Being a good friend isn't always easy, but if you take the time to cultivate lasting friendships, even the slightest effort is worth it. As time goes on, some people will stay with you, but more will not. That's when you will realize how valuable every friendship you can maintain is. Of course, to have good friends, you have to be prepared to be good friends. And it requires a lot of effort and attention. You need to be trustworthy, be there for your friend when she's having a hard time, and deepen the relationship to make it last. The following steps can help you figure out how to be a good friend.
Step
Method 1 of 4: Keeping the Trust
Step 1. Keep your promises
Never make a promise you can't keep. Or, at least, don't make it a habit. If you say you're coming to see your friend, but then something comes up that could be a reason to cancel, explain the situation. Trust me, friendship is strong enough for both rejection and approval. No human is perfect. It's okay if you fail to keep your promises every now and then. But don't keep repeating it.
When you make a serious promise, look your friend in the eye as you slowly say it. Show that you really mean to keep the promise, not just say it because you feel obligated to do so
Step 2. Be a reliable person
Being a reliable friend is an important aspect of being a good friend. No one likes and wants to be friends with someone who is too impulsive and unpredictable. It's hard to rely on people who are inconsistent and hard to trust. You've probably met well-meaning people who said, "Okay, I'll…" but never did. If you are that kind of person, believe me, you are eroding the trust of your friends. Eventually they will stop believing anything you say.
- If you're not sure you can do something, don't agree to it. Better be honest. Say you're not sure you can.
- Your friends need to always feel confident that they can count on you. Including in the dark. If you accompany them only when they are happy, you are not a very good friend.
Step 3. Apologize if you did something wrong
If you want your friends to trust you, you shouldn't act like you're a perfect human being. When you know you have done something wrong, accept the responsibility. Don't deny. Don't pretend nothing went wrong. Or, worse, blame someone else. While your friend may not like the mistake, she'll be very happy to know you're mature and humble enough to admit it.
When you apologize, do it for real. Let your friends hear the sincerity in your voice. Prove that you care about their feelings
Step 4. Be honest
If you want to be a good and trustworthy friend, you have to be honest about how you feel about the actions of your friends and the relationship. Honesty expressing feelings allows communication to remain open. If a friend hurts you, don't be afraid to talk about it. If something upsets or upsets you, don't hesitate to open your heart to your friends.
- Being honest is different from being outspoken. Being too outspoken can hurt your friend's feelings. If you believe your friend is addicted to alcohol, it's your responsibility to talk about it. But, if you think she looks weird in her new dress, you'd better keep quiet.
- Be yourself. Connect with people you can deeply appreciate if you desire lasting friendships. Invest your time and energy in people who allow you to be yourself. No need to pretend. Less sincere behavior can quickly end the friendship.
Step 5. Don't take advantage of other people
If your friend suspects you're just taking advantage of him, he'll quickly leave you. Good friendships don't build on the expectation that someone else's popularity or network will give you an advantage. If you try to befriend someone in order to be accepted into a certain social group, you are not a good friend, but an opportunist. And finally, your meaningless intentions will be discovered.
- If you have a reputation for taking advantage of other people, no one will want to be friends with you.
- Friendship is give and take. Of course, it feels good to have a friend give you a ride to school or work. But make sure you are also ready to help in the future.
Step 6. Be a loyal friend
If a friend tells you a secret, keep it a secret. Don't discuss it with anyone. You don't want your friends to reveal your secrets to other people, do you? Don't talk about your friends without their knowledge. Don't spread rumors about the secrets he entrusted to you. Don't say anything you won't be able to repeat in the face of him. Be a loyal friend to your true friend. Stand up for him when new friends or people you don't know start gossiping about him.
- Loyal friends understand the importance of lasting and stable friendships. Don't throw it all away to spend time with a new boyfriend or a cool person you just met.
- If you have a reputation for being a "leaky bucket" or a gossip, your friends will quickly notice. Don't be surprised if they hesitate to reveal anything personal to you in the future. Or even reluctant to spend time with you.
- Don't let anyone say bad things about your friend. Until you get a chance to hear the story from your friend's point of view, treat any comments that come to your ears--which aren't positive--as mere rumours. If someone says something surprising, and you know your friend doesn't usually say or do that, simply say, "I know him. What you're saying doesn't sound right. Let me talk to him first, see how he looks. Until then., I'd really appreciate it if you didn't pass it on."
Step 7. Respect your friends
Good friends respect each other openly and support each other. If your friend has life values and beliefs that don't align with yours, respect her choice. Open your heart and mind to hear more about it. Your friend needs to feel comfortable voicing his or her opinion or discussing new perspectives, which may not agree with you. If your friend thinks that you're always putting down or opposing every interesting or original idea he or she comes up with, that friendship is prone to cracking.
- Sometimes friends say things that make you bored, uncomfortable, or annoyed. But when you value your friend, you give him the opportunity to speak without judging him.
- When you can't meet your friends face-to-face, express your disagreements while respecting them. Learn to see things differently, at least from your friend's point of view.
Method 2 of 4: Include
Step 1. Don't let your friends feel left out
As easy as it sounds, it's very important in friendships. Don't let your friends feel neglected! Just because you started dating, doesn't mean you can ignore it! Always remember: when you break up with your boyfriend, your friends will always be there. When your heart is broken, he will be there. When you are shunned by others, he will also be there. So, remember to be there for your friends too!
Method 3 of 4: Providing Support
Step 1. Don't be selfish
While you can't be unselfish all the time, selflessness is an essential requirement for a good friend. Accommodate your friend's wishes whenever you can, but do so in a balanced way. Reply to kindness with actions that are also full of love. Your friendship will be stronger because of it. If you have a reputation for being selfish and only want to be around your friends when you need help, they will conclude that you don't want to pay attention to them.
- Help a friend just because you're a nice person, not because you expect something in return.
- Taking care of yourself at the right time is different from letting others take advantage of you all the time. If you're always helping a friend, but getting nothing out of it, there's something wrong with your friendship.
- Don't abuse the kindness and warmth of your friends. Reply to the kindness of friends as soon as possible. Return the money you borrowed as soon as possible. Go home when it's time to leave the house.
Step 2. Be a good listener
Don't monopolize the conversation. Take the time to really understand and support your friend while she or she is talking. It's okay to talk about yourself, but make sure you listen as often as possible. If you monopolize the conversation by constantly pouring out your feelings, your friend will gain nothing from the relationship. Listen to him to open up space between you and your friend. Also so that he is sure you love him.
- Careful. If you can't wait for your turn to speak while your friend is talking, she'll know right away.
- Try to balance the conversation. Let your friend talk half the time. While some people are shy, if your friend feels like they can't say anything when they're with you, your friendship won't last long.
Step 3. Help a friend deal with life's struggles
To be a truly supportive friend, you need to be able to look out for your friends when they're having a hard time. If you believe your friend is stuck in an intractable problem, such as drug addiction, excessive sexual activity, or drinking, help her out of the situation. Feel free to discuss it.
- Don't assume that your friend can handle it on their own. Precisely in such situations your common sense is needed to awaken them. When you notice a problem, speak up, even if you're not comfortable discussing it.
- Let friends know that you can be a support in the midst of difficult times. That he is free to cry in your presence. Once he no longer felt alone, he could more easily deal with the problem.
- If your friend just wants to talk about the problem, that's fine. Let him talk to his heart's content. But after that, you also have to help him find practical solutions.
- If he, for example, uncovers unhealthy eating habits and simply promises to eat more regularly, you can suggest a more serious solution. For example, consult a doctor.
Step 4. Accompany your friends in the midst of a crisis
When your friend is hospitalized, visit him or her. If the dog runs away, help him find it. When he needs to be picked up somewhere at night, pick him up immediately. Send them a card or package if you live far away. If a family member dies, accompany him throughout the funeral procession. Let your friend know that she can count on you at any time.
- On the other hand, make sure that your friend isn't "always" in the middle of a crisis. You have to be ready to help him through the tough times, but that's not the cornerstone of your relationship.
- Being there for a friend means providing emotional support. Give him enough attention so that he can open up and cry in front of you. Hand him a tissue or handkerchief, then listen to his complaints with an open mind. You don't have to say anything when you notice something's not right; keep calm and calm him down.
- When your friend is struggling with a crisis, don't say, "Everything's going to be okay," if you know it's not. Silence is hard, but calming with fakes usually only makes things worse. Let your friends know you are there for them. It's better to stay honest while being cheerful and positive.
- If your friend says he is suicidal, report it to someone else immediately. This rule eliminates the rule, "Respect the privacy of friends." Even if your friend begs you not to tell anyone, you should. Suggest to consult a psychologist or psychiatrist. Talk to your parents or partner about the situation (unless they're the cause of the problem) before getting anyone else involved.
Step 5. Give wise advice
As a good friend, you should be able to weigh your friend's situation from his point of view, then offer your opinion. Don't force him to do everything you say. Don't judge him either. Just give advice when he asks for it.
- Avoid giving unsolicited advice to friends. Let him share his feelings. He needs it. Offer advice only when he's clearly looking for it. Ask before assuming you can give advice.
- In certain situations, you need to be firm to keep your friend out of harm's way. But don't do it too often. No one likes being lectured or feeling pressured. Based on factual information, express how you view the situation. Then suggest what you would do if you were in the same situation.
Step 6. Give your friends the space they need
A supportive friend can accept the fact that your friend doesn't always want to spend time with you. Step back for a moment. Make room for your friends. Understand that he sometimes wants to be alone or meet other people. If you call your friend every 2 seconds when he or she isn't with you, you'll seem like an overly possessive partner. Nobody likes to be treated that way.
- Don't be jealous if your friend has lots of other friends. Every relationship is special and unique, but that doesn't mean he doesn't value you.
- Let yourself and your friends play with other friends. He needs that freedom. You, too. After that you can meet him again, fresher and more appreciative of each other.
Method 4 of 4: Cultivating Friendship
Step 1. Learn to forgive
If you want to maintain a relationship with your friend, forgive him and continue life as usual. The grudge, bitterness, and anger you allow to build up will hinder your progress. After all, no human is perfect. If your friend really regrets it, or didn't actually do anything too bad, you should let it go.
- When a friend does something unforgivable, it's better for you to leave it than to try to save a relationship that has already been destroyed. But this is a last resort, don't do it too often.
- If you get mad at a friend but don't reveal why, you'll never be able to forgive them. Discuss the anger with him.
Step 2. Accept your friends as they are
To keep a friendship going, you don't have to try to change friends. There's also no need to force him to see the world through your eyes. If you're a conservative and your friend is a liberal, just accept that fact instead of constantly arguing with him. Appreciate the different perspectives your friend offers on your life journey with them. Don't expect him to see things from your perspective.
The longer you're friends with him, the less you'll try to idolize him, and the easier it will be for you to accept him for who he is. This is the definition of a good friend. You and your friend can love each other even if you realize that he, like you, has flaws
Step 3. Give more than asked
A friend is waiting for you to finish your homework. But a good friend stays up late and is ready to help if you need it. Remember, if you really are a good friend, more people will want to be friends with you. Identify moments when you need to do more than expected. Realize that it can nourish your relationship, and that your friend will do the same for you in the future.
If your friend really needs your help, but repeatedly says "No, you don't have to…" learn to understand the implicit meaning of the sentence. Realize that he really needs help
Step 4. Maintain contact no matter what
Over time, humans tend to grow farther from their hometowns. Maybe you or your friends have moved and rarely see each other. Sometimes years pass without any contact at all. If you never stop loving a friend, contact him or her. He must be happy to hear from you. After all, you're friends with him because of something in the past, and it's possible that the same bond still exists between the two of you.
- Don't let location determine the strength of your bond. If that friendship means anything to you, you'll continue to work on cultivating it, even after you've been separated by oceans.
- You can call him once a month. It's also okay to chat via Skype if you both live in locations with different time zones. As long as you regularly contact him, your friendship with him will continue.
Step 5. Let your friendship change naturally
If you want to be a good friend, you have to understand that high school friendships are not the same as college friendships, or even adult life. Of course, when you're 14, you can spend hours each day with your friends. But once you go to another city for college, or start a serious relationship, your chances of meeting him are definitely less. That doesn't mean the friendship has weakened. It's just that your life evolves, and your friendships change shape over time.
- Don't try to make your friendships exactly the way you did ten years ago. Let's just say the relationship is elastic, not solid.
- If your friend is married and has 2 children, or is in a serious relationship with someone, while you're single, respect the fact that--even though he loves you--he won't be as contactable 24 hours a day as before.
- Appreciate the changes that occur over time. Learn to adapt.
Tips
- If you borrow something that belongs to a friend, take good care of it, then return it without asking.
- You don't have to put in a lot of time and money to be a good friend. The best gifts are usually homemade gifts, which you give from the bottom of your heart. A telephone can leave the same impression as a visit.
- Tell your friends how much you appreciate being with them, or how nice they are to being there for you when you need them. They will be happy about it. Your friendship will be even stronger.
- Don't get your hopes up and set the rules. Let your relationship develop and change naturally.
- Tease your friend about something he or she is proud of. The better you know your friends, the easier it will be for you to identify what they are sensitive to. Then take advantage of the temptation to encourage, not even insult.
- Accompany your friend when he has to undergo treatment in the hospital. Never leave him alone!
- Honest communication is the foundation of every friendship. If you and your friend can't talk to each other freely, the relationship you've built is prone to collapse.
- If you're angry, tell your friend and then try to resolve it. Don't hide the anger.
- If someone left your friend and feels alone, play with him.
- Tell him often how much you love him, and how much he loves you. It will brighten his days.
Warning
- If your friend doesn't treat you well, while you've always been nice to him, there's no reason to stay friends. Don't get too close to people who don't treat you well.
- No one likes to be insulted. Be careful when you tease him! If he asks you to stop, comply with his request.
- If your friend starts dating new friends, don't be jealous. Nobody likes jealousy. Believe in the strength of your relationship.
- Don't expect instant or lifelong friendships. If the relationship is special, it takes time to form.
- Don't talk about anything that makes your friend uncomfortable. No one wants to be in an uncomfortable situation. For example, when your friend's relative has just passed away, don't talk about death. (NOTE: It's okay to ask how he feels about his relative's passing. Maybe he needs help going through the bereavement. It's not a good idea to ignore him either.)
- Don't share your feelings with people you can't trust. They could use it against you one day.
- When spending time with friends, whether for a meal or just to play together, turn off your phone. It's really not fun if the conversation is constantly interrupted by the ringing of the cell phone. He may feel that you are not paying attention to him, or even not appreciating the company.
