People who like to control can be said as people who are not good and also have no respect. Such people are usually selfish and immature. He tends to prevent those closest to him from living a happy and independent life. So that you don't fall into the control of someone with a controlling personality, or to realize that the problem is with him and not with you, here are some tried and tested ways to help you identify a controlling person and how to deal with it.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Assessing His Behavior
Step 1. Think about how you feel around close people
Are you in a relationship that is stifling, controlled, confused or stressed, or sick of being told what to do all the time (and feeling very guilty about giving up)? Is there anyone for whom you have to be careful so that they don't get irritated or angry? Is there anyone who seems to get angry just because you did something or something trivial? If you are familiar with the situation, you may be dealing with a controlling person.
- People who like to control can be male or female. Relationships controlled by one person can be romantic or platonic. You should be wary of a jealous friend who hates your partner, just as you should be wary of your partner, especially if the friend is unhappy in their own relationship.
- People who have strong personalities don't always mean controlling. You can test it by thinking about the following questions: Does he let you be yourself, or does he influence your behavior too much?
- Distinguish between people who have excessive personal boundaries and control people by testing their reactions. If someone is always angry when they're touched without warning, but it doesn't matter if your hairdo is different or your weight has changed, then they have excessive personal limits. Other people's choices, such as changing religions, dieting, grooming, or exercising are personal limits. Even if you think he's wrong and you're right, a sensitive person on this issue only reinforces boundaries when it has to do with his life and the way other people treat him. However, if he starts telling you who you are, what you should wear, think, feel, and do, that's a sign of a controlling person.
- Don't be too hard on yourself if you notice you can control other people at times, especially if you were raised by controlling parents. Subconsciously, our environment and the way we are raised feel "normal" and it takes effort to stop treating others the way you are treated. Breaking that pattern is a big part of recovering. If you realize you've crossed a line, apologize to the person you crossed the line. This can save friendships and relationships.
Step 2. Look for erratic mood swings
Timeless mood swings are a key clue to controlling nature. People who are unable to regulate their moods tend to think about the hurt and subjective injustices that they think have happened to them, and try to heal those hurt and improve the situation by controlling others. He will feel better if there is someone who is always ready to take orders and be blamed or feared, when he is reluctant to find and fix the source of his pain.
- This person tends to be gloomy or spreads sadness in the midst of happy moments.
- He may suddenly become angry when he is not getting enough attention and when his needs are not being met. This is a manipulative way to control other people, which is sometimes difficult to resist because usually he will say sick/sad/hurt and so on, to make others feel sorry or sympathetic.
Step 3. Be suspicious of people who are hot-tempered and often use their anger
Frequent outbursts of anger, especially when accompanied by intimidation (a cowardly way of controlling) or threats (it's easier to shout unpleasant rewards at you than to find the source of the problem within oneself) is a sign of a controlling person. Anger outbursts often occur when you disagree with him (even if it's well stated or mild) or don't do exactly what he wants (which is sometimes difficult to understand because many controlling people wish you could "read his mind"). In his opinion, when you disagree with or disobey his wishes, you are challenging his authority over you.
With sudden mood swings, an irritable person can be very difficult because you never know how to behave in front of this person. Worst of all, the inability to deal with or override the anger or hatred being unleashed on you in the form of physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual violence. Never get involved with people who harm you. If the psyche is hurt, it's not your fault. The sad fact is, it was likely that someone else in his childhood or youth treated him that way, and he repeated the vicious cycle
Step 4. Think about how he would react if asked a normal question
Questions can reveal several things about the fact that people are controlling, when they respond in a frustrated or condescending manner.
- As mentioned earlier, controlling people think you can read their minds. If you ask the usual questions, like what activities to do together, where to go, what he wants, and so on, he will easily get irritated because he expects you to have thought of all his needs, and prioritized him before your own. Questions mean that there are decisions to be made, while people who like to control think that decisions about themselves and their comfort have been determined.
- Controlling people usually assume that they understand how you think, when in fact they probably don't. He's upset that his perception of you doesn't match what you say.
- Questions can make him angry because he wants to control the question, not someone else.
- According to him, questions are verification that the questioner needs guidance and control because he doesn't know the answer. This became more and more troubling because he wanted the people he controlled to have more and more doubts about his decision-making abilities.
Step 5. Listen to the way he talks to you
He may be trying to control you by making you feel that you are his “everything.” He may compliment you even if the compliment is shallow or inaccurate. However, he may suddenly be condescending or cruel, especially if he feels you did something wrong. If you often feel petty, embarrassed, humiliated, or sad after this person talks, you may be involved with a controlling person.
- Example: For Maya, Cassie is someone who can make her feel satisfied with herself, and she likes to rule over Cassie. So, Maya often said that Cassie was a good friend, but never called her a friend even though Cassie considered Maya her best friend. In this way, Maya provides possibilities, but never confirms, so Cassie is always in control.
- Controlling people often put you down or make you feel stupid into thinking you need them. For example, Doni tells his girlfriend Susi that she is fat and will not be able to get another man. He said, Susi was lucky because she wanted to be his girlfriend. This includes controlling and abusive behavior, and don't get involved with people like this.
- Controlling people often belittle or criticize others as a way to elevate themselves, and to appear superior and in control. In fact, this kind of person is easily recognizable by his constant remarks about how sleazy, stupid, mean, silly, obnoxious, and so on (and usually the people he refers to aren't).
Step 6. Beware of people who are unable to understand or accept the word "no"
This person tends to persist until you get tired and give up, shifting assertiveness from saying no to saying yes even if it's weak, and making you feel guilty and ashamed of yourself. Remember that you have the right to make decisions, including decisions against and refusal to do so.
A common type of control in a relationship is pressure to make love. If your partner forces you or makes you feel guilty about wanting to make love even though you don't want to, then he or she is trying to control your behavior to get what he wants. You always have the right to refuse
Step 7. Think about what happens when you want to be yourself or do things on your own
Do you often have to change your personality, plans, or outlook to match someone even though you are usually a strong person? If so, you may be dealing with a controlling person. Here are the signs to watch out for:
- Does he ignore, belittle, or correct your experiences or expressions of feelings? People who like to control usually trying to determine the reality you are experiencing. If you say he's tired and he says no, that's proof that he's a controlling person. If you're upset and he doesn't care, that's also a sign.
- Are you expected to change plans in favor of this person? Say you already have a plan, and then you get a call from a friend and you tell them the plan. He wants to join, but he can't leave at the time or place you planned. Next thing you know, your plans change completely. Finally, you watch a movie you don't want to see, at a time that doesn't suit you.
Step 8. Notice how this person deals with difficult situations, shared decision making, or responsibility issues
It is in these aspects that you can identify controlling people. Unlike people who have strong opinions (who can be difficult at times, but don't want to control, just voice their opinions firmly), controlling people don't have the ability to tolerate or accept differences between themselves and you. He is always looking for ways to change some part of your nature or personality, shaping you as part of his futile attempt to change the world around him. Personal relationships are not democracy, but they are not dictatorial governments either. It's important to find a comfortable balance in any relationship, and the ability to compromise, tolerate, be flexible, and give and take should go both ways for a healthy relationship to work.
- In an argument, most controlling people always say "You're the problem" or "You have a problem." He himself was never wrong.
- Controlling people usually have a hard time dealing with problems objectively and will manipulate conversations to blame others when faults are pointed out. When this happens, end the discussion, lest he succeeds in blaming you and/or acknowledging the merits of others.
- If you really love this person, the "bond" he has tied to you is sometimes harder to see and let go because your love is constantly trying to understand his behavior.
Method 2 of 3: Paying attention to the interactions
Step 1. Pay attention to what is happening around other people in your life
Be wary of controlling people around your friends and supporters. He will often try to cause trouble between you and your friends, such as spreading rumours, creating estrangement (divide), and even telling lies (exaggerated stories to make it look better) about you to them or about them to you, in an attempt to let them go. your bond with them.
- The end goal is to isolate you from other people so he can have you completely in the web he's knitting. Be careful, any attempt to remove or demean friends or supporters from your life is a red light.
- This person usually has unnatural jealousy. His jealousy isn't just a distaste for other people flirting with you. Controlling people often act like they own you and have the right to decide who you hang out with, what you do, and what time you get home. This is by no means adorable, or a sign of affection. It means control.
Step 2. Pay attention to the friendship
Controlling people usually have no close friends, and rarely make friends with people who are more attractive, intelligent, or likable than themselves. He tends to envy people who are popular and successful, and will criticize those who are respected by others. Not having close friends is a sign of his intolerant intolerance as well as his need to control the relationship.
Relationships of love and friendship are not built based on who is in control. Relationships are reciprocal interactions based on give and take, and require balance
Step 3. Observe abuses of administrative or social power, including when collective rights are involved
Controlling people tend to make social and legal connections through any means necessary, including threats to court, divorce, marriage manipulation, rental contracts, shared phone plans, abuse of shared credit, and similar bonds. Even on social networks, he is more likely to block and unblock than delete connections, in an attempt to control a difficult or failed relationship. This is because people who like to control and behave violently want to have power.
Suspect excessive generosity in an attempt to impress you and control you. Because he seems to give you a lot to keep you feeling lucky, you'll end up feeling indebted, maybe even in the long run. Then, he uses the obligation to return the favor to control you
Method 3 of 3: Freeing Yourself from Controlling People
Step 1. Accept its nature
Trust your instincts and try to be true to yourself. If you notice any of the above symptoms in someone and you feel worthless around them, now is the time to get away from that person or deal with them in another way. Don't forget you must always be kind to yourself. This is not the time to punish yourself for being stupid enough to want to be controlled. Relationships controlled by one person sometimes go unnoticed. You only notice his interest and concern, which then goes from sweet to manipulative once he finds out that you're "stuck."
- If you are strong, he will have a hard time conquering you. This conquest was like an ego adventure to him. This is a compliment, that you are actually a strong and caring person, who is being targeted by sneaky individuals who want to possess your qualities but lack the courage.
- Don't be afraid to ask others for help to meet your emotional needs. It allows you to view life more healthily, and forces you to regain your independence and freedom. Don't explain to him that you need a change. That will only trigger his attempts to control again because he knows what you're up to and his manipulation is likely to work. If you want to change, just do it.
Step 2. Be prepared to set boundaries to make your point
He will try to pressure you or make you feel guilty. He may try to use manipulation, such as "Surely you will agree that…" or "If you love me, you will…" Or, he may be pushy, such as saying, "If you leave me, then…" or "You should…", and etc. When you hear such words, don't give up.
- State clearly, firmly, and straightforwardly, such as, "I can't accept you monitoring my internet usage. If you still want to be with me, I need privacy."
- Don't be surprised by the horrific reaction when he realizes that you want to get out of his control. When he loses control over someone, psychologically he will feel physical problems such as stomach pain, headache, sadness/crying, fainting, or itching. This is a simple way to get the situation under control again by provoking attention, sympathy, and concern. Take him to the doctor if you're worried (a great way to stop his hypochondric tendencies), but don't give up and go along with his wishes.
- Controlling people are highly manipulative, whatever the reasons behind it. He won't like it when you try to keep what's important to you. Try to stay calm in conflicts and don't lose control. Remember that he will be angry because you challenge him. If he starts to say harsh words, end the conversation immediately by walking away or hanging up the phone.
Step 3. Don't expect to make him better
You know he has a need for control, but there's no need to "fix it." You can't "fix" another person unless that person wants to change. In addition, if you explain this point, he will manipulate you even more. Remember that the problem is with him, not you. It's better to fix the problem and behavior yourself, don't assume that you can "change" the controlling person, because you can't.
Step 4. Try to be honest and fair, but keep your views away from manipulators who like to distort this fact
He or she usually wants you to feel obligated to provide personal information or answer questions about minor issues to provoke you to reveal bad experiences, weaknesses, or failures. This information is likely to be used to persuade or play with your mind at a later date (the information obtained from the inducement is stored in his memory).
If someone you just met has been digging for personal information, you should be suspicious. He could be someone who likes to control
Step 5. Decide to take some distance
Whenever possible, avoid people trying to control you. You can stay away from him, but that's not possible if he's family, partner, or co-workers. Here's an approach you can try:
- Interact briefly and sweetly.
- Do not confuse, confuse, and confuse the rights and choices of individuals, or foster their tendency to control. This person wants to deceive or steer you away from your own desires in terms of education, lifestyle, career, etc. By not accepting and respecting your point of view unless you agree with it, he is ignoring your rights as a human being. Confront it by stating that you appreciate the input, but are going your own way. Go ahead with the plan, and do or be the person you want to be.
Step 6. Take your distance, but still be kind
You have to stay nice, but you also have to stay away from thinking about this person's attitudes and problems. It's not your problem, and you don't have to (nor shouldn't) carry the burden. All humans are responsible for becoming better. Acknowledgement of controlling people's behavior because their lives are hard or whatever the reason will only continue the bad behavior that harms that person as much as harming yourself. By keeping your distance and remaining kind, you can care for him as a human being without engaging your own emotions and getting caught in his trap web.
- By taking your distance, you still care about this person, but realize that their behavior is wrong and you can't justify it. You don't endorse his behavior, or allow him to do that to you. For example, if a friend is trying to control who you can be friends with, say, "I respect you, but I can't be friends with the people who control my relationships. If you can be more free and open, we can still be friends. If you keep this up, we can't be friends anymore."
- This ability cannot be mastered overnight and you will often fail when you try it. However, with practice, you will find more and more freedom and learn to let others without wanting to save or help them. It's hard, but easier than being someone else's emotional slave for the rest of your life.
Tips
- Try not to let him corner you or make you feel powerless. No matter how difficult your financial condition or life is if you leave him, the QUALITY of your life will be worth the trouble.
- If you're strong and confident, sooner or later you're going to feel a little weird about never being right around this person, especially about something he's good at. Listen to your heart. If you don't heed your inner rebuke, in ten years you will only dream of yourself. Don't let that happen.
- Dependents attract insurers. If you have a disability or have chronic financial problems, or have other major problems that need help, you are more likely to rely on controlling people to meet your basic needs. Breaking away from him will be very hard because he is covering the cost of your living or health care. Write them all down and seek the same help or service from a better person or party. Try seeking help from a foundation that can help free you from the people who control and limit your life more than they should.
- Remember, you can't control other people, but you can control your conscious reactions. Make sure you handle the issue in a way that you believe in, not in the same way that you can avoid or retaliate against. It won't work.
- People who are both in control and in positions of power can use other people to control you from behind the scenes. He may have other people ask you how you feel and think about him. Realize if something goes wrong. Don't engage in specific conversations with a third party if you suspect he or she is being used for this purpose, respond in kind.
- If you are ostracized or forced to hang out with only his family and friends, it means he doesn't respect your feelings or desires.
- Never share strange experiences or deep thoughts or anger with this person because they can use them to control you. Such thoughts and personal experiences are likely to be used by him to isolate you, make others dislike or believe in you. He wants to get you into a corner, either by saying it in front of you or behind your back. The goal is to set you up like a doll so that he is your only "friend", or rather your "master"
- Disability must be considered. Some people with disabilities may change plans all the time or can't keep up with what you want to do. If he says "no" to a lot of things and suggests something else you might not like, see why. Test the relationship by discussing something that is clearly your own choice, such as hairstyles, clothes, and opinions that have nothing to do with him. Since many people have chemical allergies to certain scents, it's possible that someone may ask you not to use certain shampoos or perfumes when you meet them. It's a matter of personal boundaries only, not based on his opinion about your perfume choice, unless he REQUESTS you to use the fragrance of his choice.
Warning
- Set a clear line between what is acceptable and unacceptable when dealing with controlling people. He will push those limits to test you. You have to stay firm and don't back down.
- If you change your interests and switch to other people's interests, or sacrifice hobbies or friends, you may be involved with a controlling person.
- Be wary of people who try to play with your emotional side to gain your trust in the early stages of a friendship. For example, tell her about her difficult life because she was bullied six years ago, but she says she can only trust you, while urging you to share your own bad experience. Then, once he finds out what someone else has said or done to hurt you, he'll often talk about it, such as, "How did you feel when you were betrayed? Have you ever thought that you deserved it?" At first he seems sincere and considerate, but then discusses your past in a subtly insulting manner until you agree with him. It's a mind game, he influences you to judge yourself the way he wants you to. You'll often feel disappointed, angry, and helpless after talking to him, and he'll coax you into doing something else that he knows you don't like. This can be distinguished from sharing a healthy story because after sharing a painful experience, both parties usually feel better and understood. If you don't feel the effect, it may actually be a mind game from a controlling person.
