Have you recently experienced the loss of a dear father? If so, you will most likely be given the responsibility of delivering the eulogy at the funeral. It is undeniable, writing a eulogy for a loved one is not easy; It's natural that when you do it, you feel sad and nervous. Therefore, make sure you take good care of yourself while fulfilling these responsibilities. Before writing your eulogy, take some time to think about the main themes and ideas in your eulogy; think about what memories are most valuable with the deceased and how you can fit that story into the eulogy. After that, you can start writing; In your writing, express how much your late father meant in your life and how grateful you are for his existence. Delivering the eulogy is sure to be a very emotional process for you; therefore, practice regularly to ensure that you will remain fine when speaking in public.
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Part 1 of 3: Developing the Euological Framework
Step 1. Remember, you will be making a eulogy, not an obituary
An obituary is a detailed description of the facts of a person's life (such as achievements, career path, place of birth, surname left behind, etc.). Meanwhile, eulogy focuses more on reflecting on who the deceased was during his lifetime.
- Because they are based on facts, generally obituaries are less emotional. Eulogy focuses on a person's life story; what is the meaning of his life? What does his existence mean to you?
- Don't list your father's accomplishments or list exaggerated facts about your father during his lifetime. Instead, focus on stories and memories that reflect the character of your father during his life.
Step 2. Think of some writing ideas
Before you start writing, try to think of some stories, memories, and memories about your father's character during his life. Trust me, doing so can help you find the right storytelling point of view.
- Start by writing down all the main ideas you find. What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of your father? What is your strongest memory of him? What word best describes your father?
- Also think about what external things you can associate with your father. What music, movies, television series, food, sounds, and smells remind you of him? Immerse yourself in these things while writing the eulogy; surely, the precious memories you have about your dear deceased father will come forth by themselves.
Step 3. Focus on a broad and overarching theme
A good eulogy should be concise but complete; make sure you don't include stories or memories that are disparate and discontinuous. Therefore, try to think of a broader theme. What do you think is a big theme that can become a common thread in all your memories of your father?
- There is no need to force yourself to understand death. If you feel that death is a bad and confusing event, don't hesitate to admit it. However, what you need to do is understand your father's life. Who is your father and what would have happened if he had not been in this world?
- You can also choose a vague theme. Perhaps during his lifetime your father was a lawyer who was always focused on defending human rights. If that's the case, try to focus on the themes of kindness, community, and willingness to help others. It's also possible that your father is a reliable businessman who works from the bottom. If that's the case, try focusing on the themes of hard work, dedication, and tenacity.
- Also tell us what you have learned from your dear late father. What is the most important lesson he taught you? What relevance do these lessons have in your life today?
Step 4. Decide how to structure your eulogy
There are many ways you can choose to structure your eulogy; it all depends on the theme and the information you include in the eulogy. Think about this as you outline your eulogy.
- For example, you can arrange the eulogies in exact chronology. This method is suitable for those of you who want to include a complete anecdote about your father's life. If the stories and memories you are about to share are from different timelines, try using this method.
- You can also arrange eulogies based on story ideas to be conveyed. If you decide to share different characters of your father that are reflected in various moments and memories, try this method. For example, if you want to talk about your father's success as a businessman and that success was based on his work ethic, perseverance, and personal abilities, try setting up a special section to explain those qualities through appropriate anecdotes.
Part 2 of 3: Writing Eulogy
Step 1. Introduce yourself
It might feel awkward at first, especially since the audience present must already know you. However, starting the eulogy with a brief introduction is something you must do. State briefly what your name is and what your relationship with the deceased was.
- In all likelihood, this is the easiest part of the eulogy process, especially since you simply convey who you are and how close you were to the deceased. Doing so can make your eulogy sound more credible.
- For example, you might open your eulogy by saying, “Good evening, my name is Jane Sherman. Today we are all gathered here to pay our last respects to my father, Glenn. I am an only child, and therefore my relationship with my father is very close. We chatted almost every day, even after I moved house."
Step 2. Determine the eulogy tone
Remember, a consistent tone is one of the keys to writing a eulogy. Think about what tone would best convey your message.
- To make sure the eulogy you choose matches the funeral concept, try discussing it with the family and the funeral procession leader. For example, if the concept of funeral is more religious, try adopting a somber and respectful tone.
- However, don't let the concept of a funeral really dictate the tone of your eulogy; Most importantly, make sure the eulogy is able to reflect your father in his life. If your father was a cheerful and playful person during his life, try adopting a lighter, more cheerful eulogy. The analogy of the eulogy is as a celebration of life rather than a form of mourning.
Step 3. Include a short story
Most eulogies must contain at least one story about the person who died. For that, try to open your eulogy with a short story; choose a story that describes who your father is and fits the eulogy theme.
- For example, if your eulogy theme is your dad is always happy, try choosing an anecdote that describes your dad's ability to find humor in any situation.
- If your father died of lung cancer, try telling him how he handled the diagnosis with humor. For example, try saying, “When I was first diagnosed with lung cancer, my dad joked about his treatment options. I remember him saying, 'Wow, the radiation process is great, here.' When I asked why, hoping that the prognosis would be positive, he actually replied, 'Hopefully the radiation can make Papa a superhero, huh. Papa really wants to be Spiderman!'"
Step 4. Focus on small details
Instead of trying to give a big picture of your father, try to focus on conveying simple details. Trust me, it's a great way to help your audience remember who your dad is and get through the process together better.
- Sensory details can also help, you know. Maybe your dad likes to work outdoors and always smells like wet earth. It's also possible that your dad loves red and always buys clothes that contain that color.
- Include as many details as you can remember. For example, “I remember that Dad loved to sing Johnny Cash songs. I think he has a very similar baritone voice to Johnny Cash. On Sunday mornings, I always wake up to hear him sing 'I Walk the Line' from the dining room. His voice always blends with the smell of the coffee being brewed.'"
Step 5. Seek external help
If you're having trouble expressing something, try seeking external help, such as a quote or book reference that can help clarify your point.
- If your father was a religious person, try including quotes about life and death from the Bible.
- Also look for quotes in books, movies, songs, or television shows that your dad likes. If he is a Robert Frost fan, try including a quote from Robert Frost's poem in your eulogy.
Step 6. Don't take it too seriously
A good eulogy, shouldn't be taken too seriously. If you take it too seriously, you may sound like you're preaching or making the situation overly sentimental. For that, try to find moments to convey light humor about your father's shortcomings during his life.
- Think of something funny about your dad. Is he a person who likes to argue? If so, try slipping in a funny story about your dad arguing for hours with the waitress about the price of the food listed on the bill. For example, you might say, “I know my dad has a very high appreciation of humor. Therefore, I want to emphasize that he is not a perfect person. He loves to argue! I remember, at that time our family went on vacation. When you stop by a restaurant…”
- When you talk about your flaws, make sure you convey them in a light and natural tone of voice. Don't sound like you're angry with your late father; doing so makes you sound impolite. Don't include stories about serious arguments that have occurred between you and your father. Trust me, no one will laugh when they hear it.
Step 7. Conclude your eulogy
Before ending your eulogy, provide a few brief statements to conclude your eulogy. It is time for you to return to the previously defined eulogy theme; what do you want to convey through the eulogy? How do you want people to remember your father?
- Think of a few closing sentences that can summarize your views on your father. Make sure you're honest, straightforward, and clear. For example, you might say, “My dad taught me that life is short, and often brutal. As humans, the best way to approach life is to be happy, always laugh, and be able to appreciate all the simple moments that come into our lives, no matter the situation."
- Thank your audience for taking the time to listen to your eulogy. Simply say, “Thank you for taking the time to commemorate my father, Glenn Sherman, and for giving me the opportunity to tell you a few things about my father while he was alive. He would be very honored to know that so many people who loved him were willing to come on this day."
Part 3 of 3: Completing and Conveying the Eulogy
Step 1. Edit the eulogy and add the required information
Once the draft eulogy is complete, try printing a sheet and reading it. As you read, pay attention to any information that seems like it could be elaborated or made into more detail.
- Double check that your eulogy sounds reasonable. Does the story you tell fit the theme? Does anything feel incomplete or incomplete? Is there a story you should include? Can your father's personality still be explored in more depth?
- If you think the eulogy could be made longer, add elements as needed. If there are sentences that you think don't fit the theme, don't hesitate to delete them. Remember, timing is the most important key! Generally, eulogies only last about 5-7 minutes.
Step 2. Memorize part of your eulogy
Memorizing part of the eulogy will help you a lot when it comes to delivering it in public. Don't worry, you don't have to memorize everything; in fact, you may even take a few small notes to help remind you of the contents of the eulogy if you are struck with nervousness while speaking.
- If you are determined to memorize the entire eulogy, try memorizing it a little at a time. No matter how smart your memory skills are, memorizing everything in an instant can still be difficult.
- Make notes that serve to guide you throughout the eulogy delivery process.
Step 3. Practice your eulogy regularly
Practice your eulogy at least a few times before the funeral takes place. Read your eulogy aloud or practice in front of a mirror; focus on practicing the parts that are still not perfect.
Ask a close friend or relative to help you practice. Trust me, they can provide critique and suggestions that will be very useful for improving your delivery
Step 4. Try to stay emotionally strong
Writing a eulogy is not easy, especially if you made it for your dear deceased father. But no matter how difficult it is, try to stay strong when composing and delivering it.
- Get closer to the people closest to you. Your relationships with those closest to you who are still alive are the most important keys to helping you deal with grief. For that, make sure you get closer to friends and relatives in that situation.
- Try changing your identity. Losing a loved one can make you feel down because you feel you have lost your life guide. To overcome this, try to think about who you would be without your beloved father, and what you could do to move on with your life.
- Focus on the present. Remember, right now you are still given the opportunity to breathe and live life. Therefore, be grateful for what you have right now and try to live your best life regardless of the grief you feel.
Tips
- When delivering the eulogy, make sure you make eye contact with the guests present. Instead of constantly staring at the speech text screen, try speaking while looking your audience in the eye to build a deeper connection with them.
- Make sure your eulogy is only 5-10 minutes long. The length of the eulogy doesn't really matter, but you'll likely have a hard time talking about your late father for more than 10 minutes.
