Telling a guy you're not interested can be uncomfortable, whether you barely know each other or you've gone on three dates. Hurting someone's feelings is never fun, but you'll feel relieved once the truth is out and he'll be able to let go more quickly. If you know what to say and how to say it, then you will be able to turn a guy down as gently as possible.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Knowing What to Say
Step 1. Decide if you want to talk to him privately
Okay, if you're dating him, then yes, you owe him a personal break up with him. But if he's asking you out via text or email, or online dating networks, then it's probably okay to just respond online. This can reduce the awkwardness for both of you, and can save you from having to see his sad face in person; it can also save his prestige instead of letting you see how devastated he is when you tell him you're not interested in a face to face. But if this is a close friend or someone you've been dating for more than two months or something, then you have to make a decision and see what would be the most rewarding thing to do.
Be mature and make sure you talk to him yourself, whether you're talking privately or not. Asking one of your friends to pass on the message isn't going to make him feel good
Step 2. Be honest about not wanting to date her
If you don't like this guy, then you have to be honest about the fact that you're not. If he asks you out, say something like, "I'm sorry, but I don't see anything romantic going on between us" or "I just don't think there's any chemistry, but I like you as a person." It's short and simple but let him know that you don't want to date so he doesn't get confused or hang around longer than he needs to.
He may keep asking why, and you don't have to give up and tell him all the reasons why you don't want to date him. It will only make him feel worse, so save him, even if it's what he thinks he wants
Step 3. Give a valid reason
If you don't feel the spark, you can tell him. If you just don't want to date right now, say so. If you have set your heart on someone else, let him know. If you just really don't like him because you think he's unattractive or annoying or something, then you can avoid him on these details. While it's no fun to lie a little or make excuses, no guy wants to hear you say, "I'm just not interested in you." Think of a compelling reason that won't hurt her feelings too much.
- Find out what excuses you will give first so that he doesn't catch you in the middle of a lie.
- Don't say you like someone else if you don't. He'd be able to figure it out pretty quickly.
- Also, don't say you're not ready for a relationship if you really like someone else. If he sees you hanging out together or even dating another guy shortly after your conversation, then he'll feel like an idiot because you lied to him.
Step 4. The firm
While you can be nice about this, you have to make it clear that you don't see the guy as a romantic candidate. If you say things like, "I just don't have the time to date in my life right now…" or "I'm really busy with school this month…" then she'll think you're telling her she'd have a better chance if she put it off for a month. or two months. There's no point in giving him false hope, and while this might make him feel better in the short term, he'll feel worse when it takes him longer than necessary to realize he doesn't stand a chance with you.
Really, the worst thing you can do is give a guy hope, so being extra firm is better than being extra vague
Step 5. Don't insult him
Don't tell him that you don't think he's smart enough for you, not cool enough for you, or not attractive enough for you. You'll only get a reputation for being mean and not thinking about other people's feelings. If you're going to reject him gently, then you have to think he's a nice guy, so don't insult him, even if you think you're just giving him a cold, cruel truth.
Give him all your attention when you talk to him. If you seem to be daydreaming or keep checking your phone, then he will feel even more insulted
Step 6. Avoid cliches
Don't say something like, "Not you, but me," "I think you deserve better than me," or "I'm just not ready to date." All men have heard this before and it's better to be honest without hurting him too much: you just don't feel it. It's better to let him know that you would never want to be in a relationship with him in a state of uncertainty, than to make him feel worse by making him speechless.
Step 7. The short one
Once you've said that, it's time to say goodbye, either forever or for now. He may want to keep talking and hearing more reasons why it can't be between the two of you, but that will only make both of you feel worse. If you think this might be a problem with this guy, then prepare an exit strategy in advance, either meeting a friend or having to go on an errand. If you have nothing else to do, it will be even more awkward when you have to leave just to get away.
Step 8. If you want to stay friends, say so
If you and this guy really have a good friendship, then you can tell him how much this friendship means to you and tell him that you don't want to ruin it. This doesn't mean you have to say you want to be friends with someone you barely know (or anything like that); if you guys aren't friends and you say "I just want to be friends," then he'll see that you're just trying to make him feel better. However, if you've been friends for a while, then you can make him feel good by telling him he's been a good friend.
If you're really friends, then it's okay if he doesn't want to hang out with you for a while. Sure, it won't be fun for you, but he may not be ready to start seeing you as just a friend again for a while
Method 2 of 2: What To Do After
Step 1. Give him space
Whether you guys are close friends or just in the same class, you have to give him some space after you turn him down. You may be trying to make friends as usual or ask him for homework, but he may not be ready to talk to you. So give him room to breathe until he's ready to talk to you as a friend. Don't get hurt if he takes longer than you think.
Step 2. Don't act weird the next time you see him
Next time you go out, don't look at him like he's a hurt puppy or go the extra mile to ignore him. Be yourself, be natural, and be nice when he comes to talk to you. If he's not talking to you, you don't need to take the initiative, because he's probably just not ready to really confront you. What's important is that you act like it's no big deal, so that he knows the fact that he got rejected isn't a big deal and that you can be friends and talk to each other.
Step 3. Don't tell everyone you know what happened
Forgive this man the embarrassment of having your fifty closest friends find out what happened. If you tell all your friends that you're rejecting him, then they might start acting weird around him too, and he'll know. If he's a nice guy, then he doesn't deserve to be treated this way when he's trying honestly to get closer to you. Try to keep what happened to yourself; Besides, if a guy rejects you, you wouldn't want him to tell all his friends, would you?
Step 4. Treat him well
The next time you talk, don't be mean or rude to him, unless he deserves it. If he's trying to just be friends or be nice to you, then the least you can do is smile and return his kindness. This doesn't mean you have to go out with him or spend a lot of time with him, but if you cross paths, treat him with courtesy. Don't flirt, touch her, or be nice until she may be confused or think she has another chance.
Empathize with him above all. He must be hurt because you rejected him, and you have to remember that, even if you don't want to date him
Tips
- Honest.
- Don't try to avoid him.
- If he gives you a gift, thank him very much and tell him openly that it's about friends, not love.
- Before letting him down, review your feelings and you may realize that you actually like him.
