Internalized homophobia occurs when someone who is gay thinks that being gay is a bad thing. In some cases, a person who is gay rejects his own sexuality. A person who struggles with internalized homophobia may also face internal conflicts regarding his feelings of sexual attraction and desire to be heterosexual. It can be developed unconsciously as a child through parental beliefs, attitudes of the community in which he belongs, peer views, hatred of religious leaders, or even anti-gay laws passed by the government. These anti-gay beliefs can prevent a person from having a fulfilling life, achieving professional and personal goals, and feeling low self-esteem, or being anxious and depressed. If you are battling internalized homophobia, there are several ways to move towards self-acceptance.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Identifying Homophobia
Step 1. Be willing to solve your problem
Sometimes it's easier to ignore and suppress feelings. In fact if you do that, you're just piling it up until it's overwhelming. To deal with internalized homophobia, you must be willing to access those feelings and confront them.
- Make a conscious decision to identify and get rid of internalized homophobia. Although it may be difficult, remind yourself why you are doing this. For example, your goal might be to overcome negative feelings about your sexual orientation and feel happier about the results.
- Keep in mind that internalized homophobia can also cause problems in relationships because of the stress it creates. A person who has internalized homophobia may feel embarrassed and anxious. He may also look down on gay people, including his partner.
Step 2. Ask yourself questions
You can determine if you have internalized homophobia by asking yourself a few simple questions. If your answer is yes to the following questions, you may have internalized homophobia. Questions you can ask yourself include:
- Have you ever wished you didn't like the same sex?
- Have you ever tried to get rid of his feelings?
- Have you ever felt that same-sex sexual attraction is a drawback?
- Have you tried to feel attracted to the opposite sex?
- Do you avoid interacting with lesbian, gay, or bisexual people?
- Does your same-sex attraction make you feel alienated from yourself?
Step 3. Consider the impact of internalized homophobia
Consider how homophobia shapes your attitudes, behavior, education, and life choices. Maybe internalized homophobia is stopping you from making friends with other LGBT people or achieving your life goals.
- For example, maybe you avoid socializing with gay people because you deny your inner feelings. Or maybe your belief that gays can't play sports prevented you from taking up the hobby of playing soccer in high school.
- Internalized homophobia can affect how you behave in romantic relationships. Individuals with internalized homophobia have been shown to experience more conflict in same-sex relationships. It can even result in domestic violence in same-sex relationships.
- To combat internalized homophobia, you can try doing one of the things you've always wanted to do, but haven't had the time to do. If you've been wanting to play soccer for a long time, join a league. Or even better, you might be able to join a gay soccer team.
Part 2 of 3: Getting Rid of Internalized Homophobia
Step 1. Set goals for yourself
You have to reverse the internalized impact of homophobia, and setting goals is a good start. Try setting goals for activities you've been avoiding because you don't think gay people can do them. For example, if you like sports, you could set a goal to join an LGBT team in a sports league.
If there are no LGBT teams in your favorite sports in your area, consider creating one
Step 2. Learn to love yourself
This is easier said than done and may take some time. Try doing something that builds self-esteem. For example, develop a style or find ways to express yourself that you couldn't before. Things like that will help build self-image and self-esteem.
- Do affirmations every day. Affirmations are things you say to yourself to remind yourself of positive attributes. You could even try writing yourself a message about how great you are. Writing self-affirmation messages around the house can help you accept that you are awesome.
- Treat yourself to a massage, facial, or other treatment that makes your body feel comfortable. If you are comfortable with your own body, you are more likely to accept yourself.
Step 3. Get rid of the source of homophobia in life
Oftentimes, if your homophobia has been internalized, anti-gay thinking has already taken root in your social circle. Homophobia can be obvious, like someone says gay people, or subtle, like hatred of gay people underlies a conversation. If someone around you displays signs of homophobia, you should avoid that person until he or she changes.
- Were any LGBT people exposed when you were in school? Did your parents discuss how much they hate gay people? Maybe your place of worship rejects gays? Consider distancing yourself from these anti-gay influences or setting boundaries with anti-gay people in your life.
- Eliminating other people's homophobia from your life can have both mental and physical health implications.
Step 4. Stay away from people who have homophobia
Are you in the office or school with someone who makes negative comments about gay people or makes fun of gay people? If so, try to distance yourself from the person.
- You can also report the person to an HR representative, teacher, or school counselor as such statements are unacceptable. Having someone who voices their opinion can help improve the school or work environment.
- Being exposed to negative attitudes towards gay people can have an impact on self-esteem and self-perception, so you should stay away from people who are homophobic.
Step 5. Talk to a friend who makes homophobic remarks
Finding a third party who can voice their opinion when someone makes homophobic remarks is not always possible. For example, if you have a friend who occasionally makes homophobic remarks, you may have to say something to stop them.
- As you do that, identify which parts of the statement are homophobic. For example, if your friend makes homophobic remarks, you might say something like, "I don't like the way you use the word gay. Can you find another way of speaking next time?”
- Make sure you focus on the behavior of the person, rather than branding the person. In other words, don't call someone homophobic. Instead, explain that the person's statement is an example of a homophobic statement.
Part 3 of 3: Seeking Help from Others
Step 1. Spend time with LGBT people
If you are dealing with someone who has homophobia, ask other LGBT people how they have dealt with homophobia in their lives. Then simply being around LGBT people on a regular basis can help you feel less alone when dealing with people who have homophobia. Making friendships with other LGBT people can also help fight lingering feelings of disgust and self-hatred.
- Try spending time volunteering for a gay foundation or going to a gay community center. Doing good while helping oneself overcome internalized homophobia is a win-win situation for everyone.
- If there's a gay bar in your town, you can spend some time there. You don't even have to drink to have fun socializing at a gay bar.
Step 2. Surround yourself with supportive people
A supportive and positive environment can increase your self-esteem, your outlook on life, and your overall happiness. Try to surround yourself with people who are accepting and supportive of your sexual orientation.
- Surround yourself with friends who are supportive of your sexual orientation. Changing your circle of friends may take time and be emotionally complicated, but it's worth it for your well-being and mental health.
- Choose a company that accepts LGBT people. If your employer is unsupportive of you and you have a hazardous work environment, it may be time to find a new job.
- Some organizations you might consider joining are Suara Kita or a place of worship that accepts gay people. it's a place where you can meet open and friendly people who are against homophobia.
Step 3. Seek expert help
If you have depression or internalized homophobia that persists, consider seeking help from a psychiatrist. You can visit a psychologist, therapist, or counselor. Make sure the expert accepts gay people because consulting a counselor who has even the slightest homophobia will only lead to you getting worse.
Don't hesitate to find the right person to help you through the problem. You can ask a psychiatrist for their opinion on LGBT issues and tell them that you don't want to talk to someone who has homophobia
Tips
- Accepting yourself takes time. Don't get too frustrated if you don't feel better overnight.
- There are many negative stereotypes about LGBT people. Find ways to deal with it and protect your self-esteem so that other people's negative attitudes don't affect your self-esteem.
