess makes you feel uncomfortable living there, but don't do it if you don't think it's pointless to say that to an alcoholic.
- “You want to say it” times when you feel very angry or very emotional, and when you reflect on it, you can actually resolve it in a more peaceful way. In the midst of an argument about a relationship that's no longer exciting, you may want to say, "You're getting fatter and now I'm not attracted to you," and this may be important for your partner to hear, in some ways. But by saying “I think we can start a healthier life”, you can also express the same feeling about something your partner should know.
Step 8. Be wise
Everyone likes someone who always expresses his opinion directly, but sometimes that person's goals can be misunderstood by those who hear him. Consider the impact of your words and learn to avoid words that might offend or hurt other people's feelings. Learn to express opinions in a more polite way.
- Use "I" statements when conveying an unpleasant truth. When sharing your truth and opinion with others, try to maintain your honesty. Focus on sharing your feelings and opinions, but still respect the other person.
- Try to start by adding the sentence “Based on my experience…” or “Personally, I have observed that…”, or end with “…but that is just my observation/experience, maybe things will be different elsewhere.”
- Learn to listen quietly when the other person is talking, even if you disagree with what they are saying, or feel the need to challenge their opinion. When you take a turn to speak, they will respect you as much as you did before. This will make the process of exchanging opinions more honest and peaceful.
Method 2 of 3: Be honest with yourself
Step 1. Give an objective assessment of yourself
It is important to reflect on yourself from now onwards, so that it becomes a habit to do so. What do you like about yourself? What do you need to do? This allows us to fix the psychological barriers that force us to behave, think and act dishonestly, which can be avoided by giving an objective assessment of ourselves. Write a list of your strengths and weaknesses in a book, not to judge your self-worth, but to find things to improve and good things to keep.
- Know your strengths. What can you do? What can you do better than other people do? What contributions do you make on a daily basis? What are you proud of? In what ways have you developed yourself to be better than you were before?
- Know your weaknesses. What is embarrassing yourself? Can you be a better person? Have there been things that have made you worse, over the years?
Step 2. Deal with the things you don't like about yourself
The main source of dishonesty in our lives comes from; unwillingness to face things within us that are embarrassing or repulsive. Don't let it sit in you, try to find it and fix it honestly.
- Maybe you have a dream to publish your first novel at the age of 30, but your dream has not come true until now. Maybe you want to slim down, but you find it easier to stick to the old routine. Maybe your relationship with your partner feels boring and you are not happy with him, but you are not taking meaningful steps to make changes.
- Try your best to break the habit of making excuses. It doesn't matter why you have to have this unpleasant truth, because you can't go back in time to change it. However, you can still change your behavior from now on and start making yourself happier.
Step 3. Provide opportunities to improve yourself
Based on your list of strengths and weaknesses, try and determine certain habits of yourself that need to be improved, and specific steps to change yourself for the better.
- What does it take to turn your strengths into strengths? What do you do with something you are proud of? In what ways can this truth tell you about your desire to change your flaws for the better?
- What threatens your ability to improve yourself? Whether the threat comes from outside of you, such as a lack of funds to become a member of a sports club and to lose weight, or from within you, such as a lack of desire to find out how to lose weight without having to join a sports club.
Step 4. When you decide to take an action, carry out the action to completion
It's easy to lie to yourself. Making over a hundred reasons not to do what you don't want to do, is also easy to do. That's the reason why we let it happen so often! Be firm with yourself. When you decide to end a relationship, or start a job, do so. Make it come true. Don't wait until you come up with a series of excuses that say "This isn't the right time." When you make a decision, move towards achieving it.
- Instill in yourself that; Being successful to achieve self-change for the better is an easy thing to do. List the risks and rewards you receive when you complete a tough task, such as buying a guitar after ending your painful relationship, or going on vacation after losing a few pounds.
- Complete your tasks with the help of digital tools: you can register yourself on Skinny-text to receive exercise reminder messages on your mobile, or even consider using Pact, for which you have to pay a certain amount of money if you choose not to exercise.
Method 3 of 3: Avoiding unnecessary lies
Step 1. Don't add anything untrue to your story
One little lie that is very tempting and we often do is when making additional stories to make it more entertaining. It may be able to make many people interested in listening to you, but it means, you have also opened up opportunities and reasons for other lies. Let the facts remain the truth and be as honest as possible.
Step 2. Think creatively when you are about to “lie for good”
We've all had the experience of when someone asks you something that scares you, like: "Do I look fat here?" or “Is santa claus real?” Sometimes, we feel that we need to lie to make other people feel good, or to lessen the blow to an unpleasant truth, but “lie for good” is not always a good choice.
- Emphasize the positive. Shifting focus to avoid negative views when we tell the truth. Instead of saying "no, you look ugly in those pants", you can replace it with the sentence "Those pants are not as good as the black dress on display there, the dress really looks good if you wear it. Have you tried pairing it with the stockings you wore at my cousin's wedding last year?”
- Keep some opinions to yourself. It may be true that you're not crazy about cowboy restaurants and bars that only your best friends want to visit, but sometimes you just don't have to be “truthful” about your opinion. What you want is to have a bigger goal- you only have one night together!-to keep having fun. Instead, say “This is not my favorite place, but I want to do what you want to do. Let's make this night great!
- Redirect questions. If your child wants to know if Santa Claus is real, tell him you don't know for sure, and get them involved. Ask what seems right to them: “What do you think? What do your friends at school think?” You don't have to decide to lie for the sake of kindness and tell the truth. The real world is more complicated than that.
Step 3. Stay still if you have to
If you're in a tense situation, where being more honest is going to hurt everyone's mood and happiness, staying silent doesn't necessarily mean being dishonest. If you have the choice to tell the truth, tell the truth. Sometimes it takes courage to remain silent in a stressful situation.
Choose the fast path. In a dispute, too many opinions do not make the problem any easier to resolve. You don't have to lie for good to end a dispute, nor do you need to keep telling the truth for the sake of truth. Avoid unimportant differences of opinion, rather than re-igniting the flames of disagreement
Tips
- Being honest is hard to do because it forces us to admit mistakes.
- Record your statements to others (eg, in a journal or graph). This can indicate how many times you have behaved honestly or dishonestly; learn from this knowledge. Noting dishonesty can be used as useful data in making future decisions, and it can also make a real difference if you look at the results of honesty!
- If someone forces you to admit your mistake, then say this “I was wrong for doing that reckless thing without thinking about it first; I will be better! Please give me another chance to show you that I didn't mean to do it and that I can be a good friend.”
- For most people, keeping a secret for one's own good is not considered dishonest, if later he will understand when he finds out the truth. There's no clear line between honesty and dishonesty when it comes to keeping a secret: keeping a secret about a birthday surprise is one thing, and not telling your child that he or she is adopted or that his pet died is another.
- Peer groups or friends can mislead your choice to stay honest. Like any other bad habit, you may be forced to experience setbacks when you are around people who lack integrity and honesty. You don't need to find new, more honest friends, but be careful not to be tempted if you hang out with people who are blatantly dishonest.
