We all have trouble with being alone from time to time. Whether you're single, living alone, or simply having a hard time accepting that you're alone, it can be a challenge to maintain a sense of happiness when you're not with someone. Often we look to other people to fill the void. However, there are a number of ways to feel happy even when you're alone including: becoming an independent person, increasing a positive outlook, and becoming more self-aware.
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Method 1 of 3: Becoming an Independent Person
Step 1. Develop independence
A person, especially an extrovert (a social butterfly who gets excited by being around a lot of people), sometimes depends on other people to feel happy or excited. However, to be able to feel happy in our own time, first of all, we must reduce dependence on others to make ourselves happy, and more independent. If you are an extrovert, you may benefit from doing things alone so you can practice developing social energy with strangers rather than with close friends. Luckily, you can continue to be an extroverted and social person even when you're alone.
- Focus on developing your self-confidence by engaging in and engaging in activities related to being alone and exploring untapped areas. For example, if you've always wanted to learn how to play an instrument, you can start now. There are many online tutorials that can be used to start the learning process.
- Try doing activities alone on purpose. Before asking for help or wanting someone to come along, try doing it yourself. For example, if you usually want your partner to accompany you to the grocery store, try going alone.
Step 2. Focus on your interests
Understand the things you enjoy and try to do them yourself. In addition, try doing things you've never done before, to build your interests and hobbies. If you're an extrovert, you'll probably have a hard time with this because you enjoy being around people, especially when working on your interests. However, the more you practice working on your own interests, the easier it will become.
- Keep yourself busy. There is a wide selection of activities to explore including art, dancing, writing, reading, playing a musical instrument, hiking, camping, pet care, traveling and cooking.
- Do activities on your own that make you feel social. Extroverts may enjoy engaging in activities similar to socializing in their alone time such as texting, chatting on the phone, or visiting social networking sites. This can help you feel happier and socially connected in your alone time.
- You can plan or make something for your loved ones. This way, you focus on honing your social relationships in your own time.
Step 3. Build your tolerance for being alone
The more activities you do on your own, the more comfortable you will be without other people. Dealing with the fear of being alone can help make it less scary and feel more like a regular occurrence. Extroverts should focus on truly being alone (in the bedroom, in your home, for example).
- For starters, try activities like walking, going out to eat, and shopping.
- Avoid drinking alcohol and using other substances to deal with the situation on your own.
- Know that being alone and feeling lonely are two different things. You can be alone without feeling lonely.
Step 4. Calm yourself
Calming yourself is a problem-solving skill that stands out when learning how to build a tolerance for loneliness. If you're feeling negative emotions (angry, sadness, loneliness), it's important to learn how to calm yourself down. Extroverts may benefit from self-soothing because being completely alone can be uncomfortable, especially for social butterflies.
- Give yourself support. Instead of depending on others to support ourselves, we should try to support ourselves. For example, if you feel like you're not doing well at work or school, try telling yourself something a friend would say, like, “Is that so? You're great at your job!" Extroverts may actually rely more on social recognition for support and would benefit from learning to be independent.
- Remind yourself that being alone is not a problem! Being alone in a public place is also okay.
- Focus on the positive qualities of yourself and what you like about yourself. Also understand your weaknesses, but don't let other people put you down.
Method 2 of 3: Increase Positivity
Step 1. Think of happy things
This sounds ridiculous, but it's true! Introverts (those who derive energy from being alone) and people who experience anxiety in social situations can develop the ability to feel happy when alone by thinking more about the positivity in relationships and the idea of being alone. Research shows that people who feel lonely may tend to think negatively by expecting negative outcomes from social relationships and thinking they are doing their best to maintain social bonds. Changing your thinking can help reduce loneliness and increase feelings of pleasure when you are alone.
- Think of all the reasons why being alone can be a positive thing. For example, you can do what you want without distractions and can focus on yourself.
- Understand that feeling sad or lonely is a mindset. Think of all the great things you have accomplished in life and how much you could have achieved.
- Write a list of things you are grateful for in life such as: family, friends, food, shelter, social support, etc.
- Use self-talk in a positive way. If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts like, "No one wants to spend time with me," change these thoughts to more realistic ones like, "People who love me want to spend time with me but sometimes they're busy."
Step 2. Love and accept yourself
Accepting and loving yourself is an important ingredient for feeling happy when you are alone. Think of yourself as a friend and focus on appreciating the positive aspects of you.
- If you are an introvert, remind yourself that this is your personality and is totally normal and acceptable! If you have social anxiety, accept that this is how you are feeling right now and that feeling like this isn't a problem; It's normal to feel anxious sometimes in certain social situations.
- Make a list of the things you like about yourself, what you're good at, and what other people seem to like about you. Keep this list in a safe place in case you feel lonely when you are alone.
- Avoid comparing yourself to others, which can lead to feelings of disappointment, envy, and inadequacy. This happens when we tend to see the good in others and regard it as an ideal.
Step 3. Hone your social relationships
Cultivating healthy bonds can really help you accept being alone and generate an overall positive outlook. If you feel secure in social relationships, your tendency to feel unhappy when you're not with the people you care about may decrease. Introverts and people with social anxiety may seek some close relationships (rather than many friends or acquaintances), so it's important that these relationships are strong and supportive (not abusive and dysfunctional).
- Make your interactions meaningful by prioritizing quality over quantity. When you spend time with other people, make sure you focus on bonding and talking rather than engaging in non-bonding activities like watching television.
- Let people who respect and treat you the way you want into your life. Avoid people who make you feel insecure, threatened, or neglected.
- In your alone time, focus on the positive memories you have with the people you care about. You can jot down positive memories and look back at them.
Step 4. Do positive activities
Understand activities that elevate your mood. If nothing else comes to your mind, start by trying a new activity and see if it seems to make you feel better on your own. Introverts tend to have activities that they enjoy on their own, but may want to try activities that specifically improve mood (such as exercise).
- Try making a list of things that cheer you up. A list could be something like: being out in nature, listening to positive music, exploring new places, taking bubble baths, shopping, and reading fun stories.
- Practice concentration. Using mindfulness that reduces stress can help reduce feelings of loneliness. Concentration means being in the here and now, or living in the present, appreciating it without dwelling too much on the past or worrying about the future.
Step 5. Exercise
Research shows that people who feel lonely may be less active in coping with problems. However, actively dealing with problems such as exercising will release endorphins in the brain that will make you feel positive and happier. Introverts or people with social anxiety need to exercise in public to become more comfortable in social settings (perhaps running at the beach, or lifting weights at the gym).
Try doing a fun exercise so it doesn't feel like an obligation. Such sports include: walking, doing aerobics, dancing, doing yoga, gardening, climbing, rock climbing, cycling, playing sports (many of which you can do yourself), jogging, swimming, skating, and martial arts. self
Step 6. Develop a goal
Research shows that people who feel lonely or socially rejected can lose meaning and purpose in their lives. A person can feel sensitive to social rejection or lack of meaning in life. We, as human beings, need meaning to understand our being; it comes with a purpose.
- Goals can vary: career, family, religion, spiritual matters, helping others, giving to the needy, making social change, healing others, and so on.
- Start by making a list of all your personal values (as seen above). Then identify the goals and objectives for each value. For example, if one of your values is spiritual, perhaps your goal is to positively and spiritually influence others. This can include joining a spiritual community and spreading knowledge about your beliefs.
- Start each day by looking at your list of values and goals, then find ways to achieve them. You can do small things like smile at strangers to achieve your goals.
Method 3 of 3: Studying Self-Awareness
Step 1. Get to know yourself
Increasing self-awareness can develop your ability to feel happy in your own time. The more you know about yourself and who you are, the more capable you will be of being happy. Becoming self-aware begins with paying attention to yourself, your thoughts, feelings, and behavior.
Take time to look at yourself to find out how you are. Ask yourself questions like, "How do I feel? What am I reacting to? What do I want to do?"
Step 2. Keep a journal
Writing down your thoughts and feelings on paper can help you get to know yourself through the things you express.
- Understand your likes and dislikes. Develop a list of things you enjoy doing. For example, extroverts may enjoy being with friends, and dislike having dinner alone. Introverts may enjoy doing activities on their own such as reading, and dislike being in crowded or noisy environments.
- Develop goals. Write a list of your life goals, as well as the goals you want to achieve in the next 1 month, 6 months, and 1 year.
Step 3. Explore the difficulties of being alone
Personality can certainly be a factor; some people are just more extroverted than others. Being an extrovert means you feel energized by being around other people, while an introvert gets energy from being alone.
- Loneliness can be the result of sadness and loss of someone, trauma, or self-confidence issues.
- Feeling lonely due to aging is common.
- Research shows that people who feel lonely often tend to have more of: anxiety, anger, pessimism, feelings of insecurity and insecurity.
Step 4. Consider therapy
Feeling lonely can be a symptom of a more severe problem such as depression. If you find yourself feeling increasingly lonely, or unable to accept being alone, you may want to seek professional help. Psychotherapy can be a useful way to understand yourself better. It can also help with being alone.
