Growing up is a complicated process and usually, having nagging parents will make the process even more difficult. Unfortunately, in most cases you can't do too much to stop their nagging; therefore, try to cooperate with – not against – them. Of course this is easier said than done; especially since it's not easy to understand your parents' perspective, no matter how good your relationship with them is. Whenever they nag, try to stay calm and listen carefully to their wishes. With a little extra effort, you will undoubtedly be able to reduce the frequency of nagging in the future!
Step
Part 1 of 3: Dealing with the scolding
Step 1. Listen to their words
As annoying as their nagging is, ignoring it won't stop them from nagging. Even if you feel annoyed or annoyed, make sure you still listen to their words with a clear mind. Don't respond until they're done talking. Trust me, listening will not only help you understand the root of the problem, it will also improve your relationship with them.
Count how many times they nag you about the same thing. If the problem is simple but they haven't stopped discussing it for weeks, it's a good idea to communicate your objections to them right away
Step 2. Use the 'broken cassette technique'
The broken tape technique is a powerful strategy to show that repeated nagging or statements are not going to have a positive effect. Whenever the same issue is brought up, give the same and concise response. Responding to repetitive questions or statements with repetitive answers will make your parents aware that the condition is annoying.
- For example, if they repeatedly ask you to take out the trash, answer, "I'll throw it away in a minute.". Give a clear and concise answer.
- Another example: If they're constantly demanding that you find a job, tell them, "I'll do it when the time comes.".
- Give exactly the same response every time they start nagging; Thus, they will realize that you are tired of listening to their nagging.
- Make sure you don't do it aggressively or passively-aggressively. Remember, you're not provoking a fight; You're just trying to deal with your parent's nagging craze.
Step 3. Set a concrete deadline
If the responsibilities your parents are discussing are new, chances are they won't set concrete deadlines for completion. Instead of following the system, try to ask them for a deadline (to the extent that it will stop them nagging). To make the deal feel more interesting, "law" them to settle the responsibility themselves if they nag you back.
Setting a deadline will not only free you to complete these responsibilities in your spare time, but it will also reduce the burden your parents feel
Step 4. Explain if you object to their nagging
Discussing problems that occur in a conducive situation will often benefit the parties in the discussion. Therefore, try to explain your objection in a controlled situation. More than likely, they will realize that there are better ways to communicate as a family.
- For example, you could say: "I understand and respect your words, but repeating them all the time won't benefit anyone.".
- Even though it seems aggressive, you can always package your sentences in a positive way so they don't get offended afterward.
Part 2 of 3: Reducing the Frequency of Nagging in the Future
Step 1. Establish open communication with your parents
One of the most important things you should do is maintain open communication with your parents. Often times, nagging is caused by a lack of communication between parents and their children. Therefore, make sure both parties are able to voice their opinions openly to reduce the frequency of nagging in the future.
This method is more difficult to apply if you and your parents rarely communicate well. If you feel awkward doing it, be patient and keep trying; say what you want to say, ask them what they want, and let them know that you can always listen to their complaints. As time goes by, surely the communication situation between you will improve
Step 2. Make them aware that nagging is a form of communication that doesn't benefit anyone
Chances are, your parents didn't realize how bad nagging can have on your emotional health and their emotional health. Try to get them to sit down together and discuss other, more positive ways that can replace nagging.
Step 3. Define boundaries
After sharing your feelings, try to establish some clear boundaries. Even though it seems official, writing down the rules and boundaries that have been made on paper is a method worth trying; Thus, parties who feel that their boundaries have been violated can provide concrete and firm evidence.
Step 4. Give them the information they want to know
If you tell them the information they want to know before they ask, then their reason for asking will disappear! If your parents are in the habit of constantly urging you to ask for certain information, relieve your frustration by using this method.
- The best example is when you are going out at night. Your parents will want to know where you're going and who you're going with. Before they ask, write down all the information on a piece of paper and give it to them. I'm sure they'll let you go with more relief
- In some cases, this method can also be applied to parents who often complain about household chores. Instead of waiting for them to nag, complete all your responsibilities without being asked. Surely they will see you as a person who is proactive, responsible, and does not need to be scolded.
Step 5. Remind them every time they nag again
Even if you and your parents agree on some rules, the chances of them forgetting are still there. If that happens, convey calmly that what they are doing is not benefiting anyone.
Part 3 of 3: Understanding the nagging
Step 1. Understand why your parents nag
To understand the root of the problem, you first need to hear their nagging. But the communication between you doesn't stop there! Try to think of things that are weighing heavily on your parents and your relationship with them. Do they have so much work that they need your help with some household responsibilities? Have you ever heard of the topics they brought up or have you heard of it for the first time? Understanding the root of the problem will help you to interact more positively with them, especially if you are arguing a lot.
- If it's the first time they ask you to wash the dishes after dinner, chances are that they are really busy and need your help. Second, they may simply want to instill more responsibility as you get older.
- If they nag you because you came home late, they are most likely doing it out of concern for your safety and security.
Step 2. Listen to their words and show your empathy
Try to see things from their perspective. Remember, the debate will only occur if the parties in it are too concerned with their own desires without trying to "step" at the feet of the other party. Listen carefully to what they have to say, think about “why” they want you to do something, and ask questions if anything confuses you. If you are able to understand their perspective, it will be easier for you to fulfill their wishes.
Interact calmly. This is especially necessary if your parents are angry. Try to imagine what kind of chaos would occur if both parties were equally angry? Be willing to give up to win
Step 3. Give the illusion of power to your parents
Make no mistake, even your parents can feel insecure! That's why they need to feel they have "control" and power over you. The nagging is just one of their ways to apply that power. Therefore, it is very important for you to make them aware that you value them; give them the confidence they need, even if it's just an illusion.
Reverse psychology is a technique to create the illusion of power within a person. Try to make your parents think they want you to do something you really want to do; this is a powerful way to reduce their nagging while still doing the things you want
Step 4. Keep your commitments
If you have promised to take out the trash or do the laundry, make sure you actually fulfill that promise. It's easy to walk away from responsibilities, especially if those responsibilities don't have a deadline. But know that it is not being able to keep your commitments that will weaken your position in front of your parents. You will be considered as a child who deserves to be scolded repeatedly. Is that what you want?
Setting a deadline is the perfect strategy; that way, they'll know that you haven't forgotten your responsibilities (unless the deadline has passed), and you'll feel more motivated to complete your responsibilities on time
Step 5. Remember, your parents are human too
Just like you, they are not free from mistakes (like saying things they may regret later). Understand that not all the words that come out of their mouths they really want to convey to you; surely, you will more easily forgive them when their actions or words start to cross the line.
- If their behavior is particularly aggressive or upsetting, try not to confront them right away. Save all your complaints and wait for all parties to calm down before raising the issue. If your parents are given time to calm down and reflect on their actions, they are more likely to realize their mistake and apologize to you immediately.
- Understand that even your parents don't like the negative situation that is between you. Therefore, try as much as possible to always solve problems that occur while preventing them from appearing in the future for the benefit of both parties.
Tips
- Oftentimes, parents are reluctant to give permission because they too have a lot on their mind. By communicating things openly to them, you help reduce the burden on their minds while making them more open to your desires in the future!
- In most cases, the parents will always be on the side of their children. Always keep that in mind whenever you feel bad for them! Trust me, no matter how negative the situation between you, their love for you will not decrease in the slightest.
- Ask what you think you can do to improve the situation and get them to stop nagging.
