Do you no longer want to be friends with someone, but don't know how to end your friendship with them? When ending a friendship, there must be heartache. However, friendships can end in a good way.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Considering Ending the Friendship
Step 1. Recognize the signs of change
Recognize the signs that experts call a “friendshift” by paying attention to how you feel when a friend calls you or when you see their photo on social media.
- Know that everyone has experienced a change in friendship. You have very little time and energy for friendship.
- Consider whether the friend in question makes you feel positive or negative. For example, does he always make passive-aggressive comments about your work or appearance? Do you feel less confident after chatting with this person? If so, it may be time for you to end your friendship with that person.
- True friendships allow you to build yourself up in a positive way and don't cause you to lose self-confidence.
Step 2. Consider whether the problem is with you
Maybe the problem in friendship is actually coming from you. If so, try to improve yourself or the relationship with the friend before deciding to end the friendship.
- If your friend has cheated on you, it may be necessary to end your friendship.
- Friendship deserves to be ended if a friend commits a betrayal, such as spreading your secret or demeaning your job or relationship. If you are the traitor, correct yourself.
- If you betrayed yourself in a negative way, such as out of jealousy, even though your friend hasn't done anything wrong to you at all, maybe you should try to improve yourself first before deciding to end the friendship.
Step 3. Consider whether this friendship is toxic
Destructive friendships can really damage your health. Studies have shown that people who have negative friendships have higher levels of the protein, which has been known to be associated with inflammation and chronic health problems, such as depression and heart disease.
- A destructive friendship occurs when a friend always talks about negative things, even if those negative things happen to themselves. Consider whether the negativity is temporary. If a friend is being negative because they are going through a difficult time, the friendship with them may be worth saving. However, if your friend continues to be negative, it may be time to end the friendship, for your own sake!
- Researchers found three types of toxic/negative friends: friends who are too competitive with you, friends who often spark arguments/squabbles, and friends who depend too much on you or drain too much energy from you.
- Before ending the friendship, ask yourself whether you trust the friend in question, whether he or she has had a positive effect on you (and vice versa), and whether he or she respects and cares about you.
Step 4. Don't maintain friendships that encourage negative behavior
The friendship in question is the one that was formed because you both had the same negative habits that you are now trying to get rid of. It's a good idea to end a friendship that allows you to be a bad person.
- Examples of such friendships include friendships formed because they both have the habit of drinking alcohol, having an affair, partying, or shopping addiction. If the glue of the friendship is a negative behavior that you want to get rid of, end the friendship for the sake of your future.
- Friends are sometimes formed because they have the same problem. For example, two people can be friends because they both have marital problems. If one person then tries to fix the marriage, while the other doesn't, the friendship could end.
Method 2 of 3: Formally Ending Friendship
Step 1. Give an explanation
Think carefully about why you want to end the friendship. Before explaining to the person in question (which you should do), understand well why you don't want to be friends with the person anymore.
- State your reasons clearly. Clarity is very important even if you don't have to address every issue or negative in the past. If it's not clear (and not clear), the person may keep trying to get back to you. So, give specific and clear reasons.
- If your friend does something that really makes the friendship worth ending or if your life is no longer in the same direction, he or she deserves to know why. However, do so without offending. Instead of saying "You're interested in trivial things, I'm interested in intellectual achievement", just say, "Since we've gotten older, it seems we have different interests now." In other words, convey your explanation in a positive way.
- Be honest with the friend in question and yourself. Is there a hidden reason that bothers you so much that you avoid it?
Step 2. End the friendship in a face-to-face meeting
Providing face-to-face explanations can minimize the hurt that will occur. Invite the person concerned to meet at the cafe. Unfriending by texting or email (email) can create negative feelings.
- Friends may refuse and try to mend the relationship. If you don't agree with the idea, stay firm on your point.
- Start the conversation by explaining how you feel, not by criticizing your friend for what she did to you. This is a useful way of not making the person feel attacked. Say something like “I think my life has changed and this is for the best for me”.
- This meeting should not last long. The person in question may become angry or try to change your decision. So, it's a good idea to give an explanation and state what you mean, then immediately say goodbye by saying you have other needs.
Step 3. End the friendship on good terms
Ending a friendship tends to cause the person in question to experience negative feelings, such as hurt, confusion, and anger. No matter what your friend has wronged you, be considerate of their feelings and act with empathy and kindness.
- Don't gossip about your ex after the friendship ends. Your problem with him has nothing to do with anyone else. Gossiping is not good manners.
- Stay sympathetic and be patient. Give your friend a chance to explain how she feels and say that you know she's hurt. Explain that you're sorry you had to cause him to experience these negative feelings. This way minimizes negative feelings in the future.
- Take care of your self-respect. Instead of saying "I don't want to be your friend", say something like "I can't be the friend you want to be". This method transfers responsibility to yourself and makes it easier for your friends to accept your decision.
- Don't blame. Blaming is not an important thing to do and can actually exacerbate the confrontation (unless there is a major betrayal, which might be worth talking about). However, if your friend just annoys you or you don't like it anymore, there's no point in hurting that person's feelings by criticizing them.
Step 4. Understand the pros and cons of formally ending a friendship
There are definitely advantages and disadvantages to each method of ending a friendship. Ending a friendship, including formally, is not an easy thing.
- One of the drawbacks of the formal way is that it creates a sense of discomfort and awkwardness. There must be some negative feeling to this encounter, which you will likely not like.
- However, if you've been friends with the person for a very long time, being formal is the best option. Basically, this method gives the friend the opportunity to get a formally clear ending. If the two of you aren't close friends or haven't been friends for a long time, there's no need to be formal.
- Formal ways are the quickest way to end a friendship. This provides clarity and is better for the former friend in the long run even though he or she may not be aware of it at the time.
Step 5. Determine the right place and time
The confrontation is likely to end badly if you choose the wrong meeting time. Timing affects the outcome of the meeting.
- Talking about this when a friend is at work, having a big problem, or attending an event, is not a good idea.
- Meeting in a public place, such as a restaurant or cafe, is better because it allows the two of you to talk about negative things while preventing the worst reactions, such as screaming or crying too much.
Method 3 of 3: End Friendship Slowly
Step 1. Let the friendship go away on its own
One way to end a friendship is to let the relationship go away on its own without dramatic confrontation. Friendships may seem to end on their own.
- Reduce interaction with the person concerned gradually. For example, if you are used to chatting with the person 4 times per week, reduce it to 1 time per week.
- People who use this method sometimes remain friends with the person concerned on social media even though they no longer communicate often. This approach essentially lowers friendship levels without dramatic confrontation.
- Suggest periods of solitude for each, in hopes that the person will start to befriend other people and move away from you.
- Look for reasons to refuse if the friend in question wants to meet. After he gets rejected enough times, he may start asking other people, so your friendship level will naturally decrease.
Step 2. Get rid of guilt
Changing friends is a natural thing because life is constantly changing, so people's interests also change.
- If the person has hurt you deeply, for example by committing a grave betrayal, ending the friendship is the right decision. You don't have to feel guilty about protecting yourself or removing negative influences from your life.
- For example, the person you were friends with in college may no longer be the right fit for you now because your personal life and career have taken a different direction.
Step 3. Understand the pros and cons of passively ending friendships
Ending a friendship passively means letting the friendship end on its own. This method avoids direct confrontation with the friend in question.
- The advantages of this approach include minimizing anger, because your friend may not even be aware that you're ending your friendship, and there's no confrontation that allows for a negative exchange of words.
- One of the downsides to this method is that it takes time and is a potential lie because you're not telling the friend what you really mean.
- If you and your friend have a very close and long-standing relationship, this method may not work. Friends will notice the changes and ask you about them.
Step 4. Don't “ghost”
“Become a ghost” is a term that recently became popular when Charlize Theron broke up with Sean Penn. In both love and friendship, "to be a ghost" means to disappear completely and completely cut off contact with the person in question without giving any explanation.
- This is a cruel way of dealing with people who were once your friends. He will likely spend a long time wondering what went wrong and will try to contact you again for answers. Therefore, this method will not stop the person in question from contacting you, but will actually cause the opposite. He will try harder to reach you.
- The “ghost” method eliminates the possibility of your friend getting a clear ending. Ending a friendship by hurting the person in question is not a good idea. In addition, without a clear end, the person can feel that the friendship is not over.
- The method of “becoming a ghost” is also called “final abode”. This method does not reveal the faults that occurred in the friendship so it does not help in terms of the maturity of the person concerned. If the person has broken their friendship with you, telling them what went wrong will allow them to correct themselves so they can be better able to maintain other friendships in the future.
Tips
- Be honest and sincere with friends. Honesty and sincerity have a more positive effect in the future.
- Maybe the person said something hurtful. However, whatever your response, stay kind, calm, and polite. Don't be provoked.
- Don't involve other people when ending a friendship. The issue is between you and the friend in question, neither of you need to involve anyone else.
Related article
- How to Stop Feeling Jealous
- How to Stop Loving Someone
