People argue about important and trivial matters every day. Sometimes you know that if you say what's on your mind, you might upset the other person. However, often you have to voice your opinion even though you know others will disagree. By having your words carefully, you can prevent others from taking offense at what you have to say.
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Method 1 of 4: Being Honest in General
Step 1. Try asking other people's perspectives
Before being honest about how you feel, it's a good idea to know his perspective. This gives you the opportunity to show genuine interest and open a conversation. Maybe that way you can also express your opinion honestly. It could be that the person you're talking to stops talking and is interested in hearing your perspective.
Step 2. Put yourself in his shoes
One of the simplest ways not to hurt another person's feelings is to imagine how that person would respond to your statement. If he said that to you, would you be upset? Try to train yourself to imagine how he views his opinion and yours. Not that he was wrong for having a different perspective.
Step 3. Take control of your words and body language
Be careful with your honesty. You should speak the truth with kindness. That means you shouldn't overtly show that you don't agree, such as grinning or making fun of his opinion.
Sometimes you don't realize your tone of voice implies disapproval. This is not easy to change. Tone of voice is created unconsciously. Try to speak in a neutral tone of voice and resist the urge to express emotions through your voice. You may feel that you are being dishonest, but when voicing an opinion, we don't need to express disagreement nonverbally either
Step 4. Try to respond politely
When you're trying not to hurt other people, it's best to speak with kindness. Typical attitudes of kindness (such as manners) are helpful. This kind of attitude shows respect and how you respect the person you are talking to. This conversation is not just about you and what you want to say. But also to show how this person is valued.
Step 5. Express your perspective as an opinion, not a fact
Even if you know there are facts that support this point of view, by doing it this way you are showing that you value the perspective. If he had an open mind, facts would change his perspective. Otherwise, the facts will feel like a personal attack. He has the right to be wrong. Let him know the truth on his own, without you forcing it. Forcing perspective is a quick way to hurt other people's feelings.
- Don't criticize or condemn. This seems difficult but it is important. Speak your truth in a way that doesn't undermine his perspective. Sentences like "You're wrong" and "I can't believe you think that" should be avoided. Instead, try to agree with him when his perspective aligns with the justification he is providing (for example, by saying, "Now I understand why you think that way"). Then, move on to your perspective (for example, you could say, "I've read that…" or "I think…"). That way your statement doesn't attack his perspective.
- Avoid hyperbole. Rarely are things "always" and "never." Avoid words and idioms that exaggerate the truth. Your goal is to be honest and hyperbole is rarely a form of honesty. Instead, use facts and try to avoid emotions taking control.
Step 6. Don't take disagreements to heart
Remember that being honest is not the same as being right. You can be honest and be wrong at the same time. You can also be honest, tell the truth, and still offend the other person. Try not to be arrogant with your point of view. Listen to the other person's justifications for supporting his or her perspective and suppress the desire to change it to agree with yours.
- Value your perspective. You have the right to hold on to your perspective and opinion. Even if you choose to keep your mouth shut, remember that your perspective is just as valid as anyone else's. Other people have a right to be honest, and so do you.
- You have the right to hold on to your opinion, and so do others. Even if his opinion is factually wrong or inconsistent with his beliefs. If you've been voicing your perspective honestly and the person doesn't want to hear it, pushing the issue will hurt your heart. The person is not ready for him. If he doesn't agree with you, that's okay. Ignore the impulse to get him to agree with you.
- If it's really important, maybe you should let him do his own thing. But that doesn't mean you're wrong when the person strongly disagrees with you. It also doesn't mean the person doesn't care about you. It's just that he has a different perspective.
Method 2 of 4: Voicing Dissenting Opinions
Step 1. Think about whether you need to say it or not
Sometimes being honest means keeping quiet. You may find yourself more inclined to want to keep the peace (not open your mouth) than to voice your opinion.
People feel compelled to voice their strong opinions. Sometimes people do it to provoke debate or change other people's minds. This usually leads to confrontation or feelings of unavoidable hurt
Step 2. Begin the discussion with a sincere request to hear his opinion
This person may tell the whole story or say they don't want to talk about it. Pay attention to his reactions and what he has to say. This will give you a clue how he will react when he hears your honest opinion.
If he doesn't want to talk about this issue, respect his wishes. Maybe it's the wrong time and place. Try asking again later. If he continues to reject you, you may need to voice your opinion even if not asked or avoid it altogether
Step 3. Find out the source of this difference of opinion
Try to understand what this opinion is based on. Then try to understand what underlies his opinion. Some disagreements are based on political views, religion, and moral beliefs. By knowing these basics, you can also respect their opinions and keep no one offended.
Step 4. Wait for the other person to ask for your opinion or finish voicing their opinion
Try to be patient, kind, and considerate while the person is talking. This shows that you respect him and are genuinely interested in him.
Step 5. Try to discuss your perspective as an opinion
If you don't want to offend, you have to be open to the possibility that he is right and you are wrong. You can say "I think…" instead of "You're wrong."
Step 6. Pay attention to verbal cues and body language
If this discussion heats up, stop. Chances are you'll hurt her feelings, or maybe she's already offended. Let him know that you respect and appreciate him.
- Apologize if you accidentally said something that offended him. An apology is a sign that you appreciate it. By doing so immediately, you won't get caught up in this dispute either. If you procrastinate too long, you may find it difficult to make things right.
- Don't apologize too much. Saying sorry too often, especially when you didn't do anything wrong, can make the apology meaningless. It's a good idea to apologize when you know when you were wrong and then express your sincere regret.
Step 7. Thank him for sharing and listening
This gives you an opportunity to end the disagreement on a positive note. Make sure you convey that you understand the person's origins and hope that he or she understands your perspective as well.
Method 3 of 4: Rejecting the Offer
Step 1. Don't respond right away
It's best not to respond immediately to an offer that you're about to decline. If you answer "no" right away, you're missing out on an opportunity to politely decline. You can say, "I'll check the schedule first, I'll let you know later." This gives you time to work out the right words to politely decline.
Step 2. Try to check your schedule, if there is a schedule that collides
You're lucky if you have one. You can honestly refuse because there are other plans. If you turn down this offer because you have other plans, make sure the person who invited you knows so he or she can invite you again at another time.
If he insists, he may ask if there is a better time for you. Be prepared to respond more openly. When you see your schedule is full, take a little time in advance to think about what kind of rejection you can make if he's concerned about a better time for you
Step 3. Don't admit that your schedule is open
This is tantamount to saying you are open to whatever a manipulative person asks of you. Usually there are several people who ask your schedule first before asking you to do something. That way you lose one reason to reject him without appearing cruel. Plus, you're missing out on the "Let me check my schedule first" strategy, which is used to buy time for a smooth refusal.
If someone asks about your schedule, you can reply, "I don't know, why is that?" and continue to be polite. Try doing this as an exercise even if you intend to accept the invitation
Step 4. Find out exactly why you want to decline
If you knew right away that you wanted to decline before you checked your agenda, would you not like this invitation? Would you like to go to the event with other people? Try to think of reasons you could use to decline based on aspects of the offer or request, not aspects of the person offering or asking.
Step 5. Think about whether you would accept this invitation in a different situation or not
When you know exactly why you are refusing, you can also imagine a time when the situation was different. Maybe things would be different if he asked you to do something different or offered more money. Think about these things if he asks you why you refused.
Be careful with the reasons for refusing a request. If you know an honest answer can be offensive, you can use a vague answer. If you have to, maybe you can use the phrase "It's best not to talk about it."
Step 6. Remember to respond
Maybe you've made up your mind but have to decline requests to be polite. By ignoring the request, the person may become offended or put you on the "non-responders" list. If you don't respond, he may assume that he doesn't matter. Don't take too long to respond to a request. Use impersonal reasons when refusing. Do not belittle an offer or the person asking or submitting the offer.
Step 7. Thank him for including you
Just think about how lucky you are that that person appreciates you. Maybe he will be disappointed, but not offended. Be polite and you can decline his offer or request without offending him for long.
Method 4 of 4: Judging Someone's Appearance
Step 1. Smile sincerely to show appreciation
If someone asks for your opinion, it means they respect you. Use this to smile sincerely. This will make the disagreement seem less personal.
Step 2. Ask him what he likes about his clothes or style
This gives you the opportunity to hear his point of view. It also gives you time to choose your words. In addition, you can also measure how the person likes or dislikes clothes or dressing styles. The person might even discuss his doubts.
Step 3. Try to focus on the outfit or style, rather than the personality
Take the assumption that the person behind the outfit is beautiful. Her clothes or style of dress only hides this fact. Try to criticize the outfit or style, even if she has negative characteristics.
Use common standards of dress to reinforce your opinion as much as possible. For example, use a dress code for business and convey that hairstyles, tattoos, or the color of her nails can get her into trouble at work. Take advantage of the fact that clothes that fall just right will make them look better on her body
Step 4. Don't accept his negative self-image
When you express an opinion about her clothes, she may make derogatory remarks (for example, "I'm too fat for this outfit…"). Don't agree. Even if you think he's right, there are some things that should be kept to your heart. Try to be honest with yourself, you're not trying to hurt her, are you?
- In a situation like this, it's a good idea to refute this negative statement. "You're not fat, really. This dress can't show your beauty."
- Unfortunately, if you don't show your objection to his negative remarks, he may assume that you agree with him. Immediately express your disagreement if you know the statement is not true.
Step 5. Try to discuss how her style of dress or other clothes would be better for her to wear
It makes you productive in two ways. First of all, you offer an alternative to try. Second, it allows you to shower him with compliments. This shows that you appreciate him, even if you give negative feedback regarding his style of dress or appearance.
