Dating or having a romantic relationship with another person is a complex social situation. Before you're willing to do that, of course, you'll need to explore your personal wants and needs, as well as try to understand and appreciate the feelings of those around you. So what if someone you don't like confesses his love? If that's the case, do your best to politely and friendly decline.
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Method 1 of 3: Rejecting Direct Date Requests
Step 1. Listen to his confession
Don't interrupt him, especially if he's mustering up the courage to ask you out or move on to a more serious relationship.
- Even if you can read the situation and you're prepared to say no, still give him a chance to talk. Don't interrupt her words so you don't come across as too harsh or aggressive!
- Keep a decent distance and smile a little. Don't move closer to him or show body language that he's prone to misunderstand.
Step 2. Just say “no”
Don't give false hope or ambiguous-sounding answers. Although a straightforward answer will not be easy for him to accept, rest assured that the long-term impact will be much better for all parties.
- Don't make up excuses. Remember, you don't have to lie! In other words, don't admit to having a boyfriend unless that's really the case. Also, don't give a refusal by saying, "I just broke up and I'm not ready to date." Even if it was true, such a statement would only give him false hope he didn't deserve.
- Express your refusal in a firm and polite manner. For example, you might say, “You seem like a nice person, but I don't have any romantic interest in you. Thank you, I appreciate your courage and effort.” The sentence is able to clearly represent your position, but does not sound too cold or stiff.
- Express your refusal briefly. Don't give a refusal that's too long and convoluted in order to keep her feelings in check!
Step 3. Express your desire to remain friends with him
If you really want to maintain a friendship with him, don't be afraid to admit it. Plus, your refusal will sound more "polite" afterward, especially since he'll realize that you still value him, even if you don't have romantic feelings for him.
- If that doesn't even cross your mind, don't pretend you want to be friends with him. Instead, simply say you're not interested in him, say goodbye politely, and then walk away.
- If you admit that you want to remain friends with him, make sure he knows that at all times, you will still not have romantic feelings for him. Don't give him false hopes, and try saying, "I'm sorry, I don't have any romantic interest in you, but I know one day you'll find someone better. Since our relationship has been really good so far, I want to remain friends with you after this.”
Step 4. Make sure your tone is polite
When giving a refusal, actually the way you say is also important for the person concerned. In particular, the way you speak will greatly influence how he reacts upon hearing it.
- Don't sound defensive. Remember, you have the full right to choose a partner. Therefore, there is no need to be defensive when conveying your objections so that you don't sound too aggressive or disgusted.
- Instead, speak as if you were apologizing. In other words, make sure your voice sounds open and guilty, but still firm. Also, try to make occasional eye contact with him while the two of you are chatting.
Method 2 of 3: Rejecting Dating Requests Through Text Messages
Step 1. Respond to the invitation as soon as possible
If someone you don't like sends you a date via text message, email, or online chat, you'll likely be tempted to hold off on responding for as long as possible. Don't do it!
- Don't just hush him up and hope he gets your point across without being told. Remember, a nice and polite way to respond to the situation is to give him an honest and straightforward answer.
- Even if you want to respond to an invitation as quickly as possible, you should still take the time to consider your decision carefully.
Step 2. Use “I” speech
When rejecting someone, try using "I" speech to focus the rejection more on how you feel. By doing so, the person you reject will not feel offended or belittled.
- For example, instead of, "Sorry, you're not my type," try saying, "I'm so sorry, but I've never had a romantic interest in you."
- Or you could also say, "It's great to meet you, but I'm not thinking about taking this relationship any further in the direction you want it to go."
Step 3. Use proper messaging etiquette
Be careful, words of rejection that are too informal can be misunderstood as rude or disrespectful. Even if you're used to texting this way, try to be more formal when you say no.
- Use complete sentences. Instead of writing, “Gah, I never thought of you that way,” write, “Thanks for your invitation, but I never thought of you as more than a friend.”
- End the rejection with a polite sentence. Do this to end the conversation on a positive note and prevent the situation from getting worse. For example, you could write, “Sorry, yes. Wish you always success!”
Step 4. Keep your honesty
Often times, lies will be easier to tell through text messages than direct communication. That's why, you may feel the urge to make up excuses to protect his feelings or maintain a self-image in his eyes. However, understand that telling the truth is still the best option when you consider the long-term impact.
- Don't give ambiguous answers. In other words, give a final and definitive answer to let him know that you will never be romantically attracted to him. So what if you still want to be friends with him? Try saying, "I really don't have any romantic interest in you, but I don't mind if we stay friends after this!" instead of “Do you mind if we are friends now?”
- Even if you want to give a firm and final answer, keep your point in a positive sentence, such as, “I appreciate your confession, especially since I'm also comfortable talking to you. But unfortunately I don't have any romantic feelings for you."
Method 3 of 3: Turning Down a Date After First Meeting
Step 1. Express your refusal in a firm but friendly manner
Admit it, turning down an invitation to someone you've already met is going to be a lot harder, right? Unfortunately, sometimes it does take a one-time trip with someone to detect a mismatch between the two of you.
- Try saying, “I'm sorry, but we don't seem like we're compatible. Hopefully later you can find someone better, huh!”
- If you're not romantically interested but still want to be friends with him, try saying, "It's great to be traveling with you, but I think we're better friends than dating. How about we just be good friends?” The question clearly indicates that you don't want to date her, but that you still value her interactions and friendships.
Step 2. Express your refusal immediately
Once you notice that you don't have any specific romantic interest, immediately tell the person concerned. The longer you delay the rejection, the more difficult the situation will be for both of you in the future.
- If the two of you have only traveled once or twice, there's nothing wrong with conveying your refusal via text message. That way, you have the opportunity to design a text message that sounds thoughtful, and you don't have to be afraid of being embarrassed in front of it.
- However, if a discrepancy has arisen since the first meeting, immediately convey it at the end of the meeting. Before parting, try saying, "Uh, I'm really sorry. I guess you should know that I really don't feel any kind of romantic attraction. But I'm happy, really, because we had the chance to go out together just now." That way, you won't be tempted to keep putting off the confession.
Step 3. Try to keep your distance from him
After conveying your refusal, do not keep the line of communication with him! Even if you don't want to lose your friend, it's best to stay away from him for a while.
- If he keeps texting after being rejected, don't be afraid to ignore him.
- If the two of you absolutely must communicate, be careful not to misunderstand your attitude.
