Have you ever run into an ex-spouse on your way to school, while shopping at the supermarket, or at an event your mutual friend is hosting? Even though the situation is bound to feel awkward and may make you feel nervous, try to remain calm, controlled, and polite. Don't try to play with her feelings or show off your happiness after breaking up with her! Whatever the situation in your relationship, try to keep the interaction brief and polite.
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Part 1 of 3: Keep Calm and Confident
Step 1. Stay calm when you accidentally cross paths with your ex
Even if you want to hide or run as fast as you can when you accidentally bump into your ex, try your best to be calm and in control. Don't dwell on all the negative memories and emotions with him, and focus on the more positive things!
- Don't hide or pretend you don't know your ex's whereabouts! If the two of you already make eye contact, it means that your ex-partner has already seen you. If it turns out that your presence has not been noticed by him, there is no harm in turning around or hiding to avoid him.
- Take a minute to cool off, if possible. At that moment, try to take a deep breath and imagine yourself in a comfortable, calming, and quiet place.
- Try to acknowledge the awkwardness that comes with meeting your ex. To relax the situation, you can say, "Wow, this situation is quite awkward, huh," or "I'm quite surprised you know, to meet you here."
Step 2. Decide whether or not you need to say something
Do you need to say something, or just need to smile and carry on with your normal activities? If the distance that lies between you and your ex-spouse is not too close, the conversation can actually be avoided very easily. In other words, you just have to smile and nod your head at him.
- If you're feeling very anxious or confused, and if your ex doesn't approach you, stay still and distance yourself from them.
- Try smiling and nodding your head at your ex, or simply waving your hand to say hello. Most likely, you will just have to do that and carry on with your normal activities.
- If the conversation seems like it should be done, try to do it calmly and confidently.
Step 3. Be friendly, but not overbearing
Don't make physical contact that may make her uncomfortable, such as hugging or kissing her on the cheek. In some cases, shaking hands is also an inappropriate physical contact because it feels too formal. If your ex wants to give you a light, friendly hug, don't hesitate to reciprocate if you feel comfortable too. If he doesn't want to, just nod your head to greet him. Most importantly, keep your body language relaxed.
- Don't misunderstand him by being too friendly. Remember, this is not a good time to flirt with your ex, especially since the encounter was neither intentional nor expected by all parties.
- Smile and be polite. Show your willingness to have a conversation with your ex, but also think of ways to end the conversation if the situation gets more and more awkward.
- Try saying, “It's great to meet and chat with you again. But I have to go, here. Have a nice day, huh!"
Step 4. Show your confidence
Whatever your current life situation, don't bring it up when you accidentally meet your ex-spouse. Remember, if the two of you haven't seen each other in a long time, chances are he has a whole new life. Therefore, show your confidence and politeness at the moment!
- If you already have a new partner, don't mention the information in front of your ex, unless you just say, "I have a new boyfriend." No need to go into all the details about your new relationship!
- If the meeting was accidental, you probably haven't been in contact with him lately, right? After a breakup, try to view your partner as a friend from the past who at some point had to part ways with you. That way, you won't focus on only negative things when you see your ex-partner.
- If you still have feelings for your ex, try imagining him as someone else. In other words, turn the person in front of you into a more neutral person.
Step 5. Don't try to look happier than you should be
Whatever your current condition, never use a meeting with your ex-spouse as a place to compete. Remember, you are only passing someone you know. So don't get too confused and end up talking too much about yourself.
- If you have certain accomplishments at school or work, don't try to flaunt them. It's okay to talk about yourself, but don't take this opportunity to make your ex-spouse feel guilty or worthless.
- Don't talk about topics that relate to your annoyance, your jealousy, or other dramas.
Step 6. Stay natural when you see her with her new partner
If you accidentally run into your ex-spouse and new boyfriend, chances are that the situation will be very awkward. However, make sure your interactions don't sound fake. Stay calm and be reasonable!
- Show your dignity and be polite to them. Trust me, the moment will feel shorter and less painful if you are able to try to stay strong.
- Don't hesitate to say hello to your ex-spouse and shake hands with his new girlfriend. After that, just say, “Hello, nice to meet you again,” without adding any more words.
- If you're being overly sweet or overbearing, or taking more extreme steps like avoiding eye contact or ignoring his presence, be careful that such behavior can make you look cheeky. Therefore, behave as you usually do when meeting new people.
- Chances are, your ex-spouse will also say something rude or unexpected. Although the percentage is quite small, still make sure that you are able to maintain self-control and provide the right response to end the topic. Even if it's just, "Ugh, I have to meet someone else and it's already late. Eh, but it's nice to meet you, huh!"
Part 2 of 3: Keep Interaction Brief but Polite
Step 1. Keep interactions short and sweet
Keep the conversation between you and your ex-spouse brief to reduce any tension that may arise. Also, don't try to give all the details about the situation that happened after your relationship ended. Instead, focus on light, common everyday topics.
- Focus on asking how he is or his activities in general. If your ex asks the same question, try to stay focused on light and friendly topics.
- Consider bringing up lighthearted topics like hobbies or travel, funny anecdotes about current situations, your academic pursuits, your career situation, or events you've recently watched on television.
- Do not communicate with him for too long. If discomfort begins to appear, immediately ask for permission to leave in front of him. For example, you could say, "It's great to see you again, but my class is starting soon," or "I have to go to another event. Have a great night!"
Step 2. Respect your ex
When you have to accidentally meet someone who has hurt you, you are more likely to feel compelled to share your pain with them. Remember, an accidental meeting with an ex-spouse is not the right time to look back on your past relationship and all the problems that came with it. In other words, don't use the moment as an opportunity to get angry or get your partner into an argument.
- Don't get angry or try to create new drama.
- Understand that your ex-partner may also feel awkward in the situation.
- Of course, you can pretend you don't see your partner or ignore their presence. However, understand that this attitude is actually very childish and irresponsible.
- At the very least, smile and nod at your ex. If you feel like you can't communicate with him, at least apply those basic etiquette.
Step 3. Don't use the moment to make your ex-spouse jealous
If you accidentally bump into them while you're with your new partner, don't overdo it, such as constantly kissing your new partner, just to show that you've "completely gotten over your ex." In other words, behave as you normally would when out in public.
- For example, if you're at a friend's party and it turns out that your ex-spouse is also there, don't try to act differently in front of them. If you want to communicate with your ex, please do so and show that you accept being there. However, if he makes you feel uncomfortable, don't hesitate to move to a more private location or even leave the event.
- Don't kiss or touch someone just to get your ex's attention and make him jealous.
- No need to try to make your appearance look more attractive in front of him. Be as fair and honest as possible when you accidentally cross paths with your ex!
Step 4. Know your limits
Chances are, your ex-spouse will ask you things you don't really want to talk about. If that's the case, feel free to decline to provide an answer. Remember, you are under no obligation to talk about things you don't want to talk about! For example, if your ex is looking for information about your new relationship or your relationship with your new partner, try answering, "Oh, thanks for asking, but I don't feel comfortable talking about my new relationship with you." If your ex can't accept or respect boundaries and keep asking the same question, immediately end the conversation and get out of his sight.
Part 3 of 3: Anticipating the Next Meeting
Step 1. Prepare to meet him again
If you both live in the same city, go to the same school, or have the same circle of friends, there's always a chance that you'll see each other again. Therefore, always prepare yourself to face the possibility.
- Think about the things you will say. Remember, all of your speech should sound polite and not wordy.
- Think about your responses to specific questions, such as, "You have a new boyfriend?" or "What have you been up to since the last time we saw each other?"
- Think about what you need to do to calm yourself down. If meeting your ex-spouse makes you anxious, try asking someone you trust to see you after you accidentally bump into your ex-spouse again.
Step 2. Don't badmouth your ex-spouse to people in your social circle
If you've been in a relationship for a long time, you're more likely to have a few mutual friends. Never tell them negative things about your ex! Don't ask them to take your side in the dispute either.
- If you want to complain about your ex-spouse, do it to people who don't know him or her. For example, consider talking to people you were already good friends with, even before you started dating your ex.
- If you're at a friend's party, and it turns out that a lot of your ex's friends have also been invited there, try to keep the interaction light.
- Don't start a new drama or make other people feel uncomfortable. Remember, the people around you will be reluctant to feel "stuck" in the problems of your relationship with your ex-partner.
Step 3. Forgive your past relationship and move on to a better life
Supposedly, an accidental meeting with an ex-spouse will not trigger stress if you have managed to forgive the relationship and move on with your life. Remember, just because you have a new relationship with someone else, doesn't mean you have to forget and forgive past relationships, you know!
- Try to process situations that occurred in your previous relationship. During the process, try not to blame yourself or your ex-partner. Understand that sometimes human relationships have to end because of serious incompatibility. Also understand that sometimes even trusted people can hurt you.
- Take good care of yourself, and focus on loving yourself. Do activities that can improve your mood and focus after having an accidental meeting with your ex.
- Try talking to a counselor to broaden your perspective. If that brief moment really makes you anxious and uncomfortable, don't hesitate to consult a counselor for healthy tips for dealing with the situation.
- Talk to your closest friends and relatives. When you're feeling down because you accidentally met your ex, one of the most powerful "cure" is to have a strong support system. Therefore, try to get closer to all your dear friends and relatives.
Tips
If the encounter occurs when you, or your ex-spouse, are with a new lover, don't focus too much on your new partner or their new partner. Instead, simply greet your ex-spouse politely, then try introducing your new partner to him or her, and vice versa. However, avoid lengthy conversations so that the situation doesn't feel even more awkward or uncomfortable
Warning
- If your ex is showing a friendly and welcoming attitude, don't assume they still like you or want to get back into a relationship with you.
- Do not use this moment to dig up information about his new relationship. Let him do it only when he really wants to!
- If until now you still can't get over your ex-spouse, understand that a sudden meeting can't be an opportunity to get back into his arms. If you really want to get his heart back, try to set a specific time to ask him to meet again in private. Observe the response to your invitation!
