Do you feel surrounded by a lot of trouble and become a hero with the role of a bad character? Maybe you only have one big problem but you don't know how to solve it. Whether you are fighting with a loved one or you feel threatened by losing your job, there are steps you can take to control your problems.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Dealing with Personal Conflicts
Step 1. Avoid behaviors that can make the problem worse
If you have a problem with someone, perhaps with a loved one or an ordinary friend, sometimes it's easy for something to happen that makes matters worse before you have a chance to make things right.
- For example, if you're fighting with your boyfriend because he thinks you're lying to him (but you're not), don't make matters worse by spending time hanging out with other girls. This will only make you look worse and it will be difficult to argue with your boyfriend from a moral point of view. It's best not to hang out with people until you've worked this out with your boyfriend.
- Another example of a problem with a friend would be if your best friend is angry with you because you didn't come to her party with the intention of meeting someone else. In this situation, you should try not to be shy or indifferent to their feelings. You should try to do something nice for them.
Step 2. Be clear about what the problem is
Before you start arguing with someone and finding a solution to a problem you're both facing, make sure you understand what's really bothering them. Sometimes people seem angry about one thing but actually they are angry about something else. If you really want to solve a problem, you should first make sure that you are addressing the real problem.
For example, your boyfriend might tell you that he's angry that you've decided to move to a bigger campus in another city and don't want to continue at the local college with him. Of course the two of you can still see each other all the time and date without serious problems: what your boyfriend is really worried about is that if you have some free time when you're alone, there's a good chance you might run into someone
Step 3. Try to see it from the other person's point of view
When you're in a fight with someone, you usually feel like you're in the right or your way of doing things is the best. In the end you just hold on to your own thoughts. However, people usually argue with you not just because they want to be against. They will do the best they can with what they know and the situation will look very different from their point of view. Try to see from their side so you can find a common ground in the middle.
Sometimes, if you find it difficult to understand their point of view, it is helpful to ask them. Ask them to explain, in detail, why they think it would be better to choose another route. You could say: “Could you please explain to me what you think? I really want to know better.” By knowing their feelings and thought processes, you can often gain a better understanding of the problem and how to solve it
Step 4. Make sure that they feel valued and in control
When people feel unappreciated and cornered, they are more likely to argue and attack, even if they would normally agree with you. If you see that the situation is improving, try taking steps to make them feel that they are more in control and valued. You will notice that they suddenly want to talk.
- For example, you need to rearrange your sentences. Don't belittle them or use accusatory sentences like "You should have _".
- Make them feel in control by giving them choice or freedom, and this will make them feel like they have a fair solution to the problem at hand.
Step 5. Speak up
After you've done these initial steps as a basis for solving the problem, you should start discussing the solution. The key is to communicate, and communication is more than just telling them what you think. You have to think before you speak, carefully considering what you want to say next. You also have to be a good listener, pay close attention to what they have to say and try to understand them.
- In serious conversations related to solving these problems, you should usually spend a fair amount of time and ask to meet in a quiet place where you can have a private conversation.
- By talking to them, you show that you are putting your intention to improve the situation as a priority, which can help you and make them willing to find a solution.
Step 6. Find a middle ground
Solutions to conflicts that are more related to interpersonal relationships can usually be found by finding a middle ground. This means you can no longer see things as right or wrong. Don't use the terms "my way" and "your way". You are both great people and have so much to offer each other, so talk it over and use the term "our way."
- For example, if your boyfriend is disappointed that you don't agree with whose family you're hanging out with at Christmas, you could propose a third option: one week before Christmas, you two get together with your boyfriend's family, one week after that you both get together with your family, and at Christmas, the two of you spend time alone.
- As another example, if your friend is upset about wanting to take the same class as you but you choose a different class, you can suggest that the two of you continue to take different classes but you arrange study times so you can both study together in the library.
Method 2 of 3: Dealing with Problems Not Related to People
Step 1. Stay calm
So that you can deal with issues surrounding complex and stressful situations such as being fired, losing your apartment, or your vehicle breaking down, it's best to start by trying to stay calm. Don't panic or allow yourself to feel as though the world is coming to an end. So far, you've made it through every problem in your life and the sun is still rising; we are 100% sure you will be able to solve this problem too.
If you're having a hard time calming yourself down, it's a good idea to focus on your breath. Inhale and exhale slowly until you feel calmer and ready to do what you have to do
Step 2. Get as much information as you can
The more you know about the situation you are in and the options available to you, the better you will be at dealing with any problem. You can google this information, talk to people who have faced the same problem, and think carefully about plan C and don't get stuck in plans A and B.
For example, let's say you just lost your job. Instead of frantically thinking about what to do right now, head to your local employment placement office. You can find counselors who will help prepare your file and look for opportunities so you can get a job again as soon as possible (such as compiling a bio)
Step 3. Evaluate what resources you have
Everyone has resources available to them in times of crisis. Sometimes these resources are in the form of money or time. Sometimes this source comes in the form of friends or family who really understand what they are talking about. But sometimes these available sources are difficult for you to find. Even your personal abilities (such as intelligence and determination) can be a huge support for you in solving this problem.
For example, if you know that you have good interpersonal skills, then you can use these skills to solve your problem. Just because there isn't a clear method that you can use right now, it doesn't mean that the opportunity won't come
Step 4. Make a map of what will happen
Once you can get as much information as possible and know what resources are available to you to make it happen, create a work plan. There's a reason why soldiers usually strategize war: drawing up a plan, even if it's just the simplest plan, is still better than arguing and hoping for the best. Make a list of things that will happen and when. You'll see right away that this method is much easier to do than you might think.
- Divide the solution into a series of goals, then again divide these goals into a series of activities. Decide when you want to do each activity and under what conditions you can get enough help and before you know it, you'll have a great plan in place.
- Even if it's simply having a plan and working towards your goals, this method often makes things easier because it will make your "goalkeepers" more willing to give you the ease and time to solve your problems. These people, such as teachers, bosses and creditors, will find it easier to forgive if you have a plan that proves that you really mean it.
Step 5. Ready for action
Now that you know what you have to do, do it! There was no time like this, they said. The sooner you start troubleshooting the problem, the easier it will be to fix the problem. Troubleshooting is scary enough because it's hard to know what's going to happen, but you have to feel confident that everything will work out in the end.
Imagine your life like a cinema. The show won't stop just because the bad guy starts making trouble. The story won't go the way you want it to but there will be a resolution in the end. And your life isn't the story at all in The Day After Tomorrow, so you'll be fine
Step 6. Communicate with people
Last advice, there are some problems that can't be solved but at least it can be helped with more communication. Humans were created to help each other and the moment you talk about your problem, you suddenly realize that the problem can be more easily solved. Tell people who understand the problem you are facing. Tell those who have expertise in helping to solve your problem. Tell your friends and your family. Ask for their help. Even just saying that you're in trouble can get someone straight to the point of pointing out the right solution to you.
- Poor communication can also be the source of your problem, and it could mean that more talking is what is needed to solve your problem.
- If there is no other way, communicate a desire to be patient. Tell people that you are trying to solve a problem but that you have a plan and want to put all your energy into making things right.
Method 3 of 3: Balancing Multiple Problems
Step 1. Forget about what you can't change
If you're facing so many problems that you have to deal with beyond human capabilities, it's best to just forget about the things you can't change. We often find ourselves in situations like this, and then we try to find ways to get things back to the way they were before. This will drain energy from problems that we could actually solve. Focus on moving forward, don't talk about the past anymore.
- Just forget your past. Forget all your mistakes. Forget about friends who don't want to forgive you for the mistakes you've made. Focus your attention on solving your other problems and try to live your whole life and do every thing you do to the best of your ability.
- Problems from your past often come with better solutions if you work towards a better future…even if it means that you are starting to realize that these mistakes don't define who you are.
Step 2. Be prepared to make sacrifices
When you are facing a lot of problems, this will always mean that there is something to be sacrificed. You usually can't find a solution that works 100% in your favor. This applies even if you only have one problem. Life is hard and you have to set priorities.
- Find what matters most to you and focus on making it happen. Let things go with the least resistance so as not to take up all your time and energy…even if this means it will end badly for you.
- For example, if you have problems with your family, problems at school, and problems at work, you have to choose which ones are most important. Usually, your family will always provide support and you can get another job. But if the problem is at school, this kind of support is rare.
Step 3. Stop procrastinating
When we have a pile of problems to deal with, delaying solving problems is not uncommon. You may, knowingly or unknowingly, be helpless with fear. What will happen if you make the wrong choice? The sooner you make a decision, this means the consequences will start to happen, right? However, delaying making a choice is actually (by itself) already making a choice. Often this choice will make matters worse. Don't let trouble. Start working on it as soon as possible.
Thinking about this is like having a giant pile of homework assignments. You can do it right away so you don't get overwhelmed or you become afraid of failure and let it build up. You will be judged a failure if you don't fix it. This stack will not disappear if you continue to ignore it
Step 4. Complete one by one
When you are starting to clear up your giant pile of problems, the best way is to solve them one by one. Determine the first step and do it. Don't worry about the order having to be perfect; later you will find a better way and we rarely do everything perfectly in this life.
Making a chart of the steps you need to take in solving each problem can often be very helpful. This ever-visible tool could be a better way of understanding how things support each other
Step 5. Get help
Try to stay tactful and solve problems in the best way possible. Never feel that you are alone in dealing with problems. You are always surrounded by people who love you and are willing to help you. Even people you don't know at all are often willing to help you if you find the right person. Seeking help doesn't make you guilty, weak, or unworthy. Humans are social creatures and we were designed through an evolutionary process to help each other.
For example, let's say you're trying to figure out how to write a job review. Try doing an online search and you'll find tons of people doing this job all the time. Post your posts in forums and you'll see tons of people saying things like, "No one has ever taught me how to do this and I really hope someone can help. It shouldn't be that hard."
Step 6. Try to look on the bright side
Facing so many problems at the same time can leave you powerless. It's natural to feel hopeless in a situation like this. It feels like nothing will change and this will be your life forever. But if you maintain a positive and always positive attitude, you will see all your problems disappear before you know it.
It's good if you can learn to appreciate the presence of problems in your life. If you don't have problems in your life, you can't know how to appreciate the good things you already have. This is especially true if there are problems related to our loved ones. We often forget how much we love them until something happens that shows how hard it is to endure a loss
Tips
- Watch yourself. The most important person in a difficult situation is you.
- Realize that there are many people with much more serious problems in life. Get to know your real problem so you can get past the obstacles and realize how lucky you are.
- Make a list for yourself of things to change. You can't eliminate all problems, but you can learn from these problems so that the same problem doesn't happen again.
