Many people have a hard time being happy when they are alone. If you don't have a partner or have trouble feeling happy living alone, you may also experience a variety of negative feelings such as: sadness, loneliness, anger, fear or boredom. Loneliness can have many negative consequences in your mental, physical health and cognitive function (your ability to think). To believe that you are happy and feel happy when you are alone, you can understand yourself, use various techniques to increase happiness when you are alone, and improve your ability to make social connections.
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Method 1 of 3: Understanding Yourself
Step 1. Trust your feelings and instincts
If you feel unhappy when you are alone, there is a reason for this feeling. People can feel negative emotions when something is wrong with their environment. Therefore, it may be that you are sad to be alone, and should try not to be alone anymore or try to feel better when you are alone. Trying to convince yourself that something isn't true (such as that you're happy living alone) may not work and may even lead you to feel worse. Instead of trying to convince or lie to yourself that you are happy, try to feel really happy.
Treat your feelings as useful information. The next time you feel unhappy about being alone, trust this feeling. Say to yourself, "I trust my feelings. I'm just not happy living alone. I can work on this."
Step 2. Know your values
Your values determine your behavior. If you understand your personal values, you can understand yourself better, and this step can increase your ability to feel good about yourself.
- Pay attention to your culture and traditions. If you follow a spiritual or cultural tradition, think of ways you can do this activity when you are alone.
- Make a list of the things you value in life (thoughts, possessions). This list may be: family, friends, home, trust, honesty, love, respect, culture and religion. Consider ways you can honor these values even when you are alone. Are there goals you can pursue for your family, home or religion?
Step 3. Explore and express your unique identity
To feel happy even when you are alone, you must first accept and love yourself as you are. If you're not comfortable with yourself, it could mean that you don't like spending time alone and may feel like you need someone else to distract you or acknowledge you. You are an interesting and unique person. Take time to get to know yourself and increase your self-confidence.
- Knowing who you are is all about understanding your personal identity. Try to write down positive qualities that you have such as: a friendly personality, kindness, compassion, enthusiasm, passion, love and empathy.
- Do something to express yourself. Maybe dye your hair or do something else that will help you feel different and stand out from the crowd.
- Focus on your skills. Focus on the positives rather than the negatives. For example, even if you are not very good at singing, you may be very good at acting. Make a list of things you are good at such as: hanging out, painting, dancing or playing an instrument. Try to think of ways you can do these activities when you are alone.
Step 4. Set a positive goal and target
Having a purpose in life is associated with happiness and positive well-being. Without having a purpose you may feel very vulnerable when you are alone and think that life is meaningless or meaningful.
- To find out what your current goals are, think about what you want people to remember about you in life. Do you want people to remember you as a person who: helped others, gave alms to the needy, wrote a good book, a good person, or a business owner?
- Another way to identify your goals is to reflect and see what is valuable in life. Your goals will help you get closer to those values. For example, if you value family, perhaps part of your goal is to build your own family and care for them.
- Remember that you are not limited to one goal in life. You can have as many specific goals and targets as you want. Write down any goals you have such as a particular career, places you want to explore or visit, and what kind of family you want (how many kids etc).
- Focus on self-improvement and achievement. For example, if you are very worried about your shortcomings (perhaps in singing) you can take singing lessons to get better.
Step 5. Learn the difference between being alone and being lonely
Being alone doesn't mean you automatically become lonely-in fact, you don't have to be alone to experience loneliness. Loneliness can be defined as feeling socially isolated or dissatisfied with relationships, and is often the result of frequently telling yourself "no one likes me" to yourself.
- Loneliness is often activated by emotional triggers, ranging from the breakup of a relationship, or the death of a loved one to a friend who doesn't pick up the phone from you.
- If you feel lonely, admit that you are unhappy and ask yourself "What can I choose to stop feeling lonely?"
- Instead of engaging in activities that keep you from contact or social productivity such as daydreaming in front of the television, try going for a walk, making art, writing a letter, reading, or playing with a pet.
Method 2 of 3: Boost Your Own Type Happiness
Step 1. Calm yourself
Using life coping skills and the ability to calm yourself down when you're not happy when you're alone is very important. There are many ways you can calm yourself down and which one you choose will be very personal. The more ideas you explore, the more proficient you will be at changing negative moods and feeling happy about yourself.
- Try journaling. Write whatever you want. Write about your thoughts, feelings, goals and plans. Write down your dreams and aspirations.
- Think about positive memories. Identify times in the past when you enjoyed spending time with other people. Visualize this in your mind and enjoy. This can temporarily increase your sense of well-being.
- Some people find that they are happier and less lonely when engaging in spiritual activities such as praying or performing religious traditions (eg praying in mosques, churches or temples for followers of their respective religions, etc.).
Step 2. Change the way you think about yourself
Enjoy spending time with yourself. Tell yourself that you have chosen to spend time alone. If you feel like you are making the decisions for yourself, you will automatically feel more positive about the situation.
- Realize that you choose to be alone and that you are in control. Avoid a mentality that puts yourself as a victim.
- Say to yourself, "It's okay I'm alone. Everyone is alone at some point. I can get through it."
- If you find yourself fixating on bad thoughts like "I'm alone because no one wants me," you've fallen into a negative thought pattern. Try to reframe the situation in a positive mental scenario.
- When these thoughts come up, acknowledge their existence, but then remind yourself of the positive side of your situation. Say something like, "Wait a minute. Now maybe I'm alone, and that's not a bad thing. I have plenty of time for myself to do whatever I want. Time I wouldn't have in a relationship. Anything is possible. change and I won't always be alone and have this much freedom, so I have to really enjoy this time."
Step 3. Enjoy some quality "me time"
Whenever you think that you are alone and feel sad, remind yourself that you are never alone. You always have yourself there. So focus on being in a relationship and being friends with yourself. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have. The way you treat and think about yourself will determine how you treat others.
- Do things just for yourself. If you like cheap disco music, make a playlist of your favorite songs and play it as loud as you like. If you like the sea, go to the beach and walk around there as long as you want.
- Engage in activities that relax and relieve stress. For example, you can do a spa at night - take a relaxing bath, get a massage, and take care of yourself (coloring nails, etc).
Step 4. Stay busy
If you are unemployed when alone, you may end up feeling unhappy, sad, lonely or bored. To increase your chances of feeling happy when you're alone, make sure you fill your schedule with positive activities.
- Try new activities. One way to stay busy is to try and explore new activities that are outside of your comfort zone. Artwork, dancing, writing, reading, playing a musical instrument, hiking, camping, caring for pets, traveling and cooking are all things you can try.
- Do things that scare you to increase your independence. For example, if talking to new people is scary, make an effort to say hello or start a conversation with strangers at least once a day. You may find that this will get easier and less intimidating as time goes on.
Step 5. Get a pet
People who feel lonely when alone can benefit from having a pet as a companion. Some people may even think of their pets as humans.
If your neighborhood doesn't allow you to have pets, you can simply purchase a robotic pet like a singing turtle, or take care of a fake pet through online games or phone apps
Step 6. Avoid dangerous problem solving strategies
It is common for some people to use negative ways to deal with loneliness. However, these strategies often have unintended consequences and can even increase depression and loneliness.
- Don't turn to smoking cigarettes or marijuana. Some people say that smoking is a social activity. But this habit can also help entertain yourself for a while but in a non-ideal way.
- Avoid drugs or alcohol when interacting with other people or when dealing with situations alone.
- Try to avoid watching too much television, playing video games or using the internet.
Method 3 of 3: Increasing Social Connections
Step 1. Change the way you think about social interactions
Some people can develop non-adaptive ways of thinking about social interactions and this can increase feelings of loneliness and reduce your ability to feel satisfied when alone. For example, you may be sensitive and pay more attention to negative information from your environment, such as strange stares from someone.
- Get to know your negative thinking habits. For example, you may have a tendency to think that people are laughing at you or giving you unpleasant looks.
- Find evidence that doesn't confirm these thoughts. If you think someone looks at you unpleasantly and thinks negatively about you, think of an alternative. For example, maybe the person just looks like that or is having a bad day. It could be that it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Step 2. Fertilize your relationship
Humans need social relationships to survive. Connecting with other people can help reduce feelings of loneliness and fear while increasing your sense of happiness.
- Your thoughts about the quality of your relationships are an important part of maintaining well-being. If you believe that you have enough friends and quality social connections, you can feel better. If you don't believe this, you can try to develop healthy friendships and relationships with other people.
- Having an extensive social network can increase feelings of loneliness. Instead of having many acquaintances, focus more on the personal relationships you already have.
Step 3. Spend time with friends and loved ones
Relationships with friends are important in developing feelings of happiness and the ability to tolerate one's own circumstances.
- Make various social plans. Don't wait for other people to contact you.
- Focus on the person and the communication or conversation that is taking place rather than on activities that limit social connections such as watching movies or television.
- Get social support when you feel lonely or negative when you are alone. Invite a friend to spend time with you or talk about it.
- Limit destructive relationships. Having a negative or violent relationship can increase feelings of loneliness even when you're not alone.
Step 4. Make new friends
Social skills are important in reducing loneliness and improving social relationships.
In order to make new friends you can increase your chances for social interaction. For example, join some kind of association such as an aerobics or yoga class or a book club
Step 5. Call others when you are lonely
Maintaining positive relationships with others even when you are alone can help reduce feelings of loneliness and increase the happiness of being alone.
- Use the internet and social media sites to feel connected when you're alone. This can help increase your sense of well-being when you are alone.
- Be careful not to use the internet as your primary means of socializing as this can lead to loneliness.
Step 6. Know when to seek help
Everyone feels lonely at some point; however, there may be times when you need additional help and should seek counseling advice. If you feel depressed or your alone time is a result of social anxiety disorder, a healthcare professional can help you with these issues.
- Signs of depression include: persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety or "emptiness"; loss of interest or pleasure in doing various activities, feelings of hopelessness, regret, worthlessness; difficulty falling asleep or sleeping too much; and feeling tired or lethargic.
- Signs of social phobia or social anxiety disorder include: feeling restless around other people, being afraid to talk to people even when you want to, avoiding other people, fear of being judged by others, feeling nauseous or not feeling well around other people, and worrying for weeks about the events that will come when you know there will be other people.
- If you experience any of these or other symptoms, contact a counselor or healthcare professional for an examination. They can help you figure out treatments for these conditions.
