Sometimes it can be difficult for you to maintain a relationship with a sibling, especially if the two of you are always at odds. Fights are sometimes very difficult to stop and make both parties feel hurt and angry. However, this article will show you how to stop fighting with your brother or sister and maintain a good relationship with them.
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Method 1 of 4: Important Information Before Starting
Step 1. Consider your relationship with your brother or sister
Does the relationship feel very close or is it very tenuous? What can be done to strengthen and improve your relationship? Try to find out what things you and your sibling can work on, but make sure you don't face them right away.
Step 2. Hold on and observe the situation
Is your sibling going through puberty, or are you going through it? It can make you and/or your sibling show different ways of dealing with each other. In addition, puberty can also make you fight more often with your sibling. If this happens, know that this situation won't last forever and let puberty go on while you try to live the situation as comfortably and as best you can.
Step 3. Think about the past
Are there some things that you and/or your sibling have done that made your current situation or relationship worse? Maybe you didn't mean to insult your brother on his birthday, but if you haven't apologized in a long time and your brother is holding a grudge, it could be a reason why he fights with you a lot. It's possible that you actually hold a grudge against your brother.
Method 2 of 4: Taking Action
Step 1. Take the time to sit down with your sibling and have a serious conversation about the current situation
Show him that you've been paying attention to how many fights are going on. However, while explaining, don't insist that the fight was his fault or caused by him. Otherwise, he will get defensive and later on, the two of you will be at odds over this again.
Step 2. Ask your sibling about the most positive things he or she finds in your relationship (for example, you are both good at sharing)
Wait for him to finish speaking, then respond with your own comments. However, don't talk about the good things in the relationship for too long because there are some negative things you need to hear from him. Also, your sibling may feel bored with the conversation and want to leave. This is likely to provoke a fight between the two of you again.
Step 3. After both of you have said positive things in your relationship, ask him what things you can improve in your life to strengthen the relationship between the two of you
Don't cut him off or get defensive when he says something. You will then get a turn to speak. Besides, it would be better if you knew what you were doing wrong all this time.
Listen to what he has to say. After that, he also has to listen carefully to what you say when it's your turn to speak
Step 4. After your brother has explained all the things that you need to improve, now is the time for you to explain the things that your brother needs to improve
However, when you do speak, don't use an accusatory tone or he will quickly become defensive. Instead, use a polite and friendly tone of voice when speaking. You could say, for example, “Yeah, I noticed we don't share housework fairly. I think we should start talking about a fair division of labor again."
Keep in mind that the use of the pronoun "we" is considered better than the pronoun "you" because by saying "we", you are showing him that the two of you can work together. In addition, you also show that he is not the only one who has to try
Step 5. Invite your sibling to determine two or three things that need to be improved together (for example, sharing and doing homework fairly)
Even though both of you want to fix things at once, that kind of thing turns out to be more difficult than you might think. It will be more difficult for you to balance all these things at once so it's a good idea to fix or solve the problems that exist one by one.
If you feel like your relationship with your sibling isn't close enough to solve two or three problems at hand, work on just one problem if necessary. However, don't procrastinate on solving other problems
Step 6. Make it a common goal to work hard to fix the negatives that were previously discussed
Try to work together and solve problems as a team (rather than solving them alone). This way, you and your sibling will both feel supported and encouraged by each other's presence.
- Give a positive comment or two for him so that he feels motivated to improve the things that he feels are lacking.
- Don't focus on the negative. Instead, ignore them. Don't forget that at least your brother is trying to fix his flaws.
Step 7. Once you both feel that the things that need to be fixed are better enough, focus on other things while keeping the positive things that were previously addressed
The two of you can also make things a lot better.
Step 8. If the situation worsens, seek advice from your parents and ask if they can help you strengthen your relationship with your sibling
However, don't complain about your sibling or blame them, as this will only show that you're not mature enough. In addition, your sibling will feel hurt and that feeling can worsen your relationship with him.
Method 3 of 4: Maintaining Relationships
Step 1. Every now and then try to do good things for him, without any reason
Pick the right time (and unexpectedly), then do something she will enjoy (eg take her for a walk and buy her her favorite snack). If he asks, "Why are you doing this?", you can say, "I just want to do it."
- This shows that despite the fights that occur between the two of you, you still love him and want to have a better relationship with him.
- Even if your sibling doesn't take the time to do the same for you, don't be discouraged. Be nice and friendly to him. Keep in mind that you shouldn't be nice to him every once in a while; you still have to be nice every day, regardless of whether he "deserves" your kindness or not.
Step 2. Make sure you have finished your schoolwork, practice, and done your homework and other work
This way, your sibling won't say, for example, "You still have homework to do, so give me the TV remote!" or “Oh my God! You still haven't finished your work yet?!” By getting work done, you can reduce the chances of arguments over who should complete certain tasks.
If you've finished your homework and your sibling hasn't finished it, offer to help them finish the work together. Even though you may not want to help him, your help can strengthen your relationship with him and show that you care about him. But don't finish all his work or he will start using you
Step 3. Do not interfere in his affairs
Just like you and your life, your brother deserves his own privacy too. Don't read her diary, check messages on her instant messaging app or email account, etc. Never invade his privacy without his permission. Otherwise, it will invade your privacy.
If your sibling gives you special permission to read things that are private (eg notes in a diary), don't use that permission to do things that exceed the set limits. Even if you are tempted, this is not a good thing and can damage your relationship with him. Acting casually like that can lead to him being rude to you
Step 4. Don't discourage her or make her sad, especially to your sister
Keep in mind that the younger sibling usually mirrors the older sibling (in this case, you), even though he or she may not want to admit it. Therefore, do not destroy his dreams. Set a good example and be someone he can follow and be proud of.
Step 5. Do fun activities with your sibling, even if you prefer to lock yourself in your room and chat with friends via text
Such activities can strengthen your relationship with your sibling and make him feel more valued. Play with toy figures, write stories together, or find a hobby that you both enjoy. This way, the two of you won't fight and can have fun together.
Ignore the little mistakes he makes (eg your sibling "slightly" spoiling your toy) to avoid getting into fights. Remember that your relationship with your sibling is more valuable than your toys
Step 6. Listen to her story when she has a problem
Give him the best advice and reassure him when he needs it. Even if your brother doesn't do the same for you, that doesn't mean you should be indifferent to him. In fact, if you help him, your sibling will feel compelled to do something nice for you, even if you don't really need his help.
Method 4 of 4: Things to Remember If You Fight With Her
Step 1. Don't forget to apologize if you start an argument
Instead of maintaining your prestige and hurting your brother, it's better for you to be heartened and apologize for hurting his feelings. This can improve the relationship and, of course, won't be a waste of your time. Even if it wasn't your fault, it's still possible to apologize to reduce the possibility of hurt, resentment, or the like.
Step 2. Talk about why you started the fight
Quarrel is a deadly “vicious cycle”, but you have to stay mature and break the cycle. If you don't even remember why you felt angry, there's no important reason to keep fighting with him.
Step 3. Even if you are motivated to treat your brother badly, never be rude to him
Otherwise, he will think that you want to throw him out of your life and feel very hurt. It can also make him respond with rudeness and, of course, your relationship with him will only get worse.
If you were rude to him, apologize immediately. Even if your brother rejects your apology, still apologize
Step 4. Ignore him if he says something rude or upsetting
Sometimes, your sibling wants to provoke you (in this case, prank you) for no apparent reason. In this case, you can ignore him so that he is no longer interested in provoking your annoyance. Once he doesn't feel "enthusiastic" to annoy or annoy you, he will stop being annoying.
If your sibling has a stubborn attitude, he or she will probably try harder and be more annoying to you for a longer time. However, in the end he will get tired of "tricking you" and give up
Tips
- Treat your brother the way you want him to be, even when he doesn't treat you well. Over time, he will begin to trust you and respond positively to you.
- Give him a compliment, but make sure the compliment you give is a genuine compliment. However, don't praise him too much. Otherwise, he could be arrogant and still expect your compliments or he could be suspicious and slowly walk away from you.
- Be a proud person. You have to be the one to apologize first and not start an argument.
- Try to show your understanding and realize that everyone responds to the situation in a different way. Jokes can be hurtful, so if you accidentally hurt her feelings, don't forget to apologize. It can save your relationship with him.
- Encourage your brother to try and do his best.
- If you accidentally say something very rude to him, let him know that you didn't mean to say it and apologize. Do not maintain prestige and feel reluctant to apologize.
- Like a coin, every person, every thing, and every situation has two sides: positive and negative. How we feel will depend on what we focus on. We can focus on positive things or even negative things. Therefore, train your mind to stay focused on the positive things that your brother has. Sooner or later, these things are what you will see from him and your relationship can improve soon.
- Be the person who wants to apologize first. Don't wait for him to apologize.
- When the two of you fight and you are the one who started the fight, apologize to him.
- If you live in the same room with him, continue to work in your "territory". Try using headphones and playing songs you like. This way, you won't listen to what your brother has to say.
Warning
- If your sibling starts to lower your self-confidence (or maybe lowers you), take immediate action and tell someone about your sibling's attitude.
- Never hurt your brother. Solve the problem verbally. Keep in mind that speech is sometimes much more effective than you think. Try to use calming words when solving problems with him.
- Don't gossip about your brother. Otherwise, he will feel hurt and may vent his anger on you.
- At school, don't tell anyone about the bad things your brother did to you. This can piss him off and treat you badly.
- If your sibling continues to fight with you while you're still following the rules, ask a parent or other adult you can trust for help.
