Sometimes our friendships fade due to lifestyle changes, conflicts, or dissimilar interests. Maybe you want to straighten out an old debate, or want to rekindle the strained relationship between you and an old friend. Fortunately, there are clear, constructive steps you can take to demonstrate your intention to reconnect and begin the process of rekindling your friendship.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Expressing Your Hopes to Rekindle Friendship
Step 1. Take the first step
Don't wait for your friends to call you first. If you want to reconnect, make yourself available, by contacting him first or inviting him to meet you. You can do this over the phone or by email, which are quick, easy, and respectful ways to express your desire to talk or spend some time together. However, you should think about the options available to you regarding this way of contacting your friend.
Step 2. Contact him in the right way
Depending on how far apart your relationship is, there are several recommended paths to take. The depth of your friendship and why your relationship drifted apart are important factors when thinking about how to approach an old friend.
- If you haven't seen or spoken to each other in a long time, contact him in a casual way. You can send messages through social media that you both use. Email is better because it is a more reliable and more secure method of communication. People also tend to check their email more often.
- You could try sending a letter. If your relationship becomes strained due to conflict, be careful not to stir up this conflict again. Make sure you don't make him feel under pressure to respond. Don't contact her on the phone because she might feel uncomfortable or even irritated. A message or card can give him time to think and contemplate the appropriate way to respond to you.
- Don't just send a text message. While text messages are an easy way to quickly convey information or say hello, they are not a productive method of reconnecting. If you feel your relationship is casual and relaxed enough that you could text him but you haven't spoken in a while, give him a call. A more personal approach can show your interest in truly reconnecting.
Step 3. Don't worry about how long you haven't been in touch
Don't feel as though your friendship is over or doesn't really matter anymore. Friendships often change when people get married, move, or have children. If you miss an old friend, chances are your friend will miss you too. Trying to reconnect is not unusual.
- Realize the importance of the situation. If your relationship has drifted apart because your friend went through a major life change and you recently went through a similar change, you two might have more in common right now!
- Don't wait any longer! The longer you miss your friend without taking action, the more strained your relationship will be. Know that it's okay if you don't talk to someone for a long time. Maybe you're just making him happy because he knows you're thinking about him and wants to be in a relationship again.
Step 4. Try to be persistent, but don't be too pushy
If your friend doesn't respond or does so with a heavy heart, you can try to convey your desire to reconnect. However, don't do it in a hurry. Give pause in between interactions. If he doesn't respond, accept the fact that maybe he's not ready or doesn't want to be in a relationship again.
Part 2 of 3: Spending Time with Friends After a Long Separation
Step 1. Keep your first meeting in a long time from going too long
Know that the present is not the past. Your friend may have changed a lot. Don't expect him to stay like the person you used to know when you were close.
- Expecting something from someone affects how you feel about them which is unfair to them and can lead to insecure expectations regarding the possibility of getting your friendship back.
- Instead of a night out together, you can have coffee or lunch together. This can allow you to interact more casually, with less assumptions or expectations regarding this encounter.
Step 2. Apologize
If there's something you need to apologize for, do it as soon as you can. Try to be completely honest. Be aware that your friend may still be feeling negative emotions regarding what happened between you and those negative emotions may resurface in you after seeing them again.
- If you did something wrong and caused something that led to a conflict, even if it was a partial fault, admit it.
- Let your friend know that you're willing to let the past go and that you're willing to talk about what happened if she wants to.
- You could try something like, "Hi Nita, sorry about the argument. Would you like to meet for coffee and chat?"
- You can also try, "Sandra, I really didn't like what I was doing back then. I'm sorry. If you want, let's meet up."
Step 3. Listen and respect
You should always be respectful when interacting with others and even more respectful when interacting with friends. One of the most effective ways to show that you respect someone is to listen carefully when they are having a conversation. To understand your friend's feelings or thoughts, try to see your friendship from his point of view.
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Practice your listening skills. Especially in deep conversations, make sure you follow these tips to help you listen carefully:
- If you're not sure, repeat what your friend said.
- Encourage your friend to continue with a short answer like "So?" or "Oh?"
- Use sentences with the word "I" when responding. Reflect aloud on what the other party said by starting the sentence with, "I think it seems…"
- If something is not clear, ask your friend to explain the point you don't understand.
Step 4. Relive happy memories
Whatever your current friendship situation, it is clear that you have positive memories of your past experiences. Try discussing the fun moments together, especially the moments that can provoke your laughter again.
- By remembering the positive memories you have in mind, it's likely that your friend will reminisce about them too, and many memories will come back to both of you, instead of trying to remember them separately.
- This will return positive feelings towards each other, or even an interest in spending time together again.
Part 3 of 3: Reflecting on Friendship After You Reconnect
Step 1. Try to forgive
Be aware that this step is taken after apologizing. You should forgive the friend you want to keep in your life even if he doesn't apologize. If you haven't really solved the problem, you can still have a good friendship.
Know that there are opportunities for learning and growth for both individuals in every friendship. Respecting each other can help you to find the positives in your previous relationship and your relationship can progress
Step 2. Follow the plan that has been made
If you have agreed to meet, immediately make specific plans. Try talking about what days you can meet this week or next week and determine a time and day to meet.
- If the day comes and you find yourself busy, try to compromise. If possible, do not reschedule your meeting. Instead of lunch, try to meet in the afternoon over coffee. If it turns out that you can't meet up, make more specific plans.
- If your friends ask you to go, then go! Friendships will fade quickly if one party continues to refuse invitations to spend time together.
Step 3. Make room for your friends
Realize that even if friendships are successfully rekindled, especially after a long period of time, these friendships may not feel the way they used to be. While it may seem harder to share your life with one another, you can still appreciate each other's friendship by accepting the fact that you don't spend as much time as you used to.
Step 4. Think about whether the friendship can still be saved or not
Realize that your hopes or expectations of reconnecting with your friend are different from theirs, even if they are willing to meet you. If you guys meet but it seems like the friendship can't be rekindled, end the meeting realizing that you both still respect each other enough to one day be in touch again. At this point, don't allow yourself to feel stressed about situations that are beyond your control.
Step 5. Recognize that not all friendships are equal
And all friendships don't go on in the same way. Therefore, no friendship is perfect. In addition, the state of your relationship with other humans will change, perhaps suddenly and for no reason.
- Don't be angry if your friends change. Accept him as he is right now, the way you accepted him when you two were still close.
- Understand the different types of friendships. In life, you meet people who are only acquaintances, not friends, then there are friends who are not very close and close friends. Take the time and energy to maintain relationships with people who value their time with you, value your perspective, and encourage you to grow in whatever capacity you choose.
