While being asked out on a date may seem like flattery, there are times when you want to turn it down. Express your refusal politely to protect the person's feelings. With a few simple steps, you can politely decline the offer.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Be Kind
Step 1. Say thank you to the person who invited you
Remember that the person has the extraordinary courage to ask you out. If you sincerely appreciate her invitation, thanking her will lighten the blow for your refusal.
Step 2. Praise him
Be nice and give a positive response before you refuse. Be specific about what you like or appreciate about him. Here are some examples of compliments you can give:
- “I really enjoyed spending time with you, but…”
- “These past few months you've been a great friend, but…”
- “You are very considerate and kind to think of me, but…”
Step 3. Pay close attention to your body language
You may have spoken clearly and assertively, but found that you were conveying an unintentional or confusing message with your body language. Don't walk away from the person, but don't lean toward them either. Don't hold hands, make eye contact, and smile gently. In an awkward situation like this, keep your body language relaxed-no need to clench your jaw, furrow your brows, or purse your lips, making them appear harsh and grumpy.
Step 4. Avoid gossip
You may find it funny when this person asks you out or you are tempted to talk about this with your best friend. Don't spread the word that this person is asking you out. Respect his feelings and remember that first he needs a lot of guts to ask you out.
- If this person conveys the invitation via e-mail, do not save the message or show it to others.
- If the call-out is sent via social media, don't take a screenshot of the message and show it to others.
Part 2 of 3: Answering No
Step 1. Be honest
State the real reason for your refusal. You don't have to be overt or rude, but you need to be clear why you're not interested. Avoid vague reasons or lies that are too obvious.
- If this is a second or third date request by someone you find unattractive, say, "Our first date was great, but I'm sorry, I'm not interested in dating anymore." That sounds better than "I find you unattractive."
- If you're asked out on a date by a friend and you want to just stay friends with them, you can say, "I appreciate our friendship and enjoy being with you, but we shouldn't go beyond that and just stay friends."
- If you're being asked out on a date by a new student or a new coworker who doesn't know you already have a boyfriend, you can say, "Thanks for asking and it's great to know you, but know I already have a boyfriend."
Step 2. Don't be the one trying to please everyone
It's natural to want to avoid feeling uncomfortable or awkward, but don't say "yes" just to make the person feel better. If you reject him later, he will feel confused. Don't lie to anyone. When you say "no," you should:
- Clear. You have the right to say "no" without giving an explanation.
- Don't apologize too much. You don't have to apologize for how you feel. You have the right to express your feelings honestly.
- Firm. Repeat your "no" if your message is not well understood or if he tries to change your mind.
Step 3. Be on time
Don't put off giving an answer after the person asks you out. Don't run away from it or completely disappear from it because this doesn't value it and you certainly don't want this to happen to you. Give him an answer as soon as possible.
- If you do need time to think about an answer because the situation is complicated, be honest and ask for time.
- For example, if you're attracted to the guy who asks you out, but he usually goes out with your friends, you might want to avoid saying "no." Instead, you can say, "I'm upset. I like you and I thought it would be fun to date you, but as far as I know you usually date my friends. I have to talk to him first before giving you an answer.”
Step 4. Be polite
Show politeness when rejecting him in such a way that he feels heard and appreciated. You will appear as a good person if you respond with a mature attitude.
- Choose the right atmosphere to turn it down. For example, if he's asking you out on a private date, but he's making his offer in front of other people, it's best to turn it down until it's just the two of you. You can say, “Thank you so much! Shall we have coffee or go for a walk to discuss it?”
- Choose your means of communication. If he asks you via text, email, or social media, you can either answer it nicely or give him a call.
Part 3 of 3: Dealing with the Response
Step 1. Show empathy
Have compassion and remember the feelings of others. Take the time to listen and accept the response. Let him know that you can understand his vulnerability and appreciate his feelings.
- You can say, “I understand you must be hurt or confused right now. I appreciate your invitation to go outside. It must take courage and I can't imagine how difficult it must have been."
- You might ask, “Is there anything you need to make you feel more comfortable? I know it might feel weird because we're still in the same school."
Step 2. Suggest alternatives
If you trust or like the person who asked you out, but you don't want to date them, you can offer help in other ways. Suggest other options about relationships you can build.
- Suggest a suitable friend for a date. Ask your friend's permission first.
- Ask if the two of you can be normal friends, if you haven't been friends before.
- Ask for more time if you're not sure about your decision or don't want to date right now, but are interested in dating him some other time.
- Suggest spending time with him alone if you don't know him better yet, but would like to get to know him better before officially dating him.
Step 3. Take care of yourself
Watch out for people who insist on asking you out or won't accept your rejection. Watch out for angry reactions or harsh words. If this person is annoying, rude, or disrespectful when you reject them, ensure your safety by:
- Tells where you are, if you are alone with the person.
- Immediately leave this situation and go where there are other people.
- Block him on any social media app or on matchmaking sites where you talk to him.
- Don't respond to his calls, emails, or text messages.
- Tomorrow, avoid being alone with him.
Step 4. Overcome feelings of guilt
Even if you're polite when you say no, the person may not accept it and have a strong negative reaction. This might make you feel guilty-perhaps you should say yes, out of courtesy? -or the person may be trying to say something openly to make you feel guilty, but you don't have to feel bad or feel guilty for expressing your feelings and thoughts honestly and honestly. You don't have to force yourself to have certain feelings, and if you don't have romantic feelings for him, you won't be able to tell or trick yourself into having special feelings. His reaction is his own business, and if he reacts badly, it's not your responsibility.
Tips
- If after taking these steps the person starts to be rude or aggressive towards you, it's best to stay away from them.
- If you're not interested in him, it's best to stay polite, but at the same time keep your distance. If you're too friendly, they may take it as a sign that you've changed your mind.
- There is a possibility that this person will still be hurt even if you do a good refusal. Rejection is not an easy thing to deal with.
- Some people have a hard time accepting rejection. Even if it's a polite no.
