Losing a friend can be as painful as breaking up with a boyfriend. But ending a friendship or friendship is a necessary thing if your relationship is not going well. If your friendship is doing more harm than good, it may be time to end your relationship. Moving on from a relationship might help you both live a better life especially if you and your friend have nothing in common anymore. Follow the steps below to end your relationship on good terms.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Reviewing Your Friendship
Step 1. Rethink why you two fought
Maybe you just had a fight and it ruined your friendship. Think deeply about whether your friendship is still worth keeping. Do you feel like your anger is about to subside, or is this the end of it all? Ask yourself these questions to better understand your situation:
- Is the difference of opinion that you guys only happen for a moment or has it happened often? If your disagreements persist for some time, think realistically about whether these disagreements will end over time.
- Is the problem more important than your friendship? Depending on what the difference is, your principles may be less important than your friendship.
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Are you able to “agree to disagree” on the issue? If you can agree to a compromise, your friendship might last. If not, you may need to end your relationship.
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Step 2. Review whether you are getting further away
Sometimes friendships end not because of fights, but because they fail to be maintained. Have you not contacted and chatted with your friends for a long time? Do you often find excuses not to meet him? If so, ask yourself if you and your friend can or even want to do something to maintain your friendship.
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How long have you two known each other? It's important for you to weigh how much time you have spent in your friendship versus the time you want to spend together in the future. If you're old friends, the friendship might be worth keeping, even if it's not as fun as it used to be. Having someone who has known you for a very long time is a very precious thing.
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Are you still having fun together? Maybe you don't really need to end your friendship and just need to step back a little. Instead of pressuring yourself to meet up once a week, try to only call once in a while. That way the time you spend when you meet will be more valuable, and you won't be bored with each other's company.
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Step 3. Think about what life would be like if your friend was gone
Are you sad to think about life without your friends, or does it make you feel relieved? If you already know that you would be happy if you could get rid of all the drama, boredom, and all the negative feelings associated with your friend, ending the friendship is the right choice. If you're feeling down and aren't really sure if this is what you want, reconsider your options.
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Think about what to do to maintain your friendship. Friendships take the same amount of time and effort as any other relationship. If you choose to maintain an existing friendship, then you must be willing to put a lot of energy into doing so.
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How many mutual friends do you have? Think about how they feel about your friendship and whether they would support ending your friendship.
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What activities do you like to do together? Ask yourself if you can still easily do your favorite activities and interests if you decide to end your friendship.
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Part 2 of 3: Ending Friendship
Step 1. Consider letting your friendship fade naturally
This always happens. The friend transfers to another school, moves to another city, or is busy with a different activity, and he or she then starts hanging out with other people. This is the least painful ending of a friendship, and the best way when both parties are ready to move on. To let your friendship fade, do the following:
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Don't try to have a deep conversation. Don't share your personal problems and desires with this friend anymore, especially if you often argue when you do this with him. Keep your conversations with him safe and shallow.
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Stop calling him often. Don't call her often, and don't pick up her phone every time she calls. You can do it slowly and gradually, or you can just cut it off right away. But remember that simply breaking up without a gradual process will shock your friend and hurt their feelings.
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Refuse the invitation or solicitation politely. As the distance between the two of you grows, stop spending time with him. Sooner or later he will stop contacting you.
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Step 2. Consider dealing with it head-on
It's a tough choice, but it's also the most honest way to end your friendship. Instead of making him guess why you're not talking to him anymore, consider being upfront about what happened. To face your friend head-on, do the following:
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Choose the right time to talk to him. If he's having a bad day at home or school, wait until he feels a little better before breaking up with him.
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Choose a good place to talk to him. Never end your friendship in front of people you both know. This would be an embarrassment to both parties apart from causing rumors and other troubles.
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Express your feelings and thoughts politely. You may want to share your opinion with him. But avoid yelling or saying his name as that will make an already awkward situation worse.
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Express your feelings and thoughts assertively. You may want to apologize for having to end your friendship with him. But unless you did something wrong, there's no reason to apologize and regret after choosing to end your relationship with someone.
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Give him a chance to talk, but make sure he also understands your position. You should also let your friend tell you how she feels and thinks about this situation. But make sure he also understands your position so there is no misunderstanding.
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Step 3. Disconnect the damaging relationship immediately
Sometimes, you need to stop all contact with someone immediately. If your friend is manipulative or hurt your feelings and does something you'll never forgive, or if you're afraid he'll react violently when you break up with him, just stop your relationship with him. Stop calling and texting her, block her on Facebook, and don't show up where she appears frequently.
Step 4. Create clear boundaries
No matter how you end the friendship, your friend may try to contact you from time to time. Tell him if he can still contact you or not. If you're not clear on what you want or expect, your ex-friend will be confused.
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If you want to keep in contact with him, be clear about what kind of communication you can receive. For example, if you want to say hello to him on the street but won't be seeing him again, say it or make it clear.
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If you no longer want to talk to your ex-friend, remind them of the risks involved in trying to contact you. For example, say that you want to hold it. Threaten him if he doesn't heed your wishes.
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Part 3 of 3: Dealing with the After Effects
Step 1. Prepare to feel sad after ending your friendship
Even if the friendship you ended was a negative one, you may still feel sad because you used to have so much fun with your ex. Losing a relationship like that can be upsetting for both parties.
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If your ex might cry if you break up with them, find a way to express your decision. Maybe writing and sending an email could be a better way than stating it outright.
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You may also feel sad or guilty after ending the friendship. Realize that no matter how bad your relationship may be, it's normal to feel sad after breaking up a friendship.
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Step 2. Understand that anger may be playing a role
Anger is another emotion that is often associated with breakups. Heartache can turn into anger. So you must be ready to face your friend's anger even if you are the one who ended the friendship because you are the one who is angry.
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If your former friend tends to become aggressive when approached, you should be prepared for verbal or even physical reactions.
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You may also feel angry with your friend even after you end the relationship with him. This is a normal reaction, although it can be self-destructive if you let this anger linger for too long.
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Step 3. Be prepared for the emergence of passive-aggressive nature
When ending a relationship, you probably won't be able to end it completely "cleanly," especially if you still have to see him at school or work. Prepare yourself mentally for mind games for a few months after you break up with him.
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If your ex-friend is passive-aggressive, be prepared for a 'stab in the back' attitude after you break up with him.
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You may also feel the need to mess up your ex's life. While this is a normal feeling, refrain from doing this because it will drive your other friends away.
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Step 4. Realize that ending one friendship may damage some other friendships
Be prepared for the possibility that your other friend will side with your ex. Others will find it difficult to be friends for two people who are no longer friends with each other. So, other people tend to choose to stay friends with you or your ex-friends.
Step 5. Move on from your old friendships by meeting new people. Meeting new people shows your ex-friend that you are already living outside of their world. It will also make you feel better about the end of your friendship, because you will have great new people in your life.
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A new person may help replace your former friend, which means preventing you from feeling too sad, angry, or resentful about your former relationship.
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Make sure you don't make the same mistake by bonding with someone who has a similar personality to your former friend.
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Tips
- You have the right to defend and protect your own happiness. If your friend robs you of your happiness, it means that your relationship with him is not a healthy one.
- Don't let friends or family make you feel guilty and forced to maintain a destructive relationship. Consider your own good.
- Tell him why you don't want to be his friend and don't be afraid to express your feelings.
- If you need to end a relationship with a friend, do so. If, he is only going to live for one month, don't end the relationship with him. Stay close to him.
- Cut ties with your friend firmly, but politely and gently.
Warning
- Don't ignore any signs or symptoms that your friendship isn't working out. Unless you try to fix it, it won't get better on its own.
- Avoid the temptation to tell other people about your ex's flaws. If you do this, you will probably get the same treatment.
