It is common knowledge that a negative person is very good at draining the energy and patience of those around him. If one of them is in the circle of your life, don't be afraid to leave the relationship! Most importantly, end things clearly and make it clear that at any time, you don't want to re-engage with him. Be careful, negative people always have a way of re-embracing those around them. Therefore, you should really keep your distance from him and give yourself space to recover! Remember, ending a relationship, whatever the form, is not easy. That's why, you must treat yourself well while going through the process.
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Part 1 of 3: Ending the Relationship Clearly
Step 1. Acknowledge the truth of your relationship
The first step to breaking away from a negative person is to acknowledge the flaws in your relationship. Even if you've decided to leave, there's always going to be something holding you back. Therefore, honestly admit that the friendship that you are in is not healthy and does not provide any benefit to you. Doing so will help you to leave the person more easily, and have a higher standard of friendship in the future.
- Think about the benefits you get, if any, from the relationship. Most likely, you are no longer happy with the person at this point. Maybe that person has drained all your energy and patience so that you always feel exhausted after spending time with them.
- Accept the fact that you can't change it. Negative people will generally notice if their friends start trying to stay away. That's why, your friend will probably keep trying to hug you back at any cost. If that happens, always remember that your friend's characteristics are almost impossible to change, even if he swears he will. Remembering these facts will prevent you from falling into the same abyss.
- Feeling mixed emotions is a very natural thing to happen. However, that does not mean you have to continue the friendship, you know! For example, you may really admire or love the person, and that person may indeed have an interesting character behind all the negativity. Just because that doesn't mean the relationship will definitely work for you. In fact, the desire to end the relationship can still arise even though you love the person.
Step 2. Write a script and try to practice it regularly
Ending a friendship with anyone can be difficult, especially if you have to cut off interactions with that person afterward. Chances are, your friend won't admit he was wrong or try to change your decision. To work around this, try drafting a script ahead of time and practicing it, which will help you to confront the person in a more calm and controlled manner.
- Write down everything that is on your mind. Then, reread the script you wrote. Highlight the important things, then try to summarize them into a clear statement that can represent the reasons behind your desire to end the relationship.
- Practice your script several times. If you want, you can practice in front of a mirror or simply recite the text whenever possible. Since you won't be reading the script in front of him, try to remember every word it says before making an attempt at confrontation.
Step 3. Be as straightforward and assertive as possible
Remember, you have to make things very clear when ending a relationship with a negative friend. Since negative people can be really spoiled and don't want to hear rejections, make sure your decision is communicated clearly and straightforwardly so the situation doesn't drag on.
- There's no need to be brutal. Even if the person has really hurt you, being overly aggressive will only make the situation worse. Therefore, try to be firm without risking offending him.
- State your feelings and expectations as clearly as possible. For example, you might say, “I feel like I'm not getting anything out of this relationship. I care about you, but lately it's been getting harder and harder for me to maintain this relationship. It seems much better if from now on, we go our separate ways."
Step 4. Define your boundaries
Decide what to do next. To make the process easier, try compiling a list of all your personal boundaries ahead of time, and don't forget to inform the person concerned. For example, if you don't want her to call you back, make that clear. Never apologize for all the boundaries you set! Remember, boundaries are a very important factor in any healthy relationship.
- Make your boundaries as clear as possible. For example, try saying, “Please don't call me for a while, okay? I need space and time to heal myself, so please don't text me or call me just yet."
- If you feel the need to express your boundaries to other friends, feel free to do so. For example, if you don't want to meet the person in question at various social events, feel free to share that wish with your other friends. For example, you might say, “You probably know that my relationship with Gillian is over. I don't mind if you guys still want to hang out with him, but please let me know in advance if you'd like to invite him to our show. To be honest I still need some time alone so I don't want to meet him yet."
Part 2 of 3: Limiting Interaction
Step 1. Tell the person that you don't want to see them again
Negative people generally have a hard time understanding the needs of others in any situation. In addition, they also tend to take advantage of people who easily empathize and trust others. As a result, he might come back to see you without the slightest hesitation after your relationship ends. To prevent this from happening, make it clear that you don't want to see him again and interact with him in the future.
- Again, don't be afraid to be honest. Show your assertiveness without being aggressive by saying, "I don't want to see you anymore, so please stop calling me."
- Negative people have a tendency to have a hard time letting go. That's why, he's more likely to try to pull you back into his arms. Therefore, show that you are serious about ending interactions with him by ignoring all his text messages, calls, and emails. If necessary, block the phone number!
Step 2. Unfriend him on social media
There's no point in keeping the person online if you've removed them from the real world, right? Therefore, unfollow or befriend him, and remove his social media pages from your profile if possible. Doing so will help you to manage your emotions better because you don't have to constantly see the latest information about the person's life.
Not everyone sets their social media profiles on private mode. If the content of your friend's Facebook or Twitter account is publicly accessible, try to resist the temptation to open it after ending your friendship. Trust me, doing so will only make you feel guilty and create other negative feelings
Step 3. Reward yourself for successfully limiting your interactions with that person
Ending a relationship, even a negative one, is actually not as easy as turning the palm of the hand. After all, the person may have implanted wrong thought patterns in your mind, such as the belief that he or she is the only person who can understand you. To get away from him, you must be able to motivate yourself, for example by rewarding yourself for successfully limiting interactions with him.
Set personal goals and reward yourself when you achieve them. For example, if you manage to ignore the person's text messages for a week, reward yourself with a new outfit. If you can't resist checking his Twitter account for a month, don't hesitate to buy some delicious food at an expensive restaurant
Step 4. Find ways to fill the void you feel
Most likely, an unhealthy relationship has drained most of your time and energy so far. As a result, after leaving it, you will feel an enormous emptiness. If feelings of loneliness or confusion start to set in, try to keep yourself busy with positive activities.
- Have a new hobby to take your mind off. For example, you can learn to sew, knit, bake, or do anything else you find interesting.
- Try making new friends. Building new, more positive relationships can help you feel happier and more confident after ending a negative friendship. Therefore, try joining a helpful community, volunteering, or attending an event alone and initiating conversation with new people.
Part 3 of 3: Managing the Emotional Impact
Step 1. Accept unpleasant feelings
After successfully leaving an unhealthy relationship, you are likely to feel a little lost for a while. If the situation occurs, never ignore the emotions that arise, however negative they may be. Instead, accept all these emotions as something that must be there and cannot be avoided.
- Remember, the process of having a relationship is not easy. In fact, no one is free from discomfort after breaking an emotional bond with the person closest to him. Instead of trying to get rid of the negative emotion in a short time, try to accept it and absorb it as you work to fix it.
- Remind yourself that any kind of relationship is a method of growing up. Even if you're not in a good mood right now, understand that you've created a healthier environment for your future relationships. Although not now, sooner or later you will definitely feel the benefits.
Step 2. Surround yourself with positive people
After successfully leaving a negative friend, try to surround yourself with people who can remind you that life is also full of positive and meaningful things. Try to find positive, healthy role models to help you deal with your emotions and move on with your life better.
- Reach out to positive and supportive friends. Make plans to travel and be more active with them.
- Tell the problem you are experiencing honestly and openly. Explain that you recently ended a friendship with someone and need their support.
Step 3. Identify your role in the relationship
Perpetrators of unhealthy friendships have a tendency to form other relationships that are no less bad. Therefore, try to trace the history of your friendship, romance, and kinship so far. Chances are, you have consistently played a certain role that actually had a negative impact. Be aware of the pattern so you can break it!
- While the negative behavior of others is not your responsibility, be aware that there may be several reasons why you are "weak" towards negative people. For example, during this time you may have a tendency to be more passive in relationships and are not used to voicing personal wants and needs to the other party. Or, you may have been used emotionally by your parents or other loved ones at a young age, and have been accustomed to pleasing others from an early age.
- Knowing the reasons that led you to fall will help you to break the negative pattern. If you've been stuck in unhealthy friendships too many times, try seeing a therapist to get to the root of the problem.
Step 4. Be patient
Don't expect your feelings to improve overnight! Remember, each recovery process takes a different amount of time for each person. Therefore, allow yourself to grieve. There's nothing wrong with feeling upset for months after ending a friendship with someone. Most importantly, always remind yourself that this situation is temporary and sooner or later, your feelings will definitely improve.
