Alcoholism is a symptom of a physical or psychological disorder that makes the sufferer's body addicted to alcohol. Alcoholics have an obsession with alcohol and have difficulty controlling the amount of alcohol they take, even though they know that alcohol can cause serious health, relationship, and financial problems.
Alcoholism is a common problem and has been shown to affect the quality of life of many people. Alcohol addiction will not only harm the addict, but also the people around him; especially because often times, a person who is under the influence of alcohol has difficulty controlling himself so that he gets entangled in other serious problems such as emotional and/or physical abuse of others, as well as experiencing financial problems. Your parents were alcoholics? Responding to this situation is not as easy as turning the palm of the hand. But if you understand the tips, you will surely be able to help them to escape the bondage of alcohol. Keep reading the article below for more information!
Note: This article is addressed to those of you who already believe that one (or both) of your parents is addicted to alcohol. This article does not take into account your other parental roles, which may or may not be helpful and/or relevant.
Step
Step 1. Understand the causes of alcoholism
Generally, alcoholism is caused by excessive depression; in fact, there are hardly any alcoholics who are not depressed. Why is that? Almost all alcoholics find it easier to forget their problems when they are under the influence of alcohol. When drunk, a person can lose self-control easily. As a result, it is not uncommon for them to take negative actions without realizing it. So do they have the right to blame alcohol? Certainly not; because in fact, even though these actions are carried out in an unconscious state, they are basically guilty of not being able to control themselves. In the end, they are the ones who still have to take responsibility for choosing to get drunk. Dealing with problems consciously is indeed more difficult; that's why many people choose to forget the problem by getting drunk. Ironically, drinking alcohol is actually proven to only increase their depression!
Step 2. Try talking to your parents when they are not under the influence of alcohol
Look for occasions when you and they are both calm, and when they are sober. Sit in front of them and make your complaint about their condition; also explain the problems that arise as a result of the addiction. Most likely, you can't get them to stop the habit right away, but at least you've made them aware of the bad effects of drinking alcohol and encourage them to be more responsible.
- Explain what behaviors you can – and cannot – tolerate. This you need to do to ensure your safety and health around them. Tell them that if they stay drunk, you will take serious action (like asking someone else for help or staying at someone else's house).
- Encourage your parents to explore the reasons behind their depression. Remember, showing concern is not the same as tolerating their actions. You can encourage them to join the therapy process; but don't be surprised or hurt if they reject your idea. Chances are, the idea feels confrontational to them, especially since they're being held accountable.
- Ask your parents to reduce alcohol consumption gradually. An addict will not be able to break his habit overnight; so at the very least, ask them to try to reduce their daily consumption.
Step 3. Don't argue with drunk parents
Trust me, you can't win an argument with a drunk person; most likely, they will also choose to remain silent in subsequent discussions. Not only that; you're also at greater risk of hurting yourself even though your parents probably won't remember the argument the next day. So what's the point?
Don't sound accusatory or patronizing. As parents, their ego will be provoked if you sound patronizing them. Instead, choose sentences that show your care and concern as a child
Step 4. Be consistent
If you've promised to take firm action when your parents get drunk again, stick to that commitment. An inconsistent attitude will only make you look less serious in their eyes. As a result, they will not hesitate to repeat the same mistakes in the future.
Don't support your parents' habits by providing them with alcohol. Also, don't give them money that they can use to buy alcohol. If you allow this situation to happen once, there will likely be a second, third, fourth, and so on. Make sure you are consistent in your desire to restore them
Step 5. Realize the fact that your parents' condition was not your fault
Many alcoholic parents blame their children for their behavior. Even if your parents don't really point the finger at you, you're more likely to automatically feel guilty. Remember, the situation is not happening because of you. It was your parents who chose to become alcoholics. Be aware that this is one of the negative effects of alcohol; addicts are often compelled not to take responsibility for their behavior and blame it on others.
You may feel resentful towards your parents, especially if their circumstances force you to take over all the household affairs that should be their responsibility
Step 6. Express your feelings
Write down all your feelings in a diary. If you're worried that your parents will read it, switch to an online “diary” and set it so private that your parents can't read it. Clearing your browser history can also minimize the chances of getting caught by your parents. Putting your feelings into words is a powerful way to recognize and manage them. Remember, don't get into the habit of harboring feelings; at one point, these emotional deposits can explode and actually have a negative impact on you. Therefore, get used to yourself to manage one by one the emotions that arise gradually.
Taking care of yourself and taking care of yourself is your biggest priority. Worrying about the condition of your parents all the time will really drain your energy and emotions. Therefore, make sure you are willing to try to identify the emotions that arise. By recognizing it, it will be easier for you to acknowledge it. By admitting it, it will be easier for you to move on afterward
Step 7. Don't rely on your parents or take their word for it
Trust is something to be earned; if they can't prove it through action, don't give your trust. For example, if you have to go out late at night, make sure you ask someone else to pick you up if your parents can't or forgot to pick you up because you were drunk. Make sure you always have a plan and backup resources to keep your life stable now and in the future.
Step 8. Turn your mind to pleasant things
Go with dear friends and have fun! Join a sports group at school or take a drawing class that can "get away" from your troubles at home. You do have a hard time controlling the situation at home; but at least, you can always control your activities outside the home. Spend as much time as possible with people who care about you; surely, the stability of your life will be more awake afterward.
Step 9. Don't fall into the trap of alcohol
In fact, children of alcoholics are 3-4 times more likely to become alcoholics. Whenever you are tempted to drink alcohol, try to remember the negative behavior of your parents when they were drunk and the effect it had on those around them.
Step 10. Leave if your parents start being violent
Never tolerate violence, whoever it is! If the situation at home becomes increasingly dangerous (or if your parents have a history of violence), leave your home immediately and find a safe haven.
- Put the emergency services number on your cell phone's speed dial list.
- Know who to call and where to go when you need shelter. Make sure you also have enough money to take shelter in a safe and hidden place.
- Do not hesitate. Remember, no one deserves to be hurt, regardless of the relationship status between the perpetrator and the victim. Do not worry; Protecting yourself doesn't necessarily make you an unfilial child.
Step 11. Don't be afraid to share your problems with others
Friends, close relatives, school counselors, or classroom teachers are all good choices. Most likely, they will not judge you and will instead try to help you find the best solution. Trust me, knowing that there is someone who will understand and listen to you can be great medicine when the situation gets worse.
Choose a trusted listener. Having someone else by your side will make you feel a lot better. Therefore, approach your best friend (or their parents), and explain the problems that are happening to your parents when the time is right. Ask them if you need to "get away" when things get out of control at home
Tips
- It is very important for you to know the difference between alcoholism and alcohol abuse (alcohol addiction that makes addicts often violent). Be aware also that someone who drinks one can of beer per day can not be categorized as an alcoholic.
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If you're worried that your diary will be found by them, make sure you don't write anything that is prone to punishment. That way, your parents will focus on your feelings, not their actions; chances are, they will be moved to change their bad habits during this time.
- Example:
- So to speak: I hate watching Mother drink. She looked like a stranger who had come to my house after a night of drinking at the bar and pretending to be my mother. I feel like I don't have a mother!
- No so to speak: My mother is so stupid and I hate her! Really, I want to kill him because he has nothing else to do but get drunk!!!
- Make sure you always have someone else to drop you off and pick you up if your parents are too drunk to do so.
- If they start arguing with you, make sure you always respond calmly.
- Join a relevant support group or find real-world or virtual friends who are in a similar situation. They can be your biggest listeners and supporters.
- Consider living independently as soon as possible. Depending on someone who is emotionally unreliable for your life will mess with your emotional health. Do not pity and/or justify their behavior; don't buy alcohol for them either. Doing so will only make an already bad situation worse. Remember, you may not be able to help them, but you can always help yourself.
- Don't be swayed by your parents' sweet promises if they never show serious self-restraint.
- When trying to talk to your parents, always try to keep their mood in check. Show your seriousness, but don't sound accusatory.
- Consider intervening in your parents' recovery process; make sure you keep a list of hospitals or rehab institutions that can help your parents.
- If only one of your parents is addicted to alcohol (and if they live separately), try living at your other parent's house for a while. Sometimes, alcoholic parents need to be made aware that you are really going to leave if they don't change. Show how serious the problem they – and you – are! This is important for you to do because often, alcoholic parents are not able to understand that the habit is very painful for their children.
Warning
- Don't let your parents drive when they're drunk.
- Be careful, they are more likely to get angry or defensive when you talk to them.
- If your confession is met with violence (or if your safety and security is threatened), seek external help immediately.
- If your mother/father "kidnapped" you illegally or without the knowledge of your other parents, immediately contact the authorities.
