Empathy is the ability to feel what others feel - the key to building meaningful relationships and living together peacefully with others. Some people are born with a natural ability to sympathize, and others find it difficult to relate to other people. But if you feel like you're lacking in your ability to put yourself on the other person's side, there are things you can do to deepen your empathy. This article discusses the meaning of empathy and steps you can take to become a more empathetic person.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Tapping Your Empathy
Step 1. Get in touch with your own emotions
To feel emotions with other people, you must be able to feel them in yourself. Are you connected to your feelings? Do you notice when you feel happy, sad, angry, or scared? Do you allow these feelings to rise to the surface, and do you express them? If you tend to suppress your feelings rather than allow them to become a part of your life, try to allow yourself to feel a little deeper.
- It is quite common to put negative feelings aside. For example, it's more fun to distract yourself with the TV or go to a bar than to sit and think about the upsetting thing that has happened. But putting aside feelings makes you disconnected, less recognizable. When you can't express your own sadness, how can you expect to feel other people's feelings?
- Take time each day for your emotions to rise to the surface. Instead of quickly closing negative feelings, think about them carefully. It's okay to be angry and scared, deal with those feelings in a healthy way, like crying, or writing down your thoughts, or discussing how you're feeling with a friend.
Step 2. Listen carefully
Listen to what other people have to say, and watch for changes in their tone of voice. Pay attention to every little sign that belies how someone is feeling. Maybe his lips were shaking and his eyes were teary. Maybe it's clearer - he's looking down a lot, or he's kind of daydreaming. Put yourself aside and absorb other people's stories.
Do not judge. If you find yourself remembering a disagreement you had, or feel something distracting you, struggle to focus yourself on listening
Step 3. Think of yourself as the other person
Have you ever read a story so moving that you forgot yourself? For a few minutes, you become that character, and you know exactly what it's like to see your dad for the first time in 10 years, or your loved one choosing someone else. Feeling empathy is not much different. When you listen to someone and really try to understand, there will come a time when you start to feel what the other person is feeling. You'll see at a glance what it means to them.
Step 4. Don't be afraid to feel uncomfortable
Empathy can hurt! It hurts when we absorb the wounds of others, and it takes effort to deal with deeper levels. Maybe that's why empathy declines – it's much easier to keep the conversation light, to keep yourself safe. If you want to be more empathetic, you can't stay away from the other person's feelings. Realize that they will have an impact on you, and that you will feel different. But you will have a deeper understanding of the other person, a foundation for building stronger relationships.
Step 5. Show the other person that you understand their feelings
Asking questions shows that you are listening. Use body language that shows you're engaged: make eye contact, lean slightly toward the speaker, don't fidget. Nod, shake your head, or smile when appropriate. These are ways to show your empathy in the moment, to build trust with the person with whom you share their feelings. If you seem distracted, look the other way, or signal that you're not listening or that you're not interested, people may shut down and stop talking.
Another way to show empathy is to talk about yourself too. Making you appear as vulnerable as others can build trust and mutualistic relationships. Lower your defenses and enter into the conversation
Step 6. Use your empathy to help others
Empathizing with others is a learning experience, and it's great for the knowledge you gain to influence your future actions. Maybe it means standing up for people who are bullied by others, because you understand them better now. It may also change the way you behave when you meet new people, or your views on certain social and political issues. Let empathy influence the way you live your life in this world.
Part 2 of 3: Forming Greater Empathy
Step 1. Be open to new things
Empathy comes from wanting to know more about experiences, and about other people. Be curious about the lives of other people who are different from yours. Always study every day. Here are some ways to act on your curiosity:
- Travel more often. When you go to places you've never been, try to spend time with the people who live there and get to know their way of life better.
- Talk to strangers. If you find yourself sitting with someone on the bus, try to have a conversation instead of covering your nose with a book.
- Get out of your daily routine. If you hang out with the same people a lot and go to the same places all the time, change it up and start meeting new people. Explore this world even more.
Step 2. Try to be more empathetic towards people you don't like
If you find out where your empathy is lacking, promise to change how you feel, or at least gain a better understanding of the person or group you don't like. When you feel rejected by others, ask yourself why. Decide that instead of avoiding or saying bad things about the person, you will put yourself in that person's shoes. Find out what you're learning by empathizing with people you don't like.
Remember that even if you don't come to an agreement, you can still feel empathy. It's possible to feel empathy for people you don't like. And who knows, once you open yourself up a bit, you'll find reasons to change your thinking about that person
Step 3. Emphasize asking how the other person is feeling
This is a simple way to create a short, everyday empathy. Instead of putting aside talk about feelings, ask people about their feelings more often, and really listen to their response. This doesn't mean every conversation has to be deep, sincere, and philosophical. But asking people about their feelings can help you to fully understand, and really "see" the person you're talking to.
The flip side of a chip is responding more honestly when people ask you how you feel. Instead of answering "Fine!" when you're actually feeling down, why not express the truth? See what happens when you let some of your feelings out instead of holding them back
Step 4. Read and see fictional stories
Soaking up a lot of stories, in the form of novels, films, and other media, is a great way to build your empathy. Studies show that reading fictional literature actually increases your ability to empathize in real life. It helps you to form the habit of imagining what life would be like if you were someone else. The relief from laughing or crying together can help you to open up more emotionally with others.
Step 5. Practice empathy with people you trust
If you're having trouble knowing if you're an empathetic person, try practicing empathy with other people. Make sure the person knows that you want to do this, so they'll understand if you're not hitting the mark. Ask the person to tell you how they feel, and practice each step above to feel with them. Then tell the person how you feel as a result of what they said to you.
- See if the feelings match. If people are showing sadness, and you feel sad when they talk, then you are reading their emotions correctly.
- If feelings don't match, you may need to spend some time matching your own feelings and practice remembering the feelings of the other person.
Part 3 of 3: Understanding the Power of Empathy
Step 1. See it as sharing your feelings with someone
Empathy is the ability to feel with another person. This requires you to go below the surface and feel what other people are feeling. It's easy to get mixed up with sympathy, which is when you feel sorry for someone else's misfortune, and perhaps act on those feelings trying to help. But empathy goes even deeper: instead of feeling “for” someone, you feel 'with them.
- For example, let's say your sister starts crying when she tells her that her boyfriend just broke up with her. As you watch the tears roll down his face and listen to him explain what happened, you feel your throat start to tighten. Not only do you feel sympathy for him, you also feel sad. That's empathy.
- Another way of looking at empathy is as a shared understanding, the ability to draw yourself into another person's experience. The idea of walking a few miles in someone else's shoes is an expression of empathy.
- Empathy means sharing any feelings – it doesn't have to be negative feelings. Empathy is fitting in with another person's feelings and emotions, so you can understand what it's like to be that person.
Step 2. Realize you can feel it for anyone
You don't have to share someone's background to empathize with them. It's not about sharing understanding because you've been there too. In fact, you can feel empathy for someone you have nothing in common with. Empathy is about experiencing what the other person is feeling – whatever it may be. You don't have to feel it first.
- This means you can feel empathy for anyone. A young person can empathize with an elderly person in a nursing home, even if he or she has never had the experience. A rich person can empathize with the homeless, even if we are always blessed to have a roof over their heads and have plenty of food. You can feel empathy for the stranger on the train you see from across the aisle.
- In other words, empathizing doesn't mean imagining what life should be like for another person – it means actually experiencing what life is like that other person is experiencing on an emotional level.
Step 3. See that you don't have to agree with someone to empathize with them
In fact, it's still possible to empathize with someone if you strongly disagree with their views and don't even like them that much. The person you don't like is still one, and has the same emotions as you. This may not be easy to do, but you can still empathize with people's suffering and distress, just as you can with your loved ones.
- For example, suppose your neighbor is in a political position opposite to yours, and he brings up views that you think are very wrong at every turn. But if you see him hurt, you will come to his aid.
- It's even more important to develop the ability to empathize with people you don't like. Empathy helps us to see our neighbors as people who need love and acceptance, no matter what they look like. This creates the possibility for peace.
Step 4. Forget the “do it to someone else” rule
George Bernard Shaw said, "don't do to others the way you want them to treat you they may have different tastes." The "Golden Rule" doesn't really work when it comes to empathy, because it doesn't help you understand what it's like to be another person. Giving empathy means opening yourself up to someone else's point of view, someone else's “tastes”, rather than showing your own experiences and ideas.
Thinking about how you would like to be treated can be a good starting point to begin with respecting others and being conscientious, but to empathize, you have to go a little deeper. This is difficult to do, and may be uncomfortable. But the more often you do it, the deeper you will understand the people around you
Step 5. See why empathy is important
Empathy improves the quality of life on a personal and social level. It helps you to feel more connected to the people around you and makes you feel the meaning of sharing. Moreover, the human ability to experience empathy for people who are different from them will be very socially beneficial. It helps individuals and groups overcome racism, homophobia, sexism, grouping, and other social problems. This is the foundation of social cooperation and mutual assistance. Without empathy, where would we be?
- Recent research has shown that the level of empathy among college students is 40% in the last 20 - 30 years. This shows that empathy, is something that can be learned or not learned.
- By connecting with your feelings of empathy and making them a priority every day, you can increase your ability to empathize – and see how your life will improve as a result.
Tips
- Use common sense and feelings as a guide, and to give advice.
- Often you won't get the full picture of the story, but this is not a problem.
- It requires a more active, caring mind to work properly. It may also not always work.
- If you're having trouble getting a clear picture, try comparing it to your own experience that is similar to the one you're trying to understand.
- Don't believe that your point of view on a scenario is always right; everyone will see it in a slightly different way.
- Empathy is not a physical procedure, it is limited. It can be done spontaneously, or it can be done with a few scenarios.
