The first step to giving a comfortable hug is knowing when it's the right time to hug someone. Hugs aren't always worth it – but when someone really needs a hug, they'll love it if you come close and hug them. To give a comfortable hug, you need to create a warm and friendly space for the partner you are going to hug. Make him feel comfortable, loved, and supported.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Starting a Hug
Step 1. Know when to hug
There are times when it's good to hug someone, and sometimes you need to hold back. First, understand why you're hugging the person: maybe you're greeting a good friend; maybe you want to comfort someone who is crying; maybe you are trying to share your feelings with your crush or partner. Regardless of the context, a comfortable hug should sound natural. Wait until there is a pause in the conversation, or a transition, or a sad moment. Consider the following scenario:
- Pauses in conversation can occur at any time when time seems to stand still. You can take advantage of the moment, if you've been waiting to hug someone. You don't really need a reason to hug someone, but hugs need to be in context. It was only then that it felt natural to start the hug.
- A transition can be anything that starts or ends an interaction. You can hug your friend when you see them, or hug them when they say goodbye. Give a hug to signal that something has just begun or is about to end.
- A sad moment can be any experience that involves strong emotions between you and someone (or people). Hug your friend after she tells a touching and emotional story; Hug your little sister when she breaks up with her boyfriend. Use a hug to acknowledge that the moment is important and lead the moment to a happy ending.
Step 2. Show a friendly attitude
Create a safe and welcoming space. Open your arms wide, and try to keep a warm smile etched on your face. Use your body language, facial expressions, and overall attitude to invite the person into your arms. Make him feel like he's the only one who matters most right now.
Step 3. Open your arms to indicate that you want to hug
Your body language should guide the person into the hug. Step into it so that the intent of your invitation is clear. Look your cuddle partner in the eye, and watch his face to make sure he's willing to cuddle. If the person steps forward to welcome your hug, he or she accepts the hug. Well, now is the time to cuddle comfortably.
- Wait for the signal to come. If you're not sure, wait until the person you want to hug stretches their arms. It's a safe strategy – but you may also want to consider that you can lighten someone's mood if you initiate the hug yourself.
- If the person doesn't welcome your hug, don't force it. Lower your arms and try to gracefully back away. And let it pass.
Step 4. Consider announcing your hug
Say, "Can I hug you?" or “I want to hug you right now.” This can be a great transition if you feel uncomfortable starting a hug, or if you think the person might feel uncomfortable accepting a sudden hug. By clearly stating your intentions, you may be able to lighten the mood and create an equally comfortable space for both of you.
Know when you don't have to ask. In some cases, you don't need to announce your hug – especially if you know someone very well, or if the two of you have hugged before. Remember that a hug will feel more natural if you do it spontaneously
Step 5. Be sincere
Don't expect anything from a hug other than warmth and moments of togetherness. A hug can mean more than just a hug – but if not stated otherwise, a hug is just a hug. If you give a warm-hearted hug and a genuine desire to make someone feel better, you may come across as friendly and welcoming. If you try to use a hug to get something from someone, he or she may feel uncomfortable.
Step 6. Set your hug style
It depends on your personality and who you happen to be hugging. Some people simply give a tight, strong hug without fear: they spread their arms wide and hug everyone they meet – and they may even lift the person up! Others approach it in a more subtle and less committed way: they have perfected the side hug or brotherly hug. Pay attention to how people hug each other, and decide which hug is best for a given situation.
- Tight hugs: Throw yourself completely into each hug. Hug tightly and pour out your love. Rest your head against your partner's chest or shoulder. Show your love without shame.
- Side hugs: This approach is subtle and shows low commitment. Carefully approach the person's side and extend one arm. Wrap your arm around his shoulder (if you're taller) or on your back, under his arm (if you're shorter). Turn your face in the same direction as your hugging partner, squeeze his shoulder gently, and release the hug if it feels right.
- Brotherly hugs: These are casual hugs between friends, characterized by a quick, low-contact hug. Try not to move your buttocks, lean in, and pat your friend on the back about 1-3 times. Try to bend forward after the handshake and continue with a quick clapping with one hand on the back.
Method 2 of 3: Hugging Friends and Family
Step 1. Hug warmly
If you give someone a platonic hug, you don't have to worry about being seen as "too presumptuous" or having to hold back. The purpose of a hug here is to show someone how much you appreciate them – so make it a comfortable hug. Wait for the right moment, then wrap your arms around the person's body and hug them tightly.
- Most people will appreciate a comfortable hug. If you're sincere and reassuring when you give a hug, people will notice. Don't be afraid to share your love!
- This becomes especially important if you hug someone to calm them down. The warmer your image, the more loved your cuddle partner will feel.
Step 2. Try not to make people feel uncomfortable
This means you shouldn't take the platonic hug too far. Do not hug so tightly that the person is in pain or has difficulty breathing. Don't touch any private or sensitive body parts unless your cuddle partner gives permission. Don't shove your face too close to his, or wheeze in his ears, or step on his toes. Use your best judgment, and change your approach to a more casual one if the person seems uncomfortable with the situation.
Step 3. Hug your family members
You don't have to think too much about it – the purpose of hugging a family member is to show simple, platonic love, even if you don't really like the person. You don't need to hug her tightly, although a solid hug (both in terms of firmness and duration) tends to show more affection. Quickly run your hands over the person's upper back, and smile as you let go of the hug.
- Hugging a female family member shouldn't be much different. Hug your mother like you would hug your grandmother or hug your sister. Hugging a male relative may depend on context and kinship; some men may prefer a handshake, if you are a man yourself.
- Notice how people in your family hug each other. Some families consider cuddling very important, while other families tend to keep physical contact to a minimum. Pay attention to how other family members interact with each other, then just follow the cuddling pattern to make sure that your family members are comfortable.
Step 4. Don't be afraid to let the hug continue
If you just want a quick, playful hug, you can let go after a few seconds. However, if the situation calls for a longer hug, there's no need to feel awkward. Just like looking someone in the eye, a long hug can be a powerful and intimate experience – and can be a great way to connect with someone. You may find that once you get past a certain threshold, you can allow yourself to slip into the hug and enjoy the sensation of being held.
Step 5. Hug your friend
The depth and duration of the hug depends on the context: how close you are to the person, why you are hugging them, and how comfortable everyone involved is at the time. You may also find that there are different expectations from a hug depending on whether your hugging partner is a girl or a boy. But the important thing is that you are warm and sincere; Your hug should show your friend how much you appreciate them.
- Girl: Close your eyes and think how much you value your friend. Hug as tight as you like, but be careful not to crush your friend. Avoid patting your cuddle partner on the shoulder: some girls may think you don't like them if you pat them on the back without sinking into a deep embrace.
- Men: Hug each other firmly, and pat each other's backs or shoulders. If you're having an emotional moment, hold on to the hug for a moment and don't pat each other on the back. Be careful who you cuddle with: some guys are very uncomfortable doing guy-to-man hugs, but some don't have that kind of concern.
Method 3 of 3: Hugging your crush or lover
Step 1. Keep the hug feeling natural and consensual
Before you try to give a hug that is no longer platonic, make sure that the person is comfortable with your touch. Your lover should be willing and ready to accept a romantic or sexual hug. If you're not sure, don't hesitate to ask her permission. The more comfortable you are with your loved one, the better your ability to read their comfort level.
Step 2. Determine the right time
You can hug your crush or lover for the same reasons you hug someone else – but there may be deeper emotions involved in your embrace, and possibly some sexual tension too, at least a little. Hug your loved one when you feel a rush of affection, or just want to say hello, or when you want to light a spark of passion.
Hugs can be a good way to acknowledge that the two of you have just shared a moment together. Maybe you just expressed your love feelings; maybe you caught both of you staring at each other; maybe you just feel filled with love today
Step 3. Make the hug intimate
If your cuddle partner wants that too, you can make the hug go a little deeper. Hold him a little tighter, and gently caress his back with your hands. Kiss her neck or the top of her head, and consider a playful squeezing of her buttocks. If you are a girl, you can play with the hair on the nape of your partner, and tuck your head into his chest. The more comfortable you are with someone, the easier it will be to show your affection – and the better the hugs will be.
Step 4. Learn about traditional gender roles
There's no need to make things difficult for yourself – but it will help you to know which cuddle style is more masculine or feminine. Get to know these roles, and decide how you want to represent yourself to the people you're hugging. You are free to accept or ignore this model because there is no right way to cuddle.
- To take on a more traditionally masculine role: Hold your partner in your arms around the waist, while your hands meet on their lower back. Hold him in that position for no more than a few seconds, and release the hug as soon as he lets go. Look her in the eye as you separate, then continue the conversation naturally.
- To take on the traditional feminine role: Wrap your arms around your hugging partner's neck or shoulders. Press your chest lightly against his chest. Let go of the hug as soon as he does the same. However, there is nothing wrong if you just wrap your arms around the middle of your partner's body.
Step 5. Try a surprise hug
If someone is really comfortable with you, try hugging them out of the blue. Hug your female partner from behind while she is standing up and doing something; Hug your man while he's staring into the distance. Surprise hugs don't need to be aggressive, or sudden – they're just a way of showing how comfortable you feel around someone.
If you want to play around a bit, try closing the person's eyes and saying "Guess who?" Keep in mind that not everyone likes surprises, especially if they involve the eye. Use your best judgment
Tips
- Make sure you smell good.
- Give him a pat on the back if he pulls away while trying to think of something nice to apologize in a different way.
- Be careful and see if he really wants a hug. You should have a reason to give the hug, if you don't know the person that well. Read your hugging partner's body language to estimate whether your hug will be well received.
- If he says his back or shoulders hurt, don't give him a massage.
- Men like to hug their girlfriends from behind. They also like surprises to turn things up, but don't hug them the same way every time.
Warning
- Take care that your hands are not cold.
- Try to keep your playful hugs light, unless you think your partner likes tight hugs.
