Parents and other caregivers may have many questions about the best way to apply discipline. “Discipline” is different from “punishment” – disciplining a child is a series of exercises that take into account the child's developmental stages and encourage children to think for themselves and take an active role in changing their behavior. Now we know more than ever about how the brain works, children's social and emotional capacities develop. Experts suggest that disciplining children-especially young children-should be primarily a positive and confidence-building experience.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Preventing the Need to Discipline Children
Step 1. Organize your home to avoid having to discipline your child
You can create an environment at home that saves you from having to discipline your child unless it is absolutely necessary. By setting your home to feel safe and child-friendly, you'll avoid having to make too many rules or resistance throughout the day.
- Use special child restraints to keep cupboards closed.
- Close the doors to rooms that are not safe for small children to enter alone.
- Use barriers or fences for children to prevent them from passages such as stairs.
Step 2. Have lots of things for your child to play with
Young children love to play, and play is essential for their healthy development. You don't have to have expensive toys-kids can have fun playtime with cardboard boxes, inexpensive toys, or pots and pans. Sometimes the simplest things can spark a child's imagination, so if you can't afford an expensive toy, don't feel guilty.
Step 3. Take toys and snacks with you when you leave the house
Children may behave badly when they are bored or hungry. Make sure you leave the house with toys that your child enjoys playing with and healthy and interesting snacks.
Step 4. Work with children to create age-appropriate rules
Four-year-olds may enjoy being active participants in rule-making. Take the time to work with your child to come up with rules that make sense. This will help your child to have a clear picture of your expectations. Since he's participating in setting the rules, he'll be more willing to follow them and you'll help him learn to control himself.
Step 5. Choose the rules carefully and don't make too many rules
Kids this age will feel overwhelmed if they have too many rules to remember. If there are too many rules, a four-year-old may ignore them or may become frustrated-and act on the frustration-for trying to follow too many rules.
Work with the nanny to help her understand the rules you and your child have agreed on
Method 2 of 2: Using Positive Discipline
Step 1. Don't use punishment-especially corporal punishment
In the past, teaching children to act by punishing bad behavior was more common. Experts in childhood development-brain researchers, educators, and psychologists-now agree that punishment is not the best way to help children learn to behave well. Children will grow up healthy and happy when disciplined using more positive methods.
The basic science lies in the effectiveness of corporal punishment: slapping or hitting children, including young children, is not successful and has all kinds of negative effects. Reliable scientific research has shown that slapping or other forms of spanking can alter a child's brain development, influence mood swings later in life, and actually prevent him from learning how to control his own behavior
Step 2. Understand why your child behaves badly
Young children may misbehave because they are hungry, tired, or bored. Or maybe he doesn't understand the rules you've made for him. Your child may also misbehave because he or she feels confused or because he doesn't want to stop doing something.
If a child asks you questions about the rules you have set, it is a sign that he doesn't understand what you expect of him. Take the time to help your child understand what is expected of him. Use clear and simple language, then be prepared to patiently repeat the information every now and then
Step 3. Be flexible
A four-year-old needs you to be flexible and patient. It's natural for kids this age to not always be able to follow the rules all the time. When a child makes a mistake, the best tactic is to be supportive rather than angry. When something goes wrong, make this a learning opportunity for you and your child. Talk to your child about what he or she can learn from the experience and why it's important for him to follow the rules in the future.
- Be supportive and respectful when your four-year-old makes mistakes. Children this age are not capable of acting perfectly. They are learning what rules are and how to follow them – making mistakes is natural and an important part of the learning process.
- If your child makes a mistake-for example, going into the bedroom and waking a sleeping family member, when the rule is to let someone sleep after working late-understand that your child really can't do things perfectly. His affection for family members may mask his desire to follow the rules at this age. Talking with your child patiently is the best approach.
Step 4. Be consistent with the rules
If you let things go one day and not the next, a four-year-old can easily get confused. This confusion can result in behavior that you perceive as bad behavior-but it's just your child's response to a situation he doesn't understand.
- If you decide that after-school snacks should be fruit or vegetables only, when you previously allowed candy or other sweets, be sure to talk to your child about the change, and then stick to your plan. Going back to cake and milk will leave your child confused.
- A four-year-old who is confused about a rule may start to ignore it. Remember that this is not the child's fault. It is important to be consistent so that your child is able to understand what is expected of him.
Step 5. Share stories about rules and routines
Four-year-olds love stories, and stories are an important way for young children to learn about themselves, others, and the world. Stories can help children deal with their feelings and help them know that they're not the only people who have had certain types of experiences. Sharing stories with young children can help them feel that their caregivers understand how they are feeling.
One classic children's book on rules is Where The Wild Things Are by author Maurice Sendak. The main character in this book, Max, breaks the rules. Children can have fun talking about this story and applying Max's situation to his own life experiences
Step 6. Guide the child to change his behavior
When you need to intervene to help a child change his behavior, start by giving the child the time he needs to respond. Your voice should be calm and firm, and you should approach your child and bend down so you can communicate face-to-face with eye contact. Then tell your child what you want him to stop, and what he should do.
If your child has to stop doing something he enjoys doing, be sure to prepare himself for the change. For example, let him know that his bedtime is in five minutes, so he has time to prepare for the change
Step 7. Use age-appropriate "consequences"
The most effective use of consequences is when they are combined with reasoning, or verbally helping the child understand and relate his actions to the consequences. However, this is not enough. Consequences must be consistent and followed in order to be effective in changing behavior.
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"Time-outs" or the use of "naughty chairs" are popular ways to help children understand the consequences and calm down when they misbehave.
- Choose four or five rules that, if broken, will result in the child having to sit quietly in a boring place as "pause" or time in the "naughty chair." Make sure that the child understands in advance what rules will result in a pause.
- Whenever your child breaks one of the rules, instruct him-in a calm, neutral manner-to his break room.
- Experts recommend that breaks should be no more than one minute per year of the child's age (eg a maximum of four minutes for a four-year-old).
- After the break ends, praise your child for completing the break successfully.
- Another "consequence" that parents may use is to get rid of objects or stop the child's activities that are related to the child's unwanted behavior. Get rid of objects temporarily or stop an activity and continue doing something else.
- If you decide to use consequences, be sure to apply the consequences as soon as the child misbehaves. Otherwise, a four-year-old will not be able to "connect".
Step 8. Give positive feedback for actions well done
When your child obeys, always be sure to praise him. All children, but especially young children, benefit from praise for their achievements. This will build her confidence, but it's also a positive way to reinforce the right behavior.
Warning
- If you are babysitting, never hit or slap them. Ask the child's primary caregiver (parent or guardian) what they would like you to do with their method of disciplining the child.
- Never hit or slap a child. There is substantial evidence to suggest that physical discipline methods have a negative impact and are ineffective. Hitting or slapping a child can cause serious physical and psychological damage.
- Never discipline a baby. Never shake or hit the baby. When your baby cries, he needs your attention, so approach him and see what you can do to make him feel better.
